If you need to do this to serve God, your family and yourself the best, then you can do it. Like Paul in the Bible, priests and ministers who give up normal healthy human needs, like marriage, sex and a more comfortable life, to do service for your family, God will give you strength to go on in faith. You are supported here, no matter what.
Joni
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan
I have read and really thought about your statements and really do wish you the best.
I completely understand where you are coming from and can empathise.
If you still get those feelings though, don't regard it as failure... it really doesn't work like that. What you are doing is suppressing something, so it will bubble up every now and again.
I would advise that you stay aware of this potential "pull", accept what may happen, and hang in with what you want to do.
We will always be here for support or advise if you need a lifeline...
Good Luck
I am amazed at the self loathing evident in the posts on this thread. In the original post a promise was made to God to quit as if there is something wrong with being a crossdresser. While we do not know what causes us to be crossdressers we do know that crossdressing is not evil we are not bad persons because we are attracted to womens clothing.
There is nothing wrong with crossdressing. There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser.
It takes a real man to wear a dress.
While I honestly wish you luck, I have been through many purges, none of which worked, and I regret every last one of them now, I hope you have a better experience.
My longest spell not dressing only happened because my wife and children know I dress. I had a masculine phase lasting almost three years, probably because I wasn't having to pretend I was something I wasn't, untill the urge popped back into my life, for no reason I can readily identify.
In the years before, purges were always followed by a brief period of resolve, then frustration at the returning impulse, then the just one pair of shoes, then the flamboyant shirt that no one would notice ws quite fem, then the fem jeans that no one would notice cos they zipped up on the right side... and then... and then... I think that you are setting yourself up for a big fall in the long run.
But good luck all the same.
We are all lying in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. . . . Oscar Wilde.
I just want to clarify: making a promise to God does not imply that I think that crossdressing per se is wrong (look in the religion discussion section, I posted about it a while ago). It's just clothes.
I could have promised God to sing the National Anthem in public, to quit watching TV or any other thing. I decided to quit crossdressing, because I think it's not making me happy and it's not doing any good particularly to me. And because worthy promises are the difficult ones.
Well, this is my last day in the forum. I want to thank you all for your support. It's really touching, and I heartily appreciate all your kind words.
I want also to thank to all of you who sent me personal messages
And for those who left your emails, I wish I could keep in touch with you, but the email I use for my female persona will not be used any longer either.
Thanks, good luck and blessings for all of you!!!
its imprtant for u to do what makes u happy, as, if u r happy, the ones around u will also be happyOriginally Posted by jruiz
I wish you the best of luck in your situation. I can only try to imagine a marrage and kids and having the need to dress. I live alone here and I am single. It is easier for me in this way but I do wonder sometimes why I am like this and have this need and what would happen if my family knew. This site helps me so much reading about others and their experences. Maybe you could store your things away for a time and see if it does go away.
Good Luck and keep us informed about yourself.
YES YOU CAN !!
I'm very confident in the fact that some people are strong-willed enough and motivated enough to quit crossdressing.
As a rule, people who fail to succeed aren't motivated enough to quit. And it is easy to understand them because CDing is so fun !!
The problem is people having quitted CDing are no more on any CD forum, so that we never know who has ever succeeded.
I would need statistics about how many people have quitted CDing, so that I would very pleased if you went on telling us here about you, from time to time.
Or ... if you never come back it would mean you have quitted !?
Good luck !
You'll be miserable. I haven't done my Cynthia thing in years. And it sucks.
I've quit too. For how long, I don't know. Its been a hard journey thus far. I continue to visit the forum, because i don't consider myself 100% quit. I have decided to take one step at a time. I haven't dressed since February 27 of this year. I still look at womens' clothing. I still think their clothes are cute. I compliment a cute skirt when I see one as well. I know its not going away right away, because this has been a part of me for over 25 years. I kinda torn though. SOme days I glad I quit and some days I'm miserable and I'm tempted to go shopping. I hope you succeed, and I will be praying for you!!
The analogy is interesting but I think it fails. This person will constantly be surrounded by women's clothes. He's married. The temptation will be in his face. Whether it's doing laundry, seeing his wife dress/undress, or out shopping...it will always be around him. That's just his wife. He'll also see women from time to time who he'll wish he was dressed like. It's not like alcholism; you can actively avoid alcohol and rarely, if ever, see it in your life if you choose. The only way to avoid women's clothes in this society is to turn yourself into a hermit and live in the mountains somewhere. Coming back to this forum and giving us an update occasionally will be the least cause of temptation.
And to reverse things and piggy back on the alcoholism analogy above...
Alcoholics are certainly very aware there are people who get on the wagon and stay on it. Yet, we CDers have not a single soul to point to to say "They did it. So can I". There's no success stories out there. With zillions of people on the web blogging about their lives, how come there's nothing out there from a "successful" former crossdresser?
By some estimates there are millions of crossdressers in the U.S. alone. Many of these people experience negative impacts on their lives from CDing. Someone who found a way to permanently stop CDing could write a self help book and make a bundle of money helping other people stop. Yet, such a book does not exist.
It's all too comfortable to say we don't know the success stories because they don't come back here. Reality is we'd still know. And if there was a way to stop CDing, the news would spread like wildfire through this forum. Yes, many of us are happy about being CDers and wouldn't have it any other way. But many of us are NOT happy about it, and would latch onto a method to stop like it was the last shred of food on the planet.
Don't shave - anything. Grow a beard. Sure ruins the visuals if nothing else.
I realize it might not work for some.
And take it one day at a time.
Best of luck.
BekiJ
I think I for one would have to permanently break from this forum if I was thinking about trying to stop dressing. And was said I would probably think about a mustache, and make sure my hair grew back. Also I would take up weightlifting and hang around at tractor pulls. Most of all I would keep busy with other areas of life I enjoy. For me that would be music, and playing the guitar. Take lessons, hit open mics, etc.
Nah, I will rather shoot myself in the head than quitting to be who I am. Pleasing others and denying yourself is worse than suicide. However, not all people are the same so I respect your decision. You can try to quit but the odds are not on your side.
Jolan Tru
I know that a lot of girls have experienced the peaks, valleys, and purging from crossdressing. Only time will tell if you will suceed. Having said that I only wish you the best. Good Luck, dana.
Have you experienced it before...the decision to stop based on guilt and only ended up with the desire again later? If so, you know you are fooling yourself so don't throw out your cache. The real answer, in my case, seems to be full exploration and self acceptance and then as a result I have discovered the strong desire has sadly mostly gone away. It really is true, some balance is key.
I just started a new thread on me telling my wife. Its ironick how I read your post right after posting my new thread. I wish I could do what you did, but It just isn't so for me. I don't think I could live happally without Daviolin. I will pray for you that all works out. Best wishes in your new future.Daviolin
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A CD AND HIS WARDROBE, ITS A BEAUTIFUL THING.
A good thing!
Best of luck to you! You're starting on a hard path. As a crossdress we don't quit, we just take breaks! We may not dress for long periods of time, but it's still in our harts and in the back of our minds till death.
Cary
Don't let anybody here, or anywhere, tell you you can't quit. You can if you go about it the right way. Some advice:
- It absolutely has to be a choice based on your true, honest desire to quit and not just guilt. If you're quitting for positive reasons, you can succeed. If you're quitting for negative reasons, you will fail.
- When things get tough, focus on the positive reasons why you quit, and monitor your emotions to make sure quitting is not driving you into depression. If you truly value your family, know that they'd rather have you as a happy crossdresser than as a mean-tempered "straight". Only you can know where you are on this, but it's something you need to stay consciously aware of.
- You should be aware that the feelings that led you to CD will probably wane a bit, but not go away entirely. You need to feed these into something else, and that is something you need to figure out for yourself. Maybe it's a little corner of your mind where you can retreat to and be your femme self, in spirit. Maybe it's doing online makeovers. I don't know. But you need somewhere to channel out your feminine feelings when they occur, keeping them bottled inside will not work.
I may not seem like the best source of advice, having just come back to CDing after a long attempt at quitting. A big part of why I'm back at it is that I have the opportunity, which I did not for many years. During that time, I was able to control the urges simply because I had to, which in itself may be advice: Keep yourself so busy that you don't have the time to dress...
Last edited by Veronica75; 04-21-2009 at 12:53 PM.
I wish you the very best on quitting. Family comes above all and if you feel you must quit, great for you. Remember, this is a very supportive group here and if you feel you need to come back just to chat and let us know hoe you are doing,please do.
One more piece of advice, don't purge your femme attire. Just pack it up neatly in a box and store it just in case. It can get expensive to have to buy all new clothing and stuff. Good luck and God Bless you.
Felicity
"Its now official,my femme name is Felicity"
Have to drink to that.
"Proud To Be My Wife's Part Time Wife"
Good luck and I hope you make it. Hugs
Annaliese
Couldn't have said it better myself.
--Amber
“But you can only lie about who you are for so long without going crazy.”
― Ellen Wittlinger,
"we could mix all three, the two gendered and the one non-gendered, "she", "he", and "it", to make "shi...". No, nevermind, that won't work either... "
Alimarx SDMB 2004
Good Luck!!!
I wish you peace and success and I will pray for all that choose this route.
I would be the first to jump and say "YES! You CAN quit, and here's how!" if there were in fact any success stories out there that paved the way to success. I'm not saying since no one succeeded, nobody ever will. But, since millions of CDers have been CDers and there's no success stories out there, the odds are worse than a million to one.
The reality; even if you do not dress, you're still a CDer. If you're still a CDer, and attempting to repress it, there's very real increased psychological danger. I can not and will not recommend that anyone attempt to repress crossdressing as a means to an end. The risk is real. Far less dangerous is to keep it hidden from your wife somehow, and do a damn good job of it if you must. Though, I hate that solution too. It's at least better than trying to repress it. In my opinion, repression is the worst possible "solution" to crossdressing.
This could be dangerous for reasons unrelated to crossdressing. If you keep yourself so busy in your life that you lack the time to even contemplate, you may find life slipping past you with zero self actualization. You may end up very, very sad and remorseful over the years that zipped by without a conscious though to happiness.
In Jruiz's case, I don't think there's a choice. Part of the motivation to quit is to escape discovery (a negative reason, see other posts above about the chance of success based on a negative reason). If the femme stash is boxed up and put somewhere, there's a chance it can be discovered. Happens all the time.
I hope every thing go's well and I wish you the best.
jackieo
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