Very Confused need help. Please help. / Has anyone taken a gender test?

[VikkiVixen7188]

A while ago I took the COMBINED GENDER IDENTITY AND TRANSSEXUALITY INVENTORY assessment test. I feel that it provided a very accurate result. Saying that I am Bi/Dual-Gendered. Meaning that I have a very distinct Masculine Side, and a very distinct Feminine side.

Im having a tricky time with this, as its hard to talk even to transsexuals about this problem because I have to explain it for a good 15 minutes. Like I visit a transexual chatroom on IMVU a lot, but then there are long periods of time where Im gone doing male things. I cant really introduce my transexual friends to my "normal friends" and I cant do the vice-versa either.

The big problem though is that I cant seam to find harmony or balance between the two identities. For example, When I try to date, I cant say that Im a Tgirl, even though I kind of am about 50% of the time. Then when they are OK with that, its a mind trip for them to get used to me as a guy, then as a girl for while, then back to guy another few days later.

I couldn't like seek permission to go to work in drag sometimes, then as a male sometimes.


My problem is that I seam to have to choose between the two gender identities, but both are important to me, and I like both. I cant really do without one of them either.
I cant get like a sex change to take care of this either, because the masculine side is important to me too, it wouldnt work any better if I was transformed.

Anyone can help me out on this? Its not a HUGE problem right now, but it is an issue and I fear that it is growing more into a big problem as time progresses.








Take the COGLIATI for yourself, for free at http://transsexual.org/cogiati_english.html

[Dita_B]

Well, as a psychologist, I advise you to seek professional help...

Not on this forum (with all due respect for all the good willing people out here)... but real help, preferably from a professional specializing in gender disorder issues.

If your story is true, you and your counselor have some work to do...



Dita.

[VikkiVixen7188]

Im a psychology major myself, and I quite agree. THe problem is that I live in a community where I wouldnt trust the psychologists around her to maintain confidentiality, and I cant really tell my mom about it. Im not their yet. THOUGH I DROP PRETTY CONSIDERABLE HINTS! SO going to Lincoln or Omaha really isnt an option.

[Marijka]

I agree, counselling with a knowlegible counsellor is the best think for you. Is there not confidentialty between patient and counsellor. As you suggested you may have to go further a field. In other words what comes first your well being or what.....
Hugs,
Marijka

[Dita_B]

I wouldnt trust the psychologists around her to maintain confidentiality

Well, as a psychology major, you should know a lot better... A professional registered psychologist who cannot guarantee confidentiality, has very poor career prospects and will soon be out of a job...

So your argument is invalid. Find one near you, as I advised you before...



Dita.

[VikkiVixen7188]

British Columbia is very very diferent from Middle of Nowhere Rural USA. As in I would be run out of town, and they would keep their job. Yes it really is like that.

[Ralph]

I believe what you are saying, Vikki, based on your own internal feelings and experiences, but I do want to emphasize that you shouldn't take the COGIATI too seriously. It's more like a fortune cookie "for entertainment purposes only" - the questions are so extremely weighted to outdated gender stereotypes that half the women on the planet would peg out as highly masculine, and vice-versa, depending on whether they are better at reading facial expressions or maps (or math vs. spelling, or history vs. science). And don't get me started about the numerous questions that have answers phrased almost identically - "Sometimes I could" vs. "I think I might be able to" - yet throw your score up or down depending on which one you pick. In short, it's a poorly written, completely unscientific novelty that should never be used to self-diagnose or make any life decisions.

[VikkiVixen7188]

I too took it for entertainment but it had an accurate diagnosis inspite of its flaws. I just mentioned it as back up so it was clear that Im not TS in denial or somthing like that. I know it is not a well written tool. I took it because I wasnt sure how to explain myself and wanted a word for it. Im not making decisions based on the test. I had these feelings before I took it.

[Dana Lane]

Have you thought about dressing right in the middle? To a point where it is hard to tell if you are male or female? Just a thought.

[MissConstrued]

What Ralph said. Don't stake any major life decisions on a bullshit test created by quack psychiatrists. (Sorry, redundant.) I've known garbagemen with better understanding of the human psyche. The Garbage Man would say, "Why you worry? Just be you, man! Why you gotta live in somebody's else's little box?"

Im a psychology major myself,

Why am I not surprised? Physician, heal thyself.

[battybattybats]

Being bi-gender appears to be about your brain-structure and appears to be common.

http://aebrain.blogspot.com/2008/06/...and-brain.html

Society always eeds to catch up with science. And some of this science is quite new.

So we need to educate the whole community about this.

If your brain is strongly wired as Bi-Gender you likely won't be happy sticking with either (like most CDs, I suspect many if not most CDs are moderate to strongly bi-gender). Only by educating people will your problems and those of other bi-gender folk be resolved completely.

[Miranda-E]

Don't put much trust in the COGIATI. The test is structured in a way that anyone with an education will get mid to high male results.

[Christinedreamer]

Many years ago I was having midlife issues trying to decide where I fell on on the gender spectrum. I researched, as musch as possible before the internet, two local psychologists that supposedly specialized in gender issues.

The first meeting was "interesting" to say the least.

This doctor had me sit in a large easy chair that had large leather covered electric colis on the seat, the back and on the arms. This series of coils was attached to a tower computer sized gadget with a few knobs etc. Being an electronics geek myself I was intrigued.

His explanation of this device was that after factoring in my age and weight, it would generate extremely low frequency magnetic waves that would "relax" me. I could see there was no danger of electrocution from its design, but let's just say I had major doubts about the efficacy of such a device.

Then the questions began. Long story short after about 10 minutes of this he began his schpeil about SRS. The only problem is that I am NOT TS. I consider myself the garden variety crossdresser- at least at that point in my life.

After the hour was up we made another appointment, primarily out of curiosity on my part.

The next appointment, he was not there but his partner was. The woman was a large frame individual and had lost a leg to diabetes. This I found strange as it seems to be an educated, scientific or medically trained person would know to take care of rampant diabetes and should probably not have sucumbed to such a loss.

After about 10 minutes of intoduction, the doctor began to talk about HER life and depression etc. 125.00 an hour I paid to be someone elses shrink.

I have handled the audio visual setups for the American Psychaitric Association for many years as a contractor and I can tell you categorcally that searching for a balanced shrinks is easier said than done.

Don't rely on just one person' analysis unless you feel a genuine confidence and trust. They can send you down a road not meant for you.

Take care,

Christine

[Miranda-E]

I agree, counselling with a knowlegible counsellor is the best think for you. Is there not confidentialty between patient and counsellor. As you suggested you may have to go further a field. In other words what comes first your well being or what.....
Hugs,
Marijka

Except for some mandatory reporter issues, yes there is complete confidentiality.

[dawnmarrie1961]

A very smart young therapist once said to me, when I asked her the very same question, a few years back.

"Why can't you be both?"

I pondered that for quite a while.
Yes.There are somethings about each gender that are worth keeping.
You can be the best of both worlds!
You can be "YOU".

[Melissa A.]

My problem is that I seam to have to choose between the two gender identities, but both are important to me, and I like both. I cant really do without one of them either.

Lemme ask you...why do you have to choose? You really aren't any different from the vast majority of gender-variant people out there. It seems to me you simply haven't figured out the best way to fit it into your life yet. If you find yourself exceedingly unhappy, deppressed, or suicidal, yes, see a therapist. It can only help. But what you are describing is a case of transgenderitis combined with maturing and growing up. And that's really perfectly alright.

And like, no, you probably couldnt get an employer to like, to go along with, like, you presenting as more than one like, gender. (I'm sorry. I had to) But that's really not an unreasonable thing. I'm a transexual, and even I get that.

I imagine as time goes on, you'll figure all this out. You'll find the right friends, the right relationships, the right job, and a presentation that works for you. And if you're honest with yourself, a way to fit all of this into your life. My help, for what it's worth, is this: Don't worry about it. Worry only makes it all less fun.

hugs,

Melissa

[Nicki B]

A while ago I took the COMBINED GENDER IDENTITY AND TRANSSEXUALITY INVENTORY assessment test. I feel that it provided a very accurate result. Saying that I am Bi/Dual-Gendered. Meaning that I have a very distinct Masculine Side, and a very distinct Feminine side.

Did you read the small print, when you did the test? It's noted for giving you exactly the answer you wanted, i.e. it's very easy to skew, consciously or unconsciously..

British Columbia is very very diferent from Middle of Nowhere Rural USA. As in I would be run out of town, and they would keep their job. Yes it really is like that.

So - why don't you move, to where you can live as the person you want to?

[sometimes_miss]

Dita wrote

A professional registered psychologist who cannot guarantee confidentiality, has very poor career prospects and will soon be out of a job...So your argument is invalid.

Uh, it's not invalid at all. Oh, they'll guarantee your confidentiality, but they won't keep that guarantee. No one can anymore. All your information gets written in your chart, and 'professionals' often feel it necessary to discuss you with their peers. I don't know where you work, Dita, but I've worked in the medical field now for >30 years in many different hospitals, and several physicians' offices. Healthcare workers of all types talk amongst themselves out in public all the time, discussing cases openly, and just because they don't mention someone's name doesn't mean no one can figure out who that particular patient is; and of course physicians are the worst offenders. They often discuss the most intimate details of patients cases in the hallways and elevators of institutions as well as out in world, where the general public is, without even a care about it at all. I'm not a physician, or an administrator; several times I mentioned that perhaps it wasn't the place to discuss things like that and got into trouble with my bosses, saying that I should mind my own business. This practice is widespread. So, now I keep my mouth shut just to keep my own job. Basically, these people think they're above the laws, and nothing is going to change that. Someone like me who lets the authorities know that these people are violating HIPPA laws pretty much guarantees that I will never have a job again. I don't have enough money saved up to withstand a lengthy lawsuit while being out of work, and have no desire to work a minimum wage job for the next 10 years waiting for a settlement. Whistle-blowers in this country aren't treated very well. Also, patient's charts are maintained by a large assortment of clerks, secretaries, filing personel, people who transport the charts around the facilities, insurance industry personel who have easy access to most of your records, I can go on and on. Basically, patient confidentiality is a joke. While you are a patient, pretty much everyone is reading your information except you! All in the name of giving better care because 'they know more about your case' that way.

Confidentiality? Be afraid. Be very afraid. And now, with the introduction of digitalization of patients charts, your information will be floating all over cyberspace. They say it will facilitate treatment, but it's all about sharing patients information among all the 'providers'.

You want someone's information? Simple. Get a separate phone line, give it a business name like 'fax line' or 'charting archives' or something like that, so the caller I.D. delivers that identity to whoever you call. Make up a phony cover letter with some nice letterhead on it. Create a release of confidentiality letter, nicely worded, and fill out the information of the person that you want information on. Call the institution you want information from, and come up with some story about that patient being treated and you need some test results or something. That will start the ball rolling; and as you accumulate more information, it's easy to convince the people on the other end of the line that you are involved in the patient's case, and more often than not, they will fax you whatever you want.

As one doc told me; the number of people it takes to keep a secret? One. Any more than that and you're compromised. Be careful out there.

Nicki wrote

So - why don't you move, to where you can live as the person you want to?

Not everyone can just pick up and move anywhere they want to. We're not all independently wealthy. For most of us, doing so will result in being unemployed or winding up in a minimum wage job for a long time; not exactly a future everyone wants. Especially if you have a lucrative position somewhere. We're not all willing to give up everything else just so we can dress up when we want to. Not to mention, leaving all your family and friends behind. Not everyone is able to cut all ties and support, move on, and just hope for the best.

[tricia_uktv]

Nicki wrote
Not everyone can just pick up and move anywhere they want to. We're not all independently wealthy. For most of us, doing so will result in being unemployed or winding up in a minimum wage job for a long time; not exactly a future everyone wants. Especially if you have a lucrative position somewhere. We're not all willing to give up everything else just so we can dress up when we want to. Not to mention, leaving all your family and friends behind. Not everyone is able to cut all ties and support, move on, and just hope for the best.

Doesn't it depend how much you want it? I'm not sure Vikki is ready yet. Maybe time will tell

[Nicki B]

Nicki wrote
Not everyone can just pick up and move anywhere they want to. We're not all independently wealthy.

Very few of us are..

My point is, plan your life around this - you don't have to just sit there and take what comes?

[TGMarla]

First off, the COGIATI test is by no means a clinical study. And it's so easy to manipulate, it's practically a joke. Everyone who deals with gender identity issues comes across that test on the internet sooner or later. And everyone takes it, and everyone gushes about what a chick they are. My advice, use it for personal amusement, but nothing more. It's a conversation piece, that's all.

Look inside yourself. Strip yourself of physical gender, and look at yourself deeply. Where do you stand? There are no right answers or any wrong answers. There's a bell curve where every personality type lives, and you're on it somewhere. Don't be ashamed or alarmed at where you stand on it. Just accept it and move forward from there. Just be you. This is where self-acceptance lives. You can live there, too.

This path has many destinations. The good ones are the ones found through self awareness and self acceptance. The bad ones...well, evil that way lies. You don't have to have a battle raging between your dual identities. Merge them into one. This doesn't mean that your male ego has to display feminine qualities if it doesn't want to, it only means that you are at peace with it, that's all. One doesn't need to win over the other. They can live together in harmony with each other. They can be one.

[Michelle S]

Vikki,

There is nothing wrong about being bi-gendered. I go out en femme about once a week - not just to night clubs - but to cafes and shoppes during the day time. But, I enjoy doing things in guy mode too. I sometimes think of myself as being bi-gendered or dual-gendered. I am definitely not androgynous. I have never felt the need to see a therapist about this.

You wrote: "I couldn't like seek permission to go to work in drag sometimes, then as a male sometimes."

Actually progress is being made here. I know someone who is very active in TS workplace issues. She knowns of someone who is working with his/her employer about being free to come in as either gender. This is a new frontier. There is not any case law on it yet, but our day is coming. You are young. I think you have a good chance of being able to live and work freely as a bi-gendered person someday.

I also know what it is like to live in small town America. Get your degree, then move to the big city! The world awaits you!

[NoraTV]

The COGIATI -- which I had never heard of until about 10 minutes ago -- is what some psychologists call a self-reporting inventory instrument. It is not a diagnostic tool. It will not "tell" you if you are gay, transgendered, or just plain nuts. Instead it helps you to decide who you are and what you want. Notice that the only personal pronoun in that last sentence is "you."

This next sentence is very important: In inventory instruments like the COGIATI, only YOU ---- yes, you -- can validate the results. Is this really me? There are so many factors that affect the way that we answer questions on inventory instruments. The results are valid only if you say that they are valid.

Do not over-reach with the instrument. I looked at the COGIATI. To the everlasting credit of its designer, the instructions point out the weaknesses in the instrument. The author clearly indicates this. The instructions state:

"The user is advised to consider the results of taking the COGIATI as a basis for self-examination and perhaps as an indication of what further investigation might be pursued. The COGIATI can not tell the user what they should do, or what they are. The COGIATI can only strongly suggest a rough category of definition to the user, as an aid to self-understanding."

The results of this instrument are one piece of information that you can consider for what it is worth. But you are the owner and ultimate interpreter of the data.


Consultation with a psychologist might be helpful to help you understand and validate your results. But you have to make the decision.

This is the start of the journey, not its destination.

I hope that this helps.

By the way, I thought that my results were not entirely accurate, but reasonably close. I need to think about them more.

[sissystephanie]

No disrepect intended for the other posters, but Dita and Nora probably gave the best advice offered. Your initial thread beginning and your subsequent posts sound as though you are a very mixed up person! Nothing wrong with that, I guess most of us on this forum would admit to being somewhat mixed up!

But yours goes beyond that, and that is why seeing a psychologist would be a good idea. And your statements about not being able to do that because you live in a small town are, pardon the expression, pure hogwash! In my 70 plus years on this earth, I have lived in small towns and big cities. As a former credit manager, and current Life and Health Insurance Agent I am well aware of confidentiality regulations and laws! And no matter where he/she is located, a certified, licensed Psychologist would not reveal things told in confidence. Breaking that confidence would not only result in loss of license and certification, but also, in many states, could be a criminal act! BTW, I am talking about a Psychologist who practices the field for a living, not as a sideline to teaching it!

BTW, I took the same test and guess what? I am half and half!! What a big surprise!!!! Do you suppose I "fixed" the results?

[VikkiVixen7188]

Putting all the advice together, I do feel quite a bit better. I think Im starting to harmonize. Thank you all.