I imagine that if I had a son, I would probably buy all of his clothes for him... If what he wanted to wear were "girl" clothes, including the "foundation garments" to make them look appropriate - why would that be any different?
I'm guessing the question comes from more of a place of sexuality than of transgender identity.
Even if it were about sex, it would still be a non-issue for me - I would make sure my kids had condoms galore too, regardless of the clothes they were to wear.
"I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe
this is all hypothetical correct? I have heard of that happening and have discussed whether CDing may be genetic. I don't think there are any studies whether it is or not.
The answer to the question would depend on the individual, father and son. Most importantly be supportive
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
I would tell him even if he wants to look like a woman he still has to be a man and buy it himself
this is a great thread and something I have given more than a small amount of thought to. I have 2 boys ages 6 and 2. I don't dress fully around them, but my toenails are always painted and I occasionally wear women's pants or t-shirts around.
My oldest son looks up to me a great deal and often imitates and internalizes my interests as his own. This is pretty normal and I am sure he genuinely likes some of the things I like BUT has absolutely NO interest in painting his toenails like dear old dad. My youngest son who is only 2 insisted we paint his toenails one time and he usually gets his way if you know what I mean.
Whenever we are in the shoe department, the 2 year old will inevitably find a pair of girls shoes that he absolutely must try on...always girls shoes. It's like they are magnetically attracted to his feet. We don't buy them for him, but we almost always let him try them on. He LOVES them. Here I am totally torn between complete understanding and having NO CLUE how I should react.
He's only 2 years old and obviously has not developed an understanding of what's appropriate attire for his gender. Something I believe is strictly societal and not at all really genetic in nature. He just likes them and sees absolutely nothing wrong with it. I can't in good conscience contradict that obviously, I wouldn't. But I don't necessarily think I should actively encourage it either. Guess I'll stay on the fence with him about it and let him sort it out himself as he gets older. If it persists as he gets older then I'll do my best to support him in whatever way I can.
I'm probably overreacting and it's nothing...but like I said...it makes you think about these things.
[SIZE="3"]Viva la Revolucion!![/SIZE]
If you can't be honest with your SELF
Then you can't really live YOUR life.
Man ---- ME ---- WOMAN
The gene studies thus far are on TS:Originally Posted by Sallee
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au...-12377,00.html
The brain studies have been on gays, lesbians TSs and one non-op no-hormones full timer.
CDs aren't getting studied properly.
However note this quote from the comments of this blogpost here: http://aebrain.blogspot.com/2009/05/...e-you-are.html
riki said...
I am doing a PhD on the political and social implications of the brain sex theory of trans. My assessment is that there is certainly more evidence for that theory than for any other, but that it is far from "proven", and that many biological hypotheses have been falsified on the past (EG the HY antigen in the 70s and 80s). The psychological theories have very little evidence to support them.
I interviewed Dick Swaab, whose lab produced the BSTc research that is the strongest evidence for a neurological correlate for trans. It should be noted that one of the six MTF transsexual people in the original 1995 Zhou study had never transitioned, but insisted that they had a female gender identity. It sould also be noted that the 2002 Chung study found that the difference between males and females in the BSTc does not occur until after puberty, which poses some problems for a pre or early post natal hormonal causation theory.
Swaab thinks the BSTc is probably a part of a network in the brain involving the hypothalaumus and cortical areas.
"We only, by accident, hit on a little bit of it"
He also explicitly supported the idea that there is a biological causation for the whole range of gender identity variations:
"I think we talked about a scale like the Kinsey scale for sexual orientation – we should also have a gender identity scale. It is not either this or that; there is also something in between. The distribution will not be simple, but here will be people somewhere in the middle."
"So it is not the entire brain that is switching, it is some systems, and that may also be the explanation for the [gender identity] scale. Some systems do switch and others don’t and it depends on which systems have switched where you enter on the scale."
Other recent research (as reviewed by Zoe in earlier blogs) also supports the idea of certain sex differentiated brain areas being switched in ts or tg people while others are not.
So if that is the opinion of Swaab, perhaps the best qualified scientific researcher in the field, perhaps we can accept that tg is as likely to be biological as ts?
I am sure that I am mirroring some of the above responses..
But OH WELL...
Make Him BUY IT!! And with his allowence too.
He learns to buy the things with his Lust as well as his hard work.. Like the rest of us.
Please do not Baby him as a CD! He has to know the way of the world and that things cost and have to be bought!
Katie/Melora
First I don't think my son could tell me. I couldn't have ever told my father. Second if he was a CDer I would have to give hime all my love and understanding. I would have loved to been understood while I was growing up with this desire to crossdress. When I was growing up I thought I was gay becasue there wasn't anything but gay or straight and that kept me from coming to terms because I didn't want to be gay. But with todays new and more educated views of this lifestyle we can reailize that crossdressing doesn't mean gay. Knowing that gay people is gay and crossdressing people are crossdressers would help me to be able to help my son get the help that I never had. Shopping trips. Fishing trips. Don't matter my son is my son. I'll always be there for him in any endeavor.
Last edited by LisaMichaels; 06-09-2009 at 06:24 AM.
Yes I would support him one hundred percent, I would buy what ever he asked for and make sure he had safe sane and healthy outlets for his expression. I would also make sure he spoke to a qualified Gender therapist.
But I rather doubt I would share myself with him.. The reason being Transgendered Children not only need the loving nurturing support of there mothers or other women. They also need to feel loved by there fathers.
I have a son 7 years old who is somewhat gender nonconformist. He likes to play dress up and plays with dolls from time to time, he is also very much a little boy. I believe it is better for him to see me as dad (tough guy) his anchor and rock loves him and loves his feminine side as well as his male side. I happen to believe it is better for him not interacting with me en femme.
We all have each other a wonderful thing to say the very least. What we really want (in my case anyway) is to be ourselves in the presence of any one regardless of gender and be accepted regardless of what we wear.
As his father I would provide for him any thing he needs to be healthy and happy.. If that means dresses so be it.
Last edited by DaphneGrey; 06-09-2009 at 10:54 AM.
Living the life I choose!
Why do you feel it's better not to let him see or know about your femme side?
What impact do you fear it would have on him?
Last edited by Shelly Preston; 06-09-2009 at 11:26 AM. Reason: no need to quote the whole of the previous post
I would personally support him in every way I could, be that buying clothes for him or taking him shopping so he can buy his own, as a crossdresser who has the support of my mum and a close friend I feel it's important to offer the same support to anyone else in our position.
There are two separate issues here.
a) How to react to a child who shows an interest in Crossdressing
b) Who pays for clothes
The latter question is easier. I paid for my children's clothes up to the point where they had money of their own to buy clothes. If he has sufficient means to pay for clothes, then he can get whatever he wants. Before that it is a budgetary decision.
As for the bigger picture that you are asking about. I firmly believe that our role as parents is to help/teach our children how to think and make decisions for their selves. Therefore in your scenario I presume to have done the legwork of helping the son understand for himself, in his own terms what it is about for him. If acquiring clothes is a part of that process then so be it. It is irrelevant at that point who pays for them.
Carin
I have gone on a journey in search if myself. If you find me before I return, please hold on to me until I get back.
Telling our Children
Thanks for the question, I hope I am able to articulate my feelings on this, I have been thinking about it all day so here goes.
I guess you could say I already share quite a bit of my feminine self with my children. Physically and emotionally I am some what androgynous in my male existence and emotionally many of my feminine qualities show through. I will give you a perfect example, I was helping my older boy 13 with a costume for halloween I did his makeup and quite humorously he said to me "Dad don't worry I won't tell anyone your just a big girly girl" I said what do you mean he replied "you sew, wear makeup, collect dolls, wear jewelry and you know more about fashion than mom" When I asked if any of this bothered him he said "no why would it" I am not quoting this word for word as it was some time ago.
I guess I just think particularly for my youngest, That my two personas for lack of better word would confuse him more than need be, as for my oldest well he is going through puberty at the moment, the last thing he needs is seeing dad in a dress.
For all my feminine traits and emotions, desires etc. (none of which I modify or hide) I am still very much thier father and do my very best to fill that role.
My boys have a wonderful mother so I do not want to compete with her (as if I could) or want them vying for my (Daphne's) affections. It is difficult enough for my wife and I when they play mom against dad. I could only Imagine the negative situations if ever one of my children went to my wife and said "well Daphne said it was OK!" which would happen eventually.
I also have to protect my marriage and occasionally as many wives of TG people will tell you. It is not uncommon to feel like they are in competition with "the other woman" and in many ways they are.
I do not want those feelings to extend into our family dynamic, having my wife thinking that she is not only losing (me to her) but also losing her children to her as well.
All things change with time of course but at least for now there would be way to much doubt and confusion.
I hope this answers your question, I had a great time sorting this out so feel free to probe further if I can elaborate.
Last edited by DaphneGrey; 06-10-2009 at 12:03 AM.
Living the life I choose!
How do you see the father role?
As I've noticed studies on same-sex parenting show the kids of gay parents come out about the same as straight ones but lesbian couples children actually end up doing slightly better. Which seems to me to challenge the assumptions of gender/sex roles and parenting we tend to grow up with. But of course every family has it's own dynamics.
Really good point, a stable relationship is likely to be very important for the kids, moreso than other factors I would imagine.My boys have a wonderful mother so I do not want to compete with her (as if I could) or want them vying for my (Daphne's) affections. It is difficult enough for my wife and I when they play mom against dad. I could only Imagine the negative situations if ever one of my children went to my wife and said "well Daphne said it was OK!" which would happen eventually.
I also have to protect my marriage and occasionally as many wives of TG people will tell you. It is not uncommon to feel like they are in competition with "the other woman" and in many ways they are.
I do not want those feelings to extend into our family dynamic, having my wife thinking that she is not only losing (me to her) but also losing her children to her as well.
As things may change and accidental outting is always possible I recently came across a couple of links that may be posibly helpful for you.All things change with time of course but at least for now there would be way to much doubt and confusion.
COLAGE is a GLBT family group with a subgroup for the children of Transgender parents http://www.colage.org/programs/trans/
No Dumb Questions is a documentary (that I haven't seen) on children coming to terms with an Uncles transition to Aunt http://www.nodumbquestions.com/
and TYFA Trans Youth Family Allies is an organistation to help TG kids and their families http://www.imatyfa.org/
So these resources could be helpful for you with your gender non-conforming child and perhaps with the subject of how to deal with the subject in the family.
Indeed.I hope this answers your question, I had a great time sorting this out so feel free to probe further if I can elaborate.
First, we got off topic: Batty wrote about genetic studies. These will be inconclusive until there are completely environmentally controlled studies done using the scientific method to control all variables. In other words, it's always going to be 'best guess', as we don't do experiments on human beings. The examples given are very, very limited test groups, where the chance of errors is tremendous. 112 TS and 250 non? Out of how many billions of people? Not even worth considering. Even if you genetically test all known TS and CD persons, unless you also test all who are not, you will not get accurate results. So we can pretty much throw all the studies done so far out the window. Sample size is far too limited.
About the son, well then:
Leslie wrote:Girls are pretty much allowed to wear whatever they want to; the potential for danger is far worse there.OK what if you have a CDing Daughter? Do the rules change?
Much more important is why the boy want's to wear girl's clothing. Depending on the age of the boy, perhaps he's just trying to emulate dad, his primary role model. This clearly becomesase where being completely 'out' can cause potential problems in that way. And while I don't personally think there's anything wrong or dangerous with crossdressing, I wouldn't wish having to live with this on anyone, much less my own son. It certainly doesn't make life any easier. So, I would discourage him, and offer alternative activities as much as possible. As others have mentioned, a boy's desire to crossdress could easily be TS behavior also. I've never been a proponent of the idea that we wear woman's clothing simply because the textures feel better; I believe it's more gender role caused, and the boy may have certain developmental problems going on. More information is needed before making a decision.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Thanks Batty for posting the links, I haven't had time to check them out, but I did see No Dumb Questions
That was a great documentary.
To answer your question as to how I see the father role?
I will be honest and say I never really gave much thought to a definition, but I will give it a go.
Mom is the primary nurturer in our home, (I have my moments mind you) but she is there to tuck them in at night, help them with homework and music etc. Much of that dynamic is due to my insane work schedule. So I am not often home to contribute.
I guess you could say my role is the more traditional Protector, Disciplinarian ,Provider.
As I have posted they do notice mind you that Dad is a little different. so perhaps they see me in a different light as well.
I guess at this point in our family life continuity is my main concern. For my youngest especially.
I hope this answers your question at least in part.
Living the life I choose!
Wow. Boy, this struck a nerve with me and took me back many years. When I started, I have often said that I didn't have any concept of boys clothes/girl clothes and gender but I know I was always attracted to girls clothes, jewelry, make-up and dolls. Little boy clothes always seemed so UGLY. The first time I had any concept of doing anything "wrong" was when my Mom reacted very negatively to something I said. All I said was that when I grow up, I wanted to be just like the girl across the street. That was when I was 4 or 5 years old. I don't know, maybe I was wearing girls clothing long before I was 4 or 5. Kimberly, I wonder if you have a 2 Y.O. CD'er.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.
if i had a son and he came out to me as a crossdresser(or bi, orgay, you get the picture) i would be the best parent i could be to him and treat him like the gender he is presenting at that time. Yes i would buy clothes and accesories for him and encourage him to buy his own and to find his own style. when it comes to "sexy" lingerie, he would be on his own to buy it, i would give fatherly advice as if he was my daughter. But most important, after going through life as a transgender individual, i would be 100% supportive.
when in doubt, dress
For me, the answer would simply depend on the kid's age. If he's still young enough that I'm buying all his clothes anyway, then yeah. Once he's making his own money, Dad keeps his.
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