From Being Treated well, to Being Treated like S**t...

[Paula TV]

This is just an interesting observation from sadly, my only time i went out CD'ing in San Francisco, which was terribly long ago.

I went to Divas Bar that night, as well as the Trannyshack. I had a great time that night, i talked to tranny admirer's, talked to many transexuals (no TV's or CD's though, i've never had the chance to), and all i got back was positive feedback, although there was some difficulty understanding my Scottish accent. Great thing was, i never had to pay for a drink that night. Even though i was nervous and very self-conscious, people were enthusiastic to pick me up, and it made me confront the very reality, that yes, i am this crossdresser and i can't help it, and i felt that i should seriously consider doing this on a regular basis, but it never really took off, as there as my place is nothing like San Fran, and i don't feel independent, and it's all sort of stalled, but that's another story.

So the next night, it was a completely different story, as a guy going to a club called "The Cafe" in SF. Instead of the "WOOOO" from a passing car as a woman, i got a car speeding me by, calling me a "motherf***ing faggot". I found that quite amusing though. What happenend in the club was some guy started talking to me fairly, then he was all over me, next we were in the toilets but got found out, got sent back outside. Then the guy wanted nothing more to do with me, said he was talking to his friends and will speak to me later, but that never happened. At the end of the night, i was daft enough to approach him again, and he said the same thing, but talking to me like i'm stupid, telling me to go get a taxi, and then talking to his friend, taking the pi** out of my Scottish accent, and how he couldn't make out what i was saying.

When i arrived back i just cried, as i felt cheap and used, unlike the night before, when i felt like i was wanted and admired. It was such a comedown, it was one of the last things to make me cry, and i haven't cried for a loooong time now.

The guy was a jerk doing something like that, and that's another impulse for me to crossdress again, that, it builds a defense over what may be subtle or large social do's or don't's - like i really shouldn't of approached that guy again - as you appear more radiant in woman-form, so you feel people want to know more about you in a deeper way, as maybe this is a way of your inner beauty being shown through CD'ing?

[Teri Jean]

Sindy,
Although I have not experianced the other side of the coin, so to speak, It is always there and it is never pleasant when people ridicual. I'm truely sorry you were threated in such a bad manner. I hope it doesn't deter you from being true to yourself. As we say here in the States, if you fall off the horse you get back on and ride harder. Take care and best wishes.

Keli

[TxKimberly]

. . . What happenend in the club was some guy started talking to me fairly, then he was all over me, next we were in the toilets but got found out . . .

. . . When i arrived back i just cried, as i felt cheap and used. . .

I know I should be quiet but I just have to point something out. If I read your post right, the first night you acted like a lady and you were treated like a lady.
The next night you were found in the toilets doing the dirty with someone you didn't even know and you were treated poorly?

I don't meant to be cruel, but I have to think that doing someone that you had just met, in the toilet, would pretty much be some peoples defineition of cheap.

And for the record, I LOVE a pretty girl with a Scottish accent! That doubles her cute factor instantly! :-)

[Miranda09]

Sindy, just chalk it up to another of life's experiences. Sometimes it's hard, but don't let it bother you, and, make sure you don't repeat part 2 of your story again!

[Alice Torn]

Did i get it right, that, the second night, you were in guy mode, in guy clothes? The first night dressed pretty went so well? The man who was all over you, gay, or bi? He violated your personal boundries bigtime, but, you must have gone along with it. You may want to guard your boundries more,

[PaulaSF]

As someone that typically goes out, en femme, a coupla times a week in SF, and has far more good, than bad experiences, it is painful to hear your tale.

I dislike the working girl vibe at Diva's, and Trannyshack has been gone for about a year, now, with no regular weekly event replacing it, to date, but there are a number of fun venues that I've had good times at, even if solo (and I think that may have been a factor in your getting hit on/dissed...).

In general, gay guys tend to tolerate, but ignore us, tho when fueled up on drink or high(which is all too common in the gay clubbing scene, here) no telling what might transpire. Wonder how you were presenting (i.e., overtly sexually, "faux****?" which may have drawn the sorts of attention to you...). And it takes "two to tango" re. going into the Lou, so you had already kinda established minimal boundaries.

Unless you were specifically looking for anonymous sex, seems you might want to avoid doubling up in the bog, on future outings. My favorite SF watering hole, Martuni's, does have a double "hole" restroom, so have gone in with other girlfriends, or even strangers, to save time, but nothing untoward has happened. The main Castro spots, such as The Cafe, do tend to be more full-on "gay scene," so perhaps avoid them? Relatively safe places for a t-gal out by herself are drag shows, and SF has plenty of them, Aunt Charlie's (where we literally get treated like returning royality ;-), The Cinch, Deco Lounge, Kimo's, Marlena's, etc. And various regularly occuring events that are quite t-friendly.

Another idea might be finding some other local t-gal to go out with- there is a lot a validity in having a "wing woman" to avoid unpleasantness. I meet blind dates, or t-girlfriends at Martuni's, and have never had any issues, there, for example, while waiting, solo.

The lateness of the hour can be a factor, too, as the wilder happenings tend to occur towards closing time...

Sorry to hear that your visit to the "Tranny Mecca" of SF, left a "bad taste in your mouth." But akin to getting bucked from a horse, need to "get back in the saddle," as, over time, you'll likely have more positive, than negative experiences, and re-motivate yourself for en femme evenings out!

cheers,
Paula

[Jenny Brown]

next we were in the toilets but got found out, got sent back outside.

I think you answered your own question.

[eastbaymm]

Sindy,

Sorry you had such an experience... I used to go to SF all the time, and expecially liked the clubs in the SOMA area.

San Francisco is not collectively of the same mind or opinions. This may seem strange to many (in fact, California tends to be a highly conservative state). San Francisco, while being small, is split up into different areas, each with it's own set of social ideals and rules. However, my guess is that you found a "straight" guy, cruising. Possibly met up with people that he actually knew, and was covering up. Doesn't make it right, and, in fact, makes him seem pretty bad... Did you say his name was Richard Cranium?

Anyway, Paula is right, Diva's and Trannyshack can be fun, but there are a lot of working girls there. Martuni's is a great place (what was the previous name?)!

I do miss SF

-- Randy

[Nicki B]

When i arrived back i just cried, as i felt cheap and used, unlike the night before, when i felt like i was wanted and admired. It was such a comedown, it was one of the last things to make me cry, and i haven't cried for a loooong time now.

Have you never heard genetic women say the same thing?

You don't need to go to SF for opportunities to dress, though. Are you near Glasgow, Edinburgh..?

[Kathi Lake]

Like Paula, I also have felt the "working girl" vibe at Diva's. That said, once they knew that I wasn't there to steal their men (just the free drinks from them ), they treated me fine. The guys treated me like a lady as well as I acted like a lady the entire night. I'm sure that they got the impression pretty quickly that I was simply a straight (and very hot ) crossdresser who was there for the sole purpose of being admired.

Kathi

[Paula TV]

Sorry about the confusion, i was simply a guy the second night, and it makes me feel i would be better off going to t-gender places as they seem more friendly, but as a guy your meant to stand on your 2 feet, and hence the crappy treatment, there's no airs and graces to being a guy like when your dressed as a women, something different just turns up when your dressed.

Like Paula, I also have felt the "working girl" vibe at Diva's. That said, once they knew that I wasn't there to steal their men (just the free drinks from them ), they treated me fine. The guys treated me like a lady as well as I acted like a lady the entire night. I'm sure that they got the impression pretty quickly that I was simply a straight (and very hot ) crossdresser who was there for the sole purpose of being admired.

Kathi

I think i have too, as i known about it beforehand. There were some very convincing Latina transexuals that night, and i asked one what their job was, and i felt she was pretending she couldn't understand and wouldn't tell me. I had this before from a stripper, who just wouldn't say what they did. Why be ashamed if it's your regular job?

[Paige.]

Sindy,
Women on women can be just as catty, nasty and mean (or worse) as you described in your second night out as a guy. Opposites attract and as a woman the men you met were attracted to you and treated you as such. If you want a man, be the lady he wants you to be, and he will be yours.

[Rachel Morley]

I'm not gay but my perception (based upon what I have felt when going out on the town in SF) is that the gay male scene is not the same environment as the party t-girl scene. I think it's more "in your face" especially in the Castro area where the Cafe Bar is that you visited.

My point is, I think dating in SF is going to be way more pleasurable doing it as a t-girl than doing at as a guy in the Castro district .... but hey? ... what do I know? This is just my opinion for what it's worth from someone who goes to SF in girl mode fairly often.

[Vicky_Scot]

but talking to me like i'm stupid, telling me to go get a taxi, and then talking to his friend, taking the pi** out of my Scottish accent, and how he couldn't make out what i was saying.

He did what? Good job I was not there Sindy or he would have been needing surgery to remove a size 10 high heel from somewhere..........

Xx Vicky xX

[MsJanessa]

Darling avoid sex in mens rooms(or ladies rooms too for that matter)--it doesn't tend to attract the best types, only those seeking a quickie and then they walk off---hold back a little, don't give the first attractive guy you meet the farm right off the bat---and if you do decide to take them home, make it your place, their place or at least a decent hotel room---in other words insist they treat you like a lady. Also go as a Lady---you will enjoy it much more.