Time spent on the forum

[crazybiker]

I wil say as a youngin, it appears that most of the depression comes from coming out to SO's/Gf's... and looking at the 18-25 Forums, its alot happier... I've had nothing but acceptance things to post up, awesome pictures that show what i've done so far, and get some great feedback. Seems that My/Our genereation (from what i've read, hard to say something speaking from the inside) that alot of things are chaning. Hybrid cars, more people accepting gays/lesbians/CD'rs, ect, ect... Its alot more acceptance, more getting out at a young age and being okay with it... hell even having GG's commenting and asking questions on what its like? They obviously havn't ventured into the FtM to see what it was like to be a guy, but to be a Xdresser and know what its like to talk to other GG and get along, and then change clothes and take it all off and then be rejected for the looks you get off the bat... There just so much going around, but I think that as things go along... It'll get better and things will be better because we can find those Gf's, who'll later become (at some point) SO's who are/have been accepting since the relationship has started, or if not, then it wasn't meant to be... Not Everything is depressing or boring, Its how You Make it. Ultimately, YOU are in controll of what you do, and controll how you want it to be. Hence why Xdressing is/can be so much fun, because we make it that way... if it were depressing, then we'd all be on some sort of Xdressing/Depression site to deal with it... but lets be happy its a fun/normal thing to do and its AWESOME... i know I'm having fun with it

[Tamara Croft]

Well seeing as you've started another thread, I've closed your other one. Let's hope you can be bothered to reply to some of the advice you get in this thread, I for one am not giving you any, you don't seem to listen anyway!

[crazybiker]

Who you talking to???

[Sheila]

Who you talking to???

I think Tamara was talking to the original poster hun

[crazybiker]

Aah... good... i think my comment was a little strong... so i was just a tad worried that she was talk'n to me as i was the last one to post... *phew* & *sighs in relef*

[Tamara Croft]

Who you talking to???

Well obviously the person that started this thread...

[Lisa Golightly]

I wil say as a youngin, it appears that most of the depression comes from coming out to SO's/Gf's... and looking at the 18-25 Forums, its alot happier... I've had nothing but acceptance things to post up, awesome pictures that show what i've done so far, and get some great feedback. Seems that My/Our genereation (from what i've read, hard to say something speaking from the inside) that alot of things are chaning. Hybrid cars, more people accepting gays/lesbians/CD'rs, ect, ect... Its alot more acceptance, more getting out at a young age and being okay with it... hell even having GG's commenting and asking questions on what its like? They obviously havn't ventured into the FtM to see what it was like to be a guy, but to be a Xdresser and know what its like to talk to other GG and get along, and then change clothes and take it all off and then be rejected for the looks you get off the bat... There just so much going around, but I think that as things go along... It'll get better and things will be better because we can find those Gf's, who'll later become (at some point) SO's who are/have been accepting since the relationship has started, or if not, then it wasn't meant to be... Not Everything is depressing or boring, Its how You Make it. Ultimately, YOU are in controll of what you do, and controll how you want it to be. Hence why Xdressing is/can be so much fun, because we make it that way... if it were depressing, then we'd all be on some sort of Xdressing/Depression site to deal with it... but lets be happy its a fun/normal thing to do and its AWESOME... i know I'm having fun with it

I couldn't really edit this down to a sound bite... It simply says too much. Just want to say good for you and it's nice to see someone upbeat about things... If you're representitive of the new generation then there's a bright future.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I do not think that I am addicted - I love this FORUM because it comforts

the internal life and feeling that have been within me for my whole life - I

never had anyone to talk to about my crossdressing until now - yes, my

spouse tells me just to talk to her about it - but has no ideal what I and all

of you have been through and go through every day with this Female

trapped inside me and you - you bring me comfort, encouragement, advice

and generally keep me from going beserk - yes, I post a lot, but once you

get caught up, it does not take very long (especially a fast reader like me)

to read all the new threads and posts and respond.

I need all of you - you are my true sisters and friends.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Sheila]

JoAnne i just counted and on the main page alone 15 posts as you as the last poster

[mishelle379]

it would take every second of everyday of a million lifetimes to read every post and website on crossdressing, u must have thousands of clones

[docrobbysherry]

I do not think that I am addicted - I love this FORUM because it comforts

the internal life and feeling that have been within me for my whole life - I

never had anyone to talk to about my crossdressing until now - yes, my

spouse tells me just to talk to her about it - but has no ideal what I and all

of you have been through and go through every day with this Female

trapped inside me and you - you bring me comfort, encouragement, advice

and generally keep me from going beserk - yes, I post a lot, but once you

get caught up, it does not take very long (especially a fast reader like me)

to read all the new threads and posts and respond.

I need all of you - you are my true sisters and friends.

JoAnne Wheeler

It's your life JoAnne. Live it the way u want to! I think U will anyway, despite what anyone says.
We're ALL eventually going to be in the ground a long, long, time!

Just wanted to add, I have always appreciated your thotful posts. If, or when, u cut back your activity here, I will MISS U!
RS

[Sandra]

Whats more important being here a lot or your wife?

Find a balance and stop bloody whingeing about it all the time.

[Sheila]

It's your life JoAnne. Live it the way u want to! I think U will anyway, despite what anyone says.

sure it is Doc, but she also shares it with her wife, & at the moment her wife is not a happy bunny, now if Mrs Wheeler gets to be desperatrly unhappy what do you think the consequences may be .............. I fear we may have JoAnne on here saying Mrs Wheeeler and I have parted company ...... not something I nor any of us I imagine wish to see JoAnne saying on here

[Senban]

I have to admit, I'm wondering whether Mrs Wheeler has actually read what we've all been saying to JoAnne so that she realises we're actually trying to help both of them and not trying to suck JoAnne into some kind of cult of group depression

Mods/admins, how about limiting JoAnne to maybe a limited number of posts per day? I'd suggest an outright ban for her own good but that's too harsh. But maybe cap her posting ability somehow? It's been a while since I've had mod/admin status on vBulletin software so I forget now if that's an option.

Otherwise I fear Sheila's prediction may come true sooner rather than later.

[Kelli Michelle]

I have to admit, I'm wondering whether Mrs Wheeler has actually read what we've all been saying to JoAnne so that she realises we're actually trying to help both of them and not trying to suck JoAnne into some kind of cult of group depression

Mods/admins, how about limiting JoAnne to maybe a limited number of posts per day? I'd suggest an outright ban for her own good but that's too harsh. But maybe cap her posting ability somehow? It's been a while since I've had mod/admin status on vBulletin software so I forget now if that's an option.

Otherwise I fear Sheila's prediction may come true sooner rather than later.

Doing that would start the moderators down a slippery slope. Doing that may help, but it may hurt as well. Unless the poster is writing something or doing something against the policies of the forum, than I don't see it as their place to limit or modify posting at least in the interest of "helping" someone. Don't mean to sidetrack the thread here, but...

[Senban]

Well it's not really sidetracking the thread at all, not when you look at the OP.

I agree absolutely, it's not the mod's or admin's place to run people's lives or tell them what they should do with their time. I guess I was just thinking out loud as it were because someone needs to do something before the divorce lawyers get a bunch of money. But ultimately, the only person who can actually do anything is JoAnne herself

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Prior to joining this Forum, I downloaded and read every thread that has ever

been posted and all of the posts. I have looked at every picture that has

ever been posted.

You're obsessed. EVERY picture? EVERY thread? Not just reading but downloading them? Did you really need to download the hordes of repetitive threads inluding all the "what color are your pnaties" and "stockings vs pantyhose" threads? When you've read one "favorite pnaties" thread you've read them all. They're online, available whenever you want. You don't even need to print them out, it's wasteful of paper/ink.

Plus I have read every article concerning crossdressing

on the internet (as well as downloading same) - I used us a lot of paper

and ink.

There is no way you've read every article. The internet is too big, new blogs, myspace pages and websites show up all the time. Did you check USENET and hang out on IRC too?

But this is what I do in everything that I am involved with - I

have always had to try to be the very best at anything that I could be, and

this includes Crossdressing

You came here recently. Time you spend being the best crossdresser is time you're not spending doing the things you did BEFORE you came here. Time is finite, no matter how good a multi-tasker you claim to be. For example, when I was heavily into IRC chat, I didn't spend as much time reading message boards or forums or playing games. Same goes for when I spend more time playing games sometimes, that leaves less time for reading Slashdot or here.

Well - I manage to use time to the fullest - multi-tasking - no wasted moments - is my mantra

Oh please, no human is that efficient. time you're spending here is time you're NOT spending talking with your spouse.

This Forum has become almost a Ministry for me - if I can offer any wisdom,

past experience or comfort to a hurting crossdresser, then that's my

Ministry.

JoAnne Wheeler

The last thing the transcommunity needs is "yet another" minister/inspirational speaker who thinks they have a "calling" to minister to the transcommunity. I've been around the transcommunities on the internet, they show up now and again as new folk and get a bit obsessed and then say they want to minister to crossdressers. Which is kind of dumb, because to a some of us "minister" is a dirty word, considering how some communities of faith deal with us, so we are not overly enthusiastic about these "ministers to crossdressing" Then they disappear. Odds are they snap out of it or the spouse cuts them off.

The latter is probably what's going to happen to you if you don't listen to us and keep doing what you're doing. You don't need to read every thread. I myself am selective and my time is finite. I've been here for over 3 years and have less than 800 posts. But I am the kind of person who would rather be "when she speaks, people listen" than just post willy nilly on every topic. So turn off the computer, put the theology books away, stop being "the minister" and be "the husband". Heck even focusing too much on "ministerial" stuff can hurt a pastor-wife relationship I've read.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[Di]

Whats more important being here a lot or your wife?

Find a balance and stop bloody whingeing about it all the time.

I feel so bad your your wife............she is accepting in her own way.You can dress just about whenever you want others would trade you places in a min .....And she is telling you in all kinds of ways

[SIZE="4"][/SIZE] I NEED SOME ATTENTION TOO


You know.....there comes a time when your neglect will just be too much to bare.....and don't you dare come here and say.....she wants out cause I cd.............
Find some balance ....you can find balance if you make the effort.

Joanne.....just wanted to add we care about you and we are only trying to get you to see from your partners pov.

[sandra-leigh]

I do not think that I am addicted

JoAnne, I have gone through some periods where it became fuzzy as to whether I was in control, or my computer usage was in control of me. What I have done is, on a couple of occasions, taken a self-imposed computer break of about a week; usually I have been able to combine it with a vacation so that I have been able to turn off the computer completely (rather than just confine myself to work-only use.) The breaks helped me to rebalance my life.

And yes, I was, at the time of the breaks, feeling that I "couldn't" go because so many people needed me (I answer a lot of technical questions as a volunteer.) But I took the breaks anyhow. Yes, some people missed project deadlines "because" they had a problem that I could have helped them with and I wasn't there to help -- but I'm only one person, I'm no good to anyone (especially not my wife) if I'm collapsed from responsibility overload -- and those people had other resources they could have used. If you start thinking that the world cannot get along without you for a few days while you re-center yourself, then chances are high that you aren't thinking clearly due to built-up stress fatigue. Learn to "delegate" for a while to the rest of the world: perhaps for that break period the world won't work as absolutely best as it might have if you had not been mentally resting, but it will do well-enough for a time, while you recharge.

[Carin]

From a different thread...

Anyway, as fate would have it, I started plucking the hair off my legs and arms - ....

Seriously, that was a choice, not fate.

....this led to a horrendous explosion by my Spouse - and I'm still feeling the after effects - WHY DID I DO IT ? BECAUSE my desire and need to let this Feminine part of me (JoAnne) out is so strong that I can't seem to stop or don't want to stop, even when I know that I am going to catch hell over it. I want JoAnne to have the chance to be as feminine as I can make her - and my desires are sometimes stronger than my judgment.

JoAnne Wheeler

JoAnne, I have to give my honest impression here. Just my non-sugarcoated . Never mind listening to us, you are not listening to your wife, and you are not listening to yourself.

I do not think that I am addicted - I love this FORUM ....- yes, my spouse tells me just to talk to her about it - but has no ideal what I and all of you have been through and go through every day.....my motto is and has been : "NO Wasted Moments"

Are you looking for instant gratification? You can't talk to her because she has can't immediately understand? It takes a long long time with LOTS and LOTS of communication and conversation for anyone who is not transgendered to begin to get a grasp. She deserves that time. Doing nothing but LISTENING to and HEARING what your wife has to say are not wasted moments. Don't put yourself on that pedestal.

You are a machine, geared up to prolific output. Editor at the ready, you have several posts barely one minute apart. I imagine that it must be very hard for you to not talk, but to listen and hear for any length of time. Please tell us that you do not 'preach' to you wife, that you can listen to her, that she means more to you than than CD.com does.

my desires are sometimes stronger than my judgment.

You said it, not me!.

[kym]

joanne, I for one enjoy your posts and take on things on here. Having said that, you have to find a balance of being on here and helping out other sisters in need and your so, if not you risk losing her completely. plus i have a very important question: when do you find time for your family and yourself? your a busy young lady!

[msginaadoll]

Wow this can be a tuff crowd. Sometimes all of us need to complain, whine, vent, etc. I think only the poster and wife know how much time is psent in here versus relationships. Like all things moderation is the key and it can be a tuff one.

[Raquel June]

..my Spouse does not want me (JoAnne) to be reading and writing on this Forum, BECAUSE she thinks that all these threads and posts are so depressing and she thinks that you Girls are a bad infuence on me.

Let me tell you the problems with what you're saying.

On the surface your wife is being unreasonable. You have super-human reading speed and time management skills, and you are a very well-rounded person who gives plenty time to your wife, your job, and other interests.

But I don't believe you. Maybe you do read several hours a day, but you are a minister. The majority of this reading is job-related. And something tells me you're not a Catholic priest holding mass everyday. I'm sure you have have an extremely flexible schedule and plenty of free time.

Is your wife being unfair? Maybe. But even if she wasn't, that wouldn't change your behavior. You're obsessed, but you've come up with this crazy excuse that you have to spend hours read depressing posts because you're witnessing to the downtrodden folks with gender issues. You're lying to yourself.

I know how your mind works. You've read enough theology books that you can justify anything to yourself in a way that you feel is logically/morally/scientifically/spiritually air-tight. This is a skill required of Christian ministers, because let's be honest, anybody who studies ancient religion can tell you that the whole story of Jesus is just an adaptation of messiah myths that existed since before 2000 BC. There were already plenty dieties who baptized people, died, rose again, and demanded Eucharist-like worship rituals long before anyone heard of Jesus. But I'm not here to enrage Christians. I'll leave that up to Bill Maher.

The point is that nobody will be able to tell you anything because you are totally unable to take a step back and look at the big picture. People like you spend your lives jumping between areas of hyper-focus -- drilling straight past common sense and arguing relatively meaningless minutia. The good news is that when combined with a Type-A personality, you're more than able to live a happy life. There's just no reasoning with you, though. There's no convincing you of anything. Ever.

Your approach to crossdressing mirrors your occupation. You read theory after theory until you see one that you like, then you're satisfied that it's correct and your life is on the right path. When you made this thread you were similarly looking for specific feedback. You will find the one person that agrees with you and be satisfied, ignoring every other one. You're perfectly capable of hearing 1,000 reasons against something and still doing it because there was one reason for it. You just want to know that one other person "gets it" before you proceed with what you were going to do all along.

You're getting a lot of flack here for the amount of time u spend on line, versus that spent with your wife. HOWEVER, I would disregard ALL of that, if I were u. No one here knows u or anything about your relationship! Many seem to be projecting THEIR experiences, and guilt, on to u.

That's true. I'm certainly projecting my experiences. But whether or not the wife is justified in her request isn't really what's important here. The OP's approach to the situation illuminates a much greater problem than whether or not reading this forum is a good thing.

Wow this can be a tuff crowd. Sometimes all of us need to complain, whine, vent, etc.

Yeah, I think that's what I just did.

[cd_britney_426]

I don't believe ANY of us here want to be preached to, witnessed to, or "ministered" to. Frankly, you have wasted all of our time including my time and I consider my time to be valuable. I don't post much here and I could have spent that time responding to someone else's concerns who is truly trying to do something with their life vs. just trying to hear their own voice. I'm done with this thread and frankly I think that the admins should close or delete this one as well. Goodbye. Britney

[rosetyler]

I do not think that I am addicted

De Nile isn't just a river in Egypt...

I

never had anyone to talk to about my crossdressing until now - yes, my

spouse tells me just to talk to her about it - but has no ideal what I and all

of you have been through and go through every day

She's in the dark cause you pour your heart out on these forums, not her. Maybe it's time to fill her in on your life...

you bring me comfort, encouragement, advice

I'm afraid there's not much use in asking for advice if you don't plan on following it.

but once you

get caught up, it does not take very long (especially a fast reader like me)

This is one massive forum here on cd.com...with several hundred posts a day. I'm a fast reader too, but I have neither the time nor desire to read every single post on here.

I need all of you - you are my true sisters and friends.

And it sounds like your wife needs you...you are her true husband.