How supportive would you be?

[Rachel A V]

To all the married ladies out there.

What if the shoe was on the other foot and your wife decided she was going to start binding and packing, cut her hair and basiclly start presenting as a male on her off/down time?

Would you be shocked? Think it's just too weird? Or be just fine with it, actually go out and hang out like a couple of regular dudes?

I think when you look at it that way, it makes you realize how hard on SO's this must be. I was married for 16 years when I started transition 4 years ago. And I knew even before I came out that as soon as I did my marraige was over.

So to you that have SO's that accept this side of you. Treasure them because they are truly rare gems!

[<3 Keri Lynn <3]

~~Youngling Disclaimer: I am a young person and I do take responsibility for what I say and I understand if I say something wrong so say something if I am wrong, I will understand~~

Are you saying if we were I guess I would say "just" male and our wife started Cding how would we react or if I had come out to my wife and then she in turn to me?

I'm young but I think I have a good input, It would definitely put it into perspective for us to understand what they are trying to go through. I personally would be very supportive either way, whether we both are Cders or just her, but if it came down to it, I would love her more if she CDed meaning I wouldn't love her less if not cause she would also understand where I would coming from if that makes sense and I would think that would be the perfect marriage but what do I know

I am a very accepting person and can stand on any point of any argument and see where people support or dislike it so I am just rambling.


*Hugs*Kisses*

[Lorileah]

I know you mean if she went to the extreme on this but truth is in general males accept many of the changes to a more androgynous look as the way it is. There will be a few here who would go off the deep end just as there are women who go off the deep end. I think we hear more often of the bad things than the good things that happen (i.e. more women accept what we do to a certain extent, within parameters, without leaving or placing ultimatums). There is a spectrum here just like anywhere else. The hair, the makeup , the clothing all this has been discussed hundreds of times here. Other than as you say the binding and packing, females taking on a more androgynous look is standard. They just don't throw it in our faces one day.

The question arises then (because no one here is going say"I'd divorce that ****** in a heartbeat, that would make us very hypocritical now wouldn't it?" are we more tolerant as a gender do we just tend to let things slide more?

So, now that the tiger has been let loose from the cage, let's just see how many hypocrites there are on this forum.

[cindym5_04]

I'd ask mine to at least get a man's hairstyle wig. I love her long hair too much!

[<3 Keri Lynn <3]

So, now that the tiger has been let loose from the cage, let's just see how many hypocrites there are on this forum.

Aww now no one is going to post here

[Deborah Jane]

I would support Sheila all the way, i love the whole person for who she is, not what she is

Even if Sheila eventually decided to have penile prosthesis i would still remain with her because our love runs deeper than just the external appearance

[Katrina]

Well I'd like to say that I'd be completely cool with it, but the truth of the matter is that would probably end our romantic relationship. The reason this doesn't make me a complete hypocrite is that I was up front about my TGism long before we got serious. She knew what she was getting in to. If the shoe were on the other foot and she was up front with me, we would still be very good friends, but probably not romantically involved.

Of course, who knows. Maybe I'd be the girl and she'd be the guy in the relationship. We wouldn't need to worry about looking like a non-heterosexual couple (not that there is anything wrong with that!) out in public I guess. Hmmm...oh honey...would you try this binding???

[Sarah...]

Oh, that's easy - very supportive. I love Becky a great deal. I respect her view and value her unconditional commitment to our relationship. I'd have no problem at all in respecting his view and valuing his unconditional commitment to our relationship. Just so long as he didn't see fit to strip down and clean our motorbike on the kitchen table. Some things are just not in the realm of tolerance at all.

Sarah...

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

What if the shoe was on the other foot and your wife decided she was going to start binding and packing, cut her hair and basiclly start presenting as a male on her off/down time?

Would you be shocked? Think it's just too weird?

I'd be supportive of it... though I'd no longer be able to be her husband.

After feeling the painful rip of heartache I'd surely experience if my wife decided she wanted to be a he, or just look like a he (like I look like a she), I would need to end the marriage. It would effectively kill the woman I was in love with in my mind and in my heart. Never again could I look at her in a sexual way. The turn-off would be very permanent.

After taking some time off (time apart) to heal my wounds of love, I'd be the best friend I could be to her. There would still be love in my heart, though not the romantic type.

If gg's want to become men or just appear as one - that's fine. I'm all for people being who they are, rather than who other's would have them be. I'd be supportive of a female friend who wanted to appear male. But I could never be romantically involved with anyone like this. It just wouldn't work... ever.

Oddly enough, I was talking to my wife about this over the weekend. Luckily, she's just as turned off at the thought of appearing like a man as I would be in seeing her like that. She loves being girly - so I guess we have that in common!

I'm not sure if this sticks me in the hypocrite category and if it does, I won't loose any sleep over it. I mean, I'd be supportive, I just couldn't be married to a woman like that. I need to be attracted to the woman I love - she needs to be feminine, not masculine. I cannot be in love with someone that is masculine and I'm being completely honest about it. I could love them as a friend, but never romantically. That's the truth and I am not ashamed of it.

[JulieK1980]

For me it would be easy, but I'm not altogether straight either, so I may be a poor example. For me I would support her 100% in whatever path she chose.

It is an interesting point though, and I'd be willing to bet a lot of crossdressers (not all, or necessarily a majority) wouldn't be very supportive at all, hypocracy seems to be a prevalent human condition. Helps to put things in perspective.

[KateC]

Gab, that is the definition of being hypocrite though. Your S/O accepted who you are on your dressing and still able to be with you but you can't do the same for her and feel "turned off"? I don't know what your relationship with your wife is, but just imagine if she said that to you instead of accepting you.

That's just not being fair, you're just trying to have your cake and eat it too.

[Sheila]

Debs, thanks but it ain't ever gaonna happen hun

Gabrielle WOW how wonderful to see such honesty, and i don't think that it took a lot for you to say what you did, I feel that you share who who are here warts (or Not) and all.

so far this has been an interseting read from a GG point of view to you all

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Gab, that is the definition of being hypocrite though. Your S/O accepted who you are on your dressing and still able to be with you but you can't do the same for her and feel "turned off"? I don't know what your relationship with your wife is, but just imagine if she said that to you instead of accepting you.

That's just not being fair, you're just trying to have your cake and eat it too.

I understand.

I'm not going to lie though. If I were to say I can be in love with her appearing in a masculine form, I'd be lying. I'm not trying to change anyone because I believe that is wrong - how many failed relationships have I had because I tried to change the woman I was dating? Anyway, I was honest, and am being honest now. If my honesty makes me a hypocrite, I'm ok with it. I don't take it as an insult, but rather understanding of who I am, how I feel, and where I sit with certain situations in my life.

I spoke the truth. I'll say the same, more or less, if the same topic comes up again. I've said it before.

In my case, my wife and I both accept each other as we are. We're both girly. This is the reality. This is what exists. This is where we are in our marriage and we're very happy. In our lives, this is all that matters - our own happiness and acceptance of each other as we are.

Again - I take no offense in being called a hypocrite on this matter. I'm showing my respect of people's decisions to live their lives as they choose. It does not mean that I have to pretend to be attracted to someone or romantically interested in them if I am not. I will not live a lie. I cannot live a lie. I have too much respect for me and for my wife (if she chose a masculine path) to live a lie. The marriage would end, and (hopefully) a friendship would remain. As I said - I could and would love her as a friend (after dealing with the heartbreak). That would not go away.

EDIT: I should probably add that if my wife did not accept my crossdressing, our marriage would have ended. I would not have changed who I am for her. I could not have changed who I am. If she left me because of my crossdressing, I would have let her go. Heartbroken, feeling lower than dirt, depressed beyond understanding, and second guessing everything about myself in the process... I would have let her go. It would be that, or loose my sanity. Heartbreaks heal. I know because I've been through it before - even with my own wife. Sanity... that is something I cannot afford to live without. And no - there's nothing easy about a heartbreak. But I've survived them before.

[Dressing Jill]

Well I must say that the women on planet earth have done a very good job of taking over all the things that guys like to do. The dress like men now. They act like men. They work like men. They hunt and fish like men. They play all of the manly games men play. So I don't see that there is much more to be OK with. It is equal as I see it.

I am supportive but I don't think that that is the right words as they have already made a huge change in our society.

I am the only one that I know that wears a dress. All the women in my life never wear a dress. LOL...... They wear blue jeans and t shirts. LOL...... As a matter of fact I had a discussion with Diana yrs ago and she wears mens under wear. LOL.... So what is there to get OK with.

But of course I am no longer married. So my opinion doesn't really matter any more. Just wanted to point that out.

Hugs

Jill

[Toni_Lynn]

1 zillion percent! Crossdressing is so much fun that it needs to be shared .. besides -- wow! what a turn on!

When I first told my wife about being a crossdresser and then went on to say that I was turned on by girls wearing men's undies, she was more than willing to play along.

Life is beautiful!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Sarah...]

I'd be supportive of a female friend who wanted to appear male. But I could never be romantically involved with anyone like this. It just wouldn't work... ever.

Brilliant - now see, there's some honesty I've actually seen in action. Our friend Tina is 100% supportive of both me and Becky but she is quite clear that she could never accept it in her own relationship. Not for one second. Now that, for me, is unconditional friendship borne out of clear thinking.

Sarah...

[Mary Morgan]

I have no doubt about how hard it is for our wives to deal with our dressing, and I appreciate every little kindness mine shows toward it and me. And yes I would find it hard to deal with as well if the pump were on the other foot, but I'd try, and I'd try very hard. The irony to me is the ease with which I believe women could pull this off compared to the difficulty for me. Size and societal acceptance of male-type attire on women makes it a little less than a level playing field. I would try to reach an accomodation that we could both live with and enjoy. In the end, it is her life to live, and it is mine too.

[Sigrid Cutie]

when i told my wife i was a CD, she ask me the same question, what would you do if i start dressing as a man and all that, and my answer was and still is i would support and accept her desition.

[erica12b]

first lets say she only had dresses and was never without makeup and her hair was proper for every event , then she wanted to where my pants in the yard , not where makeup and she wanted to do the rock work on the wall , to just hang with the guys and drink beer and cuss, just every once in a wile , I would not have a problem but, she can do every thing we just talked about she doesn’t need me or my permission or even my help to do any of these things, her grand mother fixed that for her

And I do understand what you are saying, but would she just want to be one of the guys or be a guy and not my so?

[Samantha43]

WOW, this is a sticky subject! I have thought about this over the years. If she wanted to dress like a male around the house on occasion, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I wouldn't encourage it, but I would accept it as a need she has. If she wanted to live her life as a male, our relationship would be destroyed. I married a woman.

She views my crossdressing the same way. It's okay if I only do it occasionally, and only around the house. If I decided I wanted to live as a female, I wouldn't expect her to accept that. It would likely destroy our realtionship. She married a man.

Sexually, I would have no interest in her if she was presenting herself in a male form. It would be a complete turn off for me. Likewise, I don't ask her to be intimate with me when I am dressed as a female. We have been intimate with me as a female, but she initiated it. Females are much less visually stimulated then men are, so maybe it isn't a turn off for her.....I'll have to ask her.

Oh, by the way. I would never do anything to destroy our relationship. I married a wonderful woman and I value our relationship. No amount of crossdressing could never replace that.

[mishelle379]

just had this conversation with my so, told her I couldnt accept, si I guess thats really selfish on my part

[Karren H]

Not very supportive at all!!! Sad to say, I married a woman!! and for that reason I do not blame my wife for not accepting me one bit!! She didn't sign up for this!!

[DonnaT]

Wouldn't faze me any.

It might if I wasn't trans, maybe. But knowing how I feel and what I need, how could I deny her the same things?

I'd rather be the girl to her being the man. However, if she wanted to hang out like two guys I could handle that.

I can be "adventurous" as well.

Back when we were first married, she wore my boxers and I wore her panties. I don't own any boxers now, though.

[kathtx]

Just so long as he didn't see fit to strip down and clean our motorbike on the kitchen table.

Cleaning a bike naked? Well, I suppose it does help avoid grease stains... oh, you meant he'd strip down the bike. Never mind.

[curse within]

I'd give her the same warm welcome she gave me..Ha..hahaha..hahahaha..hahahahahaha...hahahahah ahahahahahha.
Yeah then I'd be ok as long as she didn't do it in front of me..Oh wait she did do it daily but it's ok a little makeup on and she was right back in girl mode.