My Spouse had one of her "I hate crossdressing" tirades last night - she said that crossdressing is "destructive behavior" and is no different from alcohol or drug addiction and that "if" I really wanted to, I could stop crossdressing.
Girls, I need so comfort this motning.
JoAnne Wheeler
"I'm an all American Bluegrass Girl and Proud As I Can Be"
I think she's totally off. It's different than alcohol and drugs. I've never heard of Crossdressers Anonymous, nor have I ever seen crossdressing on an episode of Intervention.Originally Posted by JoAnne Wheeler
"Oh f*ckkk!! Chick's a dude!" - from textsfromlastnight
me: I wonder what it'd be like to play golf en femme.
wifey: It's hotter and sweatier.
I don't think it's destructive nor harmful. The question is do you really want to quit dressing. As for myself I couldn't imagine not being able to dress. It may be an addiction but it's a totally harmless one. Women don't have any regrets about wearing men's clothes why should we regret wearing women's clothes.
Jasmine
Get her to sit down and watch a couple of episodes of the satellite TV series "Intervention" with you. If that does not convince her of the difference, perhaps a therapist might.
Well, have you thought that she has no one else to talk to about it Joanne? How about getting her to join the forum?
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Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
Sorry to hear it JoAnne. I don't know that it's necessarily destructive behavior the way drinking and drugs are, but I understand to some extent the addictive nature of crossdressing and the behaviors associated with it. I guess I see her point. But still, it's a relatively harmless little addiction. She just cannot get her mind around her man masquerading as a woman and liking it. It really gets to her that you do this. Hence, the tirades. Somehow, some way, you two have to be able to meet in the middle on it and be able to derive happiness from each other despite the fact that you crossdress. I hope it all works out for you.
And since you need some comfort this morning, here's a hug.
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
"This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"
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JoAnne
My heart goes out to you right now. Truly. I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. There are so many wo can offer you much more practicle wisdom regarding where to go from here but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
I feel for you right now.
Hugs
Honey
Just my two cents worth, I bet she has been talking to someone, clergy maybe?
If she is saying it is destructive as alcohol and gambling and you could stop if you really want to.
I have been down that road about 18-years ago. I am now divorced and have purged about three times in 18-years, no matter how hard I try stop it just comes back stronger than before.
Joanne,
I am sorry to hear about your wife. Give her space for a while.
But I agree with everyone else--I don't believe it is addictive behavior if it's not destructive or harmful. But maybe she perceives it is harmful to her.
joAnne i have had similar arguments with my wife before and i then think maybe i stop crossdressing,thing is it never goes away,sure you may stop dressing up for a while but it is always in my head,it does not go away.i hope ur partner was just in a bad mood over something else and took it out on the dressing.
I'm absolutely sure it can be destructive and harmful. Your wife is clearly finding it so. She needs someone to talk to if she's going to understand what it all means for her and to allow her to see where she needs to go with this.
Sarah...
Crossdressing is an external manifestation of an internal mental and emotional state. Yes, you can stop crossdressing for any period of time but the feminine mental and emotional state are always present.
I love being "gender gifted"! www.pmpub.com
Well i think that i can see her point of view and it was not that long ago that you seamed to be on here all the time ( oh that means i must have been as well to know that you were) or was i,.
Lets look at it from some SOs point of view , once you start you want more and then more again , it can take up all your spare time, your spare cash , you long for the next fix of dressing time , you can start to withdraw from your friends, and get withdraw symptoms if you can`t do it for a long time , what you have and how far you go is never enough and once you are hooked there are no ,get you off CDing clinics which you would not go to in any case.
But unlike alcohol and drugs we know that we can give it up at any time DON`T WE
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
You are one of my favorite people around here!
Hugs
Persephone.
"If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.
"If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)
-.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).
Just because, even before my first cup of coffee in the morning, I put on my jeans skirt and feminine top and because I broke into a neighbor's house, stole their stuff so I hock it and could go out and buy a new dress, I refuse to believe that I am addicted.
Most of us have given up dressing for a substantial length of time only to come back to cd'ing. It is something that we never can totally leave. I do believe that it is addictive because the more I do it, the more I want to do it. The urge to dress has never left me once that I started about 50 years ago but I refuse to believe that it is destructive. We all believe that we are better people because of displaying our feminine side and I think that the constuctive side more than compensates for anything destructive.
She's contradicting herself when she says it's addictive behavior like drugs or alcohol, then says, "You could stop if you wanted to".
Look, any behavior can be destructive and addictive. Shopping, eating(or not eating), even a hobby, or working too much. And any addictive behavior has roots of some kind. Crossdressing, however, is a very complicated and misunderstood identity, that is mischaracterized and disrespected all of the time. It's also dissected by proffesionals who think they know what they are talking about.
there is also traditional sexism at work, here. femininity is viewed as "inferior" to masculinity, even by many women. How could any man want to do that???? Even many feminists feel this way, paradoxically.
I'm not gonna get into a long treatise on sexism and trans-misoginy. Your wife's feelings are real, and you need to deal with them, if you want to stay in the relationship. She, however, should be open to some ideas about crossdressing other than her own. Gender identity disorder, whatever form it takes, isn't inherently like alcoholism. you can stop drinking, and with some help and guidance, be a happy person. A gender variant who is forbidden to be who they are doesn't have the same prospects for success. It never goes away. If she thinks you can "just stop" and everything will be fine, There is a strong part of her being ruled by fear, embarrassment, and social conditioning, and failing to see what that will do to you, in the long run. It seems to me she is calling you selfish, but there's a big part of her that is doing the same thing.
Hugs,
Melissa
My wife accepts my dressing to a point. She does not want it to leave the house but every time I dress I want to go out and be seen. I would like to get professionally done over and go out shopping with her that is my fantasy. I believe that would be destructive to my marriage since she has said she cannot deal with it and our marriage would be over. I have decided to stop dressing because the desire to go out will only get stronger. I know that the desire to dress will still be in me but it is my choice to act on that desire. I know Sissy Stephanie said it can be done and I feel that is what I need to do. I evaluate it everyday because I do not want to one day just blow up and throw all caution to the wind, so far I am being successful. So yes I do believe that crossdressing can be destructive to a marriage and to an individual.
My Father is male, my Mother is female that makes me 50/50!
There are many ways to look at this. I find it interesting that she brings it up with addictions and alcoholism. I have a number of addicts and alcoholics around me and subsequently, have learned a lot as a result. These problems are medically based. During the actual usage, the pleasure center of the brain is triggered and that is what causes these addictions (or any addictions for that matter).
Sound familiar? The brain is sent into a pleasure mode? We may not be all that different after all, are we? How many people here have said that they just can't stop dressing?
Now that I have said that, even though the basic "drive" in the brain's chemistry may have the same background, there is certainly a difference between destructive and non-destructive behavior. Drugs and alcohol are obviously destructive. Crossdressing can be argued either way but even if you tried to call it destructive, there is a world of difference there.
Any kind of behavior can be destructive if there is no moderation. Human beings are inherently obsessive compulsive about just about everything.If we drink. We drink to much. If we smoke. We smoke to much. If we eat. We eat to much. That is the "reality" of it. The hard part is figuring out where to draw the line. In a relationship ,like yours, an open dialog between you and your SO would help to determine what parameters there need to be, if any, that would make both of you happy. Be prepared to give in a little. Nobody likes a brick wall.
CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.
Crossdressing is not as hard on the liver.
It takes a real man to wear a dress.
ok with this question are you out of control with the crossdressing? If you are out of control then it is addive and distructive, but if you can honestly say you have control over yourself with crossdressing then it is not addictive
whew I was worried it was an addiction but I have total control over my dressing...well except the dam eyeliner, can't control that at all but the raccoons love me.
I guess it could be an addiction but I don't know anyone who turned a trick for a new dress.
Joanne, you know yo can stop for any length of time when you want. You have always been able to curtail your dressing when things get tough at home. You are not addicted
Dressing isn't the addiction, being online here and posting all day THAT'S the addiction.
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Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Roll up those nylons , Ladies, and light them up!!!
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( On a more serious note. I think i just figured out why all my posts lately seem to be doing a double take on me. Browser problem. Time to do a shut down & fix a few minor thing. See you girls later.)
Continue the party without me.
Last edited by dawnmarrie1961; 06-16-2009 at 06:14 PM.
CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.
Nice to see you back to normal JoAnne
I can't really give you and answer other than it sounds like time to get some intervention together. Something has set her off and it may have nothing to do with your dressing or everything to do with it. That is a question only you can answer because you know your wife and your relationship. We do not.
I think for most of us dressing is something we need to lessen stress and to allow inner feeling out. It makes us feel good about ourself and it is not destructive in any traditional sense. Yes it can be addictive, but how much so has a very wide base of difference in each of us and our relationships if we are in one. I wish you all the world of luck in dealing with your situation and as you can see, you have a lot of friends here.
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