In a Group of our own

[Amy Hepker]

Hi Everyone,

Well, we are, we are in a group of our own when it comes to relationships.

Lesbians want Females, not Males that dress like Females.
Gays want other Males not guys that dress like Females.

There are exceptions to both of these comments, but in general, we as MtF CDers that are Heterosexual, (I am Lesbian) are in a category all our own. It is very hard to find a Female that knows what real LOVE is and will stay with their Spouse no matter what. Most will stay with you if anything else happens, but for you to turn to Female, OMG the world is coming to an end.

They no longer have a so-called Man. I say so-called Male because, I have worked harder jobs than most Males and have shown other so-called real Males up, hey and guess what I wear girl clothes, I am a sissy.

Most GGs want the a Man so they can show you off, that is right, you are just a show piece. That is as long as you wear Male clothing, but put on something a GG would wear and you are no longer a Man in their eyes. You have just burned an image in their mind that you are not the best Male for them. (this does not pertain to all GGs as there are some that know what real LOVE is) Real LOVE is not the best looking Male or Female it is the relationship the 2 have between each other.

To tell you the truth anymore, I am scared to get into another relationship as I figure the GG will leave because of my TG life. I mean it has happened to many times in my life already. Now I am 24/7, my next relationship will be with me as my true self and not someone that someone else wants me to be.

I have had relationships where the GG thought she could change me to all Male again, well of course that is never going to happen and then they feel like they have failed, like they are not Female enough, and we know that has nothing to do with it at all.

Just some of my thoughts

[JoAnne Wheeler]

AMY - you hit the nail on the head - we as a group are liked even less than

lepers - nobody likes us - nobody wants us - everyone thinks that we are

some type of gay, weird, sick people its the baggage that we have to live

with and its awful - its what makes our lives so difficult - we HAVE to stick

together - we are the only ones who know and appreciate what we go

through !


JoAnne Wheeler

[TGMarla]

Yes, it's true that we are a rather unique bunch. We're caught between two worlds holding baggage that no one wants to carry with us. Funny how we're man enough until they learn that there is a feminine aspect to our souls. Many women complain about how men are, meet people like us, and like that we're not like "most men". Then they find out that which makes us different, and howl and yell that they just can't handle the fact that we crossdress. Yet, that's the very thing that sets us apart in such a positive way in our male lives. Go figure.

[Christie ann]

I agree that we are strangers in a strange land.

[laura.lapinski]

Yes, we are playing in a small field. And to add to that, don't most ******** and Pre-Op's (or CD's with Boob jobs) prefer males that don't dress? If so, that makes the odds even smaller. Oh well, be happy with yourself, and just be happy we have this site.

[Senban]

JoAnne Wheeler said - "AMY - you hit the nail on the head - we as a group are liked even less than

lepers - nobody likes us - nobody wants us - everyone thinks that we are

some type of gay, weird, sick people its the baggage that we have to live

with and its awful - its what makes our lives so difficult - we HAVE to stick

together - we are the only ones who know and appreciate what we go

through !"

While I respect your personal viewpoint, I have to disagree because in my experience it's simply not true.

This mantra I read so often here about how no one loves us and no one understands us is just unhealthy! When we keep telling people that they don't understand what it's like to be us, sooner or later they'll say fair enough and leave you alone to your beliefs.

Everyone I've ever come out to - everyone - including girlfriends, best friends, work colleagues, has just basically said "Oh really?" then asked a few questions and then I'm just accepted and fade into the background again.

The only time I've ever had any trouble wasn't because of the revelation as to being transgender but because I had other issues which I kept taking to other people and expecting them to accept and solve for me instead of learning how to handle things myself.

I've read in your other threads about how you need this forum and your e-Friends here and yet your wife is asking you to stop and talk to her about these things. My advice to you is to do exactly that and maybe you'll realise that people understand and accept us far more than we dare to hope. The biggest problem isn't people accepting us - it's actually us accepting ourselves that's the problem.

But I'd also add in passing that some people actually gain comfort from being a downtrodden oppressed group because it's easier.

[mishelle379]

certainly 1 of the most thoughtful and true posts I have read

[battybattybats]

I have met both men and women who are attracted to transgender.
Most however while they would like to have sex with or even privately date ad have a short-term relationship with a transgender person do not want a long term relationship with them. Why? Because they are afraid of what parents and friends etc would think!

There are some exceptions though. There are some women and men brave enough to be open about their attraction to transgender people from crossdressers to transexuals. And there are a fair number of not just supporting wives but utterly encouraging ones. I've even heard of guys being introduced to crossdressing for the first time by girlfriends and wives!

So what we need is to get more TG admirers to come out of the closet! So more will openly date and commit to a CD or TS!

And some I know are in relationships with non-CD guys, thats what happens when we aren't out, the good ones get snapped up early, often by other guys because we weren't around at the time and we fight over the rest of the openly accepting ones while the remainder secretly watch TG porn and visit TG prostitutes (yes, even women sometimes go to TG prostitutes!).

Boy George, Tim Curry as Dr Frankenfurter, David Bowie in his GLAM days, Marilyn Manson, Davey Havok of AFI.... LOTS of women have considered them sex-symbols!

So how do we encourage more of these women and men to be open about their attraction to TG?

[Sheila]

I am a GG engaged to a wonderful person, who just happens to crossdress.

I have a male whom I adore and am proud to show off, he happens to have a fem side that I adore and am proud to show off when we get the chance (we live 300 miles apart at the moment so we have only had a few times together when that has been able to happen)

After my previous relationship with another dresser broke up, I remained here as a member due to the fact that I had made many good friends. Debs and I connnected in Dec, we bacame Engaged in January and are marrying in Oct ..... now should she decide in the future that she wishhes to go for SRS I will be beside her every step of the way, I would never dream of attempting to change her in any way, although I am sure that we tog will change as individuals and as a couple along our journey tog, they will come about naturally & I hope bring us even closer together

While we marry as MR & Mrs in Oct, we will also have a ceremony on 1st Dec where Debs will be the Bride and I will be her partner (WE have not decided yet whether I will be dressed as a groom or will wear my Oct outfit)

[Deborah Jane]

nobody likes us - nobody wants us - everyone
JoAnne Wheeler

Not nobody, not everyone......

A lot of us are very much loved for who we are, regardless of whether we CD or not, please don't tar everybody with the same brush JoAnne

[Kate Simmons]

Maybe so Amy but I do get tired of hearing folks say:"Poor me" or "Poor us". Most of the time the (mostly) self imposed limitations we impose on ourselves are the result of assumptions based on misinformation and BS. To assume means to make an ass of u and an ass of me. The better way to approach it is to widen out and get to know folks individually and collectively. If we never try, we never will know, CDing notwithstanding. In any case, "pigeonholing" is for pigeons, not people.

[Areyan]

Hi Everyone,
Most GGs want the a Man so they can show you off, that is right, you are just a show piece.

This is a rude assumption and shows a very male side to your thinking, lol. On that note, I could say the same about men thinking of us GGs as show pieces.

Not one of my partners has ever been a show piece (some weren't at all that great looking anyways ) I'm just hard-wired to like what I like. And I love my CDer whether he's en femme or dressed as a man cause he's just plain hot.

[Amy Hepker]

Arianna,

I agree with you that we do need to widen out and be ourselves, and that is exactly what I am doing. I am 24/7 and Loving it every minute, but at the same time knowing that as others here have said GGs that can LOVE unconditionally are few and far between, basically due to peer or Family pressure on them.

The more of us that do make it 24/7 will let the world know that We are here, We are real People, We are good People, and We just want to Live and LOVE as others do.

It is true, We are not going to have the exact same relationship as the couples down the street, but no two relationships are the same anyway.

As Batty says there are GGs out there that do not care about the Lables people put on others and will go out with whoever they want no matter how they dress. They are very hard to find and Yes we have to be there at the right place, and at the right time, just like the start of
any other relationship.

I believe someday that GGs will want us, when they find out we are Great people to be around and there is nothing to be afraid of. I have many GG friends right now, that are not afraid to be seen with me, but on the same note they are looking for that special Man, not CD, TG, TS, or other.

[Sophia de la luz]

Please take some responsiblity for your experience here on Earth. If you feel unlovable, then state it in such terms that demonstrate it as a feeling, not as an irrevocable truth. How boring to read about how you have convinced yourself there are so very few mates available for you. I doubt you have any more trouble then most people finding love in this ever changing world. The whole "woe me" thing comes across as pathetic. And, if I was looking for a mate, your words, your story, and your tone would be a huge red flag.

[Amy Hepker]

Akira, I also said NOT ALL GGs are like this. But many are, and Yes many Men want the Ideal Woman too.

I am not saying all GGs are like this and would never do that.

I am very glad to hear from the GGs on this subject and I personally want to say Thank You for being who you are and not judging anyone by the clothes they wear.

I always cringed at the saying clothes make the Man. That is a bunch of crap. That's like saying a Woman is not a true woman unless she wears dresses all the time. I mean come on, this is the real world and if people cannot look beyond clothes then I think they have mental problems. Not the ones who wear what they want.

[Lisa Golightly]

we as a group are liked even less than lepers - nobody likes us - nobody wants us - everyone thinks that we are some type of gay, weird, sick people its the baggage that we have to live
with and its awful...

Don't be so silly... I find it quite sad when a lifestyle choice is placed in the scales with a destructive, debilitating, incurable disease. It is morally wrong in my opinion.

There are plenty of people that liked 'Lisa' before I admitted to being TS and became Lisa. The more open you are with people the more open they are with you... It's not all honey, but it's not all **** either.

[RWillow]

I agree with Amy and JoAnne, truer words were never written.

Renyta

[Sarah...]

JoAnne Wheeler said - "AMY - you hit the nail on the head - we as a group are liked even less than

lepers - nobody likes us - nobody wants us - everyone thinks that we are

some type of gay, weird, sick people its the baggage that we have to live

with and its awful - its what makes our lives so difficult - we HAVE to stick

together - we are the only ones who know and appreciate what we go

through !"

While I respect your personal viewpoint, I have to disagree because in my experience it's simply not true.

This mantra I read so often here about how no one loves us and no one understands us is just unhealthy! When we keep telling people that they don't understand what it's like to be us, sooner or later they'll say fair enough and leave you alone to your beliefs.

Everyone I've ever come out to - everyone - including girlfriends, best friends, work colleagues, has just basically said "Oh really?" then asked a few questions and then I'm just accepted and fade into the background again.

The only time I've ever had any trouble wasn't because of the revelation as to being transgender but because I had other issues which I kept taking to other people and expecting them to accept and solve for me instead of learning how to handle things myself.

I've read in your other threads about how you need this forum and your e-Friends here and yet your wife is asking you to stop and talk to her about these things. My advice to you is to do exactly that and maybe you'll realise that people understand and accept us far more than we dare to hope. The biggest problem isn't people accepting us - it's actually us accepting ourselves that's the problem.

But I'd also add in passing that some people actually gain comfort from being a downtrodden oppressed group because it's easier.

I agree with this viewpoint.

Sarah...

[Holly]

Ever hear of the term, "Self-fulfilling prophesy?" All too often, people will get a thought in their head that certain so-call facts will always apply to them... and then complain when those very same things befall them. It's time to start taking responsibility for your own feelings and your own surroundings and stop blaming everything and everyone around you. If you believe that the majority of people you come in contact with will not think you worthy of developing a relationship with, that's exactly what will happen. If you add value to another person's life, being female or male, trans, gay, yellow, tall, overweight or anything else won't make one bit of difference!

[MissConstrued]

AMY - you hit the nail on the head - we as a group are liked even less than

lepers - nobody likes us - nobody wants us - everyone thinks that we are

some type of gay, weird, sick people its the baggage that we have to live

with and its awful - its what makes our lives so difficult - we HAVE to stick

together - we are the only ones who know and appreciate what we go

through !


JoAnne Wheeler

Well, with a positive, upbeat attitude like yours, I find it difficult to imagine why you don't have more friends....

Feel free to mope about in your sackcloth and ashes, punctuated by your dives into the deep pool of self-pity, but don't expect a lot of company.

[DemonicDaughter]

[SIZE="3"]A lot of GGs wouldn't date you. But not because you are a cd/ts/tg individual. Because you have one of the most negative attitudes I have ever seen!

Just because YOU haven't had good experiences, doesn't mean its the same for everyone or even ANYONE else! There are people who find relationships within this community. And there are people from every walk of life who struggle with theirs. This "we have it so hard" bs is just that! Complete bs! EVERYONE has it difficult. NO ONE has it any easier than the next person!

And to be completely honest, were I single and dating and met you, you're attitude would be a complete turn off no matter how good of a "man" you claim to be.

And also, perhaps you should lose the "man" imagine as someone who is living as a female. It would make any gay woman walk away shaking her head.[/SIZE]

[Kate Simmons]

Well, all things considered we some how do manage to continue the human race in spite of ourselves. I really think the main thing we have to start doing as a race is to consider one another as human beings, people and individuals, not this that or the other thing. Sure biology is involved and so are the mystiques and all of the feelings but that is really what comprises the challenge and the fun. Our problem (along with most of society) is that we try to catalog and catagorgize everything. Some things such as relationships were never meant to be that way and were meant to be spontaneous in expression and experience. We can't achieve that by reading a book, looking at demographics and stats or playing spin the bottle, we can only achieve that by doing. Win, lose or draw, I guarantee a great experience.

[Ruth]

Life is difficult. Trite but true. We all have problems to overcome, and CDing can be just another one or it can be a blessing and an opportunity.
It's true there are people who have a knee-jerk dislike of CDers and indeed anybody who doesn't conform to their idea of the straight and narrow. But the prudent thing to do is avoid them.
Use your CDing to enrich your life, not bring it down.

[Tal'Aura]

...nobody likes us - nobody wants us - everyone thinks that we are some type of gay, weird, sick people its the baggage that we have to live with and its awful...

Jolan Tru,

Being hatred is price we must pay. Nobody wants us, but we don't need their approval to be who we want to be. Like I said somewhere else, we have each other and they are all alone.

[Sheila]

nobody likes us - nobody wants us -

and its awful - its what makes our lives so difficult - we HAVE to stick together .... JoAnne Wheeler

Jolan Tru,

Being hatred is price we must pay. Nobody wants us, but we don't need their approval to be who we want to be. Like I said somewhere else, we have each other and they are all alone.

Thank goodness I have Debs who does not hold with that attitude .............

[SIZE="6"]Debs hun I LOVE YOU [/SIZE]

[SIZE="4"]I do not think you weird & I do not think you make our life difficult [/SIZE]