Something I Find Myself Doing Cause My Wife Accepts

[Toni_Lynn]

Here's something that I find myself doing since my wife accepts me. This seems strange, but I actually find that I want to do things to appear sexy -- femme sexy -- to her. It came about while I thinking about my wife was getting dressed the other day for work -- I had a girls polo shirt and I found myself wanting to have it unbuttoned just far enough down so that she could see my bra. Maybe it was the fact that we had just bought new bras together the night before?

I caught myself and said -- no --wait until you get home -- you're getting dressed for work. But still, more and more, I find this thought entering my mind.

Even at night, I can't help but want to entice her with me wearing a baby doll nightie or just a t-shirt and my panties and bra (with no forms) instead of pjs.

Oh how I love my wife!

Any others think things like this?

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[SherriePall]

Not really. I know if I tried something like that, I would be unable to try too much of anything else afterwards.

[Debutante]

Interesting! Yes, I have *fantasized* this, and so well that I think I could do this in real life with her... I think she would be accomodating -- i.e. accepting to a point. She knows my needs for a CDing 'script' with which to get sexy....
I think there is a need for us to share our femme selves in sexy ways with our initmate S.O.s...

[beenherelongtime]

this all depends on your relationship. even an accepting wife not like it if you tried to entice her like this. it might smack of lesbianism. and this could put her off.

[Jess_cd32]

.........Any others think things like this?

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

Oh I tried the sexy outfit infront of my SO and she hit the roof
She's still comming to grips with my cd'ing though so hopefully that will change over time.

[Tina B.]

No, years ago we tried it with me in femm, but it just didn't feel right for us, we are very close girl friends, but romance is left to the male side.
Tina

[jacques]

hello,
My wife is accepting but not ecnouraging. We do not discuss it because of my embarassment. Because of this I do tend to try to push the boundaries with my choice of clothing. I would not do anything to intentionally embarass here though.
luv Jaques

[Angie G]

All the time but haven't acted on it yet.
Angie

[phyllis47]

Yes, very much so. I like to wear nighties a lot. Secretly I dream that she gets excited about Phyllis.

[Toni_Lynn]

this all depends on your relationship. even an accepting wife not like it if you tried to entice her like this. it might smack of lesbianism. and this could put her off.

That wouldn't happen in my wife's case, as she is totally turned on by my crossdressing. She likes the enigma of the mix of the boy bits in the girl gift-wrap as it were. In other words .. she thinks its cute.

I know that, since we both grew up in the 70s glam rock era, that if we had gone to high school together, I wouldn't have been 'safe' from her , and that I'd have been the coolest glammest person in school, as well as the coolest crossdresser in town!

As it stands -- that had to wait about 30 years -- but it was worth it!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[melissacd]

I may be wrong on this point, so I am glad to be corrected, but I feel based on my own experiences and observation mixed in with lots of discussion and quiet contemplation that for most women, this would not be a turn on. Men and women (be they hetero or otherwise) are wired to respond to the sexual signals of the gender that they are attracted to and I am pretty sure that most hetero women are attracted to masculine rather than feminine cues. In as much as we want to hope, fantasize, believe that it could be otherwise (and there are exceptions to this) for the most part it just ain't gonna happen.

For those women who object, the answer is easy, for those women who tolerate or accept, they do it, I feel, mostly out of love for their partner and not out of desire to be with a partner en femme. For those who tolerate the level you can push this is very low. For those who accept the level is higher but not unlimited. In those few rare cases there are those who embrace and desire this in their partner. Those are the lucky few.

My 2 cents

Huggs
Melissa

[Toni_Lynn]

I may be wrong on this point, so I am glad to be corrected, but I feel based on my own experiences and observation mixed in with lots of discussion and quiet contemplation that for most women, this would not be a turn on. Men and women (be they hetero or otherwise) are wired to respond to the sexual signals of the gender that they are attracted to and I am pretty sure that most hetero women are attracted to masculine rather than feminine cues.
....
In those few rare cases there are those who embrace and desire this in their partner. Those are the lucky few.

Melissa

I can see you r point and you are right in what you say. Ahhh -- but in my case my wife is turned on by my crossdressing, and, as I said, the gender mix ---so I know that this is enticing to her.

The reason is, and I don't want to push the 'sex-envelope' to far here with what I say, is that she knows that it gives great 'thrills' to me and that in turn leads to more pleasurable intimacy for her. Its a mutual thing

So, I find sexy fragrances, sexy undies -- for both of us -- not just me -- in a bid to entice.

The signal -- to your point and my repetition -- is male in what its raison d'etre is -- the method of transmission is female.

Wonder if I make sense

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Debutante]

I may be wrong on this point, so I am glad to be corrected, but I feel based on my own experiences and observation mixed in with lots of discussion and quiet contemplation that for most women, this would not be a turn on. Men and women (be they hetero or otherwise) are wired to respond to the sexual signals of the gender that they are attracted to and I am pretty sure that most hetero women are attracted to masculine rather than feminine cues. In as much as we want to hope, fantasize, believe that it could be otherwise (and there are exceptions to this) for the most part it just ain't gonna happen.

For those women who object, the answer is easy, for those women who tolerate or accept, they do it, I feel, mostly out of love for their partner and not out of desire to be with a partner en femme. For those who tolerate the level you can push this is very low. For those who accept the level is higher but not unlimited. In those few rare cases there are those who embrace and desire this in their partner. Those are the lucky few.

Well said, Melissa. I think you described what women would feel and react to, overall, towards our need.
This is such a problem for us all... we wish to share this most intimate part of our selves. It often calls for high tolerance, a long stretch, by our S.O.s.
Yet, what could be a solution but to ask for this loving tolerance??
We are caught in a quandry... perhaps with lots of talk, explanation, description, planning of an evening en femme... giving her some advanced explanation of how it would work, and what to expect...

[melissacd]

The problem is that once you cross the bridge you cannot turn back so the ones that will never accept leave (as was the case with my spouse). The ones who tolerate have a high probability of leaving. The ones who accept (out of love and respect) will probably stay so long as reason, moderation, balance and reciprocity are brought to the table. The problem is that when we let a little out, sometimes a little acceptance feels like a lot of acceptance (we mis-read the signal) and we overwhelm the other person by pushing the envelope too far. It is a mistake that many of us make. So what may seem like - well - a sexy desire on the part of an apparently accepting spouse because of a game of intimacy evolves into a complex problem when the limits are pushed, by the cross dresser, unless healthy discussion between the partners happens and limits are discussed, respected and reviewed periodically so that both partners are happy with the limits in place.

The problem is that this thing that we do is so fraught with emotional, cultural and sexual landmines that sometimes we know not what we do and find it hard to have open honest discussions.

The other part of the problem is we have to make decisions on whether our need to express is greater than our love for our partner. I know that many of us would say that the love of our partner is greater than the need to cross dress and I applaud you for that sentiment, but if we look deep inside and are really honest with ourselves I suspect that we are perhaps not being completely honest with ourselves, hence the reason that a little acceptance sends us off into a kid in a candy store mode - because what we want is to express ourselves freely.

I do not mean to take this too far off topic, but I guess the point that I am trying to make is that while I am very happy that the initiator of this thread has the type of relationship where being femme is desired, for most relationships I suspect that this is not the case and that many spouses of cross dressers, if asked to honestly answer the question - if there were some way that you could get him to stop cross dressing would you want him to stop - would probably say - hell yes.

Huggs
Melissa

[Laura Evans]

For me and my SO it is a turn on for both of us.

[kayegirl]

I may be wrong on this point, so I am glad to be corrected, but I feel based on my own experiences and observation mixed in with lots of discussion and quiet contemplation that for most women, this would not be a turn on. Men and women (be they hetero or otherwise) are wired to respond to the sexual signals of the gender that they are attracted to and I am pretty sure that most hetero women are attracted to masculine rather than feminine cues. In as much as we want to hope, fantasize, believe that it could be otherwise (and there are exceptions to this) for the most part it just ain't gonna happen.

For those women who object, the answer is easy, for those women who tolerate or accept, they do it, I feel, mostly out of love for their partner and not out of desire to be with a partner en femme. For those who tolerate the level you can push this is very low. For those who accept the level is higher but not unlimited. In those few rare cases there are those who embrace and desire this in their partner. Those are the lucky few.

My 2 cents

Huggs
Melissa

I am completely with Melissa here. My Darling late wife knew of my need to cd, even helped me on occasions, but it was no sexual turn on for her or me. I cannot say why I feel the need to cd, it has never been a source of sexual pleasure or arousal for me, just something that gives me a great deal of happiness and contentment.
I am sure that I have seen it somewhere on this site before, but: I am not unhappy with my male body, just a lot happier with my female clothing and lifestyle (or words to that effect)

Gawd I can't believe that I am saying this, it must be the confidence that has grown since finding this website.

xxxx Kayegirl

[Toni_Lynn]

The ones who accept (out of love and respect) will probably stay so long as reason, moderation, balance and reciprocity are brought to the table. The problem is that when we let a little out, sometimes a little acceptance feels like a lot of acceptance (we mis-read the signal) and we overwhelm the other person by pushing the envelope too far.

I agree 100%. Because we respect each other and -- this is most important -- I made a promise up front that I would never do anything vis a vis my crossdressing that would cause her embarrassment or humiliation, I feel that we have a good handle on what is okay, and when something is or isn't appropriate. It was the early discussions and openness and honestness about my CDing that had it evolve to where it is today, a shared intimacy. So, while I found myself daydreaming about unbuttoning that polo just enough to expose a bit of my bra, i knew that because I was going to work, it would be not right, even though we'd be sitting there having our morning coffee together.

Hmmm -- so what even brought this thought into my head? I think it was, as I said, that we each bought bras and panties at K Mart the night before -- there was a sale, and we helped each other pick out what we wanted (BTW - when I was looking, and said, in a voice just loud enough for her to hear that I'd like to get a nice front close bra, she looked at me and said smiling 'You are just so cute'). Oh, and the we bought some matching jerseys -- $3.99 a piece.

Yeah, I know, this all sounds like 'Yeah right sure - too good to be true.' Lest it sound like I live every CDers fantasy, its not that. As with anything, the rules and limits are there, and it within them that I have found my freedom. For just a water can only be free to do water does when it governed by a spigot, or a train can only be a train when directed by a railroad track, so to within my crossdressing and its connection to my my wife.

I do not mean to take this too far off topic, but I guess the point that I am trying to make is that while I am very happy that the initiator of this thread has the type of relationship where being femme is desired, for most relationships I suspect that this is not the case and that many spouses of cross dressers, if asked to honestly answer the question - if there were some way that you could get him to stop cross dressing would you want him to stop - would probably say - hell yes.

Again, you are right. However as to the femme in me being desired, it is for two reasons. First is that it gives my wife great pleasure to see me happy and as full a person as I can be. That happiness in turn flows back to her in the form of my undying love. Point here is that we have a marriage where the happiness of each other is paramount. So its not necessarily that being femme is desired, but the happiness and pleasure that come about by being able to be oneself is.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[melissacd]

I am not unhappy with my male body, just a lot happier with my female clothing and lifestyle

I have said this many times myself. This is the direction that I am heading as well. The problem in my case is that I now have a girlfriend who knows and accepts my dressing (unlike my ex spouse who left me in 2007), however, she is not happy with the possibility that I will dress 7/24.

I do not want to transition but I do want to live full time en femme. I am learning that there are limits to what even an accepting women will accept. I know that if I choose to dress femme 7/24 that she will most likely leave me and yet I feel that I cannot be fully happy if I have to limit my dressing. It comes down to a choice that I must make.

...and Toni, as I mentioned before, I am happy for your situation. My girlfriend is very accepting and at times quite playful with my dressing. She helps me shop, colour my hair, do my nails and so on. She is a cross dresser's dream and so you might ask, why rock the boat by insisting on taking it further, by wanting to go 7/24, well it is because limiting myself in my last relationship is what killed it. I have to consider this very carefully. I have been very open and honest with her and she with me, I just feel this need to dress all the time and she is not sure that she can handle that level of dressing.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

The FIRST thing that you have to have is an ACCEPTING and ENCOURAGING Spouse

JoAnne Wheeler

[Shannon]

My wife likes my sexy outfits and we have very enjoyable times together when I'm dressed that way. There is one aspect that I have not yet been able to feel comfortable doing -- and that is acting in a femininely seductive and sexy way; I might look the part and the desire is within me to act and say things that I perceive to be sexy and seductive in a feminine way, but I just don't feel comfortable. My wife is fully supportive and accepting. At first, when I would dress up she accepted me out of love. She tells me she has grown to really enjoy it now, and looks forward to time with Shannon.