House Guest?

[sometimes_miss]

I don't think 6 months is such a long time for someone to get their life together; especially since that person has probably never lived out on their own before. It's easy for some of us to think it's simple to do, mostly because we know how to do it. A person of 19 most likely has little cash, no credit, no references to give. Finding housing isn't going to be simple for her, and setting up jobs with enough income to afford living out in the real world will be a challenge as well. I think the shock of being kicked out of her own family will be enough to make her think pretty hard about what the rest of her life will be like.

Kim, more power to you. I'm sure you can 'keep things under wraps' for a while. Besides, it's good for your karma.

[jennCD]

That is quite wonderful of you, Kimberly,... you can do for this girl what my wife and I regularly do for every stray dog or cat we find... however, luckily for you, it's probably unlikely she'll stay for life LOL... well, unless she hits it off with your son!


jenn

[Dawn Marie]

Kimberly, I hope everything turns out ok for you. I did the same thing a couple of years back. The girl was thrown out by her parents with no place to go. It was actually my ex-wife who suggest to her to come see me. As it turned out my ex told her about my secret, which she was perfectly fine with. In fact at the time she helped me go farther on my part than I could possible go by myself. With makeup tips, hair, and wardrobe. Strange thou at the time she and I were both the same size, so she ended up wearing a lot of my clothes, with permission of course. Seeings how she had nothing. Like you there was some rules too. She had to finish school, and either get a job or help around the house. It was her senior year and she graduate with my help.
All in all it was a great experince and a satisfying one. we both helped each other. She stayed with me for a year and half. she could have stayed longer but she said she wanted to make it on her own after she got a better job.
Good luck Kim, I don't think you will regret your decision.,

[MarcellaMcNul]

"A major interference in your lifestyle"?...Absolutely! Is it selfish to consider that a consequence? Absolutely not! IMHO you and your family are about as unselfish as it gets.

As others have posted opening your home and your heart to a troubled soul has great risk both materially and emotionally.

My best wishes to all concerned.I tip my hat to you(the one with the blue ribbon bow).

[Mary Morgan]

As others have said, you are to be commended for your kindness and thoughfulness. Good things come to those who wait.

[Lois Page]

Kim:
Could you book the earliest flights for your trips? You might be able to leave for the airport en femme, before your guest gets up. Risky, but an option.
Best regards.
Lois

[Fab Karen]

It's your house, and you'd be doing her a huge favor. How about honesty about what you are? She can decline if she's bigoted.

[Deb The Brunette]

Kimberly,

It's wonderful that there are still kind hearted souls like you around.

I can speak from experience here but from the other side for at the age of 17 I found myself homeless, financially desperate and over all in a very sorry state and had it not been for a couple.... who I barely new to be honest... taking me into their home and taking care of me for nearly two years I do not know what may have happened to me on the streets for I was already living 24/7

I shall always be grateful to those lovely people and I think of them and remember them with great fondness for I would not be where I am now if not for them, they have both passed away now but I have an old photo of them hanging on my wall lest I forget sometimes

So Kimberely ....bless you

Debs x

[Starr]

Kim, just do some good planning and be firm with what is required. I have a GG friend who is always trying to help someone down on their luck.. and about 50% of the time she gets screwed over by them.

[Angie G]

I know it's a hard thing to invite someone to stay in your home. And when it is such an inconvenience your offering this shows what a loving and caring person you and your wife are. Your the best hun I just hope you don't get burnt on the deal.
Angie

[Sarah Doepner]

Kim,
Good for you, but remember "no good deed goes unpunished". Wait, that's just at work.

My wife and I have done the same thing and found that it is a great "Tough Love" opportunity. Once she has had a bit of time to settle down and think about her choices and life, you need to keep her aware of your expectations while she is in your house. We found that by letting our guests set their own schedules and slide over their committments to us they made no progress and our help was in vain. Good luck and I hope you are back at the airport in those great shoes again soon.

[Desiree2bababe]

Being good will pay off ten fold........the world needs more like you

[Sam-antha]

Thats great and I echo many of the thoughts and avice offered to you, but and there has to be a but, why six months ?
Do you still have the option of saying goodbye to her before the time is up ? I would have gone for a probationary month followed by a three month acceptance. Six months could mean you chucking her out in the winter. Not that your winter is in any way like mine, but still.

Further, I would not have interrupted my lifestyle in any way. But then it is my life and I know how suddenly it can end,age notwithstanding, there is accident or illness.

Still it is your and your family's choice and I applaud it your intent.
~Samm

[Amber-Sue]

When my daughter was still in school two of her friends were in the same state of life that your sons friend is. I set rules, told parents where the child was and informed the police that I was taking in the girls. they were free to go back home at anytime. Everything worked out fine and both girls still after all this time call me "DAD" whenever they see me.
keep your heart open and good luck. BTW love reading your travel posts.

Amber

[Angel.Marie76]

I see I'm a little late on this thread, but my thoughts match many already said.It takes a heart of gold to take someone into your home as long as you feel that person is trustworthy enough to share your home with. Also, I understand the issue with your son not wanting you to tell her about your dressing. I suppose, if your son feels that she's ready and able to accept the news that you CD, maybe you could leave it to him to break the news and it might ease your life in the end.

Not being able to travel dressed as you do so often I'm sure will bother you for some time, and i do hope that the energies of all balance off. A good deed such as this deserves such a karmic reward.

Do be careful though, and as you already know, keep firm. Write up a contract even so that she understands these terms as a finality. Have your son, yourself and her sign it so that everyone is clear about the rules. Be a manager, if you will, of her - that is, if you really want to make sure that she keeps on track, and be fair with her about the realities of it all. If you set daily / weekly / monthly goals, she'll have something to reward herself with and you will have the satisfaction of getting a nice girl back on her feet.

Best of luck and good will to her and you!

--Angel

[juliew]

Kimberley,

Many years ago my son packed his bags and moved out of his mom's home with her drunken curses ringing in his ears. A long time friend took him in and and my son spent the last six months of his high school senior year sleeping on my friend's couch. I was several hundred miles away and he wanted to finish HS with lifetime friends. The kicker was that my friend had just remarried. He and his new bride took my son into their home less then two weeks after their wedding. To cut to the chase, my son finished HS, moved in with my family and I, went on to get a degree and is making a heck of a lot more money then his dad. I will be forever indebted to that friend that took a 17 year old young man into his home at much sacrifice to his life style. God bless people like you.

Jolene

[Rita D]

Hi Kim-
Wish I had come to this thread earlier, so I wasn't just parroting what so many other ladies have already said. But you are indeed a jewel!
I can only hope and pray that if I were ever put in a similar situation that I could be so loving and selfless.
I will be definitely keeping you, your family, and the young lady in my thoughts and prayers in the days to come. Bless you...

[kristinacd55]

I think Kim if ur making this sacrifice of allowing her to stay in your house, YOU should be allowed to do your dressing b4 you go on your trips! Your generousity shouldn't extend so far as to interfere with your regular life completely. And 6 months sure seems like a long time for you not to dress up b4 you go out.

[Sheila]

KIm, hearts of gold I do not doubt you and your wife have .......... but I please ask you to ask yourslves WHY? WHY have her parents thrown her out .................. trust me for a parent to do that, there really has to be some serious Shite going on involving their child ............. I speak from experiance ................. please please be very careful, for oyurselves and your young family

[falcongts]

Kim
Thanks for helping
I know what its like to try to live out of a car 30 out side gets cold fast in the winter and over 100 in summer been there In my case I had a job unable to make it on my own (look up to see the bottom) anyway
they will see the love your family has for her and each other !!!!!!! and that is priceless for sure

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah, that.

I doubt very much she'd have enough of a problem to go back to living in her car.

You are killin me! Yeah she won't say "Well heck with this, I am not going to live with a TG person, I am going back to living in my car!"

NOW something Kimberly - consider this very serious -
There are 3 basic levels of knowing someone -

Knowing they exist. [lowest level]
Knowing their personality [This is where friendships are made or not]
Knowing what it is like to live with them [And all their bad habits and such]

You do not truely know someone until you have had to live with them. Most people are not good at putting on an act for more than a few days.

She is a woman, she can find a place to stay. If a man is out on his ass, he might just be up a creek but you don't see many homeless women or children.

And remember, people who are in a rut, they always act like it is not their fault.

[MichelleGray502]

Kim what you and your wife are doing is the thing that most good people would do to help out there Kids friends in the time of need, I couldnt Imagine what it would be like to live in a car in 100F heat during the day. But I agree with everything that has been said in this thread already.

You and your wife have a heart of gold and no you are not being selfish by setting some ground rules and not letting how you and your wife live your lives since this your your home and not hers if she doesnt like it she knows where the door is..

I wish you the best of luck Lov and yes keep a eye on her and make sure she makes a effort on improving her lifestyle, 6 months is a long time to let her stay but I know you are doing this for your son and showing that you are a very nice person with heart of gold..

[Rebecca Jackson]

Kimberly,
As some many have already said, you are a wonderful person and you have a heart of gold. You continue to inspire us in so many ways. Please be careful.

Rebecca

[Sally2005]

I think it is generous to offer help. It is important to know exactly why she was kicked out. Is a handout really what she needs or is it just delaying her learning how to survive on her own? For example, My brother has never really become financially responsible because everyone always 'gave him a break' and in the end he just expects more...sad, really. The other thing to consider is the impact on your kid...once the relationship turns sour, will you kick her out? What if you hand the responsibility to your son?...you set the rules, he makes the call if she stays or not and he imposes his positive influence on her. ...just watch out for a negative influence she might have on your son (better if he is a responsible leader type vs. follower). If you can help her to turn her life around the reward will probably outweigh the risk. Don't expact it to be stress free.

[ReineD]

Kim, I completely agree with not wanting to divulge the CDing to her if this is your son's wish.

One thing you might want to consider. If this girl is like most 19 year olds I know, there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING that will wake her up at 4 or 5 AM, especially if you walk quietly past her and out the door. Also, I don't know the layout of your living room, but could you possibly buy a foldable screen that she can put up near the sofa when she goes to sleep, for her privacy and so that others can move about without waking her up?

Or, if you are concerned she will wake up, you could just wear something like a large man shirt over your clothes, and perhaps consider putting on your wig in the car. If she does wake up, she will be too groggy to notice that anything is amiss. Plus, isn't it dark at that time in the morning during most of the year? Would she even notice the makeup if you keep the lights out while you leave?

And no, I don't think it is selfish of you to be concerned about potentially not being able to express yourself. Being Kim is essential to your well-being. And I think you have a heart of gold to even consider taking your son's friend in. It will all work out, I'm sure. And she might also be a great addition to your family right now. An extra pair of hands to help out around the house while the baby is so young? This would benefit everyone, but mostly her. I should think it would be wonderful for her to feel needed, especially since her family has abandoned her.

OK, one last thought. I have a friend whose daughter is now in her early 30s and doing very well. But she was unruly when she was a teenager. My friend decided to practice "tough love" and told her daughter if she wanted to carry on the way she was, she would have to leave. The daughter did just that and I know this was the hardest week that my friend ever experienced. The daughter eventually came to her senses and came back home. Everything changed after that. My point is that your young guest might not be in your home for as long as you think.