Out in the open and incredibly lonely.

[DaphneGrey]

If you have read any of my posts, you know that I am out have no problem shopping going out or anything like that.

Ironically I the more time I spend as Daphne the worse it gets.. This life for me is the headquarters of loneliness. I go out meet people do what I want have fun for a little while and come home.

Talk rarely goes beyond the superficial, people can be nice and thats great but it leaves me all very empty.

I have tried to make friends that go beyond this digital world but every time I reach out to someone they say Oh sure we can do this that go here and then it is all over some how they lose the email my phone got lost bla bla bla... and then they vanish! A month or two later you get a message saying cute shoes...

Recently I met a GG on this forum and we began to chat she asked for my advice and we became friends. I put myself out there answered all her questions gave her a shoulder to cry on we made plans to meet and guess what.. Her fascination with crossdressers came to an end oh well... Another one for the history books. Should have known better.

Do you ever get tired of being examined or treated like a pet or a Barbie doll?



The truth is I just cant stand it any more. I just want it all to end. It won't but I want it to.

I know there are a couple of girls who may read this that have asked me to meet them I do apologize I just don't believe it any more. been burned way to many times.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Daphne-

Girl, your post really touched me, I wish there were something tangible I could do besides simply expressing my sympathy and telling you that I understand, at least a little bit, how you feel. I know it's all the way across the country but my invitation to you still stands as I'm sure yours does to me.

Don't give up, hon. Lord knows I am no Pollyanna, far, far from it, but I do believe that things can suddenly change for the better just when we least expect it and are ready to give up on everything and everyone. I wish you the best, girl.

Hugs...Joni Marie

[sterling12]

I'm just a little confused. Do you want to meet a woman, or do you want to meet a friend, regardless of gender? Or, do you want to do both things?

Ah-hmmm, if the answer is "any gender friend or both;" may I suggest that you join a support group, if you haven't already done that. You will find many like minded people in The Group, and it's almost impossible for you not to make a good friend out of someone.

A GF or a GG Friend, that's a little more difficult. You could conceivably find a GG within a Support Group, but the odds are very good that it would be someone else's wife or GF. Trust me, unless platonic and you can keep things cool....you don't want to go there! Support Groups are seldom for "hooking up," and there are the usual consequences.

However, hope springs eternal. I have met quite a few women who are intrigued by us, or at least they don't have a problem with it. The process of finding "The One," is just about as frustrating as trying to find the right person under ANY conditions. Much like a quest for The Golden Fleece....it ain't easy!

Good luck, your in Jersey; bet you can find a support group by tomorrow. It's a good place to start.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[CD Susan]

Daphne, If you lived closer to me I would enjoy meeting you and being your friend. Have you tried joining any cd/tg support groups in your area? This is a great way to meet people and to make friends. You could also try posting in the meeting place forum on this site. Girls like us are just about everywhere and all it takes to find them is a little work and some determination. Good luck to you girl.

[linnea]

I'm sad that you're feeling lonely, yet I don't think that I could do anything about it, even if I lived closer to you.
I hope that you find some enduring friends (depending on what you're looking for--a girl friend or CD friends or a man or whatever). Whatever it is, it won't be the answer. The answer really comes from inside you and the way you respond to the people you encounter.
I hope you find the encounters you need.
Good luck

[paulaN]

The boat I'm in is a lot like yours. I know exactly where you are coming from. Hang in there.

[Kate17]

Daphne

If you are looking for advise, I will give you mine - maybe not worth much but I do have a few years of experience. You want to have a relationship - Daphne is only a part of your existence. Start with a relationship with you as a human being - a person. In my case, I am a man with some definite female personality. Some women really like that. My wife was attracted to me because I had a lot of feminine characeristics. I actually thought I was quite masculine but she saw through it. She liked a guy who would cry with her during a sad movie ( I tried to hide it but she always noticed) She liked the fact I didn't watch baseball on saturdays but spent time with her. I can go on and on - but you get the point, I hope. Be yourself and you will attract the right people. Then when the time is right, you can tell her about Daphne. We are here for you so don't be shy about asking for more help - I am sure you will get lots of diffeent points of view for all the "experience" You have to act on it.

Kate17

[Sara Jessica]

I have heard it said that just because two individuals are trans, it doesn't mean they'll necessarily have what it takes to become friends, a theory I subscribe to 100%. It takes more than simply relying upon our unique condition. Being married with children myself, I find myself having more in common with others who are also married. Marriage/kids/career becomes a common springboard from which a friendship can develop, of course digging into how the whole tg thing fits with all of those things. Toss in a bit of that middle path struggle or keeping the desire to transition at bay and we have endless evenings of conversation at hand.

That said, I've been very lucky in the friendships I've made. The tg world is unfortunately littered with flakes who talk big on the internet but fail to back it up in the real world. It's not so much that I've been a personal witness to this behaviour but these pages are littered with such stories.

[Dressing Jill]

Hi Daphne

I would love to meet you. We could talk for hrs about nothing or everything. I just love to talk and if I get someone who will listen or even if you don't I can ramble on and on forever.

We could start a friend ship. Friend ships are built from scratch and develop. The amount of energy that you put into it is what you get. It doesn't matter what they other does. It is all about you and how you make yourself feel. Because 99.99% of the people don't have a clue as how to treat you. I will make an exception here in this forum it seems that there are an over whelming number of very caring people here. I mean the cross dressers and such.

So If you are in east Texas and want to meet me I would be happy to have you over.
Do you play pool I have a pool table, Do you fish I live on the lake and catch more than my share. Do you like to shop. Will that is my favorite thing to do above all else. So get down here and lets do something. I am very active.

I am sure that I gave up on relationships long ago as 2 marriages went down the tubes. I know that my picker is broke and don't know how to fix it so I don't put myself there the misery.

Can I go on let me know and I will send you an email I finally figured out this email thing on this forum. So let me know. I love to type. By the way I have lost a finger on one hand and still type about 50 words a minute. My ex's were impressed with my typing.

[mklinden2010]

I read your post and appreciate it's honesty.

Ouch.

If you're lucky in life, you have a good family, good friends, and have good luck in most things. If you're just dumb lucky enough, you may not notice, or, ever have to deal with, a lack of family, friends, or, just enough luck...

The world is a lonely place. So is the universe. Look down from an airplane and you can't see the people... Calculate the vastness of space and you realize it's more EMPTY space than, "Space, the final frontier."

However, in your own words there is heart, and where there is heart, there is hope. So, do hang in there; things can and will get better. Well, at least they should, given the odds. If you keep trying, something will turn up in your favor. When it does, treasure it and try, with what you learn along the way, to hold onto it. Love endures, but for it to do so you have to endure as well.

You cannot know the future with precision. Life, I can tell you, has its unexpected ups and downs. Huge ones. But, trust me, for every down, there will be at least one up. Just stick around, think about your choices, and live your life. Someone, maybe several someones, will be glad to get to know you some day.

The advice offered in the other posts is not so bad. Join some groups. Not necessarily anything you are doing now, or, have done, but get out there where people are and keep paying your dues in life. Take some classes, be good about being on time, and stay optimistic. Your life is a work in progress - always.

Keep in mind that all you need is one really good person and you'll have a fuller life. If you are that person, you'll find another good person. I can't tell you how, I can just tell you that it will happen. (And, there will be some near-misses along the way!)

Right now, you have to take care of you. Hang in there. Act and remember as you go. You'll find a lot of that living handy later when you want to live a better life with someone you'll meet along the way.

Life is a journey best taken as it comes.

Keep walking - the view will change.

[Alice Torn]

We live in fearfilled times. I am becoming more of a loner and like it, though i do need interaction. Trust is hard to earn, or give. I see fear in so many people, and most are so preoccupied. Us single loners fall through the cracks. M y problem, is that i am a rescuer, living others' lives for them. Friendship is very stressful for me, now, partly because of this secret hobby, and, partly, because of so much childhood abuse. Daphne, you're not the only one feeling depressed, and alone often. I could write a book, on lonesome males in this often indifferent, cold , big city based society.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I'm sorry, Daphne. It reminds me of my late teens and early 20's. I was still in heavy denial about what I am back then, so it was only guy-mode in public.

I had very few friends back then. I tried very hard to make new friends, but always seemed to put people off somehow.

In retrospect, I think I was trying too hard to make friends and it weirded people out. I was very socially awkward at the time, perhaps socially retarded is a better way of putting it.

I gave everything I had to give to people and was always there for them, but they were never there for me. I didn't understand why at the time, but I really think it was because I was simply trying to hard and somehow people picked up on that and it put them off.

After a while, I just decided to embrace the loneliness rather than suffer from it. That may seem odd, but it somehow made me feel better at the time.

What I did not have back then (because it didn't quite exist yet) was the internet. If I did, I'm sure I would have been a lot less lonley.

The truth is I just cant stand it any more. I just want it all to end. It won't but I want it to.

Come on, Daphne. The loneliness is a temporary part of your life. I can only guess what you meant with that statement. If it is anything close to what I did in my late teens, I strongly advise against trying anything stupid. Chances are you'll just mess up your life even more and really scare people away. I lost the few friends I had when I tried to hurt myself... and ended up in a psychiatric hospital. Great times those were.

Might I suggest to stop trying to make new friends for a while? Maybe just go out and do your thing and enjoy the moment, period. Do not expect anything to come of meeting anyone. Enjoy them while you're with them, then leave it alone when the day is done. Perhaps you will find a good friend or two when you stop trying to and just let them come to you.

Hang in there, Daphne. I really think you're just going through a hard phase and it won't last. That may not make you feel better to hear right now, but trust me - there is so much more to life than what you're going through right now. I spent most of my life in deep depression, but that's not the case anymore. Just hold on for a while and be cool. I really believe happiness will find you once you stop looking so hard for it. In the mean time - just enjoy each little moment. There is plenty to enjoy today.

[Fab Karen]

Unfortunately there are both some flakes and insincere people ( saying things they don't actually mean ) that you can run into online. Not all people you come across will be like this. It sucks, but you have to dust yourself off and keep going forward with what you seek. There ARE true, sincere people out in the world. It isn't hopeless.

[Kathleen Grace]

Hi Daphne,

I hope I haven't hurt your feelings by not being in contact. Life's been too busy lately but I still want to get together with you sometime soon. Let me know if you still want to get together, okay?



Kathleen

[deja true]

Well, Jersey Girl, I gotta think that maybe you're looking for love in all the wrong places so far...

It's not likely that your gonna find a bff in the bars or clubs. Most folks are there for the chance to just have a few drinks, blow off a little steam and watch the passing parade. And too, as far as us pseudo-girls go, most prolly wanna keep their real lives as seperate as possible from their clubbing lives. That goes for those you meet on-line, too, I think.

Meeting a GG here? Well, they are prolly here 'cos they're already hooked up with a trans person...and even if their present relationship may not be going too well, that doesn't mean they wanna start another relationship with another trannie. So, outside of a little compassion and a shoulder to cry on, they're prolly not really into finding a bff either.

Can I suggest that a really good place to look for and find a copaetic soul mate for friendship might be a trans conference? Dressed for a week or five days, doing all your talking and interacting as Daphne with others like that seems to me to have a much better chance of finding a real friend than just for a couple of hours at a time at a support group meeting or a club. It's a place where the majority are looking for something more than a couple of drinks and a casual hookup. Talking over a leisurely lunch or dinner with a half dozen others is a lot more conducive to getting to know someone than shouting over the music while your feet are killing you.

Good luck, dear one. Like the others say ... don't give up, just modify your game plan a little.

...

[Tal'Aura]

Ironically I the more time I spend as Daphne the worse it gets.. This life for me is the headquarters of loneliness. I go out meet people do what I want have fun for a little while and come home.

Jolan Tru,

As you probably know, I fully sympathize with you. Loneliness is very known to me and it changed my attitudes on life. I don't want to discourage or sadden you, but it seems to be no exit from that omnipresent sorrow. Frankly, this whole world sucks a lot. I am starting to believe that chemistry can offer solace. I cannot change this creepy reality, but I can try to change my perception of it all.

[patricia 402]

hi im not going to give you a bunch of advice or anything i just going to let you know your not alone im in a similer situation im extremly lonley i live by myself and prity much work alone i want to be with someone in the worst way but i almost kinda give up i cant and dont want to change who i am so i dont know what to do i want to meet misses rite but dont realy see it happening to scared of rejection and having to feel ashamed iv been maried three times but for some stupid reason i want to do it again i want companionship sorry i guess im rambeling just wanted you to know we care very much and hope things work out for you because lonlyness realy SUCKS.
your sister patricia

[Di]

Daphne,I know its hard not to take it personally( and I do the same thing but try now not too) but the problem is in themselves NOT YOU still hurts though.
In our case we used to meet some of the girls and would help them like going in a local (accepting club) for the first time and prob out of 10 times only 3 showed up and never any explaination and they seem to fall of the face of the earth.
I now chalk it up to they chickened out, got a case of the nerves and doubt, guilt or whatever.
As far as the GG...........sorry..........I do not know the situation, just sorry your feelings were hurt.
Just remember it's not you...it's their insecurity.
Kudos for your reaching out to people it shows your heart.

ps Sher reminds me some people say anything on the internet and are insincere/ just because we are being real sometimes others are not.

ppss I really like deja trues suggestion of going to a trans conference. Alot of girls have made wonderful friends their.Best Wishes

[Sandra]

Daphne sorry to hear about this and how things have gone on. It is disheartening when this happens and makes you feel that it's your fault, when it's not.

Don't give up on trying to meet people, it will happen for you.

[LisaM]

Daphne,

I know exactly how you feel. I call it the "is that all there is" feeling. I get dressed and make myself look good (at least to myself) and I have no one to socialize or share with. Bars don't do it for me and I want to be out as Lisa in the real world.

As a start, I would suggest just what Di posted earlier---go to a Trans conference. There are all sorts of people there--you are bound to make friends. I haven't been out in over 10 years and most of my friends have transitioned and melted away so I feel lonely just like you.

But I made plans to attend the Chicago Be-All June 4-7 and I am looking forward to meeting other girls there---I know no one but it is a wonderful way to get out and meet others.

[TGMarla]

Daphne, our very own Deborah Jane was feeling the same way for a very long time, and suddenly found someone who has changed her life. Hang in there. Things do happen. Patience, love of self, perseverence, and a positive outlook help a great deal. I was very lonely for most of my life, and that is gone now. I thought it would never be any different for me. So you hang in there, and sooner or later, something good will happen for you, too.

Here's some flowers.

Here's a hug.

[SIZE=1](Admit it....that made you smile, didn't it? Didn't it? )[/SIZE]

[shannonFL]

Daphne, science is fueled by anomalies, we may be considered as such by some. If you feel like you were the subject of someones' research, well yeah me too. I prefer to think like Marla.

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah I have had this happen.
people say "OH I am from Indy or close to it opr drive thru it" but I don't even give a rat's anymore. With most people, saying they want to meet in RL is about as good as an I.O.U. from someone at the horse race track. I usually forget their name and the fact that they wanted to meet the second I am done reading their message. Heard it all before.

People are just stupid, they act like someone out there has pinpointed them to be their next murder victim. Like some psycho is surfing the web saying "Yeah I want to go meet Transgirl Generic from the forum and slaughter her... muahahahahah!"

But if it makes anyone feel better, I know at least 2 members on this forum who have never in their life heard a rude comment, had trouble making friends, and in fact, get treated like the queens they think they are. I don't mean to wave the BS flag or anything.

Nothihng wrong with hiding behind a screen, but don't go getting someone's hopes up to find friends and then just chicken out.

Some of you who actually read my ramblings probably wonder why I am bitter 1/2 the time, well cause of fakes or chickens. Or the ones who are interested in me just to ask retarded questions. It is not my job to educate anyone.

[Carly D.]

I'd love to get a cross dressing buddy, but there are so many variables to consider.. I have taken a few micro baby steps out of the closet and my last outing was three weeks ago.. I think of someone being a cross dress buddy would have to be trusted with what I think is my most prized posession and that is my Carly existence.. something that is so personal that wearing just my heels out was a huge step, that being seen by the few people who saw me was so against my whole being.. I am closeted except for the three fully dressed outings that I went on.. I would have to meet the person while not dressed and probably talk about everything except cross dressing, and learn what they are like.. can I trust them if things get sticky... if we go far enough away I need to trust that we will make it back home in one piece.. I don't totally trust my own judgement sometimes, and would have to apologize to the other person ahead of time, and realize that I might flake out on them in the beginning because I would have to see what they are like while dressed up.. some of us might change personalities while dressed as the fem side.. I think I might become more of a wallflower while dressed as to not command attention to my self dressed up.. did this make any sense at all??

[Kristen Kelly]

[SIZE="3"] I feel the same way at times; put a profile in a dating site looking for bi and open minded women. I met a few and went out as friends but found that many were just curious. I still had a good time don't get me wrong it helped my confidence being out in the real world meeting new people and talking about myself. I have learned to do that very well. There are many social groups I belong to here in Jersey travel a lot to tg events and have met a lot of girls over the years, I have a few that even call best friends. As another Jersey girl would love to add you as a friend lets chat add me to your Yahoo IM KristenKelly77 or Facebook that goes for all the girls in my area I get out from Boston area to Virginia Beach area. [/SIZE]