Did you ever think because you CD you were gay?

[Toni_Lynn]

Yes -- the reason being that when I first began crossdressing back in the early 1970s there were no knowledgeable resources about CDing. There was certainly no one I could talk to! We did have the book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (but were afraid to ask) by Dr David Ruben. In spite of being a groundbreaking bestseller, this book is good for acting as a doorstop and not much else! My mon and dad had a copy and secretly began researching what it said. After all, he's a doctor and must know something. In truth, Ruben knew little about crossdressing and his characterisations placed us squarely in the camp of guys who dressed as women and trawled gay bars picking up men, or, if hetero, spent time masturbating whilst wearing panties. Ruben's descriptions were disgusting and made me sick to my stomach. I found myself damning myself for being that way. I felt cursed for being gay.

But, being the thoughtful contemplative sort, I knew that there was one thing wrong with the doctor's generalisations. I liked girls! The more and more I considered who I was, the more and more I found myself rejecting him. By the time I turned 13, and bought my own clothes, I knew inside that I wasn't doing anything wrong. When my mum abused me over crossdressing, and called me a faggot and queer, I knew inside that I wasn't that. Sure, it still hurt, but more in the sense that one's own parent could be so mean.

One of the basic reasons that lead to my inner strength was that I felt that what I was doing wasn't about sex. In fact, it didn't even have a sexually aspect to it -- hey I was a kid -- what did I know from sex! All I knew was that wanted to dress like the girls in school and be with then rather than those ucky boys.

One might say, "aren't you the CDer who likes girls who dress in guy's underwear while you dress as a girl?" -- doesn't that show some repressed homosexuality within you. To that I say, NO! It only shows that I enjoy gender play and have a great fantasy life, and can have fun in the sack as it were.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[kristytv]

this is something i still fight with , i consider myslef bi , but i like women more , but i like sex with men , even though my conquests have well not been good ones. i still enjoy the mechanical end of it , the worst partis i seem to be confusing my shrink,shes more interested in the depression end of me than the tg part right now,

[kellycan27]

Get a new shrink, that's what I did.

[kristytv]

kelly, she is concerned about the tg part too, but i have depression issues that are 1st

[AmandaM]

I once thought I might be, why dress like a girl if you ain't, I thought. So, I went to find out, cruised gay bars, etc. I had two experiences. Both ended the same way, it was ok, but didn't trip my trigger. And I had to be the "woman" in mind, body, spirit, and had to be dressed. When the clothes came off, I was turned off. So, I don't think I'm gay, I don't even think I'm bi. I think it's more of my personality gravitating toward a female role and returning, this female role could include sexual desire, but not always. Kinda like the "woman inside" moves to the surface at times.

[kimmy p]

I knew that I liked girls clothing early, and I developed an interest in girls late. This made me wonder if I was gay. Then one day I sat down and thought about kissing a guy. Yuck. I figured out that I'm not gay. I just like girls clothing.

[MissConstrued]

Then one day I sat down and thought about kissing a guy. Yuck.

That pretty much says it all for me.

Strangely enough, I'm finding myself more likely to chat up more women when I'm out dressed lately. Maybe being a tall guy in drag is a good conversation starter? I left the club last night with three new phone numbers, and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

I've had a fair number of people simply assume that I'm gay, which simply means that a lot of folks still associate sartorial choices with sexual orientation. Okay, whatever. That's their problem, not mine. Opinions are their own, and it doesn't affect me one way or the other.

[Marissa]

I had a shrink that said I was gay and that by having sex with men while dressed just re-enforced my longing to be a girl.

kelly

Hmm..borrowing a 'shrinks' manual.. isnt 'gay' being in a relationship with a man as a man????? i may be wrong.. so i find it surprising that a shrink would say this. You seem to be 'gurl' who wants that role as the girl.. i know this feeling as its the manner in which i would want to be with a man. Well, most times.. i'm still questioning the bi side of me

I once thought I might be, why dress like a girl if you ain't, I thought. So, I went to find out, cruised gay bars, etc. I had two experiences. Both ended the same way, it was ok, but didn't trip my trigger. And I had to be the "woman" in mind, body, spirit, and had to be dressed. When the clothes came off, I was turned off. So, I don't think I'm gay, I don't even think I'm bi. I think it's more of my personality gravitating toward a female role and returning, this female role could include sexual desire, but not always. Kinda like the "woman inside" moves to the surface at times.

Understandable.. very much.. i was in a gay bar, all men with only the 'showgirl' entertainers dressed femme. I did not find them attractive only because in my mind i took it they were only interested in men, hint the term 'gay'. I know i'm wrong for that thought, but i did long for the company (chat) of a man, it just wasn't the right setting. And I think being dressed is when i would be more comfortable with a man (last time with a man, years ago, i was in drab, i know confusing, huh?)

I knew that I liked girls clothing early, and I developed an interest in girls late. This made me wonder if I was gay. Then one day I sat down and thought about kissing a guy. Yuck. I figured out that I'm not gay. I just like girls clothing.

I would have to say that kissing a man, I would have to be dressed, with sexy painted lips..as it would feel like a complete role as a woman.. don't think that feeling is the same when in drab.

Now i do have to say that i do love and desire women.. just not sure in what role at times.. as man (me) and woman, woman (me, role of man) and woman, or woman and woman (as two lesbians or best friends).

Good thread, but now i'm confused...lol.

Hugs to everyone...

[Samantha43]

I started crossdressing way back in the 70's, before we had the resources on the internet that we have now. I had many questions about why I had a need to dress as a girl and wear makeup. Being gay was never one of them. I knew I liked girls, and only girls.

[Mistybtm]

When dressed en fem or in drab I look at guys. Women are interesting to study but when it comes to sex, umm...no thanks.
When I dress en fem I'm more interested in being feminine so there are certain guys I'm trying to attract. I guess I'm in the minority.

I am the same I am bi but lean more twards woman. I live a lone and i fill both rolls

[LA CINDY LOVE]

No, I've never had a gay thought in my life. Even when i fessed up to my wife about crossdressing, one of the first things she said was "well I know you definately aren't gay"

Cheers

Tash

That is so true. I have always love women and the way they look, when my wife found out about my crossdressing the first thing she ask was .......are you gay I so no way I do not see anything sexy about a man at all and if I was a real woman I would be a lesbian.


LA CINDY LOVE

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Did you automatically think that since you CD you were gay?

There was a time when I was very confused about my urge to cd. I knew that I liked girls, and not boys, but didn't understand why I'd want to dress or look like a girl.

I never had the desire to be with another man in any sexual way. In time, I learned more about my own crossdressing and became comfortable with who I am.

I can look at mtf crossdressers who pull off the look really well and find them very attractive, but still don't desire to be with them in any sexual way.

So I guess it's just no. Confused about my own cding as I was, I never thought I was gay. I just thought I was some kind of horrible freak that society would lock up in a mental institution if they ever found about about me.

I'm sure there are young crossdressers out there today that feel the same because society insists on NOT educating people on this subject. God forbid children know of this horrible affliction called crossdressing. Today's young cd's will have to discover it on their own just like we all did, wondering what the hell it's all about and what's wrong with them. How many years will it take for them to learn that nothing is wrong with them - it's society that is messed up (trying to force people to be what they are not).

[Cary]

It's interesting how people lump things together. Are we to assume that most GGs who wear pants are gay? NO! I love wearing women's things. I love women. I hate that the first thing someone askes or assumes is that CDing =Gayness.

[Ralph]

Well, when I was a teenager I was pretty confused about what was going on with me. I didn't know about crossdressing and thought that I was the only person in the world with this issue.

Wow, you told my story verbatim. I was also sexually behind the curve, both because I was raised Baptist (still am) and expected to wait until I got married, and also because I was the weird geek who was all jokes and video games and comic books and didn't think about sex well into college. So there I was wanting to dress like a girl and not having any intimate contact with girls (or anyone else)... *of course* I was confused as all get-out. My clumsiness and obvious inexperience with my first GGfriend led many to believe I might be gay, and I thought they might be right.

Then I had an... encounter... with an aggressive young man who kept trying to arouse me, and it scared the daylights out of me. The thought of putting my lips on his body, much less any other part of me on any other part of him, was revolting.

Shortly after that I became sexually active (sorry about that, God) and it was totally different. I couldn't get enough of that happy place, and quickly realized that whatever other gender confusion I might have, at least I was 100% sure I was not gay. (slightly off-topic but amusing side note: This was with my second girlfriend; in an ironic twist, the first one revealed that she was bi and decided to pursue her own girlfriend. I can't tell you how much good THAT does for a man's self esteem!).

So... a lesson for any of you youngsters who are just showing up here and still trying to figure out why you're different: you are probably not gay. And if you still have doubts about what you do and why you do it, this is the place to ask... we've all been down that same road many, many times.

ralph

[Lorileah]

Of course i thought you had to be gay to dress, everyone knows that. Ok we all know that isn't true but back in the day you were because that is what everyone said. So......hide your stuff in the closet or under the house, hope your wife visits the Inlaws for a week so you can at least wear the panties, then feel sheepish and guilty when she gets back (and she assumes you were out having an affair), throw away the clothes and promise never do it again.

I was maybe more confused as a young person because I did have sexual feelings for men. Then thank (your deity here) for the late 70's when you could love the one you're with. I knew then I was bisexual. The sexuality is a bell curve and no one is 100% anything but I felt better being in that curve. Still thought the bi part was from the dressing but I know better now. Yes I like guys when dressed but only closet bi guys like me dressed. I like women no matter what I wear. Gay guys like me undressed

[Nicki B]

According to most surveys, the number of CDs who are exclusively homosexual is pretty well exactly the same as the general population -- about 6%. On the other hand there may be a slightly above-average number of CDs who are bisexual.

Could this be because the number of trans people out there who are attracted to other transfolk seems to be quite large? But, if an MTF finds another MTF attractive, is it the boy or the girl they're attracted to - or both?

Of course i thought you had to be gay to dress, everyone knows that.

They do?

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

In the beginning I thought I was the only one who crossdressed and I thought that I was gay or leaning in that direction, as I grew older I realized that I wasn't gay. I had no desire toward men in general, my desire's went to women. But I still crossdressed and now in my fifties I believe that I am TS. That is where I am now and I'm waiting for my first gender counseling session in a week or so. Hope to unravel my feelings and maybe get started on HRT by the 3rd qtr 2009.

[Karren H]

Yep... But I knew I wasn't attracted to guys so for decades I had an internal battle of "I must be gay if I like to dress like a girl... but I'm not!! lol Finally just accepted it and move on!!

[Jennifercrossdress]

I never thought I was gay. That said though, I have always been very aware of societies opinion of crossdressers, and from time to time have thought that I might as well be.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Nah...I knew I was bi long before the CDing popped it's head into the picture..as a matter of fact I really beleive that the acceptence of my sexuality allowed Stephanie to emerge...she was there sexually but not as a person...now she's is a person....

[Tracii G]

I'm with SS on this one I have been Bi my whole life CDing came later.
I love women but still check out the good looking guys.

[docrobbysherry]

I didn't start CDing until I was over 50. All I knew about CDing came from the main stream media. For years, I thot I must be gay to want to look like a woman, and wear women's clothes. Even tho I have never fantasized about being with a man in my life!

After about 9 tortured years, I came out of my closet far enough to investigate on line. Discovered this site, and the truth about CDs!

The truth is, I'm PROBABLY NOT GAY, BUT:

I now have realized, I can be turned on by a guy, if he looked, talked, and acted completely convincing as a woman! Because I have met such MtoF individuals! No sex, but I MITE make out with one!

Here's ANOTHER THING! I fool around with Sherry, and I KNOW she's a guy!
So, AM I GAY, or not!? I'm NOT sure!

[Gemma Bee]

Never thought of myself as being "gay" when I dress. I don't think it comes to mind. When I was younger, I dressed because I felt comfortable, excited. Now I do it because it's part of who I am. Sexuality has/had nothing to do with it.

[sarah-liz]

No I dont think I am gay because I really think I was supposed to be a woman at birth. Why couldnt we have the choice to set our sex say at age 10 or 12. It could make things a lot easier (like answering this question)

Well to be honest What is GAY? is it going to bed with the same sex? I found this at webster site on the word GAY

1 homosexual, homo, gay
someone who practices homosexuality; having a sexual attraction to persons of the same sex

Well by Websters definition I guess I am gay. But it said attraction! My attraction is to women, But I want to be 100% woman or at least the most a male can be a woman. Act, Talk, Dress, Have sex like a woman is all included. When I go into Fem MODE. I start playing the part of a woman. I want to exp all a woman in my "Fem" role can.

That being said in my exp I have been with a few guys nothing major but have gone too deep to go into details here. As a male I would never be with another guy.
but as a fem I want to experiance sex and other aspects of females with a guy.
Yes I have kinda well sorta had sex with a guy but as a woman not a male. As for an attraction I dont think so. The attraction was just not there. Being a male I do not see other males attractive. Being a woman I think its just that I want to exp my fem side and I think it will take a long time to become attracted to a male.

I believe its the making out part and kissing another male. Its not really a turn off in my fem side. I want to do it. And as a fem I will do it but my male side doesnt know what to think about kissing another guy.

LOL Now I'm even more confused than before.
Good question though!

[melissacdx]

well,we all wrestle with something, don't we, that's why we're here.....after my personal wrestling match, I came out victorious with the following information...

1. I love sex
2. I love women...but can enjoy a man from time to time, see number 1 for more info.