Fate worse than......?

[Kate Simmons]

I often wonder what would have happened if I had never gotten into CDing at all. What would I have become? Would I wind up a tottering old geezer who doesn't have a clue? Well, I am that sometimes regardless but I think what keeps me going and what more or less keeps me "young" is insight into myself and my feelings. I have been able to balance and integrate the feelings and so am not at odds with myself any longer. This in essense gives me the positive motivation to keep going no matter what the mode. I doubt I would have lasted this long otherwise as I would not really know how to act as a "normal" guy. Makes me wonder sometimes.

[DAVIDA]

Hi Arianna!
I don't have any idea what it is like to be "normal".
I would have a lot more money, though!

[Edwina]

What is "normal" ? Certainly not me.



Edwina

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I don't know - - I SURE WOULD HATE TO HAVE MISSED BEING A CDer - even

with all its baggage

JoAnne wheeler

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I have to agree with you.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]What would it have been like to grow up and end up just like the old guy down the street from me who nowadays spends his time digging drainage ditches so the rainwater runs off without making streams in the dirt roads. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Obviously that is not how we want to spend our lives, with no direction or cause. Face it, we are anomalies and we know it. We ride the edge of whatever sword we live on and love evey minute of it (after, of course, accepting our direction). Does the old guy down the street ever stop before getting out of his truck and think, OK, here we go? I doubt it...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]I hope to die on the dance floor in 5 inch heels, not digging ditches..[/SIZE]

[Kate Simmons]

Well Tam I almost did exactly that (die on the dance floor in heels) about 4 years ago. I've related the story a couple of times. It wasn't to be I guess even though I was ready to leave then.

[Alice Torn]

I know none of you meant that ditch diggers are hair brained imbeciles. We ohght not judge a man by his job, as the Good Book, in Proverbs, says, "in all labor, there is profit." I was a gravedigger, doing iyt with just hand shovels, and picks, for 3 yrs. Also, picked litter along roads, and freeways- found a lot of interesting things. Some of us were not given college education, were too neurotic, and emotionally damaged, have always been in survival mode, had to take any job to survive. Like Ariana says, we integrate both sides. That old guy digging channels for drainage, or working on his old beater car, or digging graves, or ditches, just might be a closet cder! Or, ex-Marines, military. Y ou never know! The hard tines we are all entering, will try both sides, of all of us. One day at a time, in a trying time. Good day to all.

[Tina B.]

I met that old guy just the other day, but he didn't have his shovel, or the chain saw he uses to put up 8 to 9 cords of wood to keep him and his wife warm each year, he was spending his spare time as a volunteer for Hospice, helping people as their time here comes to and end, Other of them old guys are docents at museums, and volunteers at the local hospital, I would be proud to be one of those old guys.
Everybody finds their own place in this world, what is right for me, may not be right for you. What is right for you, may be all wrong for me. Just be happy if your place is right for you!
Tina

[charlie]

Hello Arianna!
Glad to see you back here and writing. Your insights are thought provoking and good for all of us! That said, I often wish that I was able to stop CDing and/or wish I never had started. Now that I am, I enjoy it immensely; but could do without the swivel neck when I'm out and about to see if something bad is coming. Yes, Charlie and Charles are both just me, but when I'm Charlie I feel vulnerable. Very few people know about Charlie and my wife wants it kept that way. It makes life difficult. However, it is my trade off to stay as happy in both worlds that I can.

[Tess]

I enjoy my CD'ing but it isn't the driving force in my life like it seems to be for so many here. The things that keep me motivated and enjoying life are learning and new experiences. Part of that may be crossdressing, but for me the greater part is in my art and taking art classes, travel, doing volunteer work, and doing other activities I've enjoyed for years. I think I would have had just as satisfying a life without the CD'ing with some other activity filling that void for the last 50 plus years.

[Hope]

Yeah - I will jump in here too...

Only because literally, the best member of my congregation right now is a peach of a man who is an ex-marine, and currently a professional ditch digger. We all agree that a man's profession does not doom him to any sort of other personality traits.

On the other hand - there are plenty of old, drooling idiots, and intolerant nut-jobs in my congregation too (just stop for a moment and think about what sort of a jerk you have to be for your pastor to think of you as a drooling idiot or an intolerant nut-job).

I think what Arianna was trying to get at is that there are those who know themselves, and there are those who just bumble though life. I don't think she was trying to insult those who work with their hands, or in the dirt.

Personally, Arianna - I will join you in being glad that I too am able to be honest with my self and not end up like an drooling idiot - though as I had little to do with it - I am not going to make it too much a point of pride. More just sheer dumb luck.

[deja true]

I often wonder what would have happened if I had never gotten into CDing at all. What would I have become? Would I wind up a tottering old geezer who doesn't have a clue? ...

Well, sensei, I gotta admit that I actually thought I was heading in that direction up until a short while ago.

Having a really important part of myself hidden for decades and feeling depressed and guity because of that, I recognized myself almost becoming that grumpy, "get off my lawn" kinda ol' fart...and that made me more depressed than ever. Seen way too many of those and they always made me sad. Didn't wanna be that , nuh-uh!

And just like for many others here, the recognition of impending 'geezerhood' was like a big psychological kick in the brain pan, that said "You're a chicken- shit loser if you don't stop wasting the rest of your life. You've got a really nice person inside and it's time to let her out."

So...as has happened to many of us here when we reached that (late) middle aged crisis fork in the road, deja emerged and went looking for a life.

Long, long gestation period, but a very, very short childhood and adolescence brought me here...and friendships with many ...and lessons from several... and an adulthood started at places like BeAll and SCC...until now...

Instead of the ridiculous and unhappy misanthrope that I was threatening to become, deja's silly and happy and sarcastic and thoughtful persona has so infected miserable old 'what's-his-name', that they've sorta become inseperable as a single happy, optimistic, helpful, charming ONE.

I like me now... all of me. And so do others.

Dressing was the disease...then it became the cure!

Thanks y'all! You made me the ONE I am today...

......

[Kate Simmons]

Thanks Deja. I think you've finally helped me solve the conundrum of Spock's axiom from Star Trek II. Do the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one? Do the needs of the one or the few outweigh the needs of the many? The answers to both questions are yes and no for both. Only folks like us would understand why.

[Alice Torn]

Arianna, I apologize for over reacting about part of your thread. I have known many old farts who don't have a clue, and worked with many, on labor jobs. Every other word was a cuss word, or sexually gutter word. Sadly, there are many, many jerks today, who don't have a clue, and also, jerkettes, all of who, have no desire to refine themselves and have souls, and depth.

[MsSamanthaErica]

Well, what if you were born a GG? Or you were a GG and wanted to become a man?

It's all a matter of perspective you see. I see it this way, we are way more in touch with understanding, respect and an "illumination" of how it feels to be different.

I look at it this way: we are the candle that lights the way through the darkness. Ignorance is *not* bliss and those gurls out there finding their way (and needing to know they are not alone) need that candle!!


~Samantha

[Kate Simmons]

Although it cannot be proven empirically, I've always suspected that we have no choice being who we are by virtue of our DNA programming. We do have a choice on how we approach being who we are and how we express it and that my friends makes all the difference. What's in your wallet?

[Jess_cd32]

......Instead of the ridiculous and unhappy misanthrope that I was threatening to become, deja's silly and happy and sarcastic and thoughtful persona has so infected miserable old 'what's-his-name', that they've sorta become inseperable as a single happy, optimistic, helpful, charming ONE.

I like me now... all of me. And so do others.

......

Count me in as one of those others
Your personality does shine here

[Nikki A.]

I think with age comes wisdom or at least the courage to try to live one's life as they see fit, whether or not it fits in with society's norms.
If one is happy digging ditches, volunteering or getting dressed as long at it fulfills a need for them then that is what life is all about.
I know that in the last two years, through the wonderful people on this site and the many great ( Arianna especially) people that I have met in person, I have truly started to come to terms with what life is about and what I need to make me happy.

[kristytv]

i actually quite enjoy being a conterperson at a dealership, i LOVE cars, i just wish i could be fem doing so . i love theold cars and being able to help people. i keep getting labeled a car geek. but the amount of knowledge i have, i am very happy to share.

[Samantha43]

I feel crossdressing has been a good and healthy thing for me. If I wasn't trying to keep my girlish figure so I look good in my feminine clothes, I would be a balding, middle aged man with a beer gut....

I have always had a great attitude and positive outlook. It's a state of mind that keeps me happy and engaged with the people and world around me. Crossdressing is something I truly enjoy. It is part of who I am. It helps me keep my positive attitude and contributes to my life's happiness.

[Toni_Lynn]

I feel that if I had not come fully to terms with being a crossdresser I wouldn't be typing this right now -- cause I'd be dead! I would have ended up a bitter continually drunk SOB who weighed about 250 kg/ 500 lbs.

It is because I am a CDer that I have a wonderful totally fully life with a wonderful wife. We are not together because I am a crossdresser, but rather it has taken our love to a whole higher ground of love, devotion and trust.

If I was a GG -- I hope I'd be an f2m crossdresser only cause its so much fun

Huggles

Toni-Lynn