So my wife and son have been visiting her family for the past week or so. (They have wisely escaped the Texas summer for more reasonable July weather of Wisconsin.) I've spent much of my free time this past week discovering myself:
** I painted my toes for the first time.
** I posted my first message to this board with a few pictures, after I got my first pair of shoes and a wig. I was amazed by the warm and heartfelt welcome I so quickly received from everybody here.
** I've read for hours and hours about who we are.
** I now know that gender and sex are both very real. I know what "gender dysphoric" means.
** I've taken multiple gender identity tests. (It turns out I pretty much right down the middle --"class three Androgynous")
** Danielle finally told me her name.
** I realized that Danielle doesn't really need a name. She and I are the same person. Of course it IS a beautiful name, so I think I'll keep it.
** I've relived dozens and dozens of deep memories, from childhood, adolescence, and into my adult life.
-- I finally understand why I spent a couple of years in therapy in elementary school. In all thoses visits, I can't rememeber a single conversation about gender indentity. I just knew that I was sad and alone.
-- I understand my childhood migraines.
-- I understand why I only dated a few women in my life, and why each time I grew close to a woman we formed an emotional bond that was very strong and very confusing.
** I've cried, a lot.....
** I've smiled, a lot.... I've never known how to really smile; simply relax and smile. I think I'm learning. It feels really good.
After 37 years of looking at a puzzle, but never really trying to actually put the pieces together, I'm finally putting things together. I credit this community with helping me through such a profound journey. Thank You!
Tonight I'm going to take a long walk with my wife and share my story. I'm so scared, but I know I'm ready. Wish me luck.
Danielle
