Do you want your neighbor to know about you. It might be worth the try. Don't tell the boy until later or at least let the mother be there at that time. Your wife may help you and the neighbor will see that it is not being gay. Your risk is that she may tell everyone on the street.
Last edited by Holly; 08-19-2009 at 08:58 PM. Reason: Quoting the entire original post is not necessary and clutters up the thread.
i do not envy you your postion. i agree with those that advise leting your wife handle this , with you perhaps advising from the sidelines. i wouldnt recommending " outing " yourself, however. the problem with with that is that the young man seems very, very close with his sister. my god, i know i would have been if my sistr had spent a summer helping me dress. but if he tells his sister, then it will be a good bet the whole local highschool will know in record time. just something to think about
I agree with Kathi Lake, let your wife take the lead and perhaps slowly introduce the facts about Cding to the mom. Once she seems to have an understanding then your wife could explain why she has some insight. It sounds like the boy lacked a father figure in his life and that perhaps you could be a suragate dad in a very unique way. But I don't think you should introduce your fem side to either the mom, son or daughter at least not anytime soon.
My thoughts exactly, except I would leave it alone for now. Time will tell whether or not you should get involved.Originally Posted by sterling12
"I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke"
While it probably wouldn't be prudent for guynheels or his wife to tell that women about guynheals' crossdressing for now, a fib about a crossdressing cousin or nephew might be too specific. Even that little fabrication might endanger guynheels' credibility should the neighbor eventualy learn about guynheels' crossdressing. A vauger mention about knowing a crossdresser, which guynheels' wife isn't prepared to identify, might be safer if the neighbor gets concerned about a "corrupting influence".
Meanwhile guynheels' wife could help the neighbor learn about crossdressers and their varied motives through reading and some thoughtful Internet sources. Should the neighbor get comfortable enough with her son's crossdressing to be confident the son didn't get the idea from gutnheels, that might make identifying guynheels as the mystery crossdresser more prudent.
Yes. Tell her.
Swap shoes for a minute. If you were the kid, and your neighbor could reduce the magnitude of your mom freaking out...
Shame on you if you leave the kid dangling.
Too much can go wrong here. Recommend a good therapist if you can but otherwise stay wayyyy far away from this.
I'm wearing a skirt?
Doc may be over stating the case, but the fact is you are not a licensed therapist. Just because you cross dress does not mean you understand what this kid is going through. If you know a good gender therapist or even a good family therapist you could help by passing that info to your neighbor. If there is a GLBT youth support group you could pass that info along too. Of course your wife and you can still be there for her as friends.Not only could u end up screwing up the kid, u COULD end up in JAIL!What if he IS GAY?
He's UNDERAGE! And you're a MAN! "Dirty pediphile"! I can hear them now!
Your wife should talk to the boy alone. THEN, talk to the mom. Who TRUSTS HER already!
If your wife's NOT up to it, call social services, or find a good gender counselor for them!
[SIZE="3"]Michelle[/SIZE]
At the moment I think the best thing to do is stay out of it. She is in a pretty bad state of mind at the moment and I would not want to make it worse. I did recommend to the wife that she should offer some information on the subject that could help such as searching the internet and giving her some links to read. As for speaking to the child, that is not an option! As much as I would like to help this is something only his mother should do and not an outsider.
I would say that it is best for you to stay out of it and just let your wife support her friend , for one simple reason , it could back fire on you as the boys mother could look up and say " the only reason that you want to help is so that he will grow up like you and so that i will accept what you do ".
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
I think this is the way to go.
Isn't that just the sweetest thing!
His sister is helping him, and obviously has no problems with it!
I would have sugested something simmilar to this, but for a starter I think it might be best if it were just your wife and your neighbour, I think along these lines because it is your wife that has sparked the friendship and it was your wife that the neighbour turned to "for a shoulder to cry on", you can be in an adjoining room or out the shed if nescesary. If the neighbour is then interested in a more personal chat with you (and this may still take some time to get her head around your CDing) you can talk openly to her... although I wouldn't be dressed at the time! My biggest concern is that the neighbour may turn her frustration on you and "blame" you for her sons dressing so be careful.
I certainly hope that things go well for your neighbour and her son, things for a teen are not as easy as they seem so how this is handled now can have a huge effect on his self esteem and confidence later. I think the neighbour would do well to "learn" a thing or two, and if you and your wife can help her to learn about CDing and how it is not the worst thing that could befall her family then I believe you will not only be doing your neighbour a good turn but also her son, heck it may even feel good to help out some one that needs it.
One last thing if I may sugest it?...
Don't take t long to make the first move, maybe your wife can simply say "look about our talk the other day... I wanted to say something the other day but I wanted to see that it was ok first! (just a thought)
good luck
Out'a my mind
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I think I echo alot of what has been said. At this point, you don't want to do anything for the mother is at a point where her emotions, prejudices, and shock is still rulling her thoughts and behvior. Coming out to her would be a disasterous course of action. I am pretty sure in her state of mind, she will see you as the source of the problem and it could lead to a very bad situation for all concerned.
Remember, the young man is only fifteen years old and is a minor. His mother is in charge of his well being and you and your wife are not to interfere with the child without his mother's consent. As much as you must feel for the young man, you must keep your distance and your life your own for now.
Your wife is the key. She is indeed a good wife and a good friend. First to listen to her friend and then to check with you before saying anything about your dressing. I think she is the one that will do the guiding the mother to the next step. I know most of us here on the board and our SOs have come to accept, embrace and include our femme personas into our lives. But, this woman is not there yet, so you must take care and be tender. Depending on her own convictions and beliefs, she may never come around. I hope she does for that will allow alot of love and bonding to take place.
I like the ideal to have your wife gently counsel the mother, to find out how's she's dealing with the discovery. Have your wife to suggest trip to Barns' and Noble to purchase books on the subject, be with her to surf the responsible internet sites for information. Ultimately, a sit down talk with the young boy is a must, maybe your wife could be present as support for both of them, then hopefully, the mom can sit down alone and discuss what her son's is feeling inside about himselfs, his self-idenity, his sexual orientation, and then she maybe able to understand the dressing. For we all know, our dressing is the outward manifestation of what is going on the inside of us.
The revelation of your dressing I feel will need to be the last thing on the agenda. For I think this young boy's mother will need to go through all the stages of grief before she gets to the point where your revelation, while may be another stunning revelation, will not be rejected in a fit of furry accuations and judgemental rejection. Just think what she is experience now. She just discovered in a most unexpected manner that her son is not the boy nor will be the man she may have expected or imagined. She has a lot of fears, prejudices, notions, about it all. She will try to find reasons for it, blame something, someone, rationalize what went "wrong". If then, she is given the fact that the man next door, the husband of her good friend is also a crossdresser, she will feel that her entire sense of security destoryed and betrayed. So, take things slowly and have patience. It may take years, even though he is a short three years from his majority, those three years are as large as the Grand Canyon.
Always remember, the young man is this woman's son, a minor and is HER responsibility. He is her world, rightfully so. Even if there comes a time where you are open with both of them, you may realize that you are more a femme counselor than older sister. Until such a time where this young man can present himself as a Young Woman, Herself on Her own terms.
Such a time will come.
Cassie
I agree with this. Go though the mother, let her decide what to tell the son, she's the parent.
If you can find the courage, I think you are one of the most qualified people to help your neighbour understand her son and that whatever is going on is probably not a problem. Help her accept it and get the right perspective.
I like the advice about maybe not doing it in person but going though your wife, from your story she's on a higher confidentiality level with her than she is with you.
WARNING: I'm a hopeless forum troll. I sometimes get carried away in arguments. I'm not from the USA and not a native speaker, which does mean I sometimes simply misunderstand.
Mainly here to find out who I am and learn. Having a place to let of steam to understanding people in relative anonymity is great!
---
Men run on testosterone, women on Toblerone.
I think it is wise to offer advice, but don't out yourself. If the woman is in distress she might cut ties with you and your wife and everyone will loose. Since your wife is the close friend, let her help, but you can provide information to your wife to help her...maybe she can hint that she personally knows someone who CDs. I feel for the kid...kudos to the sister and friends who support him, I hope the mother comes around.
Darn tootin.
Yes, it's the mom that needs information.
By helping the Mom understand "This Thing of Ours" better, you help the kid without even needing to talk to the kid.Now it's all a question of soothing his mother; getting her off his back and sorting out her ideas about CD=gay. You are the best person in sight to do this. It's not therapy, it's giveing her evidence. Best done, for all the reasons stated above, with your wife present.
I think that would be the best way to start too.
Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.
If you believe in it, makeup has a magic all it's own -- Sooner or Later (TV movie)
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?- Marianne Williamson
Have I also not said that "This Thing of Ours" makes some of us a bit "Barefoot in the Head"? Well, it does.
I definitely think the potential good here is strongly outweighed by the potential bad, you getting involved could get really hairy, really fast.
At least one person has said you should approach the teenager and talk to him about it, BAD IDEA. This day and age, I can see that coming back to bite you pretty bad.
I also don't think that you should talk to his mother, she told your wife in confidence and may not appreciate your wife spilling it to you.
I personally think you should stay out of it altogether, it will work out, the mother is just shocked. I work with troubled teens and I think she should be happy and grateful that it's not drugs. If anything, I think your wife should just encourage this lady to love and support her son no matter what and then leave the rest to them, it will work out.
I agree completely. My first thought was that Mom will immediately jump to the conclusion that you must have had something to do with his dressing since they have been living next door to you for 2 years. YOU CANNOT GET INVOLVED.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.
Hi,
I am coming late in this conversation but here are my 2 cents.
I would say to support the mother to cope and to accept her son, whatever he is. I don't think it is necesarily a good idea to tell her about you and that being a CD is not a big deal; you don't know what the kids is or where he is going, most likely the boy doesn't know either, he may really be gay and the crossdressing is just a phase, or he maybe a transexual and that is whole different set of issues that non-TS cannot even start imagining. Encourage the mother to talk to her son, listen to hher (sometimes we just need to be listened to, not to be told what to do), remind her that regardless of the clothes or sexual orientation or sexual identity, he may grow to be a wonderful person. The mother needs the support so she can in turn support her son.
If the mother thinks it is appropiate, maybe the son can benefit from professional help. Whatever you do, don't talk to the boy without the mother's consent and if you have to do it, do it only att the mother's request and preferible with the mother present.
Good luck,
Hugs
Claudia Dawn
I agree 100% with Kathi.
"Since she asked for you to be excused the first time, I would definitely let your wife take the lead on this one as the trust is not there from your neighbor. Give your wife permission to "out" you if the opportunity presents and if it seems appropriate. This is a case of "feminine intuition" where your wife will know if and when to bring up your situation"
Run, don't walk, away from this situation. Steer clear...
Too many things can go wrong.
If nothing else tell him or the mom you( or your wife) looked into it on line and found a lot of good info and sites that should help him and the mom (like this one)
Connie
After reading the increasing, "Don't touch that!" hysteria that's building on this post, I feel I have to say, "Horse Hockey!"
For all you Chicken Little's who say, "Run!" how about standing your ground and saying, "Prove your concerns and accusations. You can't do it because it didn't happen and it didn't happen because you have the wrong ideas about this sort of thing."
It's crossdressing and/or gender/sexual choice issues - not nuclear bombs, cancer, or, financial ruin.
Horse hockey.
So, you're all best friends... But, she really knows very little about you as she comes over - to YOU - hysterical because her son is in the living room playing dress-up with his sister and her friend.
OK, so there's three of them and one of her and they're dumb enough to get, er, caught? Er, um, dressing for the school play? Yeah, that's it... "We were going to surprise you but you came home early.. Darn."
So, dumb and dumb meet dumber.
Just wondering, are all you still digging that hole deeper? Is she still crying like she's new to this century, has the boy killed himself yet, have the sister and her friend run off to Mexico?
None of this would be such a world-ending shock had you two, in the past few years, been better friends than to keep your best pal there in the dark about your life, and life in general.
Now, posters on this forum are telling you to run and hide?
Where? And, for how long? The longer you keep mum, the worst it's going to look later. And, she's going to feel an even bigger fool for having come to you in the first place.
Nice work all around.
If you had any pride and/or intelligence at all, you'd offer that this is not the end of the world, just a surprise. And, you'd have said something sooner, but you didn't think it proper -at the time - to expose the kids to this kind of thing. You were wrong, in hindsight, not to offer a more honest view of the world, but it's only recently that you have seen how, "What you don't know can hurt you."
Time to be a hero, not a coward, a jerk, or, a clown. No better time to start setting things right than right now. Start with an apology and come clean - before you get found out anyway and a bigger truck load of horse poop lands on all of you.
That's reason enough, but a better is still:
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
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