Intentions?

[Kerigirl2009]

Ok I am not sure that I am going to ask this correctly, but here I go. I know that I am a crossdresser and will always be a crossdresser, however I am questioning myself now as to what it is that I want when I dress. What are my intentions. When I dress I feel complete as a PERSON I love the feeling and the thoughts that come with dressing feminine. I haven't been able to dress alot since telling my wife, (mostly out of fear of rejection) Now I know that I do not want to have men pursueing me while I am dressed, but I do wish to go out en femme sometime. I think this is what might bother most women when we dress. So my question to all of you is WHAT are your intentions while dressed en femme? For me I am trying to answer this very question as I type this. Maybe I know and I am just afraid to admit it or maybe not being able to dress is confusing me more now?

[ColleenW]

Ok When I dress I feel complete as a PERSON I love the feeling and the thoughts that come with dressing feminine. I haven't been able to dress alot since telling my wife, (mostly out of fear of rejection)

Hi Keri

I think you've answered your own question. Also, if you've discussed your CD'ing with your wife is she not accepting? I'd guess that if she hasn't already tossed you out of the house there must be some way to compromise?

[Intertwined]

I believe you are correct that you may not have worded it right.

Intentions? may not be the right word.

" It's what is right for YOU !" and you Alone.

It's like, some people swear by Ford, others Chevy, some like dogs, where others like cats. You just happen to enjoy things that are normally considered feminine, just as a " Tom boy " enjoys things masculine.

[MissConstrued]

So my question to all of you is WHAT are your intentions while dressed en femme?

P-A-R-T-why? Because I gotta!

[LaceyMay]

I have had this conversation with myself a few times now.
When I finally came out to my SO, it gave me the freedom to dress without fear of getting caught.
She was really accepting, and is a great support still to this day.

Once I realized that our relationship was ok, and I was not being rejected, I took the initiative to find a local support group here in Ottawa, that me and the SO could get involved with. The reason for this, was to meet others, as well as learn about myself.

Through this initiative, I met others, who invited me to various events around the city. I happily and nervously went out enfemme, to many different things. I still do.
By exposing myself to real life CD's/TG's/Dragqueens and kings, and TS people, I learned about myself.
I had to figure out if I wanted to transiton, or if I wanted to glam it up and be the star on stage, or if I just wanted to look good, and blend in the best as I could, just beeing a CD.

The SO watched respectfully from the side lines as I went out more and more frequently. I know she was nervous and worried that i may find someone else, or that I was going to run off into another lifestyle. At times I did contemplate the options that were there for me to choose. I had to ask myself, "honestly", what is it that i want out of my new found freedom?
The answer was difficult to figure out. So I approached it from the other angle instead. What is it that i do not want out of my new found freedom.
I did not want a boyfriend. I did not want a new SO at all. I was and still am very happy with my SO.
I did not want to cut my wee wee off, and did not want to be on stage performing as a queen.

So what did this leave me with.?

It left me with dressing now and then and simply enjoying myself. It left me with the freedom and option of sharing part of myself with my SO, that i have never shared with anyone before. It left me with a great support group of fellow TG people, that me and the SO can get together with and do stuff.
It also left me with the gift of simply being me, guilt free, at last !

I am a complicated person, and have hidden 50% of myself for so long, that it will take time to know myself fully, but with honesty and choice in what I do , say , and wear , I feel i am already doing better then I have ever been before.

I simply enjoy this new freedom of being me, and now that I know what I do not want, i can focus on the good things that I already have.

Sorry about the long rant. Hope it makes some sense.
This is a complicated topic, and I am sure that everyone of us approaches it from a different angle. I simply tried to relay some of what I have gone through.

Just remember it isn't where we start that matters, and where we end up is not where the answers are. We pick those up for ourselves somewhere along the way. The important thing is to take that first wobbly step forward, and begin the journey.

Hugs and best wishes;

Lacey May

[Joanne f]

I can see why you have worded it as intentions because we all dress or act in a different way when we intend to do something different from what we normally do , when you intend to fix the car you may put on overalls, when a woman intends to have fun she may put on something sexy , so it only stands to reason that you may be dressing for some intended reason .
Different people will have different intentions as to why they dress and some may have no intentions at all as it will be just a natural thing to do , it may simply be a form of relaxing to fulfilling a need/desire to feel feminine for a while .
You may find your answer quicker by not looking for it .

[ColleenW]

It left me with dressing now and then and simply enjoying myself. It left me with the freedom and option of sharing part of myself with my SO, that i have never shared with anyone before. It left me with a great support group of fellow TG people, that me and the SO can get together with and do stuff.
It also left me with the gift of simply being me, guilt free, at last ! ...

I simply enjoy this new freedom of being me, and now that I know what I do not want, i can focus on the good things that I already have...

Just remember it isn't where we start that matters, and where we end up is not where the answers are. We pick those up for ourselves somewhere along the way. The important thing is to take that first wobbly step forward, and begin the journey.

Hugs and best wishes;

Lacey May

Well said Lacey May!! Getting to that moment of self realization and happiness, espically with a supportive SO is really wonderful.

[emmlouise]

I like to look good and feel good. I don't want to go with a guy but I like guys to look at me and appreciate my fem look. I don't want to be a woman but I like to dress as one. Do I understand my feelings? No.

[Tora]

Keri, Lacey May, summed it up. Go slow, respect the bride, keep thing in perspective. Your kids deserve their father. The clothes are the thrill for me, even if the world keeps pulling me away. I am a husband, father, grand father, provider, about 1/2 dozen other things and a recreational crossdresser. Good Luck, enjoy.

[TGMarla]

Real women go out and live their lives every day. Most often, they do so without the intent of being pursued by men. The way I see it, if a crossdresser goes out, and does so without the intention of attracting men, she is then no different from any other woman who is out and about minding her own business.

If a man finds you attractive while en femme, then that's fine. I'm sure it is our aim to appear attractive. Yet it still doesn't mean you want to hop into bed with him, or attract any other further attention from him.

[sometimes_miss]

My crossdressing is a distorted knee-jerk reaction to stress. When I grew up, the only time I felt wanted, loved, desired or safe was when I was dressed as a girl, in the company of someone who treated me as his girlfriend. It was the only time I felt secure in any way. So, I dress up to feel 'normal', instead of uncomfortable. Dressing up, and taking on feminine behaviors along with the belief or delusion of being female, makes me feel comfortable. I don't do it to be attractive to men. Although, bizarrely, sometimes I do it in response to feeling unattractive to women, not that it would change anything in that case.
Simpler version: It makes me feel better.

[Chrissie P]

It evolves differently for different people. I started years ago with my sisters clothes, sneaking around. On my own in life I felt more comfortable in women's clothes. After wearing women's clothes a lot, and getting better at it I found that I liked being a female more than a male. That led to a seamstress, a makeup person and someone who would help me with my hair. Then I got better at it. That evolved into feeling truly female and feminine and the confidence to go out and blend in with society.

As in life, you set plans and they change. I say roll with your heart and feelings. If you try to force it you won't enjoy it.

[Nicki B]

I know that I am a crossdresser and will always be a crossdresser, however I am questioning myself now as to what it is that I want when I dress.

How do you 'know' this? I don't think anyone can say that, until they've been in a steady state for a long time. Gender feelings are fluid and can vary over time..

We all have to find our own comfort level, where we feel 'right'. Transition too far and you will find out it's no fun at all.

[Wen4cd]

Sometimes, what we're looking for is simple validation of our feminine halves. "She" wants to feel as alive as you do; to be seen and heard in the world.

When others see and hear her and react, it affirms her existence, and this also helps you to feel the "real-ness" of her in you. It's a wonderful thing when it's in balance.

[Rachaelb64]

I feel more 'comfortable' with myself when I'm dress en femme. Even just sitting around in women's joggers and vest top with no make-up, wig or false boobs. I feel my 'comfortable'

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm still exploring. Like some of the others who have posted in this thread, I've done a lot of soul searching and have eliminated many possible avenues, and have settled in to finding the ways I can best present my vision of what my female self is like. My SO is accepting and supportive, within limits. One of those limits is not going out locally. I intend to find a way to address that issue one of these days, but it is also my intention to remain respectful of her wishes as well.

I think you will find life attempting to find gender balance is a balancing act. Good luck.

[RobynP]

Keri,

Clothing has several different functions. For example, clothing keeps us warm when it is cold. Clothing also tells something about us to other people. It could be our social status or what we are doing or it might be a uniform of some sort.

In other words, clothing is a form of non-verbal communication. What message are we sending as crossdressers when we are out in public? What message do we want to send? This is a long way of describing intentions.

Whatever you are trying to communicate, do it with pride!

Robyn P.

[kellycan27]

How do you 'know' this? I don't think anyone can say that, until they've been in a steady state for a long time. Gender feelings are fluid and can vary over time..

We all have to find our own comfort level, where we feel 'right'. Transition too far and you will find out it's no fun at all.

Not everyone has a a hundred years of experience so how does one know where the that comfort level lies unless they experiment?
I don't understand your comment "Transition too far and you will find that it is no fun at all". Personal experience or "heard talk of" ..just curious.

[MissConstrued]

Gender feelings are fluid and can vary over time..

Ah, but when your gender fluid gets too low, your tranny can slip.

[Edyta_C]

This is a complex issues for many of us. I have a wonderful fairly supportive wife. I need to be her guy yet I need to be as girly as I can be some times. There is a trick in keeping the two in balance. While if I did not have this relationship, I might be tempted to go further into femmedom. My health now would probably make most Drs say no to HRT or SRS so I need to just keep a balance as best I can.

Each one must look into themselves and determine what they need to keep them healthy and happy. For some it is the whole way. There are some of us who are just happy with an occasional dressing up or part way. The whole spectrum is on here on the forum. I think all of us have some degree of the other gender. So it is essential to search your inner self and determine what you need. It may not stay that way or it might. I am happiest when I am dressed up as much as possible. There other things that make me happy but getting as femme as I can is just wonderful.

That's my take on it. Hugs Edy

[TSchapes]

Sometimes, what we're looking for is simple validation of our feminine halves. "She" wants to feel as alive as you do; to be seen and heard in the world.

When others see and hear her and react, it affirms her existence, and this also helps you to feel the "real-ness" of her in you. It's a wonderful thing when it's in balance.

That was beautiful Wendy!

[AlannahNorth]

When I'm dressed it's to address (pun not intended) the other side of me - the feminine side, that needs to be experienced and expressed. At some time or another I have to - it's that simple.

I should add to that: it's a matter of establishing a balance for me.

[mindfulperson]

[QUOTE=AlannahNorth;1843998]When I'm dressed it's to address (pun not intended) the other side of me - the feminine side, that needs to be experienced and expressed.
Coulden't have put it better my self. I like wearing womens clothing and have set up a femine persona. I look at this way when my womens white sweatpants go on I feel good because I am being a female in my own way. wearing my women's white sweatpants completes me, makes me feel ALIVE and i love every moment of it.

[Charla McBee]

I try not to ask questions, I'm not sure even she could answer them. All I know is that if I don't let her out every few days she will drive me completely insane until I do. Both sides are very content since my most recent lapse in sanity led to two shopping sprees totalling about $150. That seems to have solved the problem now that I can let her out whenever I want and we have plenty of toys to play with. Odd that I'm referring to her in the third person while fully dressed, I guess we are both here right now.

[Ralph]

P-A-R-T-why? Because I gotta!

Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly
I got to wear girl clothes til I die
Can't help wearin' dat skirt of mine

Sadly, social standards of the time made it impossible for Paul Robeson to sing that song as it was originally written, so they changed the lyrics around and gave it to Helen Morgan instead.