Confidence Shattered

[CLARRISA]

For the past 3 months, every weekend i'd get ready as Clarrisa and off i'd go without a care in the world, walking through malls, supermarkets, highstreets, all without any problems i felt at complete ease with myself,i'd get just the odd knowing look now and then but i'd just turn my head and look somewhere else till the moment passed. I felt top of the world, like i was a chamelion, then in the last 2 wks i started to get negative reactions. 1st it was a group of polish men where one was gesturing at me and joking with his pals, they seemed to follow me around the aisles at TK Max...next it was at a petrol station..2 lads get out of a van, 1 notices me getting out of the car "ha ha...ere..BIG BALLS" and gestures his friend to look..the final blow was last weekend in a New Look Store..i'm leafing through items on a rack and a group of young girls walk by..and one says to her friend "Thats a Man"...I went home and began to feel completely demoralised I think i've had what they call a wake up call or Reality check..hence sad to say Clarissa has been staying in this weekend..probably time to give the man a chance to reign again...anyone else had their Confidence shattered? and how has it affected you?

[Mirani]

Same principle as falling off a horse --- get back on again!

Sorry for your tough times, but ignore the idiots. They don't know YOU .. their behaviour says more about them than it does about you.

You GO girl!! Hugs

[Super Amanda]

It seems like you have had more good times than bad, wouldn't you say?

[Jan W]

Dear Clarissa,

Had something similar happen when out with a girlfriend a few years ago.

Since then I have mostly only been out to alternate type venues.

I am just on the brink of returning to mainstream so I feel for you and can empathise.

I think we have to ignore the rude people, display an attitude above theirs and carry on as a lady.

To explore the problem a little bit. I think there are more manly looking women out there than me. It is the combination of a few things that send signals to these rude people. Might be posture, gait, mannerisms but have too many and the signal goes out.

I think we must sharpen up in these areas if we wish to go abut our business unmolested by idiots.

Hope this is of help.


Jan

[Jonianne]

For me confidence is not in the "passing" part but in being confident in who I am. The last time I went out some guy just laughed and laughed until I was out of sight. I just held my head up high and walked on. Yes, it hurts, but you just go on knowing you have the guts to be who you are.

[donnaking]

probably time to give the man a chance to reign again...

I think you just answered your own question.

[Lisa Golightly]

It's crap when it happens but I don't really have the option of hiding... So I get up again, over and over...

[kristinacd55]

Clarrisa, the fact that u go out is huge! I give you big time "balls" for just doing that so to heck with all of them. You keep doing it girl! I don't go out, so for you to do it is just fabulous.

[Annie D]

I know that you feel down at this moment and those things have either happened or is about to happen to all of us. You have plenty of good experiences and a good history of going out. Don't let a couple of set backs deter you from getting out when you feel like it. Just know that the next time you go out will be very rewarding and fulfilling for you female self.

Most of us don't pass but it is the confidence and the way you carry yourself that will help you to continue. Good Luck!

[sissystephanie]

Clarrisa, if you have read any of my previous posts you know I go out all the time dressed. And I do go everywhere. The main difference is that I am a man who is wearing female clothing, from the skin out. BUT, NO wig and NO makeup, just a guy in a skirt.

What is important is not so much how you look, it is your attitude! I am a crossdresser, I know it and I don't give a d*** what other people say or think! Now if they try to touch me.................... then look out!! You probably have heard the old saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me!" That is so very true. As my 6th grade teacher said so many years ago, "people who call you names or make rude comments about you are only showing their own ignorance!"

Don't let that be the reason Clarissa becomes a stay at home CD!! If you are satified with who you are, then show it!! In public!

[TxKimberly]

Same principle as falling off a horse --- get back on again!

Sorry for your tough times, but ignore the idiots. They don't know YOU .. their behaviour says more about them than it does about you.

You GO girl!! Hugs

As always Mirani offers sound advice. I have my fair share of stares and giggles, and even out right laughter. So what? As long as no one got up in your face I wouldn't get too upset about it.
By the way, it's easy for me to do this now but was not always. It used to crush my when it was clear I hadn't passed. Later on I decided it wasn't worth the stress and decided that I was all right with people knowing I'm a cross dresser instead of a woman. Once you accept that, you'll never be crushed again. Annoyed, irritated, and a bit disappointed, but not crushed.

[Jonianne]

.......I decided ... that I was all right with people knowing I'm a cross dresser instead of a woman........

That Kim, I believe is the most important key.

[windycissy]

Clarissa,

It happens to the best of us, that's the price you pay for reaching for the stars...don't let it keep you on the ground, and above all don't let a run of bad luck affect your confidence, that poise and a smile are your best camouflage!

Cissy

[Carole Cross]

I get read qiute often, but I just don't let it bother me. Most people just look, but there was an incident with two lads playing football who kicked their ball towards me, not at me, and asked me to kick it back, as I was a man, but I just ignored them and carried on walking. I willprobably get more comments as I venture out during the day, but as I am transitioning, I( will just have to put up with it.
If you ignore people or smile at them they will probably leave you alone, although there will always be some who will want to make an issue about it. I hope these incidents will not put you off for long.

[Girly Sara]

Clarrisa, sorry to hear of your set back, hun.

Keep your chin up and head held high and be proud of who you are. The morons aren't worth a toss!

You go girl!

Sara xxx

[MJ]

pick yourself up dust yourself off and do it all again.. my secret is i just don't give a crap what people think of me. just keep going

[Cary]

Use this to make you stronger. Keep going! You are an inspiration to us who wishes to go out, but doesn't.

[Elizabeth2-]

I work in a very difficult environment where there are plenty of jibes, "kicks" and giggles. But, i believe in and love me. You can, too. give yourself a big hug from me. xoxoxoxo

God doesn't make any junk

Love, Liz

[Nicole Erin]

1st it was a group of polish men where one was gesturing at me and joking with his pals, they seemed to follow me around the aisles at TK Max...
..i'm leafing through items on a rack and a group of young girls walk by..and one says to her friend "Thats a Man"...

A group of non-Americans was poking fun at you? I would have had a field day with them..

The young girls - You should have just started talking to them, "Good afternoon, so how has your day been...?"

YOu know though, it seems like the negative reactions come in waves, it is like you go months without any and then all the sudden you get several in a span of a few days or even hours...

Just think, you just went thru a wave, so now things should be cool for a while...

[Berinthia]

There are women, and then there are ladies...
There are men, and there are gentlemen.
If you could construct a catwalk down the middle of this site, you would probably snicker at some of the girls, be awetruck by some, then there would inevitably be a catfight when two girls each wanted to get all the attention and hog the runway. You know who I'm talkin' bout........

[adrienner99]

The macho guys who made fun of you would not last one day in your life. They would never have the courage to deal with the feelings you've dealt with.

[linnea]

Good advice. I've had forward strides and set-backs, but the most important thing is how I feel about myself.
You'll be okay and live to go out another day for great, confident times.

Same principle as falling off a horse --- get back on again!

Sorry for your tough times, but ignore the idiots. They don't know YOU .. their behaviour says more about them than it does about you.

You GO girl!! Hugs

[Satrana]

Later on I decided it wasn't worth the stress and decided that I was all right with people knowing I'm a cross dresser instead of a woman.

Absolutely. Unless you intend to live as a woman then it is probably time to move past the fantasy that people see you as a woman. There were undoubtedly many, many people who knew you were a man on early outings but simply were too polite or did not care to make an issue of it.

You next step is to accept that you are a CD man who wishes to be treated as a woman. Get comfortable with the idea it is OK for a man to do this. Interact with SAs in shops and use your normal male voice - you will find they treat you normally because they already know you are male before you utter a word.

BTW 99% of folk will tag you as gay since they think all men who crossdress are gay. I actually found comfort in that fact because my fear was based on people knowing I was a heterosexual man who was CDing so I was a pervert. Thinking of myself as gay, even though I am not, gave me license to overcome my fear that I was doing something wrong and shameful.

[Karren H]

Awww... I would pay them any attention!!! For me it isn't about passing it's about being comfortable out enfemme.... So let them think and say what they want... to me I look pretty good.... no matter how I'm dressed

[Cristi]

This is a hurdle I have not had to overcome yet. For some reason (luck?), certainly not how feminine I look, I have never had anything worse happen than the occasional odd look.

I honeslty don't know how it will effect me WHEN (not if) something more happens. I know it will set me back. I hope I can get over it quickly and it ends up just making me stronger. But until it happens, I just don't know.

Don't let it get you down. Like others have said (and my own personal mantra now), how other react says volumes more about THEM than it says about YOU!