The question as I understand it, do you go out ? And why not if not.
I think there are as many answers as there are people ... but you can distill those down to one main reason: fear. Plain and simple, if we didn't fear bad reactions and we thought we would be accepted, many many more would go out.
The good news is that once you do go out, you'll find that it isn't as bad as you thought. In fact, most of the time it is just fine !
I would agree that in a crowd you are hardly noticed, walking down the road on your own in a fairly populated area, maybe or maybe not.
If I see a gang of lads (young men) walking towards me I could set my watch by the fact that one of them will pass comment, the problem with groups of guys is that there is always one that likes to shout something out if they see anyone or anything that is slightly different. The other problem for some of us is male attention, guys are programmed to look at women that look attractive, so they see you, they look once then again and maybe again, and then spot something different about you. Most people only look once if at all, but guys that are looking for an easy prey will look harder, probably for much the same reason most of us have looked at women whether we look at them because we fancy them or wish we could be like them. Women might bitch sometimes if they think you look too good, why should any trannie look as good if not better than they do, but generally women are ok because you are not seen as a threat to them, sexually, the biggest problem out there is men that are supposedly straight in their eyes, and they see a trans woman and identify them and very quickly become insecure in themselves, because they can't stand the thought of being attracted to a man, even dressed as a woman, it falls outside their realms of understanding, most women don't care how a man dresses or looks, if your gay your gay so what, we live in a society where gender roles prevail, and most men want women to look like women and men to look like men, that way they know what they want.
Some men are bi sexual, the one's that will come on to you, I've had it a lot, I live in a predominantly asian area and believe me being homosexual is almost a crime in some cultures, but a trans girl is an exception, she might be seen as male but she is presenting as a female therefore it is not so wrong to consider going with her. I don't know what its like in the states I live in England but I would say you are possibly under more threat the more convincing that you are, most people will just laugh at an obvious trannie, or ignore them, if you look good you could well be at threat under the wrong circumstances, for some of us you have got to learn to live your life as a trans women, knowing full well you don't pass fully, but still knowing you will get looked at a lot actually, and that's hard when you have just spent 25 years living as male just wishing you could be a girl, but the reality isn't necessarily what you thought it would be.
wow shirley1, I totally agree with your view. And I have had many experience to back that up. For me I got over the fear of going out in public and now at the point of really interested in peoples reactions whether it is totally passable or people end up clocking me.
Coming to terms with my level of CD'ing, coming out to my wife, then finally going out in public, then onto judging peoples reactions to finally just having plain old fun. Going out, people in general are really accepting. For a lot of CD'ers, coming/going out is 100% personal fear, 100% fear of being recognized etc. But once you do it, wow! interacting with women is a whole level completely.
I'm at the point that I just don't care. I think I get clocked 20%, but maybe it's more like 40% (who knows), I just don't care. I have had the chance for the past week to allow the pink fog to set in while the wife is away. when I'm in guy mode, i dress in mens sandals and my favourite nail polish to show off. now that's interesting to see peoples reactions. At least like some people say dressing enfemme allows you to blend in - but for me thats 2nd nature - seriously I wear nail polish in the mens sauna at the Gym. If i can do that, i certainly don't care about peoples reactions in public.
I have been approached by many girls asking all sorts of questions, I have even been asked out many of times while dressed, but I wear a womens engagement ring on my wedding finger to symbolise my marriage to my wife while dressed.
Last edited by Natasha TG; 07-23-2009 at 08:46 AM.
Tricia, "We walk among you!" I think you might be surprised to know exactly how many of us there are out there. Most of us don't frequent the same places that you do. We are just out there living are lives like everybody else. We could be your neighbors and you wouldn't even know it.
Remember this "You are never alone. The truth is out there." ( a little opening credit x-file music here.)
CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.
The hard reality is because society doesn't accept us. It's not fair, but then again, life isn't fair in so many ways. Maybe someday our time will come, I only hope I'm alive to see it.
Told you I hadn't really thought about it!
By out I really meant out in the public eye. Where I dress there are plenty of girls like us, but they only seem to come out at night in the areas that could be deemed safe.
I beliweve that for us, as a group (if thats what we want to be) to be taken seriously we need to be out there and mixing with the rest of society. That way we will not be seen as a freak show but as a people with genuine needs and desires.
I get more grief in the so called safe areas of the City - where people specifically come to gawp at girls like me than I ever do in the City itself, where people are in the most part respectful.
I just feel that the more of us get out there and do it, the more will follow and the more seriosly we will be taken.
BUT It is real fun out there if your brave enough and provided you have safety at the front of your mind.
Go for it girls
I strut my stuff, I feel so proud,
I need to shout, to scream out loud,
I am Tricia I am she,
I am who I want to be
http://tricia-dale.blogspot.com/
While looking at some of the photos you girls have attached to your post. It must be easier of some of you to go out into public. You have either worked really hard at learning the skills or have been given a gift of being really passable. I have seen GG that are not as pretty. As of me I have gone out into public twice dressed. Both times it appeared that I was getting more looks than I wanted. I just believe that I look like a linebacker in a dress. It could have been because I was was so afraid of running into someone I know. I think as we get older we may not care as much about what others think. I also think as we get older it helps some of us to be more passable.
Jaclyn, no, it isn't. But unless we do something about it life will remain that way. HugsOriginally Posted by Jaclyn NM
I strut my stuff, I feel so proud,
I need to shout, to scream out loud,
I am Tricia I am she,
I am who I want to be
http://tricia-dale.blogspot.com/
Hi Tricia,
Glad your having fun with it. I think one of the main reasons people aren't that confident is because most have families to consider. Its one thing being labelled yourself but wifes, children etc etc might not thank you for it and thankfully most CDs do consider the effects that it may have on family members.
I am not ashamed of what my fella does at all, however, because of the nature of my job, I'd be a tad wary of the reaction I'd get if my work colleagues were to find out.
Having said that, we have fun with it and we do get out as much as we possible can do, we are just careful where we go and with whom we mix.
Take care and carry on enjoying yourself
Bev
Hi Bev,
Yes, I understand. I have a family and a job (in drab). I am therefore careful that I don't dress around areas of my life which may be affected. But again I feel (sorry I'm going on one tonight) that unless we do something about it, that will always be the case. It means that I have to dress away from my home and my workplace but in the UK that isn't difficult. I am aware of all the obstacles out there but strongly believe that as a group we can and ought to break them down.
I strut my stuff, I feel so proud,
I need to shout, to scream out loud,
I am Tricia I am she,
I am who I want to be
http://tricia-dale.blogspot.com/
This is one of those threads whose actual content is sort of debateably related to the original query.
The missing attitude that most folk relate to is not "brave", nor "lack of fear (of what)", it is a mind set. Once outside the door and in the street, then that is where you are. In and part of the street.
Eventually you interact with people out there ( you will probably never see them again ).
First there will be shopping and then life progresses.
As an example, as you progress, when you are in a hotel, at breakfast, you will find that you do not hide away at an empty table and hope no one will come to sit with you. You will just sit at an empty table. Eventually you will choose to sit with someone, or if someone does arrive at your empty table, you will chat.
As far as support from groups etc, I do not really think that it is a significant help. There is still the first time out of the door alone.
I do however accept Bev's remark that in many cases, it has to be an away from home "exercise". But even then, the problems are the same. Mind set and with it, the later developing confidence.
Anyway, "Same or Different" ? The same I think, just a tad more developed.
~Samm
.
'Kerriana "Samantha.....i feel like I'm hearing her through fractured glass.. She makes sense if you kinda squint"
hey hun, know how ur feeling and ur not alone,and the stats do say that theres1 in 10 that crossdress and 1 in 100 that are gay!! so what do that say????!!!!! So happy days. lol.
Carys
x
The simle awnser is that life is complicated enough as it is so why add to it. I ,at least for me and those of you in the trucking industry can understand. Truckers are a rough breed and are hard on gays and for us girls it could be fatal, I know of three gils that came out and one was immidiately assaulted and all were fired and had to retain attorney's to regain there jobs so I am out to my family and have the full support of my wife Mrs.M and she is the source of much ... well lets just say she says "who cares get dressed and lets go out". I am very fearful of what could happen and to my wife in my absence because of societies ignorance. I know my fears are unfounded but I have them just the same. The first time I went out was in my home town in the middle of the day but I did have fun , I have been out a few other times to shop and dinner but not much,I need to go out more.As for the effect on my male side , I think I have allowed Viccy to cme out more through Tim than anything else perhaps because I cannot get out as much as I want. I am growing and slowly reaching the point where I don't care. I no longer close the shades ,I sit in plain view to the world as I write this.
On the road of discovery ... learning to be the woman I have always been.
Http://photobucket.com/viccy
It takes a lot of guts to get out and about. Not many of us can pass (I know I dont, mainly because of my size). It took until age 43 after dressing secretly since the age of 12 to finally get out there.
Was it fun?
Am I happy?
Answer - absolutely YES.
I agree.
Tash
We can analyse the self-rationalisations of some of us as to why they are not out but often that will give us an incomplete and skewed answer for why so few are in the community.
More Gays and Lesbians are out than us even though the stats suggest we may outnumber them. They too just a few decades ago were often married, had kids and risked much by being out.
So what changed for them that has not for our community?
Why did so many Gays and Lesbians come out over the last several decades?
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