So there I was... coming up hard and fast on Saturday night with nothing to do. Oh, I suppose there's always something to do, but you know how it is when you're broke and bored. Then I remembered that a friend of mine was doing his karaoke show at a bar on the west side of town. Called up a few other friends to see if they were going... one only wanted to go if someone gave him a ride. Okay, I said, that's fine. See ya in a while.
He called me back later to say he'd drive himself after all. I'd never been to this bar before, so I Mapquested it while we were on the phone. Looking at the map, I realized I'd driven by the place quite a number of times over the years.... and realized what I'd seen there. "That's a biker bar, isn't it?" "Yeah," he says, laughing, "and I suppose you're all dressed up already!"
Not to worry, though... remember, the only people who can afford Harleys these days are lawyers and CPAs. Okay... maybe the lawyers are cause for concern... riff-raff who smell of Polo.
Anyhow, the place was a bit short on bikers for any day of the week, let alone a Saturday. I counted 4 motorcycles (usually there's a hundred), and soon found out that 3 of them belonged to people I know. Walking in, I spotted my lady friend who shops with me... wearing a corset and a bra for a top. *Drool* She's not a 98-pound stick (not big on the concentration-camp chic anyway), but damn, is she sexy.
Then I saw another gal I haven't seen for 6 months since she moved to Seattle. She'd come down to spend the weekend... and I can't recall the last time I've seen anyone so excited to see me. She'd never actually seen me in drag before, but had no trouble recognizing me. (See what I mean about "passing?" LOL!) Anyway, she spent a good part of the evening sitting in my lap... right where I could admire her awesome D-- uh... er... necklace. Yeah, that's it.
We talked about this, that, the other thing, ya know... come to find out, nothing lives in her underwear drawer but Victoria's Secret. Dammit! Why didn't I meet this girl before that other ******* did! If we were together, we'd have a VS credit card with both our names on it. She's even close to me in sizes... except cup sizes, of course.
She peeled her top down a bit to show me some lacy goodness, and next thing I knew, BOOM! went the sound of three guys nearby breaking the sound barrier to get there and get a glimpse. If I hadn't heard the sonic boom, I'd swear they had just materialized, like that Star Trek transporter thingie, only faster. "Get the f*ck away, you clowns!" said I. "Mine! Go ask that girl over there," pointing at my other friend, "she'll show you hers. Geez!"
Well, hey, I'm a guy; I know how it is. Once you've seen one pair of boobs... you want to see them all.
Another GG friend showed up, and we hardly recognized her -- she was wearing a dress! She claimed it was the only clean thing she had to wear to work yesterday. Uh-huh... <sigh> She's a pretty one, but kinda young and immature. I say that... but the real reason is that she's a really good and nice girl, and wouldn't want no truck with me.
At some point, this really drunk guy started a conversation with me. No biggie... except it pretty soon became clear that he was hitting on everything that resembled female, and was after a little more than a chat about the weather. No amount of my insistence -- or that of my friends -- could convince him that I... ah... wasn't really a good avenue to pursue. "He's a guy, dammit!" but to no avail. This dude was even getting a little too friendly while I was at the microphone.... yeesh.
And oh, did all the girls laugh at my predicament! No sympathy to be had there! They have to put up with that crap all the time, but I can "turn the girl off." And no kidding. I guess because I was raised to be a gentleman, I didn't realize some men could be so boorish. And drunk. And then it made me wonder -- how drunk have *I* been? Good Lord! Thankfully, I don't think I've ever been that inebriated.
I did learn some of the tactics and ways gals will cooperate to fend off unwanted male attention... they're sneaky, those females.It gets to be a surreal experience sometimes.
The bartender was a doll, I tell ya. I've never seen the combination of fishnet hose and motorcycle chaps before, but it was hawt. I had to disappoint her, like I have others, when she asked for my "girl name." She told my friends I was cute, though.
On the way to the restroom once, some guy hollered, "that's the men's room, sweetheart!" I turned, smiled... "thanks!" and marched on in. Well, why not? I was feeling froggy, and a good brawl is so hard to come by these days. Must be the fluoride in the water.
Anyhow... just another night out, really... I'm leaving out some details that might be considered TMI for this board... and alas, no photos appropriate for here, either... I just never think to take them. Suppose I'd look a bit self-centered if I did that all the time, anyway, and as cool as my friends are, I'm not going there.
Is there a moral or a point to this story? Not really. But if anyone wants to get out and have a good time; to leave the closet behind -- well, if shy little ol' me -- this shrinking wallflower -- can do it, you can too. Ah, er, don't be shy when you do, though.
Added: Thanks to kellycan27 for this little illustration of how beer goggles work:
.gif "Big Roll Eyes")
