How did your wife find out

[Shelly67]

After years of hiding away my concience got the hold of me . My excuses for " panda " eyes wasn,t working . I hated myself for the deviousness of it all . It soon overtook my reasons for keeping quiet . I imagined if she didn't know it,d be a positive measure . I was wrong , she began to pick up on my behaviour. I was having a hard time , the hiding of clothes , make up , wigs .... but more than anything accepting myself .
So I sat her down , and tried to tell her . I stammered , spoke so fast not a word made sense . The atmosphere was very strained , she very quietly asked me was I crossdressing . I nearly fainted . I opened up , she sat there silent , staring at the floor . Those silent seconds will haunt me forever ... I imagined my marriage to be over . Her only remark was that she'd suspected something was going on due to make up still present on my eyelashes , she thought it was just a moment alone , playing with make up and getting off .

That was over 3 years ago . It hasn't been easy , certainly we've been to war , cried , argued , made up so many times .

[Aaron Zwidling]

I told my wife after we had been dating for a month or so. A few years later we married, and have been married for fifteen years now. It was a bit of a process for her to accept it at first, but she's been fine with it for most of our time together.

[Ediosa]

I told her.

[curse within]

Yep ,,,,,told her 2 years before we married. She said she could accept it...So here I am 20 some odd years later.. Feel like the family car that was set out to the pasture ..

[angie^]

Married at 23, and had been dressing in the closet as far back as I can remember. About 6 months after we were married, and having a great sex life by the way, she asked me to wear her stockings and garter belt in bed. I of course jumped at the chance, and we had such a great night. Progressively, things continued, until she was buying me lingerie and heels etc, dressing me up, doing my hair and make up. I always teased her, that she had turned me into a crossdresser. Now 25 years later, still dressing, still having great sex. On our 25th wedding anniversary I confessed to her that I had been dressing way before I met her. She laughed and kissed me.

Angie xx

[Elizebeth]

Told her when we were starting to think about getting married.

[Kelli Ann]

I want so much to tell her. Like other closeted cder's here, I play the conversation out in my mind and want her to know but I just can't seem to find the courage.

I know most of you have understanding wives but if she did not accept my cding, I would have no where else to go. It would be just like starting over in my life.

We have been married for 15 years and I dressed a few times in my little bachelor pad before we met but although I have always had the urge, I did not start dressing in our marriage until about 2 years ago. I have to hide my things.

Like any wife, she would be more concerned about our kids, my job, and fine reputation in the community.

We are already on shaky ground due to other issues in our marriage and I know this would put the nail in the coffin and I would have to move back to that bachelor pad.

[Pink_Lace]

i met mine online and we chatted for awhile before we got together, i told here before we ever even started to get involved.

[Alice B]

I told her.

[JuAnn]

When she found my bras, forms and panties - the first time she told me to get rid of them. I did for awhile but not for long.
JuAnn

[Toni_Lynn]

Quite simply told her while we where dating. While she okay with it from the get go, she had questions which I honestly and openly answered. The result has been crossdressing heaven, not only in regular day to day life, but also in the intimacy sense.

BTW -- one reason it all worked out is of course my honesty, but also because her son, my step-son now, who is autistic, also crossdresses. So as a result she has been able to understand him to a greater degree.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Edyta_C]

I told my wife after being married for 10 years. At first she was shocked and upset. Now after many many hours of discussion, she understands that this is part of me. She accepts it and occasionally buys me things. I don't think she is totally OK with it but loves me and accepts it as a wart on my personality. I don't recommend telling your wife unless 1) you are prepared and armed with information. 2) you understand where you are at on the CD to TS spectrum (it might change later but you need to know where you are today) 3) Very confident of her love 4) and prepared for the worst!

I was so depressed and not getting better that I thought that what ever happened, I would be better with getting it in the open. I was lucky, very lucky! She accepts and this has helped with my depression. While not perfect, I am really doing well in that respect. Which I attribute to being able to bring that part of me into the open.

The worst part for most SOs is that you have been lieing to them. The trust thing is VERY big! If she listens to you, you have to explain the horrible consequences you imagine happening to you when others find out. This understanding is the only thing that I think made my wife trust me again.

Edy

[suchacutie]

My wife had given me a couple of pieces of lingerie that didn't fit her, but did fit me. After I joked that I'd have to fill out some pieces in order to wear them she said, OK. So, I bought platforms and opaque stockings, learned how to walk in heels and generally tried to figure out how to deal with all this stuff, but only from the waist down.

We went off for an overnight together and in the morning she asked if I was going to model for her, so I got dressed including a unisex black top, no makeup or anyuthing, and out I came for the first time perched on 6" heels and very nervous. She took one look and I thought it was all over. Instead she said,"look at those legs! They're better than Tina Turner's! We HAVE to buy you a dress!"

Well, that as they say, was that, and we've never looked back!

tina

[Karen564]

This is a very interesting thread....
I would have never realized before reading this thread that so many came clean before or during the marriage & have accepting spouses, and only a small handful got caught...

Very interesting & quite amazing...So my hat is off to every one of you that were honest about it...


But sadly, I wasn't so forthcoming with my spouse, I never told her & I never got caught during our relationship of 25+years...and she never knew anything, (despite the fact I had my clothes & shoes in our joint closet)
But did tell her 4+ years after our divorce was settled that I was TS with GID & plan on living as a woman & getting SRS..

Yes, I guess I was a bad kitty..

Now I know I should of told her before we were married & faced my issues in the open, so she could of dumped me right then & there, then maybe I could of started to live my life the way it should of been from that point on as a woman...just too many wasted years for both me & her in the end..

[Miranda09]

This is very interesting. After reading all of your posts, I find a wide range of responses from the spouces, girlfriends, etc. Everything downright refusal to accept the CDing, or actually embracing it and having fun with it. I've never had this kind of experience, at least not yet, but if I ever do get involved again with woman, I'd have to think long and hard about how to tell her. Again, trust will be a big factor here.

[JulieC]

if I ever do get involved again with woman, I'd have to think long and hard about how to tell her. Again, trust will be a big factor here.

Just do yourself a huge favor and make sure she knows BEFORE you ask her to marry you. It will take a lot of courage to tell her, but it takes a heck of a lot less courage to tell her then rather than after she's engaged to you, or after she's married to you, or (the worst) after you've had kids together.

[SouthernBelle.GG]

Two years after we were married, I had to borrow my husband's car when mine wouldn't start. I opened the trunk to put the groceries in and saw an almost full trash bag. There was a convenience center on the way home and I was going to throw it away for him, but thought I'd better make sure it was trash.

Surprise!

[amanda gg]

Hi,
I hope it is ok to post here. I am a wife who just found out about her husband's crossdressing several months ago. He was hiding his clothes and other things in a couple of boxes in the garage. I found them one day when I was looking for something. I had no idea who they belonged to. I asked him when he got home and he spilled the beans and told me about his cding. Not the best way for me to find out about this part of him...

[Girly Sara]

I told my long-term girlfriend about my dressing up just over a year after we first met each other and just before we were about to move in together.

The process of 'coming clean' took hours of agonising one evening as we drank at a local pub. It came to the point that she was beginning to think i was having an affair. At that time, back in 1997, my need to dress up was only an underwear thing before Sara blossomed in 2003.

Anyways, getting to the point, when i finally admitted to my girlfriend that i liked to wear womens' panties, bras etc etc, she momentarily giggled and then said it was fine. She admitted she was initially worried that i was having an affair but i re-assured her i wasn't. What a big weight off my shoulders!

Fast-forward to now and i have the same girlfriend that fully supports my need to be Sara and has truly helped me become who i am now.

Sara xxx

[JulieC]

Hi, I hope it is ok to post here.

Of course it is! WELCOME!

I am a wife who just found out about her husband's crossdressing several months ago. He was hiding his clothes and other things in a couple of boxes in the garage. I found them one day when I was looking for something. I had no idea who they belonged to. I asked him when he got home and he spilled the beans and told me about his cding. Not the best way for me to find out about this part of him...

No, it isn't. I tell everyone who will listen that the best time to tell is BEFORE getting married. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I'm sorry this happened this way for you. Talk to us, and perhaps we can help you through.

[JenniferR771]

I hinted a couple of times--"Didn't my mother tell you I was a crossdresser?" "Just kidding." Her reaction was negative. Our 25th wedding anniversary was coming up. She was loving. I wanted to tell her. Didn't have the nerve. But eventually just got careless. She came home an hour early. Caught me in her clothes. "What the frick do you think you are doing in my clothes?" Fast forward 10 years. She is slightly accepting. Recently made me purge 6 dresses, and 16 pair of shoes. But she let me keep 6 dresses and about 4 pair of shoes. Plus a few odds and ends, underwear and accessories. She is having a hard time with my cding, but more understanding every year.

[patricia marie]

It was my wife that got me started about 15 years ago and now I have tons of clothes. If I go too long without wearing where she can see me I am told about it. Lucky I guess.

[Miranda09]

Hi Amanda.....Glad you made this post. How are you accepting his CDing? Remember, many dont tell their SO's about this for fear of ridicule...or worse. Then again, others take in stride, realize he's still the sam person they fell in love with, and wind up having a great time with. It all depends on your outlook. Keep us posted...dont be shy!!

[Miranda09]

Just do yourself a huge favor and make sure she knows BEFORE you ask her to marry you. It will take a lot of courage to tell her, but it takes a heck of a lot less courage to tell her then rather than after she's engaged to you, or after she's married to you, or (the worst) after you've had kids together.

Absolutely Julie. I agree with you. Even tho it could be hard, I wouldnt marry her unless she knew ahead of time.

[Shikyo]

My wife was there when I started with it, so I never had anything to hide. First she was little suspicious about it but in the end she was fine with it, even though I want to go all the way through. Of course all of this I did not realize on the first day, or even the first month, but slowly and slowly constantly talking about it with my wife. All in all it was a long process, but I'm very happy I did it, otherwise I'd still be living as a male, even though my mind tells me something else.

I did start very slowly, like just with underwear, the occasional skirt or so. Before we even knew I was totally dressed. It happens a lot faster than one would think.