Most here will recall that ugly thread I did recently after a knock down drag out fight that lasted 10 hours with my SO about cd'ing issues, and both of us using FALSE acussatory words in anger in our arguement. I attempted to show what it would be like if the tables were turned and FALSE accusations leveled back.
I had a few hours sleep after that fight when I wrote that thread, I was angry, hurt, frustrated and totally exausted and not thinking straight, really not thinking straight!
What I was trying to point out to my SO in that thread was what its like to be FALSLEY accused of something that your not, that was my true intent. Instead I ended up in that frame of mind at the time totally and falsly trashing my SO so badly in the process in that miserable failed attempt. She just wanted to die from the hurt it caused when she read it and how untrue it was.
I want others to LEARN from our pain that we both endured, NEVER do this to your SO here in a public forum, even one on one! If any of you after reading that thought that I was the lowest scum of the earth for doing that you were right on about that! It took me 36 hours because I was so upset and hurt to actually see what I had done, and trust me I was totally devastated when I realized I did such a thing to someone that never deserved that kind of treatment directed towards her and WAS NONE of those things. None of you thought of me lower after that than I did about myself, that was hitting a new bottom for me.
Let me tell you now about who my SO TRULEY is, I owe that to her at a minimum. As a child she'd come home from school and her mother would ask, why are you crying? She said because these kids were picking on this girl at school calling her names and making fun of her and that really hurts me to see that. She is still that same caring sensitive person with those same feelings today and that includes EVERYONE.
Yes she did say some things to me out of frustration and anger, and I did the same. That's not really her, that's not how she truley feels, she was just frustrated and hurt and I gave her plenty of reasons to be, I never meant them either. I don't think many of us can say we've never said something we truley regret later in a fit of anger, and we didn't really mean any of it.
I know what a true alcoholic is, she's anything but one.
I however was one for the better part of at least 8 years, not something I can say with any pride. Thankfully after meeting my SO I was able to stop with her help. This girl has put up with alot from me, and has been the biggest positive influence that has ever been in my life, and I love her more than life itself
When I met my SO she wouldn't even go out on a date with me for the longest time without one of her GF's comming along as a chapperone.
I found what I thought didn't exist anymore, a decent honest woman with very high moral standards and values which is rare. I consider myself extremly lucky to have her!
Everything I said about her was so false to the reality about her to attempt to make and show a valid point we as cd'ers have about being wrongly labeled and condemned ourselves. I failed in my attemt so badly and I can't believe she's forgiven me for this. That's some hardcore true love to be able to overcome something like that being done to you by the one you love more than life itself. Because of that enormous love she has for me, and me equally for her, thats what ripped my heart out afterwards, after I finally realized what I had done to someone so innocent trying to make my point.
I love this girl so much and never want to hurt her like that again, and I won't. That was never my intent anyway, I was just so lost in anger etc... .
I think after being here as long as I have , most of you that really know me know this was so out of character for me to act and do something like this. I don't want to be remembered here for one HUGE foolish mistake I made, but knowing the real truth about my SO is more important than how you remember me.
My SO wants nothing more than me to be happy. I also want nothing more than the same for her. We're staying together and will work all this out. We have over two decades together and neither of us wants to throw that away. We both know we'd never find what we have together in any others if we ever did split, a love like this we have for eachother we're all lucky if it comes along even once in our lifetime.
All I ask is don't anyone ever make this same mistake in anger or do anything like I did in a bid for understanding of being a cd'er and falsly accuseing someone innocent of things thier not to get your point across.
THINK your words out first, unlike what I did, if not the damage and hurt you can cause can be catastrophic.
Right now I feel I need to work together with my SO to rebuild the damages that have been done. We will make it thru this I have no doubt about that and we both know it won't be easy but we're are one tough couple. After more than two decades together, we still hold hands watching TV or walking down the street together, she's very special to me and me to her
Support is what we need here right now and understanding.
I've learned so much here from all of you, and I hope I also was of some value as well to some.
Sometimes we take for granted, get sidetracked and lose sight what the most important thing is to us, to me thats my SO hands down.
I offer a public apology for what its worth now to my SO for what I falsley and recklessly said, there is no excuse for that, especially when none of it was true.
Although she's forgiven me, its going to be tough to forgive myself.
If she needs any support in forgiving you, I'm sure she'll get the help she needs there.
Originally Posted by MJ
.gif "Big Roll Eyes")
... when Jess was running 100% of me she was sometimes out of control, way to much so with an SO to consider. 
...and keep working from there for mutual happiness and communicate, it can be achieved even if at times it looks impossible. 
