I'm a lucky girl - Why do I feel uneasy somtimes?

[Danielle Gee]

Hi Girls: I have almost my ideal of a perfect life....My health is reasonably good for my age....I'm not rich, but my financial situation is generally good. I have a great and understanding wife who allows me to cross-dress whenever I want, She takes me shopping sometimes and helps me with my "Look"......She even calls me by my girly name when I'm dressed....And acts like I'm the most normal person she knows (even when I'm walking thru the living room in a bra and panties!!!).....So whats the problem you may ask??? I get this gnawing feeling in my gut that I'm not worthy of the life I have...or maybe that my wife deserves a husband who doesn't rush home..strip off his work clothes....and don feminine clothes...Have any of you other girls had feelings of low self-esteem?.....I'm not in a massive depression or anything, it just kind of bothers me sometimes.

[Carol A]

Danielle Gee,

Hay look there is nothing wrong with you or your wife. We have been married 45 years and if I am in a dress or jeans she treats me the same way. Been openly dressing in front of her since day one. She loves both of me and I am sure your wife does also.

[Phyliss]

Having been raised in a strict household and constantly hearing from teachers in school that it's sinful to enjoy yourself ( recovering catholic) I also sometimes get the feeling of "This is so much fun it should be against the law" It's taken many years and many many hours of "serious couch time" to get rid of those feelings. Still, there sometimes arises that "old bogeyman" of, "you're having too much fun and I'll get you" Fortunately he doesn't show up as often or hang around for very long anymore.

[charlie]

Hello Danielle!
You chose your wife all those many years ago and it seems that you chose well. I guess that if you have a nagging bit of guilt, those are the times that you should don your male garb and take her out on a date.

[Miranda09]

Hey, if you're both happy in the relationship, why question whether you're "worthy", which I always found a rather demeaning term. Be confident in both your roles and allow your wife to experience both sides of you. Your self esteem will grow, and very quickly. Have fun girl !!!!

[cdterri]

Danielle,
We are 2 peas in a pod. My life is as good as yours but I still feel quilty at times. I think We worry that We are not as good a husband, father, sibling, or friend as We could be if We did not spend so much of our time behind closed doors

[Teri Jean]

I have to agree with Charlie, maybe the guilt as you put it is not the dressing but the amount of time not treating your wife to a night out or quality male time.

Keli

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

...I get this gnawing feeling in my gut that I'm not worthy of the life I have...or maybe that my wife deserves a husband who doesn't rush home..strip off his work clothes....and don feminine clothes...Have any of you other girls had feelings of low self-esteem?.....I'm not in a massive depression or anything, it just kind of bothers me sometimes.

I get depressed at times, but definitely not because things are great in my life - it works the opposite for me, or perhaps the more expected way, as in when things are not good, I get depressed.

It does sound like you enjoy a good life. I'm not sure why you'd end up with such a low self-esteem. It almost sounds like you feel guilty for having the good life and the good wife that you currently enjoy. Is there any truth to that?

Why would you feel guilty for having it good? Might it be because you know that so many others do not have it good? Perhaps you don't feel like you're worthy of your life because you're a crossdresser and deep down inside that makes you feel bad about yourself? Just guessing at what might cause you to feel guilty about having it good.

Only you really know why you feel the way you do. If you really can't put your finger on it, I would consider counseling. Find a good therapist, start getting it all out, and allow the therapist help you discover what isn't sitting right in your emotions. What have you got to loose, aside from your low self-esteem?

[Danielle Gee]

I may have over-stated my feelings, but nevertheless I found your comments very thought provoking!

I have been to therapy along with my wife (not crossdressing issues).....whith two different Therapists......As I became more comfortable with them and a trust developed, I revealed my CD'ing....Both reacted in the same way, first with shock ( I have a stong male personna)...then it was "Well, we gonna need to help you get over that"....One even advised my wife "Don't encourage him..."It'll only make him worse...then he'll want a sex-change" needless to say, it took several years to get her past that comment.

But thanks for your insights and for caring enough to spend a few minutes of you life pondering my question

Love: Danielle

[Chari]

Be thankful for all you have - especially your very understanding and supportive wife! Regardless of your "outside packaging", inside you remain the guy she married. IMO, it is not guilt you are feeling but confusion as to trying to be comfortable living two personalities. Enjoy both.

[Marisa_M]

Dear Danielle:

Did you talk with your wife about those feelings?
Maybe letting her know about it can help you to clarify your doubts.

I tend to think that if she is so supportive and understanding as you say she is happy with you just as you are and don't need other kind of husband.

[Patricia Jane]

You are very fortunate,accept what you have. Your wife Loves you, you are able to do what You want too.You are Loved, be happy, enjoy yourself!

[ChloeB]

You're very lucky in your wife. Perhaps you worry that you're not paying enough attention to what SHE wants.

[sometimes_miss]

Low self esteem?

Gee, could it possibly be the general attitude of society towards us that induces these feelings?

I would guess so. We live with the experience of seeing ourselves depicted as freaks and perverts whenever crossdressing is mentioned in the media. I don't think I've ever seen anything positive, ever, in print, on the radio or TV about a crossdresser. We see the 'my child is an honor student' tags on cars. We get people showing off their sports hero children all the time.

But when was the last time you saw a parent going around with pictures of their kid, going, 'Look! My son is a crossdresser! Isn't it great? Doesn't he look pretty in his gown? Here's another picture of him in his thong!'.
Nope, you won't see that very often!

[Sandra]

Dear Danielle:

Did you talk with your wife about those feelings?
Maybe letting her know about it can help you to clarify your doubts.

I tend to think that if she is so supportive and understanding as you say she is happy with you just as you are and don't need other kind of husband.

I agree with Marisa, talk to your wife about how you are feeling.

She is supporting and helping you in the cding, and maybe she can help you now to help you overcome these uneasy feelings you have.

[Alice B]

Do not suffer from low self esteem but the old Catholic guilt does seep in from time to time. You have an ideal situation that a great deal of us would dearly love to have. Enjoy and do not feel at all guilty.

[Sam-antha]

I do totally agree with Alice. Low self esteem or whatever is just debilitating and is not a worthwhile ocupation. Don't do it. Fell miserable sometimes, that is normal, but otherwise it is a bad habit.
Enjoy life, there is not so very much of it to spare and I tend to think that therapists are really a misuse of time for us in here.

~Samm

[Kaz]

Hi Danielle, I am with Marisa and Sandra on this. If your wife is so supporting then you should ask yourself why that is... because she values you for who you really are? ie the whole package?

Most of us hit low-esteem points at various points in our lives, whether we are failing in life or succeeding - we can hate ourselves for anything really. I often feel these days that I have let my wife down over the years and could have been a better husband, father, etc... Whenever I raise this with her... I get a very different view of things from her! And realise how wrong I can be...

I would talk to her about these feelings and about what she wants.

[GaleWarning]

You are not alone. Here is the first verse of Kris Kristofferson's song, Why Me Lord?

Why me Lord, what have I ever done
To deserve even one
Of the pleasures I've known
Tell me Lord, what did I ever done
That was worth loving you
Or the kindness you've shown


Who knows the answer?
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why do bad people prosper?

Is it in the genes?
Or is it just a question of good or bad luck?
How much control DO we have over our own lives?

I have absolutely no idea.
All I will say is that you should not feel any guilt if you have been fortunate enough to be living comfortably at your stage of life.
You probably deserve it.
Enjoy it!
Pass it forward, if you can!

[Danielle Gee]

I'm leaving this site (for a sec)....I'm going to I-tunes to download it....I've never been a "huge" fan of KK, but this sounds relevent!!

Thanks to you (and all the other Girls) for the love & advice

Danielle

[Angie G]

You wife dosen't seem to mine and even plays along it make you feel good your not hurting anyone. So let it go life's short enjoy it as you are your a good person and we love you Danielle.
Angie

[DianneW]

How about having a serious conversation with your wife,a heart to heart, ask her, her true feelings about your CDing. You may be surprised, but be prepared to live with her answer. Ask her if theres anything that you can do for her and then do your dam best to grant her wish,wishes.
And don't forget to tell how much You Love Her. You have a special wife, treat her right, I know, because I have one too.

[trannie T]

Do something nice for her, send her flowers, wash the windows, buy her some jewelry and don't ask to borrow it for several months.

[kellylynn_31]

Hi, I am in the same situation and have the same feelings as you. I agree that talking with wife is usually for the best. I have had many discussions with mine and she reinforces her love for me. My biggest dilemma at this point is no time to dress so I get a bit moody on her.

Luck to you
Kelly