Tired of the term crossdresser

[JoAnne Wheeler]

When I was younger and totally lived in the dark (thinking that I was the only male in the entire world that loved to dress in feminine clothes) I was called a Transvestite (a word that I hate).

When I got out of the dark (by finding this Forum), I discovered that I could be called a Crossdresser instead of a Transvestite. I also discovered that I am part of the Transgendered community. This made me feel much better.

But now, after I have come to accept what I am and what I love to do, I do not like the term Crossdresser. I am not crossdressing. These are my chosen clothes. I bought them. I love them. I wear them. They make me feel complete. I no longer am "crossing" anything. I am now who I am am I am at ease with it and I love it, and low and behold, IT IS ME !!!

Do any of you feel like that as you have traveled further on this wonderful journey into femininty ?

No longer feel like a crossdresser - Just feel like I am supposed too.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Girdlewoman]

I couldn't agree more. I have been on a similar "voyage of discovery" and have decided to just use the term transgendered and leave it at that. I loath labels anyway. Thank's for your insight. Peace, Charlene

[RWillow]

Thanks JoAnne, you put into words what I have been thinking for sometime now.

[Samantha43]

Labels don't really bother me. I am a man who wears mens clothing most of the time, but who also likes to wear women's clothing occasionally. If a label needs to be applied to that, then "crossdresser" is okay. It seems we as a society need a label for everything.

I don't consider myself "transgendered". I prefer to live my life as a man. I just have an interesting hobby...

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

So long as our society has such a strong divide in gender roles (in terms of acceptable personal presentation for men), I think some kind of term will be necessary. I really don't mind crossdresser, personally.

I completely understand just wanting to be referred to as simply being you. In reality, that is what we're all doing - just being ourselves. But with such distinct (and restricting) gender rules in place today, I think some kind term will be necessary for some time to come. People need simple descriptors for things. "Crossdresser" is a lot easier than saying "someone with male genitalia who dresses in the attire generally worn by someone with female genitalia". Not really a biggie to me, though I'd very much like to see the "gender rules" relaxed.

I'm a crossdresser, but more importantly, I'm just being who I am.

[Dr.Susan]

Well what term would you like others to address you by?

[Sarah Doepner]

It would be nice to move beyond the lables, but it seems society needs some kinds of shorthand way to categorize and sort out everyone. I only wish they could move beyond the negative, incorrect and abusive stereotypes when they use those lables.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Hi JoAnne-

Good for you, labels can be kind of limiting, especially other people's perceptions of what those labels mean. Unfortunately, there's not much of a way around it, except to just ignore them personally and keep on being yourself.

As far as I'm concerned, you can call me anything you want, and I've been called some doozies, just don't call me late for happy hour.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

F..K labels.........we are all HUMANS.....

but because we are still surounded by small minded cave dwelling morons we need labels for them to wrap their tiny pea brains around so they can deal with something that dont fit into their little world of "normal"

[TGMarla]

JoAnne, whereas I know exactly where you're coming from on this, the current status quo dictates the terminology. When I am dressed, I feel terrific. I don't feel out of place one bit, and my soul is comfortable. But at the same time, I am acutely aware that others do not see it that way, and that I'm still somewhat bound by the societal norms. When I go out, I feel terrific, but my heart still races. I feel like it's "normal" for me, but I still get nervous. So while I feel the same way you do about it, there's still a part of me that yells [SIZE=1](quietly now)[/SIZE] that I'm doing something that is unacceptable. That this is somehow wrong, even though we here know that it's not.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

It may be socially unacceptable, but I am at peace with myself - I no loner consider myself to be a crossdresser - I consider myself to be the REAL me

If that is unacceptable to society, so be it - but I have reached that point of acceptance in JoAnne's life that I no longer have to place a demeaning label on myself - I love being the most feminine Girl (JoAnne) that I can be and I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life (well, JoAnne's life)

I love all of your comments and hope to hear a lot more

JoAnne Wheeler

[PaulaJaneThomas]

I have an intense dislike of the term cross-dresser. It's akin to calling a gay man a b*ggerer. Transvestite means the same thing but in Latin to make it sound posh. I regard myself as Gender Variant because my gender identity isn't closely aligned to my birth sex. As I sometimes present as male and sometimes as female I therefore enact two gender roles which makes me Dual-Role Gender Variant although I tend to shorten that to Dual-Role Transgender. When I present as female I may undergo a process which some would label cross-dressing but to label me a cross-dresser is as meaningless as labelling me an eater because I eat when I'm hungry.

[Kate Simmons]

Gender is no longer a part of it for me. I appreciate everyone for who they are as a person. I guess that makes me a "peopleist", no?

[vivianann]

I have been going through the same thoughts too, I understand totaly what you are saying about being comfortable in feminine clothes, and to feel complete when wearing dresses. I have finally found a place, and that place is called femininity, and I love it. 20 years ago I would have never believed that I would reach a point where I would be more comfortable in femme mode in public than in male mode. And like you said it is me.


I femininty

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Well what term would you like others to address you by?

We will all ways have some type of labels put on us....but as for now we are all going to labels as crossdressers.....not a term that I like to be called.......but when I am out with other Cds or people that I meet out and about I tell them that I am not a crossdresser..
..........I AM A DRESSER.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Lorileah]

Whenever we attend meetings they have you fill out a tag to wear. I tend to be brief and just use my first name but others seemingly will fill out first and last name and all the academic letters and phone and business name and pet's name.


But the best one was at one meeting a woman wrote "Nunya". Of course that led to people saying my what an unusual name. She replied "That isn't my name. It means Nun ya business".

Labels can be fun

[AllieSF]

I can understand your dislike for the label. I too enjoy just being me. However,I do not want to be caught up in the "what label do I fit under" issue. I also understand that labels, like the term "pigeon holes", are used by most people, including me to get an initial grasp on a topic, person, country, culture or whatever based on our personal knowledge and experience. That helps me to initially understand better the person I am talking with or relating with. I always keep an open mind and only use it internally to try to better understand who or what the other person or topic may be. I easily and readily modify my initial thinking as I learn more about that person or topic. I am also very comfortable with myself now, and will not let words derail my enjoyment of this phase of my life. I hear the labels and sometimes use them to describe myself as a CDer, high handicap golfer and a mature person who occassionally suffers those "senior moments". I truly feel that there are much more important things to worry about than the use or non-use of lables, unless they are used in a derogative manner. Crossdresser is not a derogative word in itself, but rather a desriptive one.

[divamissz]

Well what term would you like others to address you by?

You could just address me by my name. That's all that matters.

[GaleWarning]

Well what term would you like others to address you by?

I agree. Why not simply be known by our name?
Labels are so demeaning.
Our own names are so empowering.
And the clothes really are meaningless.

[Joanne f]

I completely agree with you as i do not look upon myself as a cross dresser.

[shesadvl]

comes to a point that I have mentioned in some of my comments in the forum that I address whomever I am refering to by their name....not a he or a she,... no label attached, no matter if I know you personally or not... its by the name given.....unless I yam told otherwise.... same as being called a Mr or a Mrs or Miss... im neither of those..... no matter I have been married oi just like to be called Irene......yup dats me... "shesadvl "...thats my wicked devlish sense of humour & personality....laffing....

[Ralph]

You can decide it's inaccurate to call you a human and from now on you believe you should be called a space shuttle, but that doesn't make you one nor does it make you stop being a human.

Look, whether you think you are crossing your own personal boundaries isn't the point. "Crossdressing" (which is just English for the Latin "transvestism"... so why do the two identical terms mean something different?) just means that your choice of clothes "crosses" society's dividing line between the sexes. You want to argue that the dividing line is stupid and arbitrary, I'll be right beside you waving signs. But most folks of our persuasion openly state that they wish to "dress like a girl" or "feel more like a woman" or "be considered female" - so obviously at some level we also agree with society's dividing line, and we are choosing to CROSS it. Hence the term.

Until the day your anatomical gender and the commonly accepted gender that is the intended market for the clothes you wear, your clothing choice CROSSES from your anatomy to the label on that skirt.

You're even free to say you don't like the term and you would rather be called something else, great, I'll be glad to call you "space shuttle" at your request... but it doesn't stop you from being a crossdresser, it just stops people from calling you one if they want to humor you.

[ReineD]

If you ever need to define yourself to someone, for example a new person in your life, you might think about saying you are transgendered? This means you were born one birth gender and you "trans"cend it by wearing clothes commonly worn by the other gender.

I know many people don't like labels, but they really are necessary for communication.

[Lisa Golightly]

When I first appeared in the 'scene' there were a lot of people who wanted me to define myself by a label... So I did... My own... Always have been and always will be the Original Glamsexual.

[Angie G]

I tend not to worry about such things I'm a girl at heart and that's all I need to know.
Angie