I like to be in soft, satin lingerie and dresses. Sometimes on hard days I would go to sleep wearing something only to find myself in guy stuff when I wake up. (I sleep walk). I know my dressing replaces a woman I do not have at the moment. Has this happened to anybody else? I do want a woman and would give up dressing to have one.
Sorry if this is the wrong forum. Not sure where to put it.
same here(not the sleepwalking though).having been a bachelor for 25 years i long for the softness and roundness of a female partner.and yet,when i look around and see whats available i prefer to be by myself.am i a snob?may be.but to throw away my integrity for someone who may accept my dressing is not an option.a soulsister may do the trick may be sometime in the future but i am not holding my breath in the meantime.beeing curvy and soft at times myself will have to do the trick.
where has all the glamour gone?
marlene dietrich is my idol
I am not sure that I totally agree with what either of you are saying. I believe that being with a woman and CDing are 2 totally separate and individual things. I have been married to a wonderful lady for over 40 years and have been CDing for longer than that.
We find a woman, wine and diner her, fall in love with her, and maybe marry her because of who she is and what she means to us. In other words, we love this person.
IMHO, CDing is a totally internal part of ourselves. It is a part of us which helps identify who we are. My wife knows of my dressing but chooses not to be involved with it and in fact disapproves of it. While this is not the attitude I would prefer, I understand her feeling and support her.
As I have said, I do not associate one as a substitute for the other or a replacement for the other. I have heard too many stories of CDer who thought that they could easily give it up, only to discover that the urge to dress returns. This is a topic which has been discussed with my therapist who is assisting me in my quest to determine how and where Nicole will go in the future. He is in agreement with my thoughts on this subject and has stated studies which support these ideas.
Nicole
I agree with Nicole.
Even if you do find a woman to be with, the desire to cd will always be there.
Whenever I have worn a skirt in male mode, there have never been any issues at all.
My CD'ing is not to be femme but to be the closest to a female (Which I have none). I think at night my mind is saying (No, this is not what you want and desire so I take it off).
Nicole hits it on the head. I am divorced twice and would like another woman, but everytime I say I will stop cd'ing it doesn't. The most beautiful woman in the world has only one problem with me. Which piece of her clothing am I wearing now.
Satin Lover,
I felt the same way in my beginning years of dressing. I didn't have a girlfriend throughout HS and starting into college. Same as you I thought dressing was a viable alternate to be the woman for myself though I really wanted to be in a relationship with a woman.
Now I am married and I still dress on occasion so my need for my femme side to come out has changed over these years. I too thought I could give it up once I was with my SO but alas I still have that urge. I believe it will always be part of my life now, just need to understand it better and accept it. Don't be surprised with yourself that you still dress even after you are in a loving, stable relationship with a woman.
GL
HD
I think it is different for everyone. For me, I am married and around my wife every night and during the weekends. I cannot get enough of her. But I still cross-dress and haven't found any correlation between the amount of sex with my wife and the amount that I dress.
Why are you having a hard time finding a girlfriend? That may be a bigger issue than cross dressing per se. How long has it been since your last major relationship?Originally Posted by Satin_Lover_13
[SIZE="3"]Michelle[/SIZE]
Just read "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, I recommend the book to all of you, will help you find some peace.
In any case, he notes (and this is somewhat spiritual, sorry if you are offended), that as men we are 1/2 of our total self and we will always long for the other 1/2 of our self, that is, our feminine side. We can get closer to the feminine by finding a gal and being close to her. Some of us, prefer to "incarnate" that feminine side within ourselves. Nothing could be closer or more intimate, could it?
Ultimately, the goal, according to Tolle, is to find and embrace both your masculine and feminine side. Seems to me, we collectively have a leg up on that goal, eh?
-Meri
Central Ohio
I think maybe all of us want a girl at home all of the time and we probably all love women so much we try to emulate what and who they are. Our femme side might be a replacement for a daughter to dress up, a wife to love and caress, or a girlfriend to nurture and care for. In all of those, I think we would love to go shopping with them at DSW.
If I were a betting woman, I'd put my money down on you still crossdressing even after you found a woman. You'd put it down for a while, wine her, dine her, and then raid her closet after a while.
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
"This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"
www.flickr.com/photos/tgmarla/
I doubt very much that you would give up crossdressing. You are not the first and you won't be the last to think that the urge will go. I thought that would be the case as do every other cd/tv I have spoken to. Any competent psychiatrist with knowledge of TG will tell you the same. For want of a better expression, there is no "cure". I came to terms with myself about 2 years ago, which is about 50 years after I started crossdressing. Please don't put yourself through the stress and self-hate that I went through. It is destructive and pointless. I look back at a wasted life, but can look now at so many happy young crossdressers who have the courage I lacked. And whatever you do be very cautious about entering a long term relationship with such a secret.
They're BOTH fruit, yes! But---------------------
Looking like, and feeling like u r a woman is one thing. And that may be a turn on!
But, BEING with a woman, and dealing with her affection, caring, her needs, and ENTIRELY separate identity, seems to me to be a DIFFERENT matter completely!
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 09-18-2009 at 07:35 PM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I get so tired of seeing "Don't ever try to give up! It's impossible!" as a response to someone who says that they need to. IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE PERSON. Not all of us are so drawn to crossdressing that you can categorically say it is impossible for every single one of us. The only person it is impossible for is you, yourself... and your own negative attitude is what makes it so. Yes, many (possibly most) crossdressers try and fail; I myself have been through the purge-and-restart cycle a few times. But the urge is a lot stronger for me than it is for others (picking numbers out of my... ear, I'm maybe a 4 or 5 on a scale of 10). For people who enjoy it but don't spend every waking moment thinking about it or desiring it, putting those frillies away isn't so difficult. So for everyone's sake, quit making assumptions about what is and isn't possible for someone you know nothing about. How about encouraging and supporting fellow CDers in whatever goal is important to them?
Satin_Lover, your writing style makes you sound like you're still not sure of yourself. If you're as young as I'm leaping to the conclusion you are, there's a good chance your desires and focus will change as you get older. When I was 16, it was all about dresses and thoughts of sex didn't even enter my mind until I was 20. Now the dressing takes a far back seat to church, marriage, kids, job, and my friends (roughly in that order of priority).
I'm glad you feel that a solid relationship with a woman is more important to you than the crossdressing. I see so many posts here from people who have given up on marriage or never got married because the ability to dress full time was more important, and I'm sad for them... but that's their choice. Your priorities are yours alone, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I do think that if you get into a relationship that looks like it could end up permanent, she needs to know. The minute you start thinking about it, BEFORE you give in to the impulses, tell her about it. "Before it gets out of hand, there's something you need to know about me..." make it clear how it affects your sexual desires (I assume you're straight), make it clear how it affects your perception of yourself as a man (I assume you have no interest in surgery or even looking like a woman), make it clear you're still the man she fell in love with and you always will be. Then try to explain what it is that makes you happy about the dressing and find out what she can and cannot tolerate. If she can't stand the thought of you ever wearing so much as satin boxers, that's where the taffeta hits the road. You get to decide if she's worth purging for life, and if you decide she is, you get the burden of sticking to that commitment no matter how strong the urge is.
Hopefully it won't come to that! When I made the "Darling, there's something you need to know" speech I was blessed to have a wife who, while she doesn't want to talk about it or participate, also doesn't care what I wear. But before I made that speech, I also made it clear that I was a loving, committed partner who cared more about her needs than my own. The things we loved about each other had nothing to do with dressing or acceptance... and more than 20 years later, the things we love about one another still have nothing to do with what anyone is wearing. May it go as well with you.
That's essentially what Jung always said as well. The anima exists in man, is our feminine inner personality, and is a spiritual archetype in the unconscious.
This archetype can be projected onto another person, such as in cases of "love at first sight," but a man may come to find he has married his own anima projection, instead of the real person he's hitched himself to.
I find dressing keeps the archetype close to consciousness, and this allows me to view women as real human beings instead of having perception cluttered by the projection of my own feminine side. It also makes me more complete and happy, my vision feels clearer.
And so we go, on with our lives...
We know the Truth, but prefer Lies.
Lies are simple, simple is Bliss.
Why go against tradition, when we can admit defeat,
Live in Decline, be the victim of our own design?
satin lover - CD is not an urge or a hobby. It is either in you or not and if so, you will never stop doing it and why would you want to ? If you find a lady to spend the rest of your life with, she will either accept or reject your CD - hopefully she will encourage you and assist in all your activities.
You can read into it what you will, but I don't read that into it. Sometimes when I've gone to bed wearing pantyhose or what have you, I wake up with them off too. I'm still very much a crossdresser.
I also don't think you're trying to replace a woman. And, the notion that you could or would be able to give up crossdressing if you just found the right woman is flawed.
Reality; this forum has MANY people who told a similar story; "I thought I would give up crossdressing when I married the right woman".
It doesn't work.
Try giving up using your dominant hand for a day. That's how easy it would be to give up crossdressing.
I love you...
SL, I can relate to all you wrote. I am 55, still single, have not had a dating life for years, partly because of lack of single ladies, around my age, who even will date. They all seem jaded, and burned out on too much male attention, want to spread their wings, and do their own things, and have been through enough divorce issues. Some of it, is i have a few health issues, and personal issues, and lack the income to support a wife. I agree, that it is kind of scary, with the females I see in the singles pool. I always thought, that I would no longer feel any desire to cd, if i dated a lot, or married. Now, I realize, that it does not go away. Even when I was dating, some, mainly senior ladies 20 yrs my senior, I still had the strong desire to dress! Sometimes it does feel like a "curse within", as the one with that handle says. I agree with Ralph, though, that few things are impossible, and some guys do quit dressing, at least for some time. I am a believer, that one can stop it, like being in jail, or prison, or boot camp. No way would most of us try to dress, in those situations. The urge may still be there, but, I think I would be too scared to. My older brothers are both going to prison, soon. I don't know it they cd'd or not. I also have thought of my cding, as replacement for the lovely woman i never married. It is very narcissistic, i admit. Reminds me of a lone parakeet, crazy about the bird he sees in the mirror! But, in our cases, we are not turned on by our guy self in the mirror, just the dressed up pretty lady, like a lovely piece of art we did!
One that might get what I am trying to say.
Below is the reason why I dress:
1. I dress not to be a woman but to be caressed by the woman I hardly ever had.
A. A few times I felt pretty but very rarely.
2. When I dress my woman wants those quite times together as she holds me.
3. After making love to my woman I feel distaste in my mouth relying on satin clothes for my passionate caresses instead of a caring woman.
4. I always have been unlucky in love and at the age of 13 slips and night gowns cuddled my lonely existence do to being an outcast at a very young age.
5. My desires for a woman outweigh my desires to dress.
A. I do have a Femme side but it is not there for me to dress but to have an emotional connection with a loving woman.
6. I do not look like a woman or never could be one.
7. The bonus of my lady to love the softest of lingerie as she shares the experience of love making while she is wearing it.
8. The need to bond with my woman like a woman but not shown thru dressing
I hope this clears things up.
I thought that I would easily give this up when I found a woman. Well, I dated several and was sort of a "serial dresser" in that I would end up wearing something of theirs. Just borrowing, mind you, even though it was without their knowledge.
Now I'm married and obviously I know that this will not go away.
I dress because I love the feminine image. Not to be one, not to replace one. I like feminine things, Clothes, women, all of it.
Bong!!!
I get tired of seeing the same thing, one track minds don't help the greater good of others.
I've tried to suppress CD for a while, its totally dependent on "YOU", I couldn't for awhile because of combat training school. Just recently my desire was strong but thanks to literally breaking my back in 3 places I couldn't do that or much else on my own, recovery is very painful, at least I can still walk some days like today are bad.
I will admit this, if I had the money to do a few things, I'd have laser hair removal done tomorrow and implants after all of that. I'd still live as a man too!
I dress for one reason, misses clothing is more comfy than mens, the cut is what I like I wish the pockets were bigger and funky buttons and other stuff are aweful! If the underwear makers would make mens underwear in the same styles as misses I'd redo my drawers, but keep the price the same. U realize a 3 pack of mens good unders are like $14 and a 5 pack of misses unders is like $6 the price only goes up if you get into the Misc undies. I specify misses because womens is too big.
I go to bed in a slinky chemise, I usually wake up and get out it and into boxies and a sports bra.
It sounds to me that you have a true fetish and you likely should seek psychiatric help. Do these statements ring true for you:
Fetishism is really a disorder whereby a person is experiencing extreme difficulties in their lives because of the fact that they like these particular objects to provide for them a great deal of sexual arousal.
...a lot of these people are really quite shy and find it really difficult to maintain normal sexual relationships in a healthy way with another human being. So they then gravitate to particular objects to go ahead and satisfy themselves.
They are from this interview: http://www.wellsphere.com/men-s-heal...fetishes/80107
Everyone deserves love in their life. Some years ago I read Still life with Woodpecker
by Tom Robbins. The last sentence says: "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." Good luck to you.
PS: Your avatars are pretty cute. You have good taste.
[SIZE="3"]Michelle[/SIZE]
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