What have you learned?

[Tasha McIntyre]

Last night as were lying in bed, my wife started a conversation about my crossdressing. Now this is highly.....very highly unusual so I knew that this had been playing heavily on her mind. Basically it went "Why do you do it, I don't understand?" Slight pause for effect and then again "I just don't get it".

6 months ago I would not have had a clue how to answer, but since reading here a fair bit, a few things came to mind.

1. I can't explain it either, but I was very probably born with this 'addiction'. There's more chance me waking up with brown eyes in the morning that be rid of the desire to CD.

2. I tried to explain the sense of serenity and calmness that comes with dressing, esp after a long period without the opportunity. I can't expect you feel what I feel, all I can do is put what I feel into words, and hope you have some understanding on a basic level.

3. Be clear here, I was not, or am not looking for the sympathy vote, but in the words of another member, I explained that sometimes I feel it is a 'curse within'. I can't wish it gone, not because I know it won't go, but because of the emptiness I might feel if I no longer had the desire to dress.

We ended up taking for nearly an hour, gradually becoming less distressing to her. I think I reached the point where I had unloaded everything that I had learned from the wonderful people here.

This is the first time I have started a thread, apologies for being a bit long winded but I was busting at the seams to let this alll out

As threads are usually questions, I ask what is the most important thing you have you learned from this forum?

Cheers

Tash

[DAVIDA]

I am not the only man in a dress!

[Ashlie Marie]

yup I learned that I have sisters all over.. Gurl when I found this site It made me feel so much "at home" I have also learned a lot of good tips here on how to handle in a few years once our baby girl will be older and want to have mommy, daddy and auntie time, LOL I am sure I have learned so much more I just can't list it all here and take over the whole page. ok Tag who;s next hehe

Ash

[justmetoo]

I have learned to be more comfortable with myself. I have learned that in the future if I enter into a relationship to be more open and honest up front. I have learned there are a lot of cool people who CD or love someone who does.

[docrobbysherry]

--from your thread, Tasha!

[Shannen]

As threads are usually questions, I ask what is the most important thing you have you learned from this forum?

Cheers

Tash

To put a layer of clear nail polish on as a base... the color comes off so much easier then!



Sounds like you had a good talk. I didn't learn this here, although I'm sure you would find the advice here, but when a woman talks, the man needs to listen. We so often try to solve the problem or explain the reason, when maybe she just wanted to let it out?

As far as relationship advice goes, I've learned a lot reading through the loved ones section. There is a sticky in there that explained the accept/don't accept cycle that my spouse goes through. It didn't "fix" the problem, but helped me understand what her perspective is, and I am better able to meet the emotional needs in the relationship.

[Lora Olivia]

The most important thing I have learned here is that not one of us, be it mtf, ftm, cd, tg, ts, gg, gm, het, gay, les, bi (did I include all the dang labels?) are not alone. We are a group and I am proud to be a part of that group

[Persephone]

As threads are usually questions, I ask what is the most important thing you have you learned from this forum?

Humility.

As an "out and about" crossdresser, despite all my awareness and research, I'd always thought of a "man in a dress" as a sort of less skilled, less experienced crossdresser; someone who wanted to improve their crossdressing skills and who aspired to someday going out.

Over the years I've been to a few crossdressing group meetings and just couldn't understand the guys in their pretty dresses, high heels, and facial stubble who sat around with their knees wide apart as they smoked cigars and regaled each other with war stories of what they did in Korea or Vietnam.

Frankly, I always felt a bit superior to such folks.

Despite years as a participant in other crossdresser forums, the people and messages here have shown me that the "man in a dress" is as perfectly legitimate as any other style of crossdressing.

I'm not better than someone who is O.K. with that crossdressing style, I'm just different.

[MissConstrued]

, but when a woman talks, the man needs to listen.

What? That's crazy talk!

[RachelDenise]

Tasha, I'm glad that you had something to say to your wife after being here. More importantly, you have opened the dialogue about yourself and maybe just maybe your wife might accept Tasha. Good luck. I'm cheering for you!

[diane51]

--from your thread, Tasha!

Agreed,
At least I'll be ready when the time comes, if it ever does.

[Tasha McIntyre]

The night after our conversation, my wife emails me (I'm at work on my laptop) basically saying although she knew on a superficial level what was happening, she had no idea how deep the feelings and desires to CD run through me. She wanted to be as supportive as she could without participating or seeing.

Last night we had a major breakthrough. After talking about the email, I said because of the don't ask / don't tell policy we have, you don't know the full details. If you ever wanna know more, please ask as I hate keeping secrets. An hour and a half later after going through pretty much everything, she wanted to see my girl pics (she didn't even know I used make up and hair).

I couldn't believe how well she took it all.....she won't actively encourage or participate, but I don't have to hide anything anymore and still get to do what I wan't when I get private time. I work shift work so I do get a fair bit of girl time. She doesn't want me to stop because she knows I need to do this. All she asks is that I stay in the house while dressed, and if out shopping, remain ultra discreet. Hey -no problems here .... more than happy with that

All in all a very good week
It's and and a pamper pack for the wife this valentines day.

I know this post is a bit long winded, but once again I was busting at the seams to get it all out.

Tash

[justmetoo]

That's great! Best wishes!

[trannie T]

I have learned that there are a whole bunch of us, but nobody knows how many and that nobody knows why we do what we do.

[Rachel B42]

That I'm not alone, not a bad person and more "NORMAL" than I thought. Thanks to everyone on this forum, past and present.

[boardpuppy]

Besides not being alone and expecially "weird", I have friends that will hold my hand and talk, explain and re-explain everything that comes my way. Give guideance and advice, even when it is hard to take, in my best interest. I'm sure there is more, no I know this is more but this all that comes to mind.
Hugs,
Alice

[linnea]

The night after our conversation, my wife emails me (I'm at work on my laptop) basically saying although she knew on a superficial level what was happening, she had no idea how deep the feelings and desires to CD run through me. She wanted to be as supportive as she could without participating or seeing.

Last night we had a major breakthrough. After talking about the email, I said because of the don't ask / don't tell policy we have, you don't know the full details. If you ever wanna know more, please ask as I hate keeping secrets. An hour and a half later after going through pretty much everything, she wanted to see my girl pics (she didn't even know I used make up and hair).

I couldn't believe how well she took it all.....she won't actively encourage or participate, but I don't have to hide anything anymore and still get to do what I wan't when I get private time. I work shift work so I do get a fair bit of girl time. She doesn't want me to stop because she knows I need to do this. All she asks is that I stay in the house while dressed, and if out shopping, remain ultra discreet. Hey -no problems here .... more than happy with that

All in all a very good week
It's and and a pamper pack for the wife this valentines day.

I know this post is a bit long winded, but once again I was busting at the seams to get it all out.

Tash

I've learned a lot on this forum too; among the most important things is the fact that I'm not alone and that there are many others who enjoy and feel great fulfillment as a result of crossdressing.
I also have been inspired by the stories of successful explaining to a spouse or GF; I hope to reach that point with my SO someday and I believe that I am closer every day to that goal, largely because of what I have learned on this forum.
Thank you for sharing your experience (not really long-winded at all, by the way).

[vikki2020]

That I'm not alone, not a bad person and more "NORMAL" than I thought. Thanks to everyone on this forum, past and present.

That says it for me also!I've also learned to embrace this part of me,something I wanted to do a long time ago, but never had the right mindset.

[Angie G]

That 99.9% of guys who dress are really good people And I'm happy to be one of this family.
Angie

[Marvina Martian]

Well I can say that I have learned that I am not just a Crossdresser as I had once believed my self to be. I am a woman, sure I may have been born mostly male but even with me hiding it and over compensating most of my life I could not suppress who and what I am.

I have never been happier overall than I am now, I have finally accepted who I am to the fullest extent and even my entire family has accepted me.
So now I can finally feel at ease that I know I'll be able to make the body match my mind finally. And I quite look forward to the time where I can start the second part of my life.

So I have learned to be happy finally.

[Rachel Morley]

This is great news Tasha! I'm really happy for you. Hopefully things will get even better as time goes on because one of the things I have learned is that (in my case anyway) one's SO's boundaries will eventually move .... in my case they moved towards even more acceptance and participation.

My wife says for a lot of SOs, CDing is like tasting a new food ... you have try it at least 10 times before you start to get a liking for it. Ok, it might not be quite as simple as that, but my point is when we first got married my wife got exposure to parts of my dressing that she wasn't too keen on (including me going out in public) yet here we are 6 years later and she now not only accepts that but enthusiastically participates in the fun!

I really hope that your wife will (in time) also become curious about it all and want to know and see more of Tasha. Good luck!

Hugs
Rachel

[Jonianne]

.......one of the things I have learned is that (in my case anyway) one's SO's boundaries will eventually move .... in my case they moved towards even more acceptance and participation.

My wife says for a lot of SOs, CDing is like tasting a new food ... you have try it at least 10 times before you start to get a liking for it.......

Execelant analogy Rachel. Marla is so good at that.

My wife also moved her boundries to more acceptance and participation, in time, after she gained more and more trust. Lots of love and thankfulness, communicating, patience and respecting her boundries are the key in a relationship.

[Ashley_1962]

- how to create cleavage from virtually nothing
- the best way to remove body hair
- that we are 'not alone' in our struggles
- that one size doesn't fit all.. we all live at different points on the continuum of male and female.. and that's OK!
- that we are bright, articulate, sane and really supportive of each other!!
- that our biggest challenge (in my opinion) is finding/gaining acceptance from our SO's.

So good luck in your journey.. it's a long and winding road - hopefully this group can help you keep between the lines..

[Carin]

...Last night we had a major breakthrough.

Congratulations to you and your SO Tasha. And thank you for posting.

This isn't Final Jeopardy, the answer does not have to be posed as a question . It is so good to hear of relationships that work the way it is supposed to. Communication, Thoughtfulness, Progress. It is not just progress for you, it is progress for all of us. For some - it does not work out - for some it does. We learn from it all.

[Jenniferpl]

I learned to take it slow. By slowly introducing Jennifer to my wife, I have a accepting and supportive wife. Give a good woman time to adjust and due not do anything to distroy her trust and you will be surprised at what she will accept. This past week she purchased two bras for me. I have trying for years to get her to buy me anything.

On a side note, I learn that large inserts can cause a sore back after several hours. Also life is boring without lipstick.