Going Fulltime

[melissacd]

I thought it would be interesting to see how many out there in this forum are either full time cross dressers or are planning to go full time at some point in the future.

I know that many only dress periodically or in secret (as I once did), however, others have evolved to a new level. In some cases that evolution takes you to a place where you dress full time femme (without transitioning), in other cases it is full transitioning through SRS and FFS.

At this stage in my life I dress most of the time outside of work and I am pondering, because I have been so successful in going out in public en femme, the possibility of coming out at work and going full time femme without surgery or hormones. I am not yet sure how realistic that is, however, I know that I feel most at ease with myself when femme and yet I have no deep seated need to change my male biology. So in effect I want to present as a woman but remain a male. I know that this is an odd combination and it seems from what I can tell that few go this route.

I decided that it might be worth asking about the experiences of those who have successfully gone down this path and to hear from those who are planning to go this route.

For myself I try as much as possible to live femme to see if this is something that I can live with all the time, to see if the need wears off. So far I have been doing this for over a year and it has yet to become a passing phase. It feels very natural for me to be in this state. I have to continue to do this more and more so that if I finally do come out at work I will know that this is the right path for me. I still have some hurdles to get past and part of that is losing more weight and completing facial hair removal.

Anyway, this is the journey that I am on and I was curious to see if there are others out there doing the same thing.

Huggs
Melissa

[Ashlie Marie]

OHH LOOK i'M FIRST TODAY lol. WEll over the last few months I have been slowly coming out at work with the help from all the girls at the office.. now I go enfemme to work at least 3 days a week havnt done 5 in a row yet lol I dont have the engery on Mondays lol but I am sure that in a few months once I get my laser treatments on my face and neck I will be dressing most of the time.. it was scary but hey I was just invited from HR to join the GBLT assocsote resorce group and become a diversity ambassador and since my company is ranks 4th right now for mpst diverse I feel special.. good luck in what u choose and keep us posted.. oh in case u didnt know I have no plans on ever transisitioning like you with me being marreidn and a baby on the way I love having both sides of my life..

hugs,
Ashlie

[PetiteTonya]

At this stage of my life, having just recently realized I'm transgendered, there have been moments of late where, when I crave to live as a woman full time.

I'm not able to do so and will likely never be able to, but still, during extended periods where I'm "out"...I find it extremely difficult transitioning back.

I think it's amazing that some of you are able to realize your dream.

[Karren H]

I'm having way to much fun living in both genders to have to pick one over the other...

[Brandiwvr]

one picked me UP. so to speak. I am an evolution on my own path, and where ever I end up is ok with me. I WILL NEVER LIVE MY LIFE FOR ANYONE ELSE BUT ME EVER AGAIN. so everyday I ask my maker if I can help others in my own way. he always says yes.

[goofus]

OHH LOOK i'M FIRST TODAY lol. WEll over the last few months I have been slowly coming out at work with the help from all the girls at the office.. now I go enfemme to work at least 3 days a week havnt done 5 in a row yet lol I dont have the engery on Mondays lol but I am sure that in a few months once I get my laser treatments on my face and neck I will be dressing most of the time.. it was scary but hey I was just invited from HR to join the GBLT assocsote resorce group and become a diversity ambassador and since my company is ranks 4th right now for mpst diverse I feel special.. good luck in what u choose and keep us posted.. oh in case u didnt know I have no plans on ever transisitioning like you with me being marreidn and a baby on the way I love having both sides of my life..

hugs,
Ashlie

Wow, sounds like a great company to work for!! What kind of work do you do, if I may be so bold?

[Katrina82]

I dont think I ever would go full time. I am very happy being a guy. Its just sometimes fun to be a girl!

[vivianann]

Melissacd, I am also considering going fultime also, I do not want SRS, I want to remain male, however I want to present as a female also.. When I get home from work I change into femme mode, I am glad to see someone else who wants to do the same thing I do. I did not think I would ever to get to the point where I can live fultime as a woman, but now it looks like I may be able to go full time. I am enfemme about 60% of the time now.

[Lisa Golightly]

Well.... I went 24/7 eight years ago... I'd been underdressing for a year. I didn't want hormones or surgery at that time, but my whole life has been one massive attempt to beat off the woman in me with a metaphorical stick. It was a hopeless war of attrition really and I muddled on being 24/7 till a fateful June a few years back. My father died, then the girl I'd hoped I'd be with wandered away and I simply crashed... The whole facade crumbled around me and I was left starring at myself feeling wretched... So I broke old connections and started anew... New girl. The first sensible decision of my life.

[Tora]

Wow! So many scales of desire. To yourself be true. As a recreational CD, I have other things that take priorty, now. Family, work and some other things that don't lend to open expression. I do love the few hours where Tora is allowed to come out. There is a very special feeling, many would not understand. There is a possibility: a bumper sticker, "It is a CD THING, you would not understand." If your employer and co-workers are ok, give it a try. I think others respect a commitment, more than dabbling. Best of luck.
Bless this site and all who sail on it.

[melissacd]

Thanks for the replies so far. For those who are considering or have gone full time I would love to hear more about the thought process that you have been or went through that got you to that place.

For me it has always been a struggle to present in male mode. As far back as I can remember I have wanted to present in a feminine form of expression. That being said I always fought that feeling. I do not fight the feeling of wanting to go 100% femme anymore. So bit by bit I am stepping towards that goal.

On the other hand, I and others around me are perplexed about why it is that I do not want full SRS and hormones. To be honest I have not felt the sense that my body is wrong rather I have always felt that the way that I dress is wrong.

To some extent it confuses the hell out of me and perhaps I am still resisting the real me. Perhaps like Lisa I am still beating back the inner woman with a metaphorical stick and yet it does not feel that way to me. I feel very comfortable in my femme expression and yet worry that some day that will not be enough. Being that I am almost 51 I feel that I am running out of time to make the transition decision so the sooner I start expressing full time femme the sooner I get to see if that feels like the right place to stop.

Now the challenge is that I have a wonderful girlfriend who totally accepts my cross dressing and is okay with the amount of cross dressing that I do, however, she has already said that she does not think that she can deal with full time cross dressing. I have already been up front with her about the possibility and continually discuss my thoughts about this...so where that relationship ends up is hard to know.

The one thing that I have learned is that I have to be true to who I am and I am prepared to lose that relationship if staying in it means I have to abandon my true self. They have to accept me as I am. Who we are inside is very important to express to be happy in this life.

I appreciate all of the responses to this thread as I seek to better understand the challenges that I will face.

Huggs
Melissa

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I would love to go full time, but in my work and with my Spouse, that would be impossible - but I will think about you and all the fun you have - wishing that I could too

JoAnne Wheeler

[MarciManseau]

Nice to see someone else here like me, Melissa. There are a few of us here, as you've seen in the posts above.

I went full time right after college, and it will be 8 years for me in May. I have no desire to have SRS; I love how I am now. I just don't see a need for it. I live with my GG GF Julie, and she's quite happy with me as I am, also.

I've been working as a woman for over 5 years now, and the wonderful woman I work for knows all about me, but no one else does. I pass perfectly as I always have. I know I'm very lucky. My problem was always to try and look like a boy before I went full time, not that I ever tried very hard

I began dressing when I was about 6, and I knew then that I wanted to be a girl. Something inside me just clicked. I began going out with my sister when I was 14.

If you ever need someone to talk to, just message me here or IM me on Yahoo. I'm MarciManseauNY there.

Hugs, and all the best to you.

Marci

[Angel.Marie76]

Thanks for the replies so far. For those who are considering or have gone full time I would love to hear more about the thought process that you have been or went through that got you to that place.
<...>
Now the challenge is that I have a wonderful girlfriend who totally accepts my cross dressing and is okay with the amount of cross dressing that I do, however, she has already said that she does not think that she can deal with full time cross dressing. I have already been up front with her about the possibility and continually discuss my thoughts about this...so where that relationship ends up is hard to know.

The one thing that I have learned is that I have to be true to who I am and I am prepared to lose that relationship if staying in it means I have to abandon my true self. They have to accept me as I am. Who we are inside is very important to express to be happy in this life.
<...>

Indeed, there are several hard roads that must be taken, and dealing with a significant other that isn't always in the most supporting role will make full time presentation seemingly impossible IMHO.

As you've said though, there will probably be several broken roads in the future, however the road you choose to travel will indeed have to be one of your own choosing. Attempting to travel any pathways that are not surely will lead to a level of dissatisfaction that will only make things worse.

I myself am not out of the closet FT, but believe me when I say that I've been putting myself on the table for such a decision more and more. Looking at my network of friends, my family, and the rest of the peripheral energy around me has been the first phases of analysis. Having the strength, first and foremost, to be yourself in every way you wish, and being able to take the bads with the goods every day, well, again in my opinion, is the best point to keep looking at again and again.

As you've said, you've been out and about dressed quite often. Interestingly enough I was just reading a newsletter that talked about this, (and bear with my new-age-y perspective here) perhaps you've built up quite a reserve of emotional and positive cognitive energy. Every possible event every day draws current from that energy reserve, and in contrast, also work to recharge those batteries. In taking the good with the bad, there are going to certainly be times when your reserves become so drained that perhaps it may seem that 'your tank runneth empty'. It is in those times that the networks you forge and the resources you have will show you if you're fighting the good fight, or if it's better to withdraw from the battle, or perhaps the war as a whole.

Regardless, altering your appearance and/or boosting your self confidence, regardless of whatever path you choose, will be choices that you make that hopefully will indeed shine an even brighter light (okay, now we're talking SOLAR RECHARGE here! ) to help keep those batteries at full capacity.

Keep those feet on the ground as best as possible, and enjoy every day you can.... when the whole world seems to know about Melissa EXCEPT for your work, or they start wondering why you HAVEN'T been dressing at work? He He.. maybe then it's time. Just my $.02 of course.

[jacindie]

I'm not living fulltime as a women but even as a guy I always wear make up, womens jeans, flats,panties and pantyhose,always tuck and carry a purse.I have again been considering hrt but I'm going to take A few more months to really think it through.

I can no longer be someone I'm not! I'm learning to love myself and be ok with being really feminine even as a guy.

Jacindie

[Jennifer Marie P.]

I dress full time now and lovin it and not considing a transition yet .

[melissacd]

Wow these responses are amazing, thanks to all of you!

Huggs
Melissa

[Kate Simmons]

Truly getting to know ourselves and getting in touch with the feelings is an amazing thing Melissa. Just so you know though, we DON'T have to settle for merely being one or the other as far as gender or presentation is concerned. Becoming accepted as a full spectrum person is a laudable goal as well.

[Carole Cross]

Well I am going for transition so I will be living full time at some point. In the UK you have to live full time for two years before you are even considered for srs. I haven't been out much en femme so far, but once I get more confident I will be going out more and more. I do dress up a lot at home now after work.

[Mary Lee]

My desire to live full time is driving me crazy. I am retired so work is not a problem. I am divorced. I would like to start the patch sometime in the fall of this year. I am not thinging about SRS at this time. I just want to be me.

[Nigella]

I can see myself in your post Melissa

I went 24/7 about 4 years ago. I had been dressing at home for a lot longer than that, but due to my concerns for my spouse and daughter, had not considered going out. That all changed one day, whilst shopping of all things. My daughter and I were sat in a cafe in the store, just chin wagging and for some reason my dressing came up. We discussed going out and we just sort of agreed it would be a good idea. Then when my spouse joined us and we both joined forces to persuade her that it was right.

Due to the job I was in at the time, I could not fully present due to restrictions on things I could wear, but for all intents and purposes I was living as a female.

A little over 2 years ago I was fortunate to be able to change my job and be Nigella 100% of the time. My new employer was fully aware of who and what I was. At this time it seemed ridiculas to keep using my male name and I changed it officially to Nigella by Deed Poll, at the same time I changed my title from Mr to Ms.

Since then I have referred to myself as a 24/7 crossdresser, that was until about a month or so ago, when due to more interaction on this forum I reviewed that.

Threads and posts, both started by me and others, made me reflect on where I was in life. Nothing has changed in a physical sense, I still present 24/7 and live as a woman, but I no longer consider myself a crossdresser, I now believe myself to be a Non-op Non-hormone Transsexual.

This wonderous journey that I have taken has lead down many roads, all of my choosing. I have not reached the end of the road yet, even though I thought I had. I am fortunate to have the support of my Spouse and daughter and look forward to seeing where my new life takes me.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I'm now in a slight confused state, not sure if I am TS or simply a Crossdresser with a strrong desire to dress feminine. As many of you know I dress with feminine clothes and wear makeup to work often now, with approval of how I dress from my HR dept. As I have discussed with them I have told them I am a Crossdresser for 45 years, leaning towards being transsexual, with a desire to transition in the future (years away). So far I have had minimal issues at work, with most people 98% not having any problems with me. I think that with gender counseling I will end up going fulltime in the the near future, within 2009 to early 2010.

[Maria1963]

You are a very lucky girl to have gone as far as you have and to contemplate going further. I would love to dress full time but when I think of the nuclear fallout it would cause. Too many people close to me to take into account family, friends and work colleagues. Could end up a lonely old girl.

[Ashlie Marie]

Wow, sounds like a great company to work for!! What kind of work do you do, if I may be so bold?

Of corse u may LOL I work for wellpoint or u might know it as anthem blue cross. I am a team lead in customer care. Currently my company is listed as number 4 on the top 200 gblt places to work

[Jean Marie]

I hope to retire within year. I have now been on female hormone therapy for about 6 months. I espect to be able to go full time when i do not have to worry about work, it is my goal to find a part time job to work as a woman. Jean Marie