Finding an accepting S.O.

[Sapphire]

Are the chances of success in finding a woman who is accepting just too remote? That said, are there those who have found the ideal S.O in another T.G.?

[erica12b]

some have ,
some cant
some have here ,
not me yet but im thinking of changing my middle name to "hope"

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I've got an accepting wife. It took me more than a decade to come out her, but she's very accepting of my cding, and an active participant. She enjoys Gabrielle very much.

I honestly believe that there are a lot of women (or men, for that matter) who would be very interested in finding love and romance in a crossdresser. The problem is the social taboo. One generally can't just go asking questions like "So, what's you sign? Oh, and are you in to guys who dress like women?" It would be so much simpler if it could work that way.

Long before I married my wife - a short time after we started dating, in fact, there were signs that she would be accepting of my cding. Check the bottom link in my sig to get the whole story on that. The point is that I think one can find out or even test the water on the subject before a relationship gets to the point where it might become painful to end it (in search for another potential accepting SO).

Just like many cd's are afraid to mention their cding to a perspective love interest, I think many women are also a bit shy on the subject - women who are actually interested in crossdressing men. The social taboo isn't as strict with that end of things, but it is still taboo, unfortunately.

If I found myself on the dating scene again tomorrow (which I pray I do not ever), I don't know exactly how I'd do it, but I would put forth an effort to screen for acceptance before getting very far into the relationship at all. I know for a fact that they're out there. I also know that (like in my wife's case) they may be shy about sharing it.

It breaks my heart every time I read about a cd with an unaccepting SO. There are women out there who would love a crossdresser - for the love of heels and skirts, FIND THEM! Don't let them get stuck with a mono-gendered guy. Let the mono-gendered men end up with the SO's who would be unaccepting of a cd, and let the cd's end up with women (or men) who would enjoy it!

Yeah, yeah. Wonderful idea - easier said than done. I know.

They're out there though. I believe there are many more than one might think... just like there are many more cd's than one might think.

Btw - is that even a term: "mono-gendered"? lol You know what I meant. I'm not putting down non-cd's or anything.

[Natalia]

Marry your best friend.

Looks fade, real boobs sag, real hair turns gray (a slight advantage we all have over GG's), but true affection and freindship are durable and lasting.

[AZGia]

I have an accepting live in girl friend that helps me, she allows me to be me and accepts me wether I am in cd mode or just the firefighter that is a machinist, welder, fabricator, mechanic, and custom car and bike builder on the side. And yes when I am not a firefighter I do the other things while dressed. When I want to go all out and look pretty she does help. There are people out there that accept a person for who they are, but just hard to find.


Gia

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Only fair, I'm afraid

JoAnne Wheeler

[PaulaSF]

Having found an accepting wife (albeit my second one

I do know its possible. First one seemed initially accepting, but it soon become clear that I was a "project," and she was gonna "fix me," but the spots aren't easily changed on this ole cat...

Of course, one has to understand the likelihood of being both fully accepting, as well as wanting to take it as far as the t-gal conceivable might, can cause dissension, over time... (as "changing the rules," part way thru a game is always a "tough sell"). But everyone does tend to change/evolve over time...

A key upfront factor seems to be how open-minded, and exposed to various sorts of diversity; as yes, whether we like it or not, we will at some point be pondered as gay, by most GGs, too.

Age, geography, and religion seem to be key determinents, so "go fishing" in big cities, perhaps? Easy for one in a blue state "tranny Nirvana" to say

One aspect that seems to have helped with my wife, is that she's a bit older than I am, and the typical, dating older guys bit, had her out mostly with those close to needing nursing care, and thus a younger, more fit & vibrant lad, was appealing

But the general thinking is younger folks are more open about LGBT issues & people (and frankly a bit more clued in).

Don't give up hope, but don't over stress that as the only important compatbility "test." Being something akin to best friends/soul mates a tougher nut to crack than some percentage of the time to be spent en femme!

One thing that's been abundantly clear in my years of t-dating, is that there are so many niche within a niche within a niche, in essence, filtering mechanisms, its tough to get a deep, on-going connection there, and for that aspect, certainly give the nod more to GG dating for a higher statistical groundedness (sure divorce rates are 50%, but a t-gal considers herself in a relationship, if the beau is still in contact 24 hours later

But, Heaven forbid, were I to be back out SO hunting, I would be fishing in the MtF TG pool, I've evolved that much, myself. And I know other couples, with both GG & TG SOs so both "formulas" work. Of course, a TG SO would require pretty thick skin, (i.e., no "cultural free pass").

Accepting & understanding (as in how far down the TG continum do you see yourself, even if only potentialy, headed?) what it all means to you, is a sensible "prerequisite" for going on a S.O. hunt- if you don't know & love yourself, how are you gonna be able to share that with a partner?

One can also consider lumping into that catchall category of hobby, esp. if part-time/non-op, which could potentially make for an easier sell.

Compromise & negotiation are important couple skills, so you'll be delving into that, right out of the gate!

Best of luck,
Paula

[Samantha Kelsey]

I didn't have to come out as such to my SO. She already knew about me before we became an item. I did however verify to her that I was a CD'er. She had no problems with it and even before our relationship started she had been in the company of Samantha several times. She is now also a member of this site, Katy Dee. Why not ask her how she felt/feels

[allisonrn06]

I found an accepting GG wife, although when I initially told her she wasn't very accepting. I don't think she could handle the idea of me being completely "out", but given my current circumstances, I can't and don't want to be completely out. Otherwise, she is completely cool with it. We are going shopping together, today!

[Angie G]

When after 38 years with my wife It came out about my dressing I put it out there in a round about way and she has been very accepting. She know it's who I am And I'm the same guy she married. One day she wanted some atention she was fine kissing and hugging Angie.
Angie

[mishelle379]

Are the chances of success in finding a woman who is accepting just too remote? That said, are there those who have found the ideal S.O in another T.G.?

just tol my new gf and she ran for the hills

[JulieC]

Btw - is that even a term: "mono-gendered"? lol You know what I meant. I'm not putting down non-cd's or anything.

It's a cute, mildly disparaging term. I love it

just tol my new gf and she ran for the hills

No worries. You didn't invest much time if this was "new girlfriend". On to the next!

Are the chances of success in finding a woman who is accepting just too remote? That said, are there those who have found the ideal S.O in another T.G.?

It's not remote. There's a fair chance of finding such a woman. Of everything I've seen in polls, etc..only about 20-30% are outright utterly non-accepting to the point of not wanting to date you or even leave you over it. The rest of women vary in their acceptance. About 10-20% are going to be overtly accepting and highly supportive.

Your chances of finding that perfect woman will go up if you do not maintain yourself in long, endless relationships with women who are not accepting.

I dated for a very long time before getting married. I dated a lot of women. Some were very long term relationships (multiple years). Some were considerably shorter. When I decided that I was ready to get married, I made a pact with myself that I wasn't going to get married to a woman who did not accept me as a CDer. Further, I wasn't going to spend more than six months on any particular woman. Either she was right or she wasn't, and anything past six months wasn't going to tell me more.

Date. After you've been dating them for a while, broach the subject with them. If they run for the hills as an above poster just recently had happen, be glad. You filtered out an unaccepting woman. On to the next. The more "no"s you receive, the closer you are to finding a "yes".

[Fancynancy]

After dating my wife for several months my then girfriend asked me if I was a crossdresser. She had a dream of me sitting in front of the television wearing a black chemise. I told her that yes I was. She went to the closet and handed me a very sliky robe of hers. The bump in the road was at first she didn't want to she me dressed in a bra and panties. This has changed as on Sunday she bought me the dress I have on now. Happy search for an accepting S.O.

[Deborah Jane]

It worked on here for me

This is the post that started Sheila and i talking........................................... .................................................. ...



..................WANTED......................
.............Wife, with nice clothing tastes........................
Must want to force me to share her clothing, shoes and accesories
In exchange, i,m offering to treat her as a Goddess and worship the ground she walks on

Please apply to.......
Deborah Jane [Dumb Blondie]
c/o
Crossdressers.com

[Jilmac]

I had only known my SO about six weeks when I told her about Jill. I was afraid she would head for the hills and never come back. We've been dating a year and a half and she is very accepting of Jill. However we have an agreement. Even though she has seen pictures of Jill and knows I dress often, she has no desire to meet Jill in person. I'm ok with that as long as I can stay out of the closet.

Keep looking there are women who will accept us for who we are and not for what we wear.

[Satrana]

Well the best way to find one is to be open about it from the start and even be dressed en-femme when meeting her. Then you will know for sure when you hit the jackpot.

Few women openly want to date a CD - probably less than 5% - whether through prejudice or ignorance, so you will likely have to try many times but you will succeed eventually.

But do keep in mind that relationships should never revolve around acceptance of your dressing. It may seem like the over-riding factor to you now, but in reality the normal compatibility issues are more important so resist the idea that idolization should be your focus or you may end up with someone less than loving.

[Sheila]

Few women openly want to date a CD - probably less than 5% - whether through prejudice or ignorance, so you will likely have to try many times but you will succeed eventually.

You got reliable stats to back this statement up Satrana .... or you just throwing out more random crap to wind the GG's up yet again

To the OP
Actually if [SIZE="4"]all[/SIZE] you are looking for is an accepting SO then ya you might find it a little more difficult, you see we women don't like to think we will be a suitable partner JUST BECAUSE WE ARE ACCEPTING ........... we kinda need more going on in a relationship than being doormats to CDR's

[_Michele_]

Yes, it's possible! I found my girlfriend on TSDATING.COM... She was seeking for guy like me! To tell you the true, we are lucky to be like we are and for some woman like mine... It's a gift!

[Hope]

Are the chances of success in finding a woman who is accepting just too remote? That said, are there those who have found the ideal S.O in another T.G.?

Finding the person who is a perfect match (or a very close match) for you is a tough task no matter who you are or what your criteria are. The fact that your ideal woman is excited by a guy who wears a dress doesn't make it any harder. You are only looking for 1 woman, in a sea of billions.

Don't give up. You can find the one for you - you just have to keep tossing the ones that are not the right fit back, until you find the one who is the right fit. Just keep shopping

For the record, my wife is awesome - but not TG.

[Jonianne]

Yes, I believe you can find an accepting SO. My wife and I have been together for nearly 10 years now and I told her before we were married.

Since I know I am simply an occasional crossdresser and am not taking it any farther than that, I was willing to work out compromises with her to give her security that I will always be her man. In return she took me out on my first outing saying Joni needs to feel the sun on her face and went to triess meetings with me (before we were married). Since then we go a few times a year to a hotel and I get to spend time going out dressed (we have kids at home and that was one of our compromises, to not dress in front of them). I have also spent time dressed on vacation and riding the train with her as well as at home when it is just us.

I believe there are open minded women out there who are willing to be accepting, if they know they can feel secure in that you are also willing to respect her and support her dreams and aspirations.

[Satrana]

Look there and you"ll actually see how many members of the site are happily married to accepting wives.

Ahh... but that is not a random blind survey so the numbers are useless. Also they are not indicative of how many women would choose to knowingly date a CD, quite different from women who choose to stay with their SOs after finding out later.

You remember that thread the other week where you mentioned the dating site plentyoffish - well there are several threads there where GGs were asked if they would like to date a CD and the overwhelming response was "I think CDs are cool but I would never date one personally" Examples of threads:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts26662.aspx
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2091335.aspx

Considering the members of the site are of the younger, more accepting generation, these threads indicate the resistance to dating a CD is still very prevalent.

[Teri Jean]

Being single after thirty five years has been a turning point in my life and with the desire to dress ever more influencing my life has broached the question of a SO. I would like to have a SO that would accept and support me but realistic also. The other side is my age (60) is a factor but I have four sisters-in-law that are supportive and we have fun together so I'm not that concerned as yet. Keli

[DaphneGrey]

My wife and I have a very similar arrangement.

[marla01]

I'm not married, but I've had three major loves in the last 15 years (all female). All of them were accepting and were actively attracted to Marla.

While I 'came out' early to the first of these three, the latter two I first met as Marla so there was nothing to come out about (other than explaining I was not TS) :-)

Now one thing I think has been a major factor is that I am attracted to open non-mainstream women. I would suggest that the women I am attracted to naturally would be more open to a non-mainstream relationship.

Marla

[sometimes_miss]

I think your best bet would be, if you dare, to dress and just go out. That way any women who might be interested will already know that you CD. Barring that, your chances are slim indeed. I've had ads up on dating sites for ten years now, with rarely a nibble. If you search this site, you will find assorted threads that address this topic; mostly, you have two groups. The first are men who told their SO after they were already together, and their mate is tolerant/accepting. The rest of us aren't so lucky. Either we split up over the crossdressing, or cannot find a mate. A very few have found accepting women, but aren't able to give the rest of us any clearly defined way to find them with any certainty. I kind of look at it as fishing without using any bait; sure, you have a chance of catching something, but the chances are remote. If you aren't willing to out yourself, the odds of finding anyone are nil.