Too deep in the fog?

[LadyMirabai]

Curious about your opinions...

I was planning on dressing all day today - including makeup which is a 5 hour process (so I don't get to do this other than weekends) between shaving as close as I can, waiting for like 3 hours for skin to recover after (because it is *so* red after), then actually doing the makeup. So I had shaved and now am in the skin recovery time where I did all of the 'guy' things I needed to do, so on my way back from all of that my friend calls me and invites me to dinner tonight, which means I can't really do the makeup and shower in all of my flowery stuff, and I'm feeling really horrible that I won't be able to do that, because I had planned on it for today, but I also feel horrible I'd say no to my friends simply because I wanted to do makeup. Am I too deep in the fog, or am I at least able to manage the fog because I'll tell my friends I'll go to dinner?

[Sheila]

sounds to me like you are trying to balance the two halves of your self, and I can understand the angst you are felling, unfortunately it comes with the territory if you are a closeted dresser. Had the PF been in full flow hun there is no way you would be going out tonight with your friends, go enjoy and try not to regret the choice to much

[Deborah Jane]

Nah, you aren't too deep in The Fog yet.
If you were, there is no way you would even consider going out with your friends, in fact you would probably be doing your makeup as we speak!!

[TGMarla]

You should not worry, grasshopper, as you are seeking the balance!

[LadyMirabai]

Well I would be doing the makeup now actually - but I don't really want to disappoint or lose my friends cause I never want to do anything with them so that Mirabai can be let out. I've already not called them as much for fear they'd want to do stuff on my girl days (which seem to be more and more lately...), and they've kinda started noticing. This whole thing would be so much easier if I could just be open, but alas, *sigh*

Sheila - I'll try and not regret too much, it'll be all girls/women so maybe we can get some girl talk going .

[Deedee Dupree]

If you were in a deep pfog the phone wouldn't be on & you wouldn't remember today is Friday. dd

[MissConstrued]

but I don't really want to disappoint or lose my friends cause I never want to do anything with them so that Mirabai can be let out.

At your age, I can't imagine how coming out of the closet could possibly go badly for you. I thought it would, myself, though, so I understand where you're coming from.

Sheila - I'll try and not regret too much, it'll be all girls/women so maybe we can get some girl talk going .

And *especially* if these are all lady friends!

The solution to your dilemma, as I see it, is to do your makeup, dress up nice, and go meet your friends. If you're the only guy hanging out with a bunch of girls, they already think something's different about you anyway. Tell them you felt overwhelmed by the estrogen, and had to try to blend in.

[Karren H]

If I took 5 hours I think I'd rather go play ice hockey!! lol And you do need to strike that balance... imho...

[Jodi Lynn]

I have been in the "fog" for sometime now. I have been feeling a great deal of gult about dressing all most all winter. So here I sit with a weekend alone and I want to dress, but I don't.

[LadyMirabai]

If you're the only guy hanging out with a bunch of girls, they already think something's different about you anyway. Tell them you felt overwhelmed by the estrogen, and had to try to blend in.

One of them has already called me 'one of the girls' once. So I guess they've already figured out I'm "different" . I've thought about coming out to them, but I don't want to lose them as friends. I think they'd be surprised, but not really surprised too. Although it'd really be nice to be able to not have to hide a bunch of stuff in my apt when they come over. But really I'm not ready right now to come out, even though in these sorts of situations it kinda merits the captain obvious seal of approval for me, since we only do neutral to girl stuff anyway (shopping, hanging out, cooking, etc) and never any 'guy' stuff.

[MissConstrued]

One of them has already called me 'one of the girls' once. So I guess they've already figured out I'm "different" . I've thought about coming out to them, but I don't want to lose them as friends.

What causes you to think you might lose friends? Is it anything specific? Or just some vague fear? Can you put it into words?

I obviously don't know you and your friends personally, but based on what you describe, you couldn't ask for a better situation. Man, if you already go shopping with them... the possibilities should have you itching to find a way.

[LadyMirabai]

What causes you to think you might lose friends? Is it anything specific? Or just some vague fear? Can you put it into words?

I obviously don't know you and your friends personally, but based on what you describe, you couldn't ask for a better situation. Man, if you already go shopping with them... the possibilities should have you itching to find a way.

I really don't have a specific reason why I might lose them, but I'm just scared of the thought of that occurring. I do think they kinda think I'm a little 'weird', just not in a CD way, but I don't think they've ever been around someone with a personality like mine, where I'm not outwardly male and I'm not interested in doing guy things with them, and the fact that I am not outgoing and don't even attempt at putting up a masculine confidence front, and I guess I get the feeling they don't really know what to make of me, even if we're friends. I'm just really afraid of the awkward situation and them not knowing how to react around me, them not knowing if they should consider me a 'girl' or a 'boy', etc. If I'm dressed in front of them I don't want them to consider me a male, and vice versa. I don't know - I'm just not ready to know how I want others to consider me right now, because I don't know how I consider myself. The times I dress and do girl stuff I feel more content than I've ever felt as a guy, and still trying to figure out how much of that is pink fog, and how much is stuff I've felt all my life and even if there is a difference between the two.

[Angie G]

You did good Mirabai you put you friend first that's great hun.
Angie

[paulaN]

Kinda sounds to me like your friends and you are ready.

[LadyMirabai]

Kinda sounds to me like your friends and you are ready.

*sighs* I guess you're right. I was just over there for dinner and hanging out and yea it's like the time is coming. I'm hoping they're coming over Thursday for dinner, and am considering telling them then. Or at least, not removing the plainly obvious pink and purple candle setups I have in my room (I already told them about the fake flowers I have in there...yea got teased when I said that and about how at that time we were making tea and I wanted the rose tea which had a pink tag thing (dunno what they are called) on the end of the teabag) and seeing if they ask. I wouldn't lie to them if asked, but bringing it up is just so scary. I dunno...*sighs*

Sorry for ranting.

[MissConstrued]

One possibility... if one of them is wearing a cute skirt or dress, say so, and ask if you can borrow it. Go from there. You can even make like your kidding if it doesn't go well. But it will.