So am I rude or whacky--or both?

[Lainie]

Went shopping in Boston last weekend on Newbury St--very nice, rather upscale. Found a sweater dress at The Closet from Elie Tahari--to die for, and a perfect fit. Sitting in Cafe Jaffa afterward, I thought gee--a real girl my age would actually wear this with the black tights and lady's black trainers and a nice simple necklace for a day of shopping, like I have on now under guy slacks & shirt.

So on the way out I changed in the rest room and wandered around for a couple of hours. Remember, I don't remotely pass--think Geraldo Rivera in a dress--but I walked for a while, took the subway to Cambridge, bought 2 pairs of shoes at Payless--black patent pumps with 3" heels, plus a pair of camouflage ballet flats, which perfectly match a purse I already had. Then some time in another coffee shop, parka off, and finally back to my hotel. Changed tights & necklace, put on the heels and a black belt to cinch in my waist, and then went into the rather posh hotel restaurant for dinner. Didn't want to be out by myself in the dark in a strange town, but a 4-course dinner sitting smack in the middle of the dining room was just the thing to celebrate a pea-soup Pink Fog!

So is that rude to parade around in broad daylight and public facilities all in drag, forcing anyone who noticed to put up with my peculiarity? No one complained, and likely many did not notice, although I did hear a rather loud "what the fu--?" in a male voice behind me once.

I personally am rather put off by internet pictures of men in dresses; i.e., CDs who just have no hope of passing. So I guess that many who saw me may have been discomfited. It's really not fair to others to insist that they indulge me.

What do you think?

[Ashlie Marie]

hey look I'm first :-)

I personally think you have a right to expression your feelings in any way u feel comfortable, and if wearing what sounds like a very comfortable outfit for the day then to each her own. before I starting going fulltime a few weeks ago, with my long hair and nails done all the time I would go out in jeans and tshirts and pony tail and I am sure I got a lot of WTF?'s under ppls breath but I never noticed them. do what you want, and up here in NE especialy around Boston. It is alot more common then you think now a days.

so go have fun,

Ash

[twozillion]

reading your post I was mostly envious you had the courage to do what feels good. As far as affecting others? I can name several "normal" things that are socially acceptable that annoy and offend me. I can see being sensitive to ppls threshold, definately, but I personally do not think this really falls into that category.

Rock on with your bad self!

G

[TrekGirl1701]

If other people get offended at how you look that is their problem and their problem alone.

[kellycan27]

Awesome... you did good! i applaud you... standing ovation well done!

[vikki2020]

Rude? Not at all. Yes, you have the right to be who you want to be.Or wear what you want.As long as your not getting in peoples faces,ain't no big deal. Of course, this is in a large city, where stuff happens everyday. Maybe a problem in Mayberry!Congratulations on a nice day.

[Billijo49504]

You have the rights to do wat ever you want too, unless you step on others rights. Which you didn't, so ejoy the feeling....BJK

[Sammy777]

I think the important thing to remember is that what you did not only felt right to you but also made you feel good.

The way you were dressed was, like you said, a nice everyday outfit.
But if you felt as comfortable doing that it a pink tutu then so be it.
You did not plan to be rude or disrespectful to anyone and you succeeded.
Even if you did indeed look like "Geraldo Rivera in a dress" apparently the towns folk did not run you out of town with pitch forks and torches for doing it.

Enjoy it. You did good and deserve it.

[Byanca]

I read somewhere that a judge said violation of other rights starts when your fist connects with another persons face. You did no such thing.

Remember that what we like is mostly what we are thought to like. And the concept itself is dubious, I don't believe in it.

What you did make people think-you did good. Applause from me to.

[Adrianna_Sofia]

I think what carried you through is the way you carried yourself...I get the picture the way you were dressed, but did you try to "pass" by wearing make-up or were you dressed from the neck down only? Because if it were the second one, I'd give you mad props for doing it...You enjoyed yourself without compromising other people's (well except for the dude who did the f-bomb)comfort level...As long as no harm was done all I can say is KUDOS...

[JulieC]

So is that rude to parade around in broad daylight and public facilities all in drag, forcing anyone who noticed to put up with my peculiarity? ...
I personally am rather put off by internet pictures of men in dresses; i.e., CDs who just have no hope of passing. So I guess that many who saw me may have been discomfited. It's really not fair to others to insist that they indulge me.

What do you think?

The Constitution does not guarantee anyone the right not to be offended. Your broke no laws.

Further, caring about what people (who have zero impact on your life) think about you is giving up your self actualization power to others. It does NOT matter what they think.

There are billions of people on this planet, and billions of ways of looking at things. There is NO way you can ever not offend someone. It's not your problem, so long as you're not breaking the law. It is their problem.

If you were dressed en femme, and someone realized you were male and decided to beat you up, who is the criminal here? You for dressing like that or the person who is beating you up? That's a macrocasm of what you're asking. Who is the person in the wrong here, you for wearing femme clothes and not trying to pass or the person who takes offense?

Women have been wearing men's clothes for a long time. So what if men are wearing women's clothes. So what. ANYone who is offended has two choices; deal with it, or not deal with it. They do not have a choice to take action against you, and so far as I'm concerned they can take a hike.

[Michelia]

Lainie,

Not so long ago I would have been put off by what you did. But I have been doing exactly what you did quite often.

It hasn't been exactly by design, but I have been finding out it has a lot of positives. As long as you behave well and put a good show of manners, you are representing us well. There is nothing rude about your behavior. Specially, these days when you hear vulgar language spoken out in the open in front of kids and so on, like this guy you heard. That is rude.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Your just hopelessly lost in the PINK FOG !

JoAnne Wheeler

[Fab Karen]

What you did was courageous. If that's how you want to go out, enjoy yourself, just be aware you will run across a lot more judgment from the general public. If you'd like to look femme, ask for advice & tips, there's a make-up section on this site.

[Michaella]

No, I don't think that is at all rude. If some are offended then it is their problem, and they should not make it yours. It's gender-bending, breaking the arbitrary rules of who should wear what. Well done, I say.

Michaella

[Lainie]

...Although of course this is a biased sample of opinion.

It was a little cold and sometimes rainy, so I continued to wear my rather bulky rust-colored parka and a scarf over my dress, but not buttoned up. As for make up, I never bother. You couldn't see lipstick under this moustache anyway. My hair is longish and rather unisex, so I'm not that obviously male from the back when wearing a coat or something that disguises my V-shape. I sometimes try for a feminine walk but I have to pay attention. I do always try to remember to sit modestly, with my knees close together.

I think you were pretty easy on me, though. Why do I only do this when traveling in places where I am surrounded by strangers? If I can't do this with friends, then I really am still being hypocritical.

As far as courage, it gets easier as long as you get away with it. If some neanderthal beats me up, then of course he would be at fault, not me. I'd just be the one with broken ribs and a concussion.

[rlars1]

It sounds like you had fun. Don't wory about what anyone else thought.

[Tina B.]

I personally am rather put off by internet pictures of men in dresses; i.e., CDs who just have no hope of passing. So I guess that many who saw me may have been discomfited. It's really not fair to others to insist that they indulge me.

What do you think?

Judge not!
Tina

[sissystephanie]

If other people get offended at how you look that is their problem and their problem alone.

Trekgirl, truer words were never spoken!

I go out all the time dressed, but with no wig and either none or very little makeup. Been doing that ever since my wife died 4 years ago. She always fixed my wig and did my makeup before that.

I just don't give a darn what other people think of my clothing. It is my life, not theirs! I have had my share of stares, double takes, and even an occasional giggle, but I just ignore it all. On the other hand I have had both ladies and men compliment me on either my clothes, my shoes, or both! So I wil keep on being a CD until I can no longer dress myself!

[boardpuppy]

I served so that everyone could express themselves, even if I don't agree with their opion. As was stated above "As long a your fist doesn't touch my nose, no laws have been broken". Express yourself and enjoy. Was there a touch of "Pink Fog" lerking around? I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, even with intolerant poeple trying to ruin it for you.

Hugs,
Alice

[BrendaDaniel70]

I think what you did was amazing and took alot of courage. For that you are to be commended. Congrats!
I know all the places you went and walked trough. I have to say, you made some great choices. There are many parts of Boston (or any big city) where I wouldn't go alone, no matter how I'm dressed! However, Newbury St. and the area near the Public Garden/Boston Common are high on my list of what I would think to be a little more "tolerant" areas. And Boston's theater district is right around the corner. Really nice area.
And Cambridge has always been a little different. It's part of it's charm. I love it there. Let me know if your ever up this way again, I could give you some suggestions on some great places to eat!
Glad you had fun!
Brenda

[Ralph]

Rude? Depends on your definition of the word "rude". Is violating social norms so that you attract a lot of attention and shake up the worldview of the majority of society rude?

I like Katie's cowboy suit (or Alice in Wonderland - I'd love a pinafore like that!) analogy. Or, perhaps a little more commonplace, how about the folks with 2-foot-long neon colored spiked mohawks? They deliberately do something to stand out and attract attention, and then they're all indignant when they get that attention. What I'm I staring at? I'm staring at hair that could put someone's eye out, you weirdo.

I have a high-school-age friend who's a little bummed about his social life because he's rather eccentric. I told him there's nothing wrong with that... but he has to decide if standing out is worth the stares and sometimes ridicule it will cost him to be different. There are times when I enjoy being the center of attention, and times when I'd rather just blend into the background.

I guess what I'm trying to say has already been said far more eloquently: kudos to you for being willing to openly fly your freak flag, but don't expect to do so without getting some hostile reactions from people who aren't comfortable around anyone or anything that is different. Just take it all in with a cheerful attitude. Nothing escalates an ugly scene to violence faster than if you match their hostility with your own.

ralph

[linnea]

Congratulations. You did well, but you did nothing rude.