[SIZE="4"]Please avoid specifics and TMI[/SIZE] (TMI == Too Much Information)
(This may at first merely seem to have been posted merely to be provocative, but if you keep reading, you will see there is a real point.)
Suppose you were offered (sincere) sexual bribes to not cross-dress, "Do not cross-dress for <time-period> and I will <something sexual> with (or for) you". Probably many of us would be willing to skip a day in return for the certainty of some favourite (or previously denied) act -- but (keeping your response clean!!) how much cross-dressing would you be willing to give up for how little? For the purposes of this part of the discussion, assume that "bribe" refers to something "extra", not to a denial of whatever you are experiencing now.
Now, the flip side of the same question, the side that I suspect more people might relate to: suppose your SO were to attempt to use "sexual blackmail" to get you to stop crossdressing. Perhaps something like, "I am uncomfortable / hate the idea of you cross-dressing, and in future, each time you do it, I will deny you <sexual act> for <time period>". Or perhaps the more gently phrased but same effect, "When you cross-dress, I feel like a barrier is put up between us, and it takes me <time period> without you cross-dressing before I am comfortable doing <sexual act> with you". In the extreme case, of course, there is "If I ever catch you cross-dressing or find out you've been cross-dressing, then I promise you that that will be the end of our sex life!!" How much cross-dressing would you be willing to give up in order to maintain your current relationship?
You might be wondering what triggered such questions. As I rebuild my relationship with my wife, it seems likely that we will be expressing comfort zones and negotiating boundaries in several areas, including my CD / TG status, which she is more uncomfortable with than I previously knew. So without any malice or ill intent in the process, I might be faced with questions of how much CD + TG I am willing to trade off against physical and emotional intimacy. And I don't presently know the answer to that.
I have also asked my therapist for a referral to a gender therapist, with the intent of helping me analyze more closely my gender boundaries. I know what I feel to be true of myself, but I don't know that I have been asking myself the right questions... and there have been some parts of me that I have avoided asking myself questions about. And in thinking to myself of what kinds of questions the therapist would be likely to ask in order to determine the extent to which my feelings are part of my identity, I realized that an obvious question was "What would you prepared to give up in order to express this identity you feel?"
Example: over the last couple of years, I have more and more been getting the urge to wear skirts (not necessarily anything too fancy or too colourful) at work. I recently investigated our official employment policy and found out that it is within the bounds of the policy and that my work is prepared to cooperate, especially if I work with them to smooth the transition. I have been feeling more and more that I should go "public" (no longer hiding it from neighbours or work) because doing otherwise is forcing me to bury what I really am (for logistical reasons, and for the fear that someone might see me outside work and suddenly it would become An Incident that has to be hurried reacted to instead of there being a plan in place). Hypothesize that my wife's boundaries on that matter are "No way, Jose'!"... how much of what I feel internally is what i need to do, am I prepared to trade off for domestic harmony?
Now, obviously no-one other then I can say what I am prepared to live with, but I know a lot of other people have been faced with similar issues, and I wonder how different people have handled these matters in real life. Saying "If your SO doesn't fully accept you as CD / TG, then they don't fully accept you, and you should get out of the relationship" of course has some truth to it... but humans are not always rational, and giving up a long relationship when there is still caring between the two of you, is not a black-and-white decision.