rather make new friends than come out to existing ones?

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

There are frequent threads about coming out to friends and family. People talk about how things went when they came out, or seek advice on coming out.

I have little to no desire to come out to my family. I really don't care if they find out or not, but I feel no need to tell them or explain anything. Same with friends. Maybe this is because I've grown so used to playing the character of Gabe around them for so long and dislike that part (the whole "act" I've had to put on in order to appear masculine enough to satisfy society, etc.).

My relationships/friendships as Gabe have always been pretty shallow anyway (minus romantic relationships). It's hard for me to become real friends with people when I can never truly be myself around them.

As I move forward in life, I find myself wanting instead to make new friends/acquaintances as Gabrielle and only as Gabrielle. I'd rather people get to know my feminine side without knowing my man-side at all. This is where my personal interest in friendship resides today - NOT in sharing with the ones I know as Gabe, but in being Gabrielle (or my happy side) with those I meet from now on.

Does anyone else feel like this or anything similar? Perhaps you had this outlook at one point, but something changed it?

I understand this may be the case with those undergoing or planning on SRS, but that's not where I'm heading. I'm a crossdresser who exists on both sides of the gender spectrum. I prefer Gabrielle over Gabe, but have no plans to extinguish Gabe. He's a part of me too.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I feel like you do, "sometimes". I really am not interested in my family (other than my spouse) knowing about JoAnne, but if or should they find out, I will not be embarressed.

As far as current friends, I would love to come out to my close female friends - I enjoy their company and their talk sessions - I would love to participate as JoAnne (but that would scare my spouse to death) As to male friends, they would not understand. And besides, I love being with "other women" 100 times more than men.

As far as our Sisters, I am already out to them and I love them all to death. I do not put our Sisters in the same catagory as manly males. I consider all of you my Sisters and my new and expanding family - I love all of you.

As far as new friends, I would not mind coming out to them.

I love my Sister Gabrielle.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Miranda09]

Yeah. I understand where you're coming from Gabrielle. Even tho I did come out to a gg friend of mine, not so sure I want to come out to my male friends and family, however, there are times when I just want to let them know who I am. It can get somewhat frustrating. Even tho I'm sure they'd be ok (?) with it, it would change too many things.

[Sarah Doepner]

My closest male friends have been my friends for so many years it makes more sense to eventually share this side of me with them than to move to new friends. I think it would be better to just add more friends to my world who know about the full range of my interests.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi Gabrielle-

<big hug> Hey hon, I so understand and I think I can relate, at least a little. While I have come out to friends and family, I recently moved to the Seattle area and want new friends I make to know both sides of me from the beginning. Being 24/7 is something I would love to do (super scary, though) but is not really in the cards anytime in the near future, however I would love to be able to answer the door as John (my guy name) or Joni when a friend comes over and not have them react any different for either one.

Gabrielle, as far as the energy spent trying to fake it and pretend to be a guy all the time and put up with the dumb jokes and mean remarks about women and so on, believe me, girl, I know how you feel and I'm sure so many other girls here understand also. Good for you.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[Sonia Greene]

Men friends can have a good relationship, but women appear to often become friends at school and stay with that friendship all their lives.

I suggest that men are on a different plane mentally, and feel less need for the way woman approach having a potential friend. I mean--if it happens--it happens.

(If you want friends, you need to BE a friend to the person who may not be looking for more friends, especially in a new area, if moving home etc.)

As I say, women make a friend and mostly keep them, unless a serious breach of trust occurs.
That's my opinion.....Sonia

[windycissy]

Some of my best friends are girls I've met on this forum, or at TG support groups, in fact most of them have never seen me as a guy and only know me as Cissy, I feel closer to them than I do to most of my "real life" friends, after all we share this incredible bond that most people will never understand...

[battybattybats]

I watched the film Milk last night and in one scene he called on everyone to come out to their parents, as that way at least it was two more people in the world who knew a gay person.

As for old friends, if you may lose those friends anyway by spending all your time with new already accepting friends then why not come out to the old ones to at least give them the chance as they may be accepting anyways.

And again this way they have a chance at being educated.

[Misty is Kindafem]

I agree with the adorable Gabby 100%

There may be one or two friends that I eventually come out to, but I would much rather make new ones and just quietly move my social life in a different direction.

This forum is loaded with smokin' hot local gurls and I would LOVE to have a little gang of trannies to hang out with and shop with and just network with so we can support each other.

Many of us are not ready to be out to the world but we can be out to each other honey!

-Misty

[vivianann]

Well my thought is if they are true friends then they would not abandone me. so far all my friends know about Vivian, and they are accepting, some of them dont understand why I would wear a dress, however that does not end the friendship. They always want to see pics of me when I come back from enfemme getaways. I am glad I came out to my friends, they are truely wonderful.

[Laciegurl]

As far as our Sisters, I am already out to them and I love them all to death. I do not put our Sisters in the same catagory as manly males. I consider all of you my Sisters and my new and expanding family - I love all of you.

I love that you feel this way. I do feel a conection with all our sisters here too. I would not feel comfortable about letting my friends know about Lacie. My wife knows and insists on calling me precious, which is sweet. My family might understand but it's still too scary for me to let them know. I would love to make new friends as Lacie but I never go out as her so that would be dificult. So I am limited to my beautiful friends here. I would accept friendship from everyone of y'all .

[LA CINDY LOVE]

I do feel that we all would love to come out to or Friends and family......but it is the out come that we fear, just why would we want to take such a risk..........for hope.

Some time it is good to make new Friends that accept you or you share the same interest.......I am with Gabrielle I have no desire to come out to family or Friends

LA CINDY LOVE

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Interesting and understandable responses - on both sides (new only, or telling old as well). I really enjoyed reading what everyone has to share. Thanks for chiming in and please, keep them coming.

There seems to be a reoccurring sentiment of people feeling more comfortable coming out to a gg or simply feel closer to their female friends than their male friends. I really feel that way myself. I've always had more female friends than male (prior to marriage) and felt a stronger bond with my female friends than I ever did with a male friend. I often think that is part of the reason I had so much trouble being masculine - people tend to pick up mannerisms from those they associate with the most. For me, it was girls. That, and I just wasn't masculine naturally anyway. Appearing to behave masculine was (is) a very forced and practiced thing in my life, and something I have a hard time dropping when I'm in guy-mode (which means I'm stuck in fakey-mode as a guy and not much can really come of that in terms of friendships).

I want to respond specifically to a few comments:

I feel like you do, "sometimes". I really am not interested in my family (other than my spouse) knowing about JoAnne, but if or should they find out, I will not be embarressed.

I wouldn't be embarrassed in the slightest either if my family knew. I just don't have any interest in telling them right now. I'm not very close to them and don't see much point.

My closest male friends have been my friends for so many years it makes more sense to eventually share this side of me with them than to move to new friends. I think it would be better to just add more friends to my world who know about the full range of my interests.

I understand this point very well. I don't have any close male friends though. I haven't for many years. Most (pretty much all) relationships I have with other people in my life (as Gabe) these days is on the shallow end. Nothing there of substance. No one even knows my birthday or age. I do not "hang out" with people or go out for drinks - no time, no interest, and busy life. The no interest part is in reference to Gabe, my man-side.

Some of my best friends are girls I've met on this forum, or at TG support groups, in fact most of them have never seen me as a guy and only know me as Cissy, I feel closer to them than I do to most of my "real life" friends, after all we share this incredible bond that most people will never understand...

This is a great point. I'm sure these are all people you feel are true friends down to the core. Never had any of those in guy-mode.

As for old friends, if you may lose those friends anyway by spending all your time with new already accepting friends then why not come out to the old ones to at least give them the chance as they may be accepting anyways.

And again this way they have a chance at being educated.

I agree with the educating people end of things, yet I'm hesitant to do so in my own family (that would mean I'd have to spend time with them lol). I really don't have any old friends (left) to come out to. None that I'm still in contact with anyway. I have acquaintances, co-workers, people I say "hi" to from time to time, but no real friends these days (in my offline life). I don't really miss it though, for many reasons. I never felt like I fit in among others - even those I once called "friend". Gabe keeps to himself outside of work and the occasional family gathering I get my arm twisted to attend. Gabrielle has plans to branch out more in time (offline). She is who I'd like people to meet and know. She's so much more fun and enjoyable.

I made many online friends as Gabe, but I've slowly been phasing myself out of other communities that I was once very active in as my guy-self. I've pondered coming out to some of my closer online friends, but even the closer ones are now people I rarely communicate with. I've been spending my time among those who I feel I have more in common with and those I know I can just be me in all my feminine glory.

I do feel that we all would love to come out to or Friends and family......but it is the out come that we fear, just why would we want to take such a risk..........for hope.

I know it can get sticky for a lot of people to come out to their families. Probably best for them not to. In my case, I really could care less who had a problem in finding out about my feminine side. There are a few who'd throw the Bible at me (don't worry - I got great reflexes - I'd just duck ). Some would just label me a freak and attempt to politely say hi at gatherings and otherwise avoid me. A handful would be accepting, which would be cool. But I'm just not close to my family. Always been the black sheep that just didn't fit in. I don't see enough of my family to care about any negative issues that arose. Even so, I just don't care to deal with it... though I am very tempted to show up at the big Christmas gathering as Gabrielle one of these years. I'd get booted really quick (my wonderful cousins would probably feel the need to "protect" their children from such knowledge), but what a fun 2 minutes it would be!

[Miranda09]

Gabrielle, I love your outlook and philosophy. Maybe someday I'll arrive there as well.

[flacindycd]

There are frequent threads about coming out to friends and family. People talk about how things went when they came out, or seek advice on coming out.

I have little to no desire to come out to my family. I really don't care if they find out or not, but I feel no need to tell them or explain anything. Same with friends. Maybe this is because I've grown so used to playing the character of Gabe around them for so long and dislike that part (the whole "act" I've had to put on in order to appear masculine enough to satisfy society, etc.).

My relationships/friendships as Gabe have always been pretty shallow anyway (minus romantic relationships). It's hard for me to become real friends with people when I can never truly be myself around them.

As I move forward in life, I find myself wanting instead to make new friends/acquaintances as Gabrielle and only as Gabrielle. I'd rather people get to know my feminine side without knowing my man-side at all. This is where my personal interest in friendship resides today - NOT in sharing with the ones I know as Gabe, but in being Gabrielle (or my happy side) with those I meet from now on.

Does anyone else feel like this or anything similar? Perhaps you had this outlook at one point, but something changed it?

I understand this may be the case with those undergoing or planning on SRS, but that's not where I'm heading. I'm a crossdresser who exists on both sides of the gender spectrum. I prefer Gabrielle over Gabe, but have no plans to extinguish Gabe. He's a part of me too.

I agree 100% with what you say ,,, honey I feel the same way

[Carly D.]

I think it would be easier to tell a complete stranger.. but.. here's a little ditty.. : I'm on facebook (in male mode only for now) and I find this classmate that I went to school with and I look at her pictures and see she plays hockey.. nothing against hockey and I really haven't talked to her since graduation but hypothetically speaking what if she were to tell me she is now "playing" for the other team or even "switch hitting" (if you know what I mean).. I mean I haven't talked to her in quite some time.. she always was doing stuff the boys did in school.. I wonder what she might say if I told her that I cross dress.. probably prove it.. I have the myspace page I could send her to.. anyway i was just thinking about that one a few days ago...

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

Gabrielle, I love your outlook and philosophy. Maybe someday I'll arrive there as well.

Thanks, Miranda. I love it as well, but to be honest - I'm sometimes playing catch-up to my own ideals. I'm a work-in-progress, which I think many of us are - cd's and non. In time, I'll get to where I want to be, and I'm sure you will too.

I agree 100% with what you say ,,, honey I feel the same way

Letting old friendships slide while concentrating on new ones with people who know you only as your femme-side does seem to be the less-sticky path.

...I wonder what she might say if I told her that I cross dress.. probably prove it.. I have the myspace page I could send her to..

Why not find out? What have you got to loose? If she disapproves, it's not like she's an everyday part of your life or anything. And if she is accepting, you might just rekindle an old friendship and have a great time catching up with each other.

[Sarah_new]

I can see where you are coming from with this Gabrielle. I agree that new friends that only know the girl side of you makes the whole explaining thing easier to cope with.

[Victoria Anne]

Hi Gabrielle,

I understand what you mean and do agree, making new friends is easier and safer. I have come out to my mom and sister and it has had no disearnable effect . I have also come out to a few friends , one of 44 years who now I only hear from or talk to once in awhile and other friends ... well one there has been no change however his wife and I no longer talk and another she could care less , we still talk as much as ever. It is however with my new sisters that I enjoy talking to most . As you put it ,I can be myself with no hidden feelings or put on fronts. I too consider all here to be my family MTF and FTM's alike.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

I made 2 new friends last week, and told them I dress. I'm wide open at moment, but I do take caution with freinds I've had many years. One slip, and word can spread.

[AKAMichelle]

My relationships/friendships as Gabe have always been pretty shallow anyway (minus romantic relationships). It's hard for me to become real friends with people when I can never truly be myself around them.

As I move forward in life, I find myself wanting instead to make new friends/acquaintances as Gabrielle and only as Gabrielle. I'd rather people get to know my feminine side without knowing my man-side at all. This is where my personal interest in friendship resides today - NOT in sharing with the ones I know as Gabe, but in being Gabrielle (or my happy side) with those I meet from now on.

I understand how you feel. I have gotten to a point that I just about don't care what people think about me. I am preparing to tell my mom later this year when the timing is better. I don't really care if she likes it or not. I have told my wife and it didn't go well. All 3 of my kids know and we just don't talk about it. I will probably tell others, but for the most part I will keep Michelle hidden from them.

But my best friends will all know. Only the friends that I can tell everything to will be the ones that last. Everyone else will be casual friends.

[cindyscute]

I have to agree that making new friends is a better option for me. I don't really want my friends to know about Cindy. I don't think they would understand and may loose them as friends.

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I can see where you are coming from with this Gabrielle. I agree that new friends that only know the girl side of you makes the whole explaining thing easier to cope with.

Easier, and probably more rewarding as people will immediately know and build relationships based on who you are rather than who you present or pretend to be (as in a non-cd). I'm not sure about the coping though - at least for me. I don't cope with people knowing about me. I just enjoy BEING me.

...It is however with my new sisters that I enjoy talking to most . As you put it ,I can be myself with no hidden feelings or put on fronts...

And that is priceless, isn't it?

...One slip, and word can spread.

Yes, one slip or skirt or high heel shoe.

Sorry - couldn't resist the pun.

I am preparing to tell my mom later this year when the timing is better. I don't really care if she likes it or not. I have told my wife and it didn't go well. All 3 of my kids know and we just don't talk about it...

...Only the friends that I can tell everything to will be the ones that last. Everyone else will be casual friends.

I'm sorry things didn't go so well with your wife and kids.

Good point on the friends that last, vs. those that will not (or become "casual friends")

I have to agree that making new friends is a better option for me. I don't really want my friends to know about Cindy. I don't think they would understand and may loose them as friends.

If you loose friends because you tell them about Cindy - would you truly feel it a loss? If the only way to maintain a friendship with someone is to hide a rather essential part of your life from them, does that constitute a real friend? Everyone has secrets (and rightfully so), but I think you understand what I mean.

That is a large part of why I simply let some old friendships slide & fade out. I didn't expect they'd be very understanding (some of them I know would definitely NOT be accepting at all). That made my friends seem a lot less like friends.