I finally told the wife

[daviolin]

Well that day finally came, I told my wife about Daviolin. She didn't take it very well. As most wifes are. Anyway pray for me that it will smooth out over time. I plan on seeing my theripist soon. Maybe she will give me some good advice, to help me and my wife to cope with this situation. I fell a heavy load taken off me, but a heavy load was put on my wife. I don't want to lose her and she realizies that. I appreseate all the support I can get from you girls. I will keep you posted on the progress. Daviolin

[KimberlyJo]

Well here's a message of encouragement and support. It's a hard thing you did and an equally if not harder thing that your wife is now having to go through. Hopefully your relationship and love is strong enough that she will overcome her shock and give acceptance a try. Just remember to be patient and remind her how much you love and cherish her and I bet she'll be willing to stick by you

[Holly]

You've taken a big (and important) step. Be prepared to answer her questions openly and honestly. Let her set the pace. If the two of you establish boundaries (and you probably should), respect them. Always keep the communications open.

[Sally2005]

Oh...bursted the bubble huh? I wish you both well. Try to take the load off her...tell her you were just joking so she can laugh about it and hit you on the shoulder real hard...then next week say, you were joking about joking and she will tell you she knows...

[DanaR]

You've taken a big (and important) step. Be prepared to answer her questions openly and honestly. Let her set the pace. If the two of you establish boundaries (and you probably should), respect them. Always keep the communications open.

The only things that I could add, would to be understanding of her feelings as well, and let her know how much you love her.

[Hope]

Remember that you have had a lifetime to come to terms with this, and that she has had about 15 minutes. Which isn't to say that time heals all wounds (or even that this should be handled like a wound) it doesn't - ask around. But your wife will need some time to process.

Remind her that you are still the same person she married, and woke up next to last week... she just knows more about you now...

And encourage her to ask all of her questions. No matter how asinine they seem, no matter how insulting they are, no matter how many times she asks them. Be enthusiastic about this.

Admit you don't have all of the answers.

Don't treat this like it is some horrible debilitating disease you have. Even if it feels that way. Treat this as a part of who you are - a part to be loved, cherished, and perhaps tolerated - like every other part. You too have a right to respect.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Congratulations on coming out to your wife, Daviolin. I know it's not an easy thing to do.

Hopefully the therapist will be helpful in helping you and your wife come to terms with the realities of things. I honestly believe that if all parties understand the realities, it will be very helpful. Your wife may never be happy with this part of your life, but if she can be educated and understand it better, she may at least be accepting of the man she loves regardless.

I wish you luck on this. Try to remain positive about it.

[daviolin]

I just want to thank you girls for being so supportive to me. It was such a heavy load to set down. Saddly me wife has to carry it now. But I plan on helping her the best I can. Thank you again you are all so sweet and thoughtful.Daviolin

[Sheila]

daviolin, well done on telling your wife

If your wife would like to talk to some others who have been where she/you two are now let her know we have a great GG section here and we would welcome her

Sheila

[Sandra]

I fell a heavy load taken off me, but a heavy load was put on my wife. I don't want to lose her and she realizies that.

Firstly good for you for telling her.

I can be a heavey load that an SO has to take on but please let her know about the FAB forum here, where she'll find that she's not alone and that others have/had the same feelings that she might be feeling right now.

[tracigirl_tv]

Girl, that was a courageous act in telling her. And you are obviously aware of the fact that it isn't and won't be easy for her. As has been said, go at her pace.....be available and responsive and sensitive (as I'm sure you are).

All the best *hugggg*

Traci

[Di]

Wonderful hon
There might be ups and downs for a bit she might be upset you did not tell her before....let her know you were scared and how much you love her...and nothing has changed.you are still the same person she has always known and this has always been a part of you.
And I love everything Hope has said.......wonderful post Hope
If you need us we are here and best wishes to you both.

[Sarah_GG]

Congratulations Daviolin!

I hope it all goes well for you and your wife and I hope you can both have fun with it.

As Di said... we're all here for you and your wife.

[Melissa Anne]

Take things slow, communicate, and make sure she knows that you love her and are still the man she married. good luck.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Good for you! I hope things work out for both of you. Just remember to be totally honest from here on out. My mistake was to "spoon feed" my wife little bits of information and it made things pretty tough on her for a long while.

[paulaN]

I'm pullen for ya and praying for the two of you.

[RWillow]

Good luck, I hope everything works out for you. Just remember to listen to the advice you get here, I told my wife a month or so ago, I couldn't have made it without the good advice I got from everyone here.

Renyta

[Jonianne]

I just want to thank you girls for being so supportive to me. It was such a heavy load to set down. Saddly me wife has to carry it now. But I plan on helping her the best I can. Thank you again you are all so sweet and thoughtful.Daviolin

Congratulations on your honesty, Daviolin. As Holly mentioned, working out boundries and groundrules with your wife gives both of you a safe place to operate/play in. I believe one of the most important things we crossdressers need to remember, is to accept and let our SO's know that we will be OK with whatever level of acceptance they can give. Even if they can only accept knowing you are cd, but not wanting to take part with you. In other words, don't pressure her in any aspect of it. Find ways of talking about it, sharing your heart about your needs (which are genuine) and really listening to her feelings.

We are here for both of you.

[JenniferR771]

Way to go Daviolin. The truth without hiding you real self--is always better. But first it takes years to accept yourself--especially when you know society in general does not accept nor understand. I am here for you. And if you need to store some stuff. I have space available. My second cd friend this week to come out to his wife--it must be the rainy weather.

[rachelgirlnw]

Congrats Daviolin. I wish you all the best! I hope to follow a similar course in a few months and I'm concerned about transferring the burden from myself to my wife as well. She so doesn't deserve that burden, but then again she doesn't deserve me sneaking and lying to her either. Unfortunately, it's kind of a win/lose situation. Anyway, I'll be thinking a lot about you. Keep us posted on hows things go. PM me if you care to chat.

Rachel

[Kelli Michelle]

Just a quickie, as I am going out in a sec---lol!!!

Congrats. You have already been given good advice. Not much more to add. I hope things work out-----give it some time and be patient, if it seems like things are going south quickly.

all around.

[TSchapes]

Wish you and your wife well! Let me know if there is anything I may do for you!

Love, Tracy

[kathrynjanos]

You did it, that's the important part!

Now it's up to you and your wife to hash things out between you. I hope it works out, best of luck!

[daviolin]

Congrats Daviolin. I wish you all the best! I hope to follow a similar course in a few months and I'm concerned about transferring the burden from myself to my wife as well. She so doesn't deserve that burden, but then again she doesn't deserve me sneaking and lying to her either. Unfortunately, it's kind of a win/lose situation. Anyway, I'll be thinking a lot about you. Keep us posted on hows things go. PM me if you care to chat.

Rachel

Your post sure hit the nail on the head. It was very hard to tell my wife. So good luck in your endeavor. You won't beleive the relief you will get, when you tell her. But be prepared for a long road to recovery. and yes I would love to chat with you.

[Jenniferpl]

You go girl. Take it slowly. Let her set the pace and give her lots of time.

I wish you the best.