Time spent on the forum

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Yesterday, I posted a "Thread" regarding the fact that my Spouse does not

want me (JoAnne) to be reading and writing on this Forum, BECAUSE she

thinks that all these threads and posts are so depressing and she thinks that

you Girls are a bad infuence on me.


Well, some of the responses that I got implied that maybe I do spend too

much time reading and posting of this FORUM - some said that in only four

months, you have written over 2500 posts.

In response, in my own defense, I am a prolific reader and writer. I have

been reading Theology Books at the rate of at least 5 hours per day for the

last 13 years. I read and outline the Books. I read and outline as many

as 9 Hardback Books a week. I am a prolific public speaker and writer.


Not only do I find time for a full time occupation/job, but also I maintain

50 acres of ground into what looks like a golf course. My Spouse and I

find time to be together and to go places and attend concerts and take

vacations and have intimacy.


In addition, I teach and speak/preach a lot.


I also find time for JoAnne (or she gets really frustrated with me) and I find

time to read, listen and try to share my feminine feelings and provide

wisdom and comfort when and where I can.

Prior to joining this Forum, I downloaded and read every thread that has ever

been posted and all of the posts. I have looked at every picture that has

ever been posted. Plus I have read every article concerning crossdressing

on the internet (as well as downloading same) - I used us a lot of paper

and ink. But this is what I do in everything that I am involved with - I

have always had to try to be the very best at anything that I could be, and

this includes Crossdressing - although it is very hard to turn a sow's ear into

a silk purse) For those not familiar with the term, "sow's ear", it refers to

the ear of a female hog. Their ears are very soft inside - but as the saying

goes, you can't make a silk purse out of it. I do not have the body structure

or size to turn into some of you absolutely gorgeous girls, but like everything

else I do, I try my very best - and that includes turning this awful male body

that I was given, into JoAnne.

JoAnne Wheeler

I could be termed a Class "A" personality - my motto is and has been : "NO

Wasted Moments"

[Jamie M]

Well, some of the responses that I got implied that maybe I do spend too

much time reading and posting of this FORUM

well i think you've just proved our point if you expect us to believe this :-

Prior to joining this Forum, I downloaded and read every thread that has ever

been posted and all of the posts. I have looked at every picture that has

ever been posted. Plus I have read every article concerning crossdressing

on the internet (as well as downloading same) - I used us a lot of paper

and ink.

Time to go and start showing your SO the attention she's obviously craving. I've had enough

[JoannaCaroline]

I don't agree with your wife not wanting you on here. I do agree with her that way too many of these posts are depressing.

I just caught myself off this forum ranting about some of the depressing things I had read

I'd love to know what to do about it though. Everyone comes here for different reasons. I for instance would like to learn. What? I have no idea. I may need to do this more than you but I have to ask myself. Why do I come here? What do I need from here? What do I have to offer here?

Not necessarily in that order. If it does only depress you and you're not helping anyone (That's me projecting, not you) you may need to ask yourself why you're here so much.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Well - I manage to use time to the fullest - multi-tasking - no wasted

moments - is my mantra


I can't help it - I have done everything I wrote above - I don't consider it

obsessive if everything I have ever done in my life - I have tried to do well.


As I stated earlier, I read prolifically - Not just this Forum, but everything.

I can compartmentalize and keep things separate - I am a busy Girl. - And I

enjoy that - the busier I am the more I get done.

This Forum has become almost a Ministry for me - if I can offer any wisdom,

past experience or comfort to a hurting crossdresser, then that's my

Ministry.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Kelli Michelle]

It sounds like, being the type of person you are, that you are always going to be doing a lot of everything!!!! What I hear people saying here, to you, is that they seem to doubt whether you give your wife the time that you give your other activites, and that that may be cause of some of the problems you have spoken of. Me, I have no idea how much time you and your wife spend together, and I won't presume anything. That's for you and her to decide. It does give food for thought though.

I know a lot of people that are contiually multi-tasking much more than me. That doesn't mean they don't have enough time to do what is important. Also relationships for each couple are different. Some spend all their time together, every waking moment. Others have almost seperate lives, but still, get along very well. Myself, I couldn't handle all the posting that you do, simply because of my own time constraints and what time I feel I need to be with family, take care of financials obs, etc. But that's me, not you.

[gretchen2]

I like what you have to say Joanne, you have some good threads. Your wife is right about this site being depressing at times, we are an oppressed people on the verge of breaking free from our chains such as the gays have started doing in the last 30yr or so. On the other hand this site has so many fun and good people with threads that are light hearted and sometimes spirited conversations. I am new to this site and it would be a shame to see you go.

Mabye your wife needs a little blue fog.

[Kate Simmons]

Understood Joanne and there is no doubt in my mind you optimize your use of time in many positive ways. It does seem, however, that your wife has issues with you spending time here though and that is between the two of you. You know the old saying:"If Momma is not happy, no one is happy."

[sandra-leigh]

Plus I have read every article concerning crossdressing
on the internet (as well as downloading same)

Sorry, I am finding that a bit difficult to believe: the internet is too big for one person to have time to find and read all articles about crossdressing (taking into account that different authors use different phrases to describe it.) For example, google currently has over 22 million hits for "crossdressing" alone -- and google has bugs in its interface that prevent anyone from advancing past page 999 of results. Even if set to 50 results per page, you wouldn't be able to use google to get to more than 50000 of the 22 million hits under that term alone.

And, frankly, if you took the time to read through all 22 million hits, then the only appropriate term I can come up with is "obsessed". Sturgeon's Law: 90% of everything is crap. A non-obsessed person learns to recognize and avoid sites that are likely to be of low additional education. (Unfortunately, one never knows: a random blog posting from someone who normally discusses candy-wrapper collecting, but talking about someone they saw in passing, might just happen to contain a very interesting insight... But the probability is low.)

[Holly]

...This Forum has become almost a Ministry for me...

JoAnn, is it possible that your local congregation (your wife) is wanting more ministry than you are currently providing?

[Kayla Shadows]

I didnt think you ever left here,lol.You should deffinately spend more time with her

[Roberta Lynn]

JoAnn.
It really doesn't matter how much time you spend here or how many post you make, unless being here reading and posting is taking away time from communicating with your wife and building your relationship with her.
If that is the case then, in my opinion, you are 'wasting moments'

[kristinacd55]

Sweetie, when do you sleep??

[Sheila]

JoAnne your wife is telling you, you spend way too much time here, most of the girls are agreeing with her ......... we don't want to lose you ........ but we don't want to see you lose your wife either hun .......... step back and think about it seriously please

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Balance and moderation....and only can determine what applies to both....

[Samantha B L]

Hi Joanne, I don't blame you one bit for being so preoccupied with the forum. I had a very supportive girlfreind but I only had 2 crossdresser freinds and that was in 1986-1989. I also had a few Lesbian and Gay freinds but that was years ago. Thanks to the forum I have a crossdresser social life and without it I'd be real disgusted and bored. But Joanne honey,maybe you need to take a little time away from the books and the forum so you can spend some time with your wife once in awhile.


hugs, Samantha

[Sophia de la luz]

I'm very impressed with your commitment to the literary life. And, just so you know, it's ok with me if you choose to pass time with your wife, exploring love and intimacy with her, rather then be a part of my journey.

[Sharon]

JoAnn, is it possible that your local congregation (your wife) is wanting more ministry than you are currently providing?

Amen!

[Samantha43]

JoAnne,

Frankly that's kind of frightening. You sound like you have an obsession. I can't imagine being chained to a computer and books for that much of my life. All of the knowledge in the world can't replace the joy of being with family, friends and especially your wife. My wife would never tolerate me spending that much time doing research. 2500 posts in four months? I have done 850 since December, 2006 and I think I spend more time on this forum than I really should. Lighten up girl, and enjoy your life!

[beenherelongtime]

yesterday you said your wife asked you not to post on this forum. but tonight i have seen at least three posts from you. does this mean you are not going to do what your wife asked or are you so obsessed with this forum that you can't cut down.

[Karren H]

Your adicted to this place!!! I only have +10,000 posts and + 10,000 posts on my makeup site.... a couple hunderd posts on my Truck forum and a couple hunderd posts on my Blackberry forum..... some on BellaSugar.... CasaSugar.... Fab Sugar... the list keeps going on and on and on........

[Mrs. X (gg)]

It seem to me you are a bright, intellectual person who loves to read and write...no harm in that, we need people like you...just maintain your priorities in order, spend quality time with your wife and negotiate with her the time to spend on the forum.

You have found a heaven to vent, but don't create hell at your home...

[docrobbysherry]

You're getting a lot of flack here for the amount of time u spend on line, versus that spent with your wife. HOWEVER, I would disregard ALL of that, if I were u. No one here knows u or anything about your relationship! Many seem to be projecting THEIR experiences, and guilt, on to u.

Having been married and divorced, and watching so many friends go thru the same thing, I couldn't POSSIBLY presume to give u, or ANYONE I'm NOT familiar with, marital advice!

JoAnne, what DOES concern me, is your obvious defensiveness. I think maybe, " Thy protest too much"!

The other thing is, u seem so darn sure of yourself. Like your "S" doesn't stink, and u CAN'T make mistakes!

One thing I've learned in my 60 years on this planet; everyone makes mistakes of commission, and omission. Denying you could POSSIBLY be making some in your life rite now, mite be in ITSELF, a grave error!

[Sue Too]

Dear JoAnne,

Most of the right words have already been sent in my absence. Unless your ready to make the big split I suggest you find a way to moderate your activity on the forum. IT CAN BE ADDICTIVE, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT. The call is yours but remember,what your getting and what your giving up.

I'd still like to talk to you on a friend/friend basis. Good luck with your decision. Huggs to you, my sweet friend.

Susan In Phoenix

[Gwendolyn]

I also find time for JoAnne (or she gets really frustrated with me) and I find time to read, listen and try to share my feminine feelings and provide wisdom and comfort when and where I can.

Not to hijack your thread, but is this kind of outlook toward oneself common? I am curious because at no time do I ever differentiate between my feminine and my masculine features. They are all just part of me. In the times I choose to indulge the feminine side and all the activities that entails at no time do I consider that a separate person than myself, its just me doing activities I normally do not do.

[cd_britney_426]

I disagree. There are only 24 hours in a day and you can only fit so much in. I spend a huge portion of my day at work and a lot of the rest of it just running errands, getting things done around the house, trying to get through traffic, eating, sleeping, etc. Reading for five hours a day on top of a full time job is not logical especially when you have a wife. I do believe this is "obsessive-compulsive" behavior but I'm not a licensed therapist. You have stated that you are "prolific" in these things that you do. The question you should ask yourself is "What is the value?" I read and write some myself. I also go for walks in the evening. I also have good conversations with friends. I also go out to bars and have a good time. The point is that I try to balance things. I'm not perfect but by almost anyone's standards reading for five hours a day when you are married is excessive. Even if you are able to maintain your other obligations, it is not a balanced use of time and I don't see why you can't cut that time in half and do something that would add quality to your relationship. I'm sorry but there is no relationship when an SO is spending five hours a day in the corner reading or writing and probably with the door closed. If I had a spouse that did that, they wouldn't be a spouse for much longer. Britney