Q for those out to parents

[Ballerina]

I asked this question in the younger section, but I feel that I may also get a good response from everyone here.

Why did you tell your parents about your CDing?

I've been feeling a burning need to tell my parents, but I can't figure out why! It's driving me nuts! I'm living under their roof currently and am closeted to everyone except my GF and psych.

I keep tossing around the ideas of: They'll let me CD, self validation, or self freedom. But nothing is giving me the answer. Anyone else have any ideas?

Thanks!

[Noxvictum]

well, at the time that I came out to mine, I had just had my stash found and show to just about everyone I knew on that boat. I was very worried, because there were many ways for this to end badly. I needed to get it off my chest. So I did. And it was the smartest thing I ever did, wish I did it sooner. Mom thinks it's awesome, and she bought me boots for my birthday. Still waiting for the mail :P. You learn real quick how cool your parents are. Mom's best quote was "I feel like a horrible mother... My first thought was 'He's gonna need shoes'"

[tricia_uktv]

If you live with your parents they may already know. I came out to my Mother after I gained the confidence to walk around town. It was mainly to pre-empt her finding out from others. She now approves (originally she phoned the Samaritans) and gives me some of her clothes which don't fit. She never wants to see me dressed though.

[Sylvermane]

I told my mom simply because her and I have always been very close. Plus im a loner and don't exactly have many friends about, and the few i do have... not happening. I had to come out to someone and she was the only one i trusted. And she loved it, thought it was the greatest thing ever.

[dutch-anita]

my parents found out themself, (i was ill and they were helping) they found my dresses and ,ingerie, first thing they asked if my gf knew... they do not understand it but mom wants to know all about it

[DAVIDA]

I told my mother years ago. I really needed to tell her, since I asked her to hem one of my skirts!

[TSchapes]

when my parents were alive, they came to visit me. I was a road musician at the time and I was in Philadelphia. I had shaved my entire body and was dressing regularly in the hotels that I stayed in. They were going to stay over in my hotel room, so I figured I'd have a preemptive strike. I'm glad I did.

They took the news OK, my dad believed it was all his fault and I'm not sure why he felt that way. They had all the usual concerns, but in the end I'm so glad I did. It explained a lot of my behavior to them, like my lack of dating, my secretiveness, etc. I felt it brought me closer to them that I could share a part of me with them.

Now that they are gone, I have no regrets.

Love, Tracy

[urmilaaa2008]

i started cding on my own when i was 38, by which time my parents were no more. therfore i was spared about this deliema. anyway nobody except my wife is aware of this. this is good enough for me and i dont have any great urge to come open.

[mklinden2010]

Because they were my parents!

My life is their life too, so I told 'em.

[sherri52]

my mother knew early on but I came out and told her myself when I was going through a divorce. I wouldn't dare tell my father (he taught Archie Bunker how to be a biggot). I would have been disowned. I do suspect he knows something

[Jennifer Marie P.]

My mother found out years ago when she found my stash of bras and panties and she said what ever makes you comfortable.

[SweetCaroline]

Asides from the fact that they live down stairs from me, and I needed to pass by them in order to go out, mainly because I was going out as a girl, and I was lying to them about where I was going. I finally decided to tell them because I felt guilty about lying to my parents, and even more so to gain the freedom I needed to go out more often.

It was hard for them at first, but in the end they were pretty cool about. My mother has even come out to T-Girl gatherings and met my friends. Something I was very proud of.

[Michelle123]

I only just had my talk with mother last yr. It wasnt really a secret i kept from her. She has always known, but we just never discussed it.
But last yr. we were chatting on the phone, and something was said by her, (cant remember exactly what the subject was), but I thought that would be the perfect opportunity to bring my crossdressing up to her. Oh my, what a wonderful reply I got from her. She said she always knew, and it was fine with her. I felt such a rush.
I live far from her, and only visit once or twice a yr., but I asked if on my next visit, would she mind if I dressed while there. She said, of course. She would love to see me dressed. Well, I must tell you, I never felt so wonderful being dressed totally in womens things with her. She made me feel so at ease, right from the first moment she saw me.
I am anxiously waiting for November to get here, as I will be visiting her again for a week, and I will be in womens clothes the whole time. She has even offered to help me with makeup.
I certainly cant say that you will have the same reaction should you decide to "have the talk". I think that is something you will need to decide for yourself, how you think she will handle it. Weigh the pros and cons, and decide if it is worth the risk. I suppose the best way is to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best dear.
I only wish I wouldnt have waited so long to tell my mother, but alas, that is the past, and I now have so much to look forward to when i visit her. I think I may visit more often for sure.
Good luck and I hope it works out well for you

[Gerard]

I've moded out of my parents house 8 years ago. I haven't told them yet, although I think my mum probably suspects something as I could never keep anything secret from her.

I was uncertain about their reaction, but they got a transsexual neighbour about a year ago, and are now good friends with her, which has alleviated a lot of my fears.

My dad will retire within a year, I'm planning to tell them after that. He's currently a very public figure in the local community and I don't want to bother him in his last year in office.

[~Emma D~]

I came out to my parents when I was 17 (1978) - telling firstly my mother and sister that i wanted to be a girl.
my sister was most supportive, whilst my mother tried to be supportive and arranged through a friend for me to have counselling.
unfortunately, my father came home two days later and everything went bad, for me it was fractured nose and other bruising, but then again I was not the only one to suffer.
I never did get the counselling and it was never spoken of again.

thankfully, attitudes have changed in the years since then, with many parents today being more accepting of there childs needs.

good luck

[Ballerina]

If you live with your parents they may already know. I came out to my Mother after I gained the confidence to walk around town. It was mainly to pre-empt her finding out from others. She now approves (originally she phoned the Samaritans) and gives me some of her clothes which don't fit. She never wants to see me dressed though.

Nah, I'm quite certain that my parents don't know at all. Although I'm not manly muscle man of man world, I don't show any feminine traits around either of them. But, I think that if I were to tell them, a few things would add up in the end, lol.

I came out to my parents when I was 17 (1978) - telling firstly my mother and sister that i wanted to be a girl.
my sister was most supportive, whilst my mother tried to be supportive and arranged through a friend for me to have counselling.
unfortunately, my father came home two days later and everything went bad, for me it was fractured nose and other bruising, but then again I was not the only one to suffer.
I never did get the counselling and it was never spoken of again.

thankfully, attitudes have changed in the years since then, with many parents today being more accepting of there childs needs.

good luck

Ouch.. really sorry to hear, Sarah.. I grew up around abuse so, I know how it hurts (mainly over school issues and other discipline). Thankfully, I do think my parents would be accepting overall of my CDing.

[Nicole Erin]

If you came out to them, at least you would not have to hide your stuff or if you still did have to, it would not be as big a shock if they found something.

I think most parents would be at least OK.
My wife told my mom, and my dad just finally asked me one day about it.
My dad is not realy happy with it but it is not a huge deal.
Mom is indifferent, like "However you want to live, it is your life"

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I told my mother shortly after I was outted. The days after I was outted, I was visibly a different person to my mother. I was very sad and depressed and she could tell something was troubling me. I needed to do this to help me come to terms with me being outted. It was a way of helping me to recover and grow and realize that I am a cross dresser and their is nothing wrong with that. Luckily she accepted me, and said she would always love me no matter what.

[sherri52]

like many of the girls here I was caught. By my sister and she then told everyone else ( must have been jealous her clothes looked better on me).

Tell your mother first. She may have a better understanding and would certainly know whether or not to tell your father.

[Lorileah]

"Hi mom. Remember when you dressed me up that Halloween? Well, guess what? Here's a photo from a recent shoot."

[Carole Cross]

I came out to my parents and family back in March this year, to tell them of my plans to transition. They did not suspect this, but they did know I had been seeing a counsellor. They were worried that it was something more serious and when they found out what it was, they gave me their full support.

Telling my family was the best and possibly bravest thing I have ever done and I am very pleased that I have an understanding and supportive family. It has given me more self confidence and the determination to see this through.

[JustAlex]

I never told my parents and I guess it's too late for that. Wouldn't make much difference to them or me anyway.

I always had the nagging feeling that my mother knows or suspects something. It's hard to tell because if she found out, knowing how she is, I'm sure she would act as if it never happened.

I'm not saying that you'd be better in the closet. I'm just saying that I kept it for myself and I'm not regretting it a little bit. But everyone's story is different.

[xAnne_Mariex]

My mum was fine, she said it was a surprise but she has never had a problem with it.

Her boyfriend who lives with us was cool about it too and I can dress freely around the house every day.

It's a scary step, but it's so worth it.

[Crysten]

Well, I was caught numerous times when I was little, but nothing was ever said at the time. Then, as a teenager, I was caught again and taken to counselling. Idiot counsellor. Again, nothing much was said.

--Years later--

Married, kids, house. Parents come to visit, and pretty quickly realize the deal. Half of our rather large closet is MY girly clothes, and half of my dresser is womens lingerie.

So what was said? "Good luck".

So how to take that? No idea, really. Since then, my mom has reached out and told me she loves me for who I am, so I guess that's good. Miles and miles from then ever seeing me dressed (about 3000 miles to be exact LOL).

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Tell your mother first. She may have a better understanding and would certainly know whether or not to tell your father.

I'm the exception to that rule I think. I just felt more comfortable telling my dad about it than my mom. I guess because I've always felt my dad and I have had a relationship where we could talk about anything, and that has been especially true in the last several years. We still occasionally butt heads but that's because we're both fairly stubborn men. When I first told him he was pretty cool about it, albeit a little put off by it. We had a nice talk about it and he said "you know, it doesn't make you any less of a man or anything." and that everyone had their quirks and oddities so it wasn't that big a deal even if mine was a little out there. We didn't talk about it again for over a year till last year's presidential primary where in a discussion about how neither of us would ever run for office because we didn't want dirt dug up on us, he said "there's nothing to dig up on you," then he paused "except that you wear women's underwear I guess," which we both had a bit of a laugh about.

Now, women's underwear is the one thing my mom knew about and has since I was 18, when she still did my laundry and I decided that it was either tell her or not wear it so I told her. She wasn't a fan of it but continued to do my laundry before I started doing it myself.

At the time I told my father, we agreed I shouldn't tell my mom cause a lot of things were causing her stress at the time and that it would be too much for her. But in the last year or so I have become a lot more comfortable with this part of me and that extended to me having told a lot of friends I crossdress including a close male friend who is also a writing partner and part of the comedy community I perform in. He encouraged me to start talking about it in my act a bit more, which I'm making baby steps to do, because he said he found it very therapeutic a couple of years ago to talk about his cancer treatment onstage. I decided though that I shouldn't be willing to tell total strangers at a comedy open mic about it if my own mother didn't know, so I decided to tell her.

She did not take it well. She told me that she didn't approve, that it would never be socially acceptable and that she flat out thought I shouldn't do it, that it was better to repress my desires than to be a pariah. Without coming out and saying as much, I felt like she called me a freak. She has not since mentioned it to me or my father, which is a huge sign that it bothers her because she is a woman who LOVES to talk about everything, usually repeating stories to the point of annoyance. (and from my wordy posts, guess the apple fell somewhat close to the tree there, huh?)

The happier side of things though is an hour after we had our talk she gave me a big hug, which I think was her way of saying, I still absolutely love you even if I don't approve. And, when I gave my dad the heads up that I had told her about it, he didn't seem put off at all by the topic anymore and he said to me "Wear what you want, just don't be an alcoholic." This is in reference to the ugly disease that is rampant in every generation of my family that I've mostly avoided. It actually felt pretty great.

My mom's silence on the topic continues, but my dad occasionally makes an effort, like telling me about a news special on TV about a married couple where the husband went through SRS. Even though he seeemd to understand that I wasn't a transsexual myself, it still felt nice that he was trying to understand. I still don't feel comfortable with the idea of him seeing me dressed in anything other than a kilt, but I don't feel like the revelation has hurt our relationship at all.