want to go out but cant find the nerve any suggestions

[candis47]

want to go out all done up hair nails make uphave a nice little skirt new shoes just one prooblem cant find the nerve to go out dressed can anyone help me to do this

[Kelsy]

Yes Candis,

Find a Crossdressing convention and sign up!! Join other girls like yourself and go out on the town, go to dinner, nightlife, shopping, you name it . It is fun and it is liberating. Its a saftey in numbers thing and alot of fun!

Kelsy

[Leanne2]

Candis,
Years ago I joined Tri-Ess. They had their meetings in a hotel and rented a changing room. Then people could leave their house in drab and transform at the meeting. It was a safe way to get out of the house and be dressed with other cross dressers. I don't know what your personal situation is but this way works for many of us to finally come out in public. Good luck! Leanne

[Karren H]

Just keep going to the door..... Took me 20 attempts but kept turning around until the 21st time... Out the door and have never looked back!! It's a hoot out here!!

[PrettyFlowingGown]

want to go out all done up hair nails make uphave a nice little skirt new shoes just one prooblem cant find the nerve to go out dressed can anyone help me to do this

Its easy, once you get involved in a group. I went out 1st time last week, and on my first night I had to walk a block to get to the pub I was going too.......yes!!! in a dress. Really, theres nothing too it once you have confidence, and you are happy within yourself. I've done it once, and cant wait to do it again. Just find a safe place to go to, like a gay club/pub. Dont go mainstream places.

[Phyliss]

want to go out all done up hair nails make uphave a nice little skirt new shoes just one prooblem cant find the nerve to go out dressed can anyone help me to do this

I can't really hold your hand and lead you out of the door
I can, however, tell you my story.

Scared, frightened, petrified, shaking in my heels, and any other nervous feeling you can think of to describe me that FIRST time. I had reached the point of so wanting to go out yet was so worried.

A case of "fish or cut bait" Talk is easy. For all of us there is a particular "tipping point" and once we reach that, it's "out of the door and gone"

[Amanda.D]

Hi Candis,
I am no expert but I did things one at a time. I walk the dog early in the morning, which is better than evening, (as there are no teenagers, who are probably the most dangerous), where it is dark and there are not many people about. This gave me the opportunity to wear heels and pracitise my walk. Next, I went shopping in girls jeans, tennies and pink polo shirt which led on to slacks and flat shoes, which led to bra and forms, light make up and jewelry. Yesterday, I booked a makeover at MAC took a skirt and heels in a shopping bag and changed in the toilets. Next I am going to wear my wig out. I have got comfortable buying in drab and it was no different en femme. There will always be setbacks but the positives far outway any negatives. It IS worth it.
Hugs, Mandy

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Yeah suck it up open the door and walk out and go....

I had the same problem and finally about a month ago I walked out and did it...now I've been out three times in the past month...

It's hard to the first time but once you do it then your OK...It's like jumping into the deep end of the pool afraid until you do it but once you do it you say afterwards gee that wasn't so bad....just go out to one place and spend some time there experience it and stay for awhile and then come home...jsut got to get the "c o jones" to do it...

[Amy Hepker]

Do the best you can with your appearance (remember even girls don't look perfect all the time) Open the door, step out the door, making sure you locked it. Keep walking until you get to the car and find you forgot your keys and then freak out. Just make sure you are ready to go before you walk out the door and enjoy!!!

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]Dear Candis,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Getting out for the first few times is truly one of the hardest things there is to do. I spent hundreds of wasted hours standing a the front door, making furtive little walks, down the 20 foot walkway and practically running back into the house. Hours of time wasted simply because I was too scared to get out.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Then I got out, drove to malls and spent untold hundreds of hours fixing my makeup, re-arranging my hair in the mirror, changing shoes, whatever to put off getting out of the car. After years of wasting even more time I would walk to the entrance of the mall and then back to the car, scared spit-less most of the time.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Today, I work dressed, interacting with all walks of people all day long, looking back at my former fears and thinking "what a fool I was to have wasted so much of my life in fear". Now I try to help other sisters in the same boat I used to be in, overcoming their fears of going out. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Just think of all the things in life you have accomplished that took courage and this is such a minor step (although it seems likes the most insurmountable obstacle ever) . This is something that will change your life and open your eyes to a whole new way of thinking and acting. It is very liberating.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]So, the next time you go to the door, dressed and ready to go out, and you stop just think of this. Do I have to waste as much time as Tami did or can I get over this now? And just step out, shut the door, go to your car, drive to wherever you want and go in. Have fun and go home so high you won't be able to even imagine how much fun it could have been.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Your first venture might be to an accepting gay bar or a venue that is open to CDs and once you go in, you will find many of your friends right inside the door.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Have fun and let your heart rate calm down.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]

[Marjory]

This is NOT an insult. I looked like you about 2.5 years ago. A change in diet, and 6 days a week at the gym have knocked 40 pounds off of me. Women's clothes are no longer a size problem(except for wide shoulders). If I ever get the chance to dress again I'll feel very confident.
People tell me I look about 50( I think they're lying) but I'm 66.

[vikki2020]

That first step is the hardest, but I promise you that once you take it, you will find that it ain't that bad! After a few times, you won't even think about it! Good luck

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Call ahead - tell them what you want and if it would be okay to come dressed

enfemme - then hold your head up high - take a deep breathe and just go do

it - "YES WE CAN" attitude


JoAnne Wheeler

[valenstein]

Candis,

Here's a few suggestions:

Don't go alone, or at least make a friend who will meet you outside of a club or something. It's always easier to walk in with a friend.

I'm not sure where in NY you are but there's a big night in lower Connecticut every six weeks or so at a bar called Triangles, more crossdressers than you can shake a lipstick at. There's a hotel nearby and even people who will do makeup if you wish. There is always more than one person there who is out for the first time.

Don't overdo your outfit and makeup if you don't want to attract attention.

I keep makeup remover, and a pair of jeans, a tee and sneakers in the car just in case of an emergency.

The worst thing to do is worry about if people are looking at you, because you have to look at them to notice. Good luck!

[TxKimberly]

Yeah suck it up open the door and walk out and go....
t...

I liked a lot of the advice you have already been given, but especially Sherry's down to Earth and blunt one. It appeals to my Military back ground. It IS just that simple - Suck it up and do it!

Karen's comment was also spot on. I tried over and over and just couldn't get out the door, but eventually I got there. These days I wouldn't recommend getting between me and the door 'cause you might get run over.

I've had an epiphany about a month ago. Every one complains that society wont accept them, and "why can't they just let me go my own way". Well, to be blunt, that's bullshit. Society doesn't care - not in the smallest, tiniest way. The only person who is having trouble accepting you is YOU. A lot of US find it hard to tolerate the idea that some stranger may look at us and realize we are crossdressers. Many of US can't accept our being a crossdressers, so the problem is ours, not societies.
Go. Just open the door and walk out it. You will feel like you have been in prison all of your life and didn't even know it.

[Holly]

I take it you have your big girl panties... put 'em on and get on with it! Okay, maybe easier said than done. Try and look at it this way... remember the first day you went to school. For a lot of us, being away from home (our comfort zone) was a terrifying thought, And then we had to wear these funny new "school clothes" and they felt weird. But once we got there, we met some new friends, discovered that there was tons of new things to do and explorations to be made into areas we never even dreamed of before.

So now substitute your girl clothes for school clothes, and the mall (or a park, or a restaurant, or whatever) for the school, and discover all the wonderful things that are awaiting you!

[Berta82]

I too am having trouble building up the nerve to go out. I fact, today I dressed in a black sweater and ankle length dress with clogs. No wig, no makeup. I also wore my male winter jacket to cover up a little. Made it into the car to go to the bank drive thru and walked right back into the house. I think all of your suggestions are great but the one that sticks with most is taking baby steps.

[Elisa]

I find myself in much the same situation as you really.. I've been outside the house a couple of times, but only in the garden taking out the garbage etc.
I'm thinking that my next step would be to go for a drive dressed up.

I've just re-started my CD'ing though, so I'm still not happy with my "finished look"

Hoping to get to know a few people around where I live now, maybe someone that is already out, so they can help me get ready and join me when I go.. Having someone with me would definitely make me go all the way at once, rather than just trying to step it up.

[Carole Cross]

candis, my first time out was to a local TG meeting a short walk from where I lived. I was very nervous at first but soon made some friends and haven't looked back since. I have been out five times now and have three more outings planned for this month, plus a visit to my coumsellor, en femme.
It is not as scary as you may think, most people won't even give you a second look, at least that was my experience.

[Debie]

Hi Candis

I am in the same boat with you, want to get out but I am scared to death. I do agree with some others that mention about getting together at a Crossdressing Convention, I think that would help a lot. I also agree with Elisa, if I could meet some people in my area or an area that I am visting, to help me and be with me the first time I go out, I do spend a good bit of time out of town so that would help. I am still in the closet and will probably have to stay their as my wife would never accept this and I am very much in love with her.. If however I could plan an event it would be great. Today I went to the post office just the drive thru area wearing a blaack skirt, white silk blouse, pearl necksace and braclet, bra 44-c and panties, I was really scared to death but very excited. I still need to purchase a wig and learn to do my makeup.

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, I have a problem with that

[TiffanyTgirl]

Why don't you underdress and do most of your makeup, put and outfit out in the car with your wig. Drive out somewhere you have scouted and change the rest of the way. Now you are out! From there you can do what you want. Just a suggestion.

[MissConstrued]

I'll be happy to sell you some of my nerve.... One 12oz. can is a month's supply. Yours for only 99 easy payments of $14,999.99!

Seriously, no one can give you nerve but you.

Unless you have the magical +2 Amulet of Invisibility.

[Kelli Michelle]

We have a Yahoo group in San Antonio, with tons of people in it. Very few ever respond and/or go out ith us when we go. They may never do it. I was once one of those. After I joined the local Yahoo group, I met up with another CD at a restaurant (both in drab). We discussed EVERTHING. A few weeks later we made plans to go out with another cd. We met at one of their houses (this makes it easier, way easier), got ready and went out. I was still shaking like a leaf, even though it had just gotten dark, but I made myself. I was fine in the car. When we got to our meeting place, I was shaking so much they asked if I was ok. The meeting was in the basement of a Unitarian church which was very accepting of TGs/gays, etc. The basement was the home of the gay Alliance in San Antonio. When I walked in the guys and girls there were happy to see us, had big smiles on their faces, and said "have fun at your meeting..." Later we went to a cafe that had mixed clientele (gays, straights, and tgs). I was really nervous still. After a drink, I relaxed and the rest of the night was magical, I feel for the cds who want to get out but just have never been able to take that first step. You can do it!!! Find a group, have discussions, go somewhere else if that helps. Once you get out, I am pretty damn sure you will like it. Like so many have said you will wonder why you didn't do it earlier.

Good Luck!

[Shelby]

2 weeks ago, I did the unthinkable. I went out shopping in a mall and at Target enfemme. I have only dressed in the privacy of my home. Where I used to live, I would go out in the backyard and walk around. When I moved to the metro area I started simply by walking around the halls. No one knew me and I actually didn't really see anyone. Then I drove around the area. Confident in my appearance, I braved the mall. I find it harder to step out of my apartment then walking through Target, don't know why. Take small steps and be brave

[lisalove]

The way I did it was to start by wearing clothes that aren't obviously feminine. Then start wearing more and more feminine over time. Then a little lite make up here and there. After a while, I was out in dresses, carrying a purse, wearing a wig and make up and the jewelery. it took many many trips out the door, But now I'm out doing things, the way I realy am.