should I tell about my dressing

[Ralph]

.. tell her you were searching for something on Google or whatever and this was one of the things that came up.. if she asks what you were searching tell her it was something innocent enough but that you misspelled it and that's what came up and that you don't know how you spelled it wrong for that result.. some load of.. you know... you know??..

Lies, is that the word you're looking for? I can't recommend swapping one deception for another. Once you move from the video to the subject of your own dressing, she'll realize that the appearance of that video was no "accident", and she'll be more resentful that you manipulated her. I'm not gonna stop preaching this: A relationship built on deception is a relationship that is doomed to fail, and the bigger the deception, the harder it's all gonna crash down on you when -- not if -- it crashes.

Hopefully kathly can find a better way to bring the subject up, that is gentle *and* honest. You could show her the video, ask what she thinks about it, and then go into "There's a reason I wanted you to see that..."

More likely you won't need to because some time before it ends I'm sure she'll ask "why on earth did you want me to watch this?" "Well, funny you should ask..."

ralph

[JulieC]

Ditto what Ralph said.

I think an important part of being able to find a woman who accepts you as a crossdresser is....ACCEPTING YOURSELF.

That can be very, very hard. In our society, young boys are pushed very had into masculine roles. Do something feminine, and your parents/friends/teachers/etc. might tell you "that's not what boys do" It happened to me, and it happens to all boys at some point. Boys don't cry. Boys don't wear pink or really bright colors. Boys don't have long hair. Boys punch, not slap. Boys don't play with dolls. Boys aren't lovey-dovey. Boys play rough sports, and don't do things like ballet, yoga, etc. The social programming is intense, and unrelenting.

Getting past that, getting to the point where a man can say "I enjoy the feeling of silky garments. I enjoy having shaved legs, and showing them off. I enjoy wearing makeup. I enjoy wearing bright clothes. I enjoy having more options in shoe colors than brown and black. I enjoy being able to wear something other than cowboy boots with a heel" is very difficult.

But, you have to try.

If you can't accept yourself, it's unreasonable to expect a girlfriend to accept you. If you can't accept yourself, you'll come to tell her like you're a freak, something to be afraid of, something that will damage your relationship.

No, you don't approach a girlfriend like it's a marketing campaign and say "Honey, I really enjoy wearing women's clothes. This will help you because I can help you so much with your own clothes!" (*) But, you do approach her as a whole human being, not afraid of who you are.


* - My wife thinks it's great that I know so much about pantyhose. She used to wear awful Casual Corner grandma pantyhose when I first met her. I taught her a considerable amount about pantyhose, and now she wears only the finest brands in pantyhose. Now she wants me to take her to a Wolford's shop in Chicago or Vegas

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

I love my current GF and I feel our love is great, but I would like to tell her about my dressing.

My answer is do it as soon as you can. Read up on how to approach it and how to deal with the various possible reactions.

If the relationship fails because she can't accept your CDing, it is far better that it happen sooner rather than later, when the deception will be worsened by the duration of the concealment.

The fact that you're out enough to ask this question on this site means that you already know that it's an integral and permanent part of who you are.

Just do it.

Alice

[Emily01]

here's the reason i didn't tell girlfriends back in the day.....i thought that if they disapproved they would break up with me and then tell their friends all about me and i didn't think i could endure shame/public or private humiliation.

[Lisa Golightly]

I've always been very honest... Which yeah has led to a few 'You're a freak' moments, but least I got to know they weren't my people before we went anywhere...

I just couldn't invest time in something founded in lies and deception...

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]There are hundreds of years of personal experiences on this forum and lots of advice, but it is all just that, advice. We can tell you our stories and tell you what we would do, but in the end it is you that must make that step or not.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]I am with 99% of the ladies here, tell her before you get so deep into it that you look like you are deceiving her if you tell her later. I told my wife of 25 years a full 3 years before we got married. She did her research and look at us today.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]You never know what will happen, but you know your girlfriend.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]

[Marie O]

When I first told my wife she wasn't real happy about it, when I dressed and she found out she would get mad! Later down the road I would give Her information about Cding, She still wasn't thrilled about it, but began reading the info. Finally we started to sit down and talk about it, I was shocked when She said she had looked up CDing on the web! She said that she realized it was not going away or there was no cure! She realized it was who I was and how I felt, Now we have a great relationship! She calls me by my Fem name, which she gave me! And tries to help me learn more femminine traits! I just wish I had done it sooner in our relationship then I did! Maybe she wouldn't have been as upset! I wish you luck!

[jacques]

hello,
Should you tell ... that is for you to decide.
Should you lie about it - I wouldn't. Lying complicates things - once we start we have to remember to keep it up. And when we are found to be a lier we will lose the trust of the ones we love.
luv, Jacques.

[Sheila]

hun if you don't tell her and she finds out by accident in a week, a month, a year or 20 years down the line, it will be so much worse, because of discovering your lies.

Good luck

[kathly]

Thanks to all of you for your advice.
Well I try to bring the subject of crossdressing in general and I got a very negative reaction. after that I chicken out and did not say a thing. I will try to bring my self with more courage the next time around to tell her.
Thanks again all of you are great support and I am happy for the girls here who have accepting wifes.

[Elsa]

I do not think we should hide our CDressin from our girlfriend or wife but I deeply believe that we should minimize or even avoid getting dressed en femme in front of them.

[AshleyF]

I came out to my wife before we got engaged. That's probably one of the few good decisions I've made. That doesn't mean everything was easy. She still had the usual misconceptions, and was not that happy with me dressing most of the time, so I spent most of that time in the closet. More importantly, we still loved each other, so, despite the occasional friction over this, we’re still together after 11 years. Over the years, she has become more and more accepting, to the point where she’ll let me out of the house dressed. My suggestion is to tell her soon. If she loves you, she’ll still love you, and you won’t have to maintain a deception the rest of your life. You’ll also need to be patient. It took 11 years for her to be able to accept the idea of me going out. It might not take you as long, but I have no way of knowing.

Has she brought up anything specific in her objections?