Some friend...

[Jill]

I'm feeling a bit hurt and upset this morning because of some things a friend said to me last night. She's someone that I met online and told about my CDing. She has taken me shopping and helped me learn how to do makeup. The only time I've been completely dressed, makeup, wig and all, is with her. Based on this information she sounds like someone who is accepting and supportive right?

She says to me last night that her brother in law had 6 sisters growing up and had worn dresses several times but was not a crossdresser. I asked her how she knew for sure or could she totally sure about that?

Her answer was: "Because my brother-in-law is a really good guy and he would never do that to his wife and kids." She went on to say that my crossdressing is wrong, evil and malicious and that it was wrong for me to date someone and not tell them about my dressing. I told her that I was a good person and that one fact doesn't make me a bad person but she disagrees.

We live in a very conservative area and she believes that no woman will love or accept me as long as I crossdress and that I need to quit for good.

I asked her why she takes me shopping and supports me if she thinks it's so evil and malicious. She just said, "I don't care what you do."

I can't help but to feel that on her part it's malicious to support and help someone with something like this and then tell them they are evil and bad because they do it. She's a very stubborn person and doesn't listen to what I say. Is it worth it to have a "supportive" friend with this kind of situation? I don't even think I can say that she's "supportive" with that attitude. I wish I knew what to say to her.

Thoughts? Comments? Feedback?

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Jill, with friends like that, who needs enemies? She doesn't sound like a friend to me, she sounds more like someone who has some serious issues of her own. It's one thing for a friend to call us on it when we're doing something dumb*ss, it's another to support us on one hand and then call it evil and wrong on the other. Sorry, but there's nothing wrong, bad, evil, immoral or illegal about being TG. Find another friend who won't gve you grief over it. Just my two cents.

Hugs...Joni Marie

[Di]

I do not think she is a supportive friend at all and shes the one
that is wrong, evil and malicious. You can explain it to her but if she is as stubborn as you think/ she will not even try to get it.
See's thinks as black and white with no grey area.
I do understand her comment about the not telling a partner being wrong and I agree but the rest is narrow minded/uncalled for she Obviously doesn't get it.
Two options educate her or back away from the relationship.
She's the one with the problem not you.

[Jenny J]

Why would you want to hang out with someone like that. There's plenty of a nice accepting women out there that will like you for who you are and not be judgemental.

I'd terminate that relationship and find someone that will judge you by what's inside and not outside of you.

Just my

Jen

[gender_blender]

I don't think you can change who you are.
A minor point I agree with is that you should always tell your friends and significant others that you crossdress or it will become an issue, like any major secrets attempted to be kept silent. Just be proud of who you are and date the bisexuals.

[Charleen]

The only she should hear from you now is the click of your heels as you walk away from her!

[Jill]

Why would you want to hang out with someone like that. There's plenty of a nice accepting women out there that will like you for who you are and not be judgemental.

I'd terminate that relationship and find someone that will judge you by what's inside and not outside of you.

She has said things like this before but this has been the most hurtful. I think I have tolerated it this far because I wanted someone to take me shopping and that would let me dress around her. I have wanted to terminate the friendship in the past but she has pictures of me in drag and I'm afraid she might use them against me.

[Jenny Beth]

She doesn't sound supportive at all to me so it makes me wonder why she went shopping or helped with your makeup. All I can think of is she was curious about you but after seeing you dressed she had second thoughts and couldn't handle it. If she is judging your character she isn't much of a friend so you might be better off saying so long, it's been nice knowing you! All you are going to get from her is preaching and it ain't worth it.

[Sandra]

I'm sorry but she's not a supportive friend at all.... and to be honest you would be better off without her.

I do agree with the telling SOs, but as for the rest well she doesn't sound like the kind of person you need around.

[susan2010]

Jill. She sounds like a very confused person; why would she help you crossdress if it's evil and malicious? It sounds like she might be confusing what she was taught in general (crossdressing = bad) with her attitude about you specifically. She may just need a little education, patience, and understanding.

[mishelle379]

I agree with the first post, with friends like that who needs enemies, move on and u will find out who r truly your friends. my friends still love me, regardless, and those r true friends

[stephaniedoes]

hey u,,, do what u have to do to get your pics. tell her she was right and that the pics should be destroyed so u can bury the past.. you must do things to protect yourself and by all means stop conversing with this person... "if this is evil maybe the devil is a ts"... that might be fun'

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Jill-

<hug> Wow, so she's potentially a blackmailer, too? Sadly, that is one of the most scary things about coming out to anyone, anyone at all. Once you come out to even one person, you are out to the whole world in a way.

Girl, you have to be the judge of what you need to do, but you can't let someone hold something over your head that is neither illegal nor immoral. The thing is, if you give someone that much power over you, then they own you in a way and can have you doing anything they feel like. This person sounds toxic to me and less than stable, she could out you simply on a whim. No matter what the consequences, you are better off away from them. This is easy for me to say, of course, since I'm out and wouldn't care if she published pix of me anywhere as long as they were good ones. Good luck, hon.

Hugs...Joni Marie

[Tamara Croft]

I don't think she is supportive at all, you should do plenty of damage control then drop her. Sounds to me like she has underlying issues with her brother-in-law and is taking it out on you. Maybe he is a CD and maybe she really knows it and can't handle it... but you should really end this friendship as amicably as you can.

[MsJanessa]

The fact that she indulges your crossdressing on one hand and condemns it on the other would lead me to believe that she has ulterior motives--maybe wants something from you like money? or to be taken care of but doesn't want to accept you for who and what you are. My advice is to drop her like a hot potato---there are plenty of others around who are sexy, freindly, supporting and honest--and most of all accepting of you---

[Daintre]

Jill, my thought on this is that she was never supportive of you, had issues with her brother in law, and is making you the whipping boy.

I also feel that she has been working to set you up for a fall, being nice and supportive and then spew venom at you. This is no friend, do what is needed to minimize any potential embarrassment through her and then walk quickly away.

[Annaliese]

If she would use the pictures against you she is not a friend.

[Shelly67]

IF it were me I,d do one thing . I wouldnt worry about those pictures . If she were to try to ruin you - turn the tables . I mean think of it ..... as far as anyone is concerned you were having a harmless laugh together . If she were to persue an attack on youre character then as an adult woman she,ll look very spiteful and childish , almost a woman scorned . I,d just be polite , not show any negative signs to fuel her fire and cease contact . Let the matter fritter away .......
One way or the other I'm sure she,ll regret her vicious tongue .
Good luck .

[TGMarla]

It's a bit two-faced. Here she is befriending you, sitting with you and enjoying your company, then cracking on you over the very thing that brought you together as friends in the first place.

As far as the content of what she said, opinions are like a**holes; everyone has one. One's opinions, over and above obvious rights and wrongs (like bank-robbing and murder), are a result of whatever brainwashing one has been exposed to all one's life. She has obviously led you down a garden path that she has not explored herself. If she doesn't care what you do, why does she express an opinion that what you do is evil?

Evil is a very ambiguous word with connotations leaning clearly towards not just bad, but very bad. It's far too strong a word to describe what one wears, unless we're talking about a T-shirt that has hate spread all over it. My advice is to distance yourself from this person and walk strong on your own path. Your goodness or evil has nothing to do with what someone else says. Look to your own heart for your moral compass.

[Karren H]

That's really strange!! She get religion or something? Dr Jeckle Mrs Hyde? Sounds like she's trying to save you but I really don't understand why she would go shopping with you or do your makeup and have such a big turn around..

Can't trust anyone these days!!

[Holly]

Jill, this woman is no friend and no supporter of you. Distance yourself from her as quickly as possible. As for the pictures, I wouldn't worry too much. If she ever tried to use them, she would have to explain how she came into possession of them, which would implicate her with the "evil and malicious" activity she purports so much to dislike.

As for remark that that you could never loved and accepted by a woman because of your cross dressing, that is just mean and wrong. There are several girls on this board alone (including myself) who are in long term relationships with their wives/SO's.

Don't let this person (or anyone else) intimidate you.

[LisaM]

Jill,

Just another voice saying get away from her as fast as you can. If you need to do damage control to get the pictures back--fine--but it is easy to keep copies of pictures, especially on digital cameras. You may have to forget about the pictures---but stay away.

[Lorileah]

Wow the cavalry is mounted and to your aid.

I agree you don't need her. Well you need someone just not her. Boy will she be surprised when her sister finds out her husband has been in the panty drawer and his hidden stash in the shop next to all the "manly" tools. Then will her BIL be a good guy?

I like that everyone tells you to stand up for yourself but I know how hard that can be. Tell her you want the pictures back and that you will be willing to pursue legal action if she decides to use them in any manner (technically they are yours and yours alone under copyright "When is my work protected?
Your work is under copyright protection the moment it is created and fixed in a tangible form that it is perceptible either directly or with the aid of a machine or device.") Thus any copies she made would be a violation. You are also protected by consent laws (she didn't get permission to publish or show them did she?). Both of these may be hard to prove in court but that is part of the game.

Now back to the issue at hand. She is conflicted. Her "moral" upbringing has risen to the surface. As you say you are in a small community and the people there have a code. Not a good code, in fact a very narrow minded and prejudiced code. She is having trouble freeing her mind from all this propaganda. One would wonder what other prejudices she has. So keeping her as a friend would be low on my list. She will continue to be conflicted forever unless she wants to break the cycle.

Don't buy her BS about no woman loving you. Just look in this forum for examples of extremely loving and beautiful women who are understanding and loving. Is there something in this community that has you tied down? If not think about leaving. Then she can blow smoke all she wants. Maybe she will find a guy who can fit her desires. She will find that the bad boy image often leads to stuff she does not want whereas, a CD can be loving and nurturing and a damn fine man and father. She sounds like a controlling manipulative bi....oops sorry my bad. I like dogs.

Cut your loss here. Go offensive, call her bluff and up the ante with your own. Tell her the door swings open for a reason and then use that lock on it. All sounds easy and I know it isn't but unless you stand for yourself, no one is going to help you stay on your feet.

[Angel.Marie76]

Turn and walk hun, you don't need this type of 'support'. Hope you find someone more fitting to shop with that /that/ person.. sheesh. The nerve of some people. You have to wonder what she would do if you two came nose to nose with a bout of negativity en mass.. would she stand beside you or turn on a dime and pick up a stone herself?

[SouthernBelle.GG]

...We live in a very conservative area and she believes that no woman will love or accept me as long as I crossdress and that I need to quit for good...

BS! I've lived in a very very conservative area all my life and love my CDing husband very much. Have never tried to make him stop or given him an ultimatum. She doesn't know what she's talking about.

Thoughts? Comments? Feedback?

Distance yourself. She's no kind of friend I've ever heard of.