Phony Avatars

[Madilyn]

I don't fault anyone for using an avatar that's not them. It takes a lot of courage to post a real picture of yourself on the Internet for all the world to see. The reality, of course, is that there's a snowball's chance in hell that anyone you know will ever find that picture and realize it's you, but that's another story.

Hi Julie (and ladies),

How is everyone? It's been a long time since I've actively posted here and thought this was a good point to jump in. I've spotlighted a section of a part of Julie's opening post because I concur with this mindset 100%.

I know there are many reasons why some of us dress and go out, while others dress and stay in. I do not fault ANYONE for how they choose to make their decisions associated with crossdressing. Lord knows it's a major challenge that comes along with great fears that are related to work, family, friends, and especially, spouses and significant others. Those who have supportive spouses will never really realize how fortunate you are. Those of us who have to "dress on the sly", which is my case, have many hurdles and obstacles to overcome before being able to step out on the town.

With that being said, I enjoy dressing and looking as girly as possible, so when I get all dolled-up, the last thing I want to do is sit at a PC or in a hotel room somewhere. By God, I'm going OUT! First of all, I know what I look like in drab (and it ain't pretty). When I'm completely en femme with full make-up, hair, and dress, I look a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y NOTHING like I do when in Sir Maleness. I have all the confidence in the world that nobody will "out" me.

In fact, I have three different oriental ladies that help me with my wigs, tailoring and alterations, and hair and make-up. None of these ladies know each other and they all agree individually that there isn't any way for them to pick me out on the street if I were to walk by them (because I've definitely asked them). I also have a couple of gf's that I know while in drab also, and they tell me they would never recognize me either. My voice is another story, and I'm sure it would be a dead give-away, but I'm not talking about voice recognition right now, I'm talking about sheer physical appearance only.

The point I'm trying to make here is if you don't feel confident going out, what's it going to take to build that confidence? Those of you who sit dressed behind your PC or in a hotel room...is that your goal? Is that as much as you are trying to accomplish, or is it a stepping-stone to better and bolder things? I don't mean to start an off-topic discussion in this thread, but I just don't get it. I make getting out a celebration of the greatest magnitude because I can't do it very often. If I can't go out, I won't dress. I'm still Madilyn inside and on-line, and I will always be Maddy on-line, but because of the covertness of my dressing opportunities, I refuse to put myself through that grief just to sit behind the PC. The physical Maddy has to be tucked-away securely until the next time she can come out and play.

My second point with respect to recognition is this. If I go out on the town and hang-out at "acceptable" CD establishments, there's a comfort zone there. I am accepted and embraced. Once you step out of that comfort zone, then the reality of being recognized is magnified. The way I figure it, if I'm in a CD comfort zone and I run into somebody who knows me and they recognize me, then they have something on me, but I can guarantee you that I would have something on them also. What I'm saying is, I don't have friends or business acquaintances in normal day-to-day life who would frequent CD friendly establishments. If they do and I see them, then we obviously have more in common than either of us knew.

Some of you may have read my post about my little Mini-MaddyFest this week. This is my new avatar and my NEW LOOK for this year. I'm not happy with any of the pictures (because I looked so much hotter in the flesh), so I may play around with my avatar a bit, but I threw this up just to give you a quick peek. I'll eventually get everything posted in my Yahoo Profile Photo Album. Thanks to those of you who replied to my post. I had a great time. I am always a little meloncholy after I put Maddy away for the "season". I know it will be a long time before I see her physically materialize again, so it's somewhat of a withdrawal process for me. I just have to make the most of it whenever I can. As the Latin saying goes "carpe diem" or "seize the day" ladies...

Kisses,

Maddy

p.s. I hope to stick around here a bit more, but I can't make any promises...always know that I'm here in spirit and not too far away. I read the posts quite often without posting myself. It's hard for me to post when I can't live it daily. I hope you understand.

[Sarah Cummings]

Humph! You think that's bad, this is my sister!!!!

Looks like Popeye's aunt!!! :duh: Please don't shoot me.

[alba68]

Ok, ok, the avatar stays. Thanks for the lovely compliments. You are all wonderful.

[Julie]

The way I figure it, if I'm in a CD comfort zone and I run into somebody who knows me and they recognize me, then they have something on me, but I can guarantee you that I would have something on them also.

Maddy,

This is something that always seems to get overlooked. I was talking to a guy who was a closeted gay. He said someone from work saw him walk out of a gay bar and told others at work about it. He was all upset and didn't know how to handle this. I said, "Why did't you ask him what he was doing hanging out outside a gay bar?" He looked at me like 'Wow, I never thought of that'.

The best defense is a good offense. If someone from work said he saw my picture on a crossdressers forum I, without hesitation, would fire back, "What are you doing on a crossdressers forum?" Picture that happening in a group of guys and you know he'd be toast.

I have so many pics of me available on the internet and never has this come back to bite me in the @$$. If it ever did, I'd bite back!

[lorna2cute]

Okay, here's my 2 cents...

If someone does not want to use her own picture as an avatar, then why should she? Whatever happened to a little thing called privacy? And there are many CDs out there who may not want their femme photos floating on the web.

If someone wants to keep her CDing pics private, then I just think that we should respect that. Nobody should feel obligated to place her photo out on the web if she isn't comfortable with doing so.

As for those avatars deemed phony, I know there has been an issue in a couple of forums on this. I mean come on, we're all smart enough to tell the difference between an obvious fictional character (i.e. a female cartoon character) and some random GG whom cartain members may try to pass off as themselves. We can all tell the difference.

If someone has, say, Wilma Flintstone as an avatar, come on, we are all smart enough to know that this person is NOT trying to pass off this pic as herself. Let's be smart here.

[Madilyn]

Maddy,

The best defense is a good offense. If someone from work said he saw my picture on a crossdressers forum I, without hesitation, would fire back, "What are you doing on a crossdressers forum?" Picture that happening in a group of guys and you know he'd be toast.

[font=Comic Sans MS][color=#000080]

That's exactly my point Julie. Nobody is forcing anyone to do anything...whether it be posting a real avatar or stepping across the threshold as a full out woman into the real world. We all have to work through our crossdressing, or should I say, we all must choose how best to crossdress. I'm all for privacy Lorna, and I certainly can't "come-out" to my real world, but when I can dress and patronize the appropriate business establishments, I feel empowered and strut my stuff. To me, dressing isn't fun if I can't share it with others (although I do admit to going to the mall shopping, and to Walgreens for cosmetics by myself, and it's a thrill to walk in)...

I think the bottom line for me is the fact that I so strongly desire to go out in femme whenever I can, so I have no fear when I have an opportunity. Some may say that stems from a deep-rooted desire to actually GET caught and have it out there, but that's not the case with me. I have no desire or "out-wish" to get caught. Which is why I have to carefully coordinate when I can have MaddyFest. This is my fourth year of documented pictures, so I'm enjoying the Evolution of Madilyn (although I'm not pleased with this years pictures).

Like Julie alluded to, if you're visiting a CD friendly establishment and happen to see somebody you know from your real life when you're there, then just turn away and don't make eye contact or speak around them. There's about a 99.999% chance that the person will not have a clue. Just don't encounter them, so you may have to leave if you are truly concerned, but you shouldn't be.

If they would happen to "make you" and actually have the hutzpah to confront you on it face-to-face, then you'll have to pull the "fancy meeting you here to" routine and find out why THEY are there. I bet you'll have a new best friend in no time...who knows, maybe even a new gf. I don't know too many people who don't have some sort of skeleton in their closet, and a great majority of those "hobbies" are far worse than wearing frilly girly clothes.

The moral to the story (in an effort to put this back on-topic) is to post whatever avatar you like, whether it is truly you, or a representation of what you are striving to achieve, just don't misrepresent youself by leading other sisters to believe the avatar is you if its not. That's all...just be honest with yourself and with all of us. There are a lot of good hearts here, and they get hurt when they find out that a sister is not who she represented herself as.

Good to see everyone and I hope to meet some new friends. I miss this place. Okay, time to go work on the new avatar...

Kisses,

Maddy

p.s. This shots a little better. I would get my hair the way I wanted it for the pictures, but by the time the snap was taken my hair had already fallen.

[Donna Delite]

Julie- I agree with you, posting an avatar that's not you is fine unless you try to decieve others into thinking it's you.

[lorna2cute]

Julie- I agree with you, posting an avatar that's not you is fine unless you try to decieve others into thinking it's you.

That's what I'm saying!!!

And for the rest of you ladies (just in case anyone here misunderstands my post) anyone of you here who knows me well enough would know that I personally have absolutely NO reservations about going out whenever and wherever the hell I please. I pay taxes, therefore it is my RIGHT to go wherever I damn please, no matter WHAT I happen to be wearing.

And if anyone around me has a problem - well then, that's just what it is - THEIR problem. I will PROUDLY strut my stuff with the best of 'em (and you all know this) I grew TIRED of being "ashamed" almost a decade ago.

After all, before I had to deal with the public for being CD, I had to deal with the public for my skin color. So by the time my CDing was out in the open I just did not care. Enough was enough for me.

If you step on my toes, then I step on your HEAD.

However, there are still those CDs out there who are not on the same level as the rest of us - and we need to respect that and let them evolve at their OWN pace.

[FionaAlexis]

I think posting an avatar that is not you is quite uncceptable because it is identity theft - maybe not so blatant as other types - but it still ID theft. It is almost inevitable that some people are going to be deceived unless you are posting a pic of a world famous celeb in the Julia Roberts category....and I wish you luck there.

Occasionally I've made the mistake commenting on someone's avatar or profile photo, most recently on my Hi5 'friends list', only to be told - "Oh! that's not me. It's .....???"...the weather girl from C8 Kiri Bati. And it leaves you feeling a little underwhelmed.

Fiona xx

[lorna2cute]

I think posting an avatar that is not you is quite uncceptable because it is identity theft - maybe not so blatant as other types - but it still ID theft. It is almost inevitable that some people are going to be deceived unless you are posting a pic of a world famous celeb in the Julia Roberts category....and I wish you luck there.

Occasionally I've made the mistake commenting on someone's avatar or profile photo, most recently on my Hi5 'friends list', only to be told - "Oh! that's not me. It's .....???"...the weather girl from C8 Kiri Bati. And it leaves you feeling a little underwhelmed.

Fiona xx

Oh, I'm sure that Wilma Flintstone or Peggy Bundy will clearly object. Geeeeeez.

[Rachel Ann]

If someone does not want to use her own picture as an avatar, then why should she? Whatever happened to a little thing called privacy?

I think posting an avatar that is not you is quite uncceptable because it is identity theft

How about this for a compromise? Post whatever you want as an avatar, but make the picture in your profile be a real picture of you (or just your legs, or whatever you're comfortable with.)

Just posting words to the effect that your av isn't you won't work - most people who see your av will never see the disclaimer.

[Tristen Cox]

I honestly can not believe who mis-interpreted things have got in this thread. I will say this one last time and if you chose to ignore it and debate about it more than go for it. We have never had such an issue over avatars.

This is the only rule anyone here needs to worry about:

IF you post a picture of someone else be it a movie actress, or other personality other than your own JUST DO NOT CLAIM THAT IT IS YOU AND ARGUE WITH OTHERS THAT KNOW YOU ARE LYING.

[SIZE=3]You can use any picture in the universe you want to or no picture at all[/SIZE] if you like. You do not have to use any picture or post your real self. It is not a requirement that you do or do not have an avatar.

The ONLY thing you can not do is plagarize another person's identity by claiming that their picture is yours. You can use their pictures all you like. No one here cares if I put Britney Spears up as my avatar tomorrow. But - IF I CLAIM THAT'S ME, that is plagarizing.

Is there any part of that not clear? Good.

Use anything thing you want for your profile or avatar pictures. Or nothing if you like. Just do not claim to be someone you are not. it is the same as stealing someone's driver's license - illegal.

Most of us do not do this, it is only a few isolated cases where we have had fakes post pictures that were not themselves and then admit it and laugh at us for being gullable.

~Plagiarism and copyrighted material~

1) If any members pictures (or links to pictures) are found in use without permission claiming to actually be a person they are not is plagiarism, and it is against the law. We will remove them immediately and leave a message in the post and by way of PM to said member.

2) There is to be no bashing these members. Any information or proof (etc) regarding plagiarism should be sent to a moderator and/or administrator via private message or e-mail, not posted on the forum to encourage other members to bash anyone. A strict warning will be sent that should the offender repeat said action again, they will be banned from this site indefinitely.

3) If any bashing commences on a thread over these type of matters, the thread will be locked and ALL members concerned notified that this type of behaviour is not productive, and that it is going against the rules set to maintain a peaceable community.

This is in the global announcement defining the rules.

Now please stop worrying about this, no one here is breaking any rules. The point Julie M was making is to use a bit of common sense. If you see Angelina Jolie as someone's avatar? Don't say "Omg you're so beautiful is that you?" You know the answer. (that's not a rule btw) If they say yes? THAT is what is concidered plagarism. K??



:thanks:

[lorna2cute]

Wow, Tristen. Who knew that this little issue would be so stressful for you to get so bent out of shape the way you are. Not to mention, banning two members for their avatars without even so much as an explanation as to why. Bravo.

Geeeeeeeez. Welcome to the wonderful task of forum moderation, dear.

I moderate TWO forums on top of working TWO full-time jobs. Yet I still manage to keep my cool and remain polite to my members.

[lorna2cute]

For the rest of you - FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! Can we PLEASE get a damn GRIP?!?

I just have one question: What MORON can't differentiate between the obvious fictional character (a damn CARTOON CHARACTER, no less) and a picture of any random GG that anyone would claim to be herself?

This makes me wonder - perhaps there is another reason why society has not fully accepted us. Not because of apprarances, but because of BAD ATTITUDES. Think about it. Enough of this crap already.

[FionaAlexis]

Lorna,

I don't have a problem with people using cartoon characters or other fictional characters as avatars. I much prefer and feel more comfortable with those who have photo avatars of themselves.

But I do have a problem with those who post photos of others as avatars - even if those 'others' are TV or film stars etc. especially if they are less well known.

Fiona xx