I'm Ashamed To Call Myself A Crossdresser

[sissystephanie]

Lisa, you have no reason at all to ashamed! And certainly no reason for tears. You know you are a CD, and you luckily have a darling wife who supports you in that activity. So what is there to be ashamed about? The fact that you don't go out in public?

I think you would find that the majority of CD's do not go out in public dressed, simply because they do not think they can "pass." Generally they do not have supportives wives, and consider themselves to be "closet" CD's. I was lucky to have a supportive wife, and was only a closet CD prior to marriage. When my wife passed away 4 years ago, I decided there was no reason to back into the closet. This spite of the fact that she always did my makeup and fixed my wig so we could go out as two girls. For the past 4 years I have gone out, frequently, as a guy in a skirt and tight top! No wig and no makeup! Just me and my "girly" clothes!

Attitude is the answer! You have to have self-confidence in yourself and who you are. I am a CD and know it, so I dress like one! And I go everywhere like that, the mall, restaurants, the P.O., grocery shopping, etc. Today I made my bi-weekly trip to the nail salon for my manicure and pedicure. Had on a white skirt (which showed off my bright red panties!), a lavender top, and open toe sandals. Two customers complimented me on my outfit and another wanted to know the name of my toenail polish.(Ruby Jewels) A deep Ruby with sparkles! When you are ready you too will go out in the big world!!

[Elizabeth2-]

You have taken a great big step. You know who you are and you are good with it. This is a step that each of us has to take to get to where you are planning to go.

You have braved up and in the words of Ben Franklin, you have been true to your self.

Come on now, where did you hide that lipstick? Let's find it and put some on!

Liz

[Carin]

Now I know what I am .... I told my wife all about it ... I want the world to know that I now know what I am.
..... In tears and from my heart, LisaMichaels.

Here's a tissue. Dry those tears and celebrate your self
Be proud. Stand up straight, chest out and sing to the world "I KNOW WHAT I AM!".

That is a huge accomplishment. It has taken many of us years and years and years. And when you get there, it is cause to celebrate. Dwell not for too long on the past, dear sister, because it is the past and there is nothing you can do to change it.

Celebrate the achievement of your own self awareness - a huge achievement. The future will come all by itself. And with your comfort in your own skin, that future will take care of you. Enjoy the journey. Take it at your own pace. Take whatever ideas you wish from others, but continue to see yourself for who you are inside, because that is all that really counts.

[Alana65]

Hi Sis

hun, don't be sooo hard on yourself. You've got an accepting & supportive wife.........there are a lot of us on this forum that would kill to have that.

And you've got lots of friends here on this forum......many far away, and a few close by......like me .

Don't worry yourself if you haven't been "out"........other than going out driving in my car at night, I've only been "out" once........Halloween 1998. Someday I'll get the chance to do it again, but it's not a "life or death" issue..........so you shouldn't fret over it either. OK ?

[LisaMichaels]

Thanks everybody for all the great post. I truly feel that you all know me and have felt the same way I felt. I just want so bad to be able to go out. My wife and I have took drives at night, but I want more. I can't wait until I have the oppitunity to go to a CD event with my wife. I'm a crossdresser and I don't deserve the honor to call myself that because I want the battle of ignorance against us to be won, but I'm not willing to do any fighting.

[Georgia Rose]

Thanks everybody for all the great post. I truly feel that you all know me and have felt the same way I felt. I just want so bad to be able to go out. My wife and I have took drives at night, but I want more. I can't wait until I have the oppitunity to go to a CD event with my wife. I'm a crossdresser and I don't deserve the honor to call myself that because I want the battle of ignorance against us to be won, but I'm not willing to do any fighting.

Lisa, just by admitting to yourself and your wife that you are a crossdresser is doing part of the fighting. In the short time I've been crossdressing I've found plenty of opportunity to defend others just in conversations I've had with people at work, out at functions etc without "outing" myself. Unlike others here I'll always be a closet crossdresser but that doesn't mean I can't help give the message that CDing is jut a part of who people are and try and help build a more tolerant society. You can do the same. It's a bit like learning to dive. You start on the little board first and gradually build up to the 10metre tower. You don't go off the big one straight away. Take your time and it will happen the way you want.

[Jazzmine]

Lisa, I know exactly where you are coming from but life is too short for us to be hemmed in by what other people think of us.

I see this as two parts - first, your personal growth, second, how much of yourself you want to share with the rest of society.

It's a major step in your personal growth to even admit you like crossdressing.
At some stage you had to face it for your own sanity and happiness - well done you got there!

The second part is a choice thing and not a "have to" condition.
It's your choice when, where, how you share yourself with society.
Do it on your terms when/if you want and are ready to.

I admire what you have already achieved!
Hugs Jazzmine

[luv2x-dress53959]

Lisa

Do not be ashamed to call yourself a crossdresser. It takes time to go out in public. You have to go with your heart. If your heart says you are a crossdresser then follow your heart. You have a supporting wife which makes it easier for you to follow your heart of being a crossdresser. Nothing is ever easy. Whatever you do do not be ashamed to call yourself a crossdresser just because you do not go out in public dressed up.

Autumn

[Paula TV]

Don't try to take the lead of what other crossdressers have done, this is about you, and your personal imprint on crossdressing and nobody else's. There was a time, i couldn't see myself having the guts to go outside as CD, but alot of things can change over a year or more, you gain more confidence fulfilling things you never thought possible. Just don't get hard up on yourself, this is not a competition, just let it come naturally.

[Sheila]

hun I am the SO of a cder ...... nothing to be asashamed off in being a cder ........ Debs and I only recently went out in public for the first time a few months ago (we went with two othwer forum members to a garden centre)(we have been tog 6 months on st June).. he has been CDing for over 35 years and that was her first daylight outing .......... she still will not go out in public on her own.

Enjoy being who you are and enjoy your SO's support

[Angie G]

It's alright if you don't go out dressed. It's what dress dose for you And that you dress.
Just be you and never think bad of yourself Lisa.
Angie

[Sandra]

Don't be ashamed

Just because you haven't done what others have done is no reason to be ashamed, your time will come, in the meantime enjoy what you and your SO has.

[melissacd]

Lisa,

Take little steps each day towards your goal. You will get there in your own good time. Each of us has a speed and a comfort level, you need to push your comfort level all the time, enough to get further but not so much that you are totally traumatized.

In 2006, when I finally came out, I never could have imagined that my life would transform, in small scary steps, to the point where I dress everyday.

Recently someone told me something that struck me as really profound. They said for all of their life they were told you're a boy, you're a boy, you're a boy, while all the time internally they were feeling I'm not a boy. Eventually they listened to themselves and realized that they knew who they were all along and eventually transitioned to being a full time female at the age of 65. It was an amazing story because while I do not want to go through SRS I saw that who we feel we are is more important than who others want us to be for them. Once you get to that point you can start redesigning your life around a configuration that is consistent with who you are and how you want to live. When that happens you start to feel a rightness of being, a correctness about it all. This feeling of correctness based on listening to your inner voice gives you great courage.

Listen to yourself and you will find your way.

Huggs
Melissa

[LisaMichaels]

I want to thank everybody on here for their support. I need this site like a fish needs water. I am truly inspired by all the kind words and understanding. I am happy with being a man but I adore being a crossdresser. I have to admitt that I am lucky that my wife is understanding and very helpful in my crossdressing endeavours.

[sandra-leigh]

The second part is a choice thing and not a "have to" condition.
It's your choice when, where, how you share yourself with society.
Do it on your terms when/if you want and are ready to.

The time I first went out fully dressed (wig and all), I think for me it was a "have to". True that I choose the time and place, but I was bursting.


(The way I felt during that expedition and a couple of others around that time is not the same way I feel about cross-dressing these days -- but I'm no longer full to bursting and can just be "myself". That first time... well, honestly, that first outing fully dressed had to do with my feeling that I needed other people to perceive that I am a sexual creature too, not just a drone without feelings and desires. To be wanted by others, admired by them, if only for a while... I was locked in a straight-jacket of "He's a good boy, he would never have thoughts like that", and my first few fully Dressed public outings were about me tearing that barrier to pieces. (And no, I did not make a fool of myself or even flirt with anyone... just to be told I was good-looking was enough.)

[Patricia1]

Lisa - Look at the outpouring of support and understanding your friends are showering on you here. On top of that you have an understanding & supportive wife. Friends & family - what more do you need? I'm sure you're a good & thoughtful person who needs just a little success to feel successful at this. With your friends & SO supporting you you're already successful. Now that's something to be proud of!

[Jean Marie]

Not me in any way, I am very proud to be .
able to express my feminine side. I feel very blessed to be a crossdresser, I am positive I am a much better all around person as a result. Jean Marie

[tricia_uktv]

Hi Lisa. I am proud that I am a crossdresser but its taken me fifty years and a life changing experience to do it. As others say, take your time. don't belittle yourself and remember underneath it all we are human. Everybody here has their own reasons for doing, their own motivations and their own boundaries. Whilst I am openly out (and loving it) I'm aware that not everybody else is so lucky or has the courage to do so. The courage you have to build inside.

What I don't really get from your post is what you want to be/do. You may just want to dress in private, we are all different and hooray for that.

So don't knock yourself, take one step at the time and - I always say it - have fun. Enjoy the life and the changes it brings, but don't rush.

[KarenS]

You have no reason to be ashamed. We are each unique individuals with our own fears and struggles. Just enjoy yourself.

[Carly D.]

I've been this way for.. forever.. or at least as long as I can remember.. actually longer than I can remember but you know... truth is I think of what would happen if I told or someone found out.. and my answer would be hey I've been this way long before now and if you liked me before you found out.. guess what?? I'm no different than twenty seconds ago.. but now you know what I have tried to keep secret for so long.. so put away that pop gun and chill..

[sterling12]

Well, all the rest of us aren't ashamed of you....so, why should you be ashamed of you?

Are you making progress? Are you making small changes? That's good! A lot of small changes over time, add up to some very large life changes. After reading your message, I think your desire is strong enough to accomplish most everything you wish to achieve. You have a very large chunk of The Puzzle already accomplished, an accepting spouse! That's a huge advantage that would cause many folks to envy you.

Now I'll do my usual chant. If you have a chance, go online and do some searching for a support group that's within driving distance. I would even consider a couple of hours of driving to make a meeting. If your wife joins with you, all the better. You will find The Group to really be supportive and it's just a heck of a lot easier to experience these "adventures" that you long for. When it's you and a bunch of The Gurl's...it gets easy!

Good luck and take heart. Later on, you will realize that "getting there" was half the fun. You CAN make it happen.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[LisaMichaels]

My Thread states that I'm ashamed to consider my self a crossdress. That statement is a tribute to everybody else who has taken more steps than I have to come out. I'm a crossdresser but I only lack the courage to experience it with others and I bow down to all of those who has. I strive to be like that. I wouldn't nor couldn't take my crossdressing needs away, I just want to help educate the world about us so I could go out on the town without fear of repercusion. When I do something good for all of us toward our cause then I would be proud to say I'm a crossdresser that helped make a difference. I am a crossdresser and only want to earn the right to be here with all of you. My Brave Sisters.

[sissyboy jay]

Girrrl, I fought myself over this for years as well. feeling I had to hide it, never admit it, don't talk about it or anything. I'm 43 now and guess what, I don't give a hoot what anyone thinks of me now. I've felt the same way also since I was a little boy/wanting to be a girl. Since I have come out I've been soooo excited and happy with my life. Not ashamed or sorry I came out or anything. LOVING LIFE GIRL, YOU DO IT TOO. No I have never been with a man either, no big deal now days either way though. People really don't care as much as we do in our own minds. Acceptance comes from within ourselves not from out in town or city or anywhere else. Accept yourself and you'll see that the rest of the world could care less. From there on its a wonderful experience being the woman we know we are. Huggles and kisses, Jayla

[Samantha43]

Hi Lisa, I'll repeat what others have said here. Just be yourself. We all have different needs, desires, goals.....whatever you want to call them. If you aren't comfortable going out, then don't! Many of us are perfectly happy being in the closet.

I don't believe crossdressing is anything to be ashamed of. It's who we are. Usually not by choice. Learn to live with it and even embrace it, and you'll be much happier. You said your wife is supportive. That is great and should make things much easier.