It wasn't until very recently that I finally admitted to myself that I should have been born female. All this time I just believed it was a CDing thing and it didn't mean much other than my love of the clothes. But as I look around at women my age and how they're dressed and how they wear their hair and makeup I can't help but think "That could've been me!" And I guess this feeling has been around since my earliest memories, but I just didn't want to own up to it.
I see what young girls and teenage girls are wearing nowadays and I just can't help thinking "That SO would've been my style had I been a girl at that age." And now this wave of frustration sets in when I realize that I never had the chance to grow up as a female. I never had a choice in the matter. Even if I had brought up to my parents that I wanted to be a girl I sincerely doubt that they would've allowed it.
Can I change things now? I could. But it'd be asking a lot from my family who've known me for 27 years. Hell, it'd be a huge adjustment for me.
So where does that leave me? I don't want to be a CDer in the closet. I don't want to make the huge adjustment to living as a woman 24/7. Even if I did it'd feel too much like clinging to a fantasy that is leagues away from the reality that I've known for the 27 years of my life.
If anybody can decipher my ramblings, have you ever been in the same position? If so, how did you handle it?