Am I to blame?

[clive]

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and she brought up a theory that I disagreed with, and I was wondering about your opinions regarding the matter.

I promise to make this short. Some of you might know, and I have mentioned in a few threads before, that I was raped a period of time ago. Always a touchy subject, but the therapist says it helps to talk about things- what the heck. My friend believes that I dress too provocatively, and that that is the reason I was raped in the first place. She also brought up the time a few months back when I was spontaneously disrobed and sexually assaulted in a parking lot, saying I was to blame for wearing nothing but a tube top.

What do you think? Should I be held responsible for others actions, just because of what I like to wear?

[curse within]

To be blamed? Absolutly not!!

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi there, We are all partly responsible for our own safety. Sometimes we know that we are not in the wrong but we can expect trouble from others. If you believe that you would have been assaulted even if you were wearing non provocative clothing then you are not to blame for those assaults. If however you think that you were assaulted because of what you were wearing then you should seriously think about where you go when dressed this way.
Whatever the answer I hope that you can recover well from your assaults.

[vivianann]

You are not responsible for other peaples actions, however you need to dress age appropriate and not wear clothes that will invite trouble to come your way, do not be alone, and if you are alone be aware of your surroundings, and stay away from dark places, and do not go where trouble exists. stay away from the bad side of town.

[sissystephanie]

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and she brought up a theory that I disagreed with. My friend believes that I dress too provocatively, and that that is the reason I was raped in the first place. She also brought up the time a few months back when I was spontaneously disrobed and sexually assaulted in a parking lot, saying I was to blame for wearing nothing but a tube top.

What do you think? Should I be held responsible for others actions, just because of what I like to wear?

Only a tube top? If that is all you had on, you are lucky you weren't arrested for indecent exposure and made to have a psychological exam! Whether or not you are responsible is something only you can decide!! If you feel totally comfortable dressing that way and going out in public, then why should anyone hold you responsible? Read on!

But, you should know that the majority of people feel that a man who dresses like a girl in very provocative clothing is a Transvestite, I.E. a male looking for sex as a girl! You are extending the realm of crossdressing when you dress that way. It is one thing to dress that way in the privacy of your own home, but something else entirely to go out in public dressed that way. You are, in the eyes of many, just looking for trouble. So maybe you are responsible, as your friend says!

I dress in female clothing a great deal of the time, and go out in public that way. I have a Natural 40B bosom, so my shape is quite feminine. Since my wife passed away, I no longer wear a wig or makeup. but I am still dressed like a female. Have I ever been attacked, NO WAY! First, because I don't dress the way you do, and second, because of my training I would probably kick the **** out of whomever tried! Also I tend to stay away from areas where those kind of things might happen! Do you stay away, or do you intentionally frequent those areas?

[battybattybats]

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and she brought up a theory that I disagreed with, and I was wondering about your opinions regarding the matter.

I promise to make this short. Some of you might know, and I have mentioned in a few threads before, that I was raped a period of time ago. Always a touchy subject, but the therapist says it helps to talk about things- what the heck. My friend believes that I dress too provocatively, and that that is the reason I was raped in the first place. She also brought up the time a few months back when I was spontaneously disrobed and sexually assaulted in a parking lot, saying I was to blame for wearing nothing but a tube top.

What do you think? Should I be held responsible for others actions, just because of what I like to wear?

It's called victim-blaming. Many women blame the victim of rape instead of the attacker. Its a long recognised form of Internalised Misogyny.

[Dressing Jill]

Hi Clive

No one should not be blamed for the violent actions of others. That would be like saying I was in a bank and it was robbed however it was my fault because I kept money there. It doesn't make any since.

I went to a party last night as a man. I had this idiot that tried to provoke me into a fight a couple of times. I don't know why maybe the hat or my shirt who knows. I have seen only a couple of guys like him. And unless I was wanting to fight I would walk away. However last night I was sitting pretty good. I had just rescued the hosts wife from being stranded out on the lake. So the whole group ganged up on him and ran him off. He had obviously been there before. Some people never learn. I must of looked like and easy target. Whatever I haven't been in a fight in over 30 years. except with my ex's.

How ever You must now learn how to protect yourself as this has happened to you too many times. Go learn some marshal arts or come to Texas where you can carry a gun. But somehow learn to protect your self.

Big Big Hugs

Jill

[Shikyo]

No, you are definitely not to be blamed for it.

No matter how provocative you dress, you can't be blamed for the evil deeds of other people. It was their choice to rape someone. The choice just happened to fall on you.

For your own safety reasons you should think about who you dress depending where you go. Walking alone in a provocative clothing can become dangerous rather fast. The whole thing is totally different in a group or at daylight. It all depends where and when you are walking. All in all, using a little bit of your head helps a little bit with being safer, but it will not take the risk away totally. No matter the age, no matter the race, no matter the locations, no matter the cloths; you can always be raped. The risk of this happening is not high, but it exists.

[JulieC]

What do you think? Should I be held responsible for others actions, just because of what I like to wear?

Oh hell no! That's dinosaur thinking. That kind of logic gets laughed out of court now. A criminal act occurred. Period.

If you leave your car unlocked, is it your fault it was stolen? If someone sets fire to your house, is it your fault you bought a house with wood in the construction? If someone rear ends you at a red light, is it your fault because you were out driving?

Stop beating yourself up for the way you dress. Think safety; don't go where you shouldn't be. But, don't allow criminals to shape who you want to be.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

What do you think? Should I be held responsible for others actions, just because of what I like to wear?

Are you seriously asking this question NOT knowing the answer? Do you honestly have confusion about this in yourself?

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're just looking for some confirmation from others on that which you already know to be complete and total BS.

You can dress however you like to dress. You can present yourself however you choose. You are most certainly NOT responsible for anyone's actions because of how you dressed. Everyone is responsible for their own actions.

If you were somehow taking some kind of aggressive action or verbally looking for trouble, then you might be responsible, in part, for inciting something. But if you're just being yourself and someone attacked/took advantage of you, then THEY are 100% responsible for their own actions.

"I couldn't help myself - did you see how she was dressed? She was just LOOKING for it" This line of crap is used by lowbrow jerks who need to spend their lives behind bars (or under dirt).

Maybe gg's are just looking to get raped because they are equipped with a vagina, right? How ridiculous does it need to be worded before the proper point is made?

Though it is true that dressing "too sexy" may draw more attention, it is NEVER true that dressing "too sexy" is justification for someone else to rape or harm them.

If I rob a bank, it is my fault, NOT the fault of the bank for having money in their vault.

I can't believe people still spew this crap.

Btw - I'm not responsible for my opinions. It's your fault for starting a thread. See how stupid that sounds?

[Miranda09]

Hell no!!! A rape is a rape and the perpetrator should be strung by their toenails.... How you dress has nothing to do with it.

[Sakura Rini]

on one hand i can see were it would be your fault by getting raped by wearing clothes that show yourself off but then again you should be able to wear what you want and not have to worried about getting raped and such. its the person how raped yous fault becuase you didnt provoke anything and he should of had some control over himself.

but yeah she is wrong in saying that it might be yourfault

[Sheila]

Rape IS NEVER EVER the victims fault hun ........... Never believe that.

Rape is a violent crime, commited not for sexual purposes but for power reasons.

I hope you do all you can to heal as comletely as you can

[Deborah Jane]

What do you think? Should I be held responsible for others actions, just because of what I like to wear?

No way, if they can't control themselves it ain't your fault!!!!

A rape is a rape and the perpetrator should be strung by their toenails....

Too leniant.....Cut off their gonads with a rusty knife, or crush them between two house bricks!!

That'll cure them

[clive]

Only a tube top? If that is all you had on, you are lucky you weren't arrested for indecent exposure and made to have a psychological exam! Whether or not you are responsible is something only you can decide!! If you feel totally comfortable dressing that way and going out in public, then why should anyone hold you responsible? Read on!

But, you should know that the majority of people feel that a man who dresses like a girl in very provocative clothing is a Transvestite, I.E. a male looking for sex as a girl! You are extending the realm of crossdressing when you dress that way. It is one thing to dress that way in the privacy of your own home, but something else entirely to go out in public dressed that way. You are, in the eyes of many, just looking for trouble. So maybe you are responsible, as your friend says!

I dress in female clothing a great deal of the time, and go out in public that way. I have a Natural 40B bosom, so my shape is quite feminine. Since my wife passed away, I no longer wear a wig or makeup. but I am still dressed like a female. Have I ever been attacked, NO WAY! First, because I don't dress the way you do, and second, because of my training I would probably kick the **** out of whomever tried! Also I tend to stay away from areas where those kind of things might happen! Do you stay away, or do you intentionally frequent those areas?

No, I had a tennis skirt on and a denim jacket over my top, but when I was assaulted they pulled the jacket down around my elbows and made it to where I couldn't move. They looked like a couple of drugged up skater-punk kids, probably 17 or 18. They ripped off my top lifted my skirt and then ran off laughing like it was some kind of dare. (edited for TMI, probably shouldn't have said that much =/)

And yes, I do dress provocatively, but not all the time. Occasionally, I like to, because I enjoy the attention. I have 34DD implants, I didn't get those to try and hide them. But I don't think that makes me responsible for what others do. I don't think that what I wear automatically triggers something in people's minds that makes them unable to control their actions.

[Nicki B]

I think people could be a little more sympathetic in their responses - how would you feel if anything like this had happened to you?

No, Clive, as many people has pointed out - YOU are not responsible for 'provoking' anyone else to commit an act of mental and physical violence and cruelty..

I wish you well, honey.

[TGMarla]

What do you think? Should I be held responsible for others actions, just because of what I like to wear?

Nope.

[Sheila]

It's called victim-blaming. Many women blame the victim of rape instead of the attacker. Its a long recognised form of Internalised Misogyny.

batty . not many some do I grant you ................... usually older women, but not many do ....... while it is a mixed bag as to whom "assumes it is the victims fault" .... whover does has got it wrong IT IS NEVER EVER the victims fault AND I MEAN EVER

Many Female are taught from birth aboput venturing out in lonely dark places, we shouldn't have to but we do ....... having said that ,rapes/sexual assaults are committed in open spaces in broad daylight, even in the victims homes ..... wherever it is, whatever the time of day it is never the fault of the victim

[linnea]

Hi there, We are all partly responsible for our own safety. Sometimes we know that we are not in the wrong but we can expect trouble from others. If you believe that you would have been assaulted even if you were wearing non provocative clothing then you are not to blame for those assaults. If however you think that you were assaulted because of what you were wearing then you should seriously think about where you go when dressed this way.
Whatever the answer I hope that you can recover well from your assaults.

I share Samantha's thoughts on this, but it's a hard call. The rationale that provocatively dressed females entice their rapists to attack them has been used in courts and other settings for years (probably centuries). It probably applies to some situations. However, the argument that says, "I could not help myself; the way she was dressed made me do it" does not hold at all in some cases and it does not relieve the attacker or rapist of responsibility. It's a bit like saying, "I had to step into the crosswalk (even though a large truck was just a few yards away and moving fast) because I'm a pedestrian and it's a crosswalk--I couldn't help myself, so the crosswalk's at fault for luring me into the street."

[battybattybats]

batty . not many some do I grant you ................... usually older women,

And about 80% of over 22 year olds in rural towns I've lived in.
Those who don't are very young, rare counter-culture types who have stuck to their guns or tree-changers who grew up in the cities.

but not many do ....... while it is a mixed bag as to whom "assumes it is the victims fault" .... whover does has got it wrong IT IS NEVER EVER the victims fault AND I MEAN EVER

Absolutely.

Many Female are taught from birth aboput venturing out in lonely dark places, we shouldn't have to but we do ....... having said that ,rapes/sexual assaults are committed in open spaces in broad daylight, even in the victims homes ..... wherever it is, whatever the time of day it is never the fault of the victim

Indeed. And most are comitted by people they know, often using drugs or taking advantage of drug and alcohol use. Something thats been a big problem at my local university.

[trannie T]

It is all too common to blame the victim. What a crock!
A criminal offense is a criminal offense.
Simply because someone has somthing others may desire is no reason for others to take it.

[Toni_Lynn]

First thing is ... rape is a violent crime and no one .. repeat NO ONE has the right to violate another person's body no matter how said person is attired.

That said.....

I have 34DD implants, I didn't get those to try and hide them.

This line bothered me. So I need clarification. Your name is Clive, a male name, and you have 34DD implants, and it would seem that you crossdress as opposed to being TS.

Can you explain this please

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[~Kelly~]

What do you think? Should I be held responsible for others actions, just because of what I like to wear?

If you leave your car unlocked, is it your fault it was stolen? If someone sets fire to your house, is it your fault you bought a house with wood in the construction? If someone rear ends you at a red light, is it your fault because you were out driving?
..... Think safety; don't go where you shouldn't be. But, don't allow criminals to shape who you want to be.

Rape IS NEVER EVER the victims fault hun

A criminal offense is a criminal offense.
Simply because someone has somthing others may desire is no reason for others to take it.

I am going to preface what I say with the fact that rape is a deplorable crime and the sole person at fault is the one doing the raping. So if the question is "whose fault was it?" the answer is hands down "those doing the raping" and no there is not even a little fault to be found based on what you are wearing.

But here comes the part I have a feeling people will disagree with. You are ultimately responsible for your own safety. If the world worked as it ideally should, we wouldn't have need for laws, police, self defense classes, pepper spray, door locks, building codes, rearview mirrors, etc. Does the fact that someone gets robbed mean they are to be blamed for carrying their money? no. Are they to be blamed for not fighting back? no. Are they to be blamed if they were blatantly carrying their money in plain view while advertising to the world that here is an individual who is guaranteed to have thousands of dollars of cash on him? still no. The robber is STILL the only one at fault. However, if the same person still had the money and took precautions such as wearing it in a money belt, then he still might have it and never have been robbed in the first place. If someone takes self defense courses and then they are attacked and are able to fight back effectively, they are THAT much better off. My point is, you are responsible for the precautions you take in your own safety. While it is still the fault of the perpetrator, you can minimize the risk of it ever being an issue.

[Fab Karen]

Does a woman deserve rape for what she wears? ( of course not. NO-ONE does ). Your friend has internalised chauvinism.

[Ze xx]

[SIZE="2"]I'm sure your therapist has gone through this, but rape is rarely to do with the victim. Oh, you might know your attacker, but they saw you as a target, not because you were dressed provocatively or otherwise. Rape by a stranger is rare and usually as you were unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time. This person will not have singled you out for YOU. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. From the attackers point of view it has little to do with sex. It is to do with control and dominance and in no way a reflection on you. Whether this person felt threatened by someone with both genders such as yourself is entirely THEIR problem, not yours.

Even if your attacker had felt that in someway you had given the green light, you still have the right to say no.

Talking does help, keep it up xxx[/SIZE]

It's called victim-blaming. Many women blame the victim of rape instead of the attacker. Its a long recognised form of Internalised Misogyny.

[SIZE="2"]Many women may blame themselves for being attacked. I've yet to meet another woman who blames the victim. Blaming the victim in a 'she was asking for it' way tends to be a male pov[/SIZE]