The conflict with dressing

[Pretty In Pink]

Wow! Great thread. Personally, my experience in relationships has not exactly been stellar. Divorced twice. Came "out" to both ladies before getting married. Both begrudgingly "accepted" it, but used that fact as a weapon through the rest of our relationships. CDing was not the main cause of either divorce, but it would be hard to say that it was not a contributing factor.

I am not "out", but would still divulge this information to someone that I was considering in a long term relationship.

~PIP

[Gerard]

I've never been lucky in love yet. I think a large part of it is that I was unsure of who and what I was.
Now I'm starting to understand myself, I am also starting to feel more confident in approaching women.

I don't see one as replacing the other although they are not entirely separate.

[Satin_Lover_13]

It sounds to me that you have a true fetish and you likely should seek psychiatric help. Do these statements ring true for you:

Fetishism is really a disorder whereby a person is experiencing extreme difficulties in their lives because of the fact that they like these particular objects to provide for them a great deal of sexual arousal.

...a lot of these people are really quite shy and find it really difficult to maintain normal sexual relationships in a healthy way with another human being. So they then gravitate to particular objects to go ahead and satisfy themselves.

They are from this interview: http://www.wellsphere.com/men-s-heal...fetishes/80107

Everyone deserves love in their life. Some years ago I read Still life with Woodpecker
by Tom Robbins. The last sentence says: "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." Good luck to you.

PS: Your avatars are pretty cute. You have good taste.

The help that I need is finding a lady.

Yes I have a fetish, I was never good with women. Most saw me as a brother of father figure. This was even in High School. Also learned to destress the days pain with sexual fun with or without dressing. I did it this week and I am almost about to dress now.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-dressing

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transvestic_fetishism

[Amy Lynn3]

I'm not sure how to answer all of the post, but I,ll answer part of it this way. To the people who want to find a woman to date. May I suggest an online dating site. I have met plenty of women on there. Some do look at the income of the male, but most don't.

Its easy to get a date...just ask enough women and one will say yes and the internet is a great tool to find one. I have used the free web site, plenty of fish and several others. I have found women on all sites, even my space. I have dated women from age 30 to age 65 and all I did was ask and send a picture.

Meet for coffee or lunch and most want to go dutch, so you will not break the bank. The women out there are just as eager to meet you as you are them, so just ask and you will have all the dates you want.

[AKAMichelle]

My CD'ing is not to be femme but to be the closest to a female (Which I have none). I think at night my mind is saying (No, this is not what you want and desire so I take it off).

Take it from a person who has been there and done that. Having a woman around will bury the desires for awhile, but they will return. If you don't tell the woman prior to getting serious then you will repeat the mistakes of so many of us. I didn't tell my wife of 25+ years because I thought it went away. Now I have children and a wife who don't accept me. I reaped the fruit of my decisions.

The feelings may start out like you describe but will develop overtime. They will evolve into something else which you think now will never happen. Make sure you find a woman who accepts and knows everything before you get serious with them. They are out there. I have met a lot of them over the last couple of months.

[Andy66]

Hopefully you will meet a woman who doesn't mind your cross-dressing... just in case you feel like doing it in the future.

I really believe there's someone for everyone. I hope some day soon you will find the person who feels you are as special as you feel she is. Keep in mind though that nobody is perfect.

[Alice Torn]

Anne, Quite an unusual cat face, there.

[Satin_Lover_13]

Below is what I FEEL not what I WANT:

1. I hate dressing.
(A). I want to stop and I do not want to find an accepting partner.

2. Dressing only replaces the closeness of a woman.
(A). I was always unlucky in love.
(B). I tried dating sites (E-Harmony with 571 matches, never made it to talking on the phone with just one of the women)
(C). I was never a sweet talker or good at talking do to my trials growing up. (Non CD Issues)
(D). I have looked at other CD's from time to time because we all as human beings have the need to be held but again after my experiences I felt sick to my stomach.
(E). I feel I would fall into a relationship with a CD, ******* or Trans just because of the lack of a partner. I do not want this but my body needs to be held.

3. Dressing is a total fetish.

4. I do not want to dress for a fantasy; I want to be held by a loving woman in reality.
(A). I need to contact of flesh not the softness of satin.
(B). I do not want to softness of satin unless she is wearing the lingerie.

5. Is there anyone that can relate to what I am saying?

[sometimes_miss]

I agree with Nicole.
Even if you do find a woman to be with, the desire to cd will always be there.

This does not correlate with my experience. My crossdressing desire is keyed by various types of stress events in my life, and the degree of stress is instrumental in whether or not it causes me to want to dress. Sometimes I can cope by simply having a few minutes of peace and quiet, or perhaps a soda and something good to eat, much the same way that smokers cope by having a cigarette. In two separate relationships I didn't crossdress for several years, until other events in those relationships caused all my other emotional support systems to fail, which triggered....the desire to crossdress.

[Satin_Lover_13]

This does not correlate with my experience. My crossdressing desire is keyed by various types of stress events in my life, and the degree of stress is instrumental in whether or not it causes me to want to dress. Sometimes I can cope by simply having a few minutes of peace and quiet, or perhaps a soda and something good to eat, much the same way that smokers cope by having a cigarette. In two separate relationships I didn't crossdress for several years, until other events in those relationships caused all my other emotional support systems to fail, which triggered....the desire to crossdress.

I so can relate to this. If I had a very stressed day and wanted to be held the satin came on after my shower. There was no one or no thing in my life except for satin.

If my mind rejects my dressing in my sleep then doesn't this say my mind hates what I am doing?

My total desire is the woman not the dressing. The dressing is only a stop gap measure until I get one.

[Satin_Lover_13]

You have the perfect relationship with your partner except she hates your CD'ing. Would you break it off because you have to CD?

For me the goal is the woman not my CD'ing.

I just feel I am one of the few in the forum that feel this way so this may not be the right place.

Yes I have purged and got more stuff but when my inside feels so against it while most of you your insides feel so passionate to CD I am not sure there is a place for me here.

It is not acceptance it is every fiber hates where I am and have to be just to get a soft caress.

[Satin_Lover_13]

All I want is to be cuddled. That is what my life is missing and my dressing gives me.

[docrobbysherry]

Because I am, first and foremost, a FETISH DRESSER.

I KNOW that I'm trading opportunities with REAL women, for Sherry, my make believe female personality. But, it's DIFFERENT for me. In the past, I've had countless girlfriends, an ex wife, and children. U HAVEN'T, have U?!

When I choose Sherry over my 50/60 year old dates, I'm discusted by my choice, to date. Sounds similar to what U feel. But, at least I STILL have a choice! It sounds like u DON'T! And THAT'S wrong. Unless you're HAPPY NOT having one, and sounds like u aren't!

Personally, I think a few sessions with a good therapist would help u a lot, SL!

If u wish to discuss this further, please PM me!

[Southern Jenni]

I can't speak for anyone but me of course, but my reasons have changed over the years. When I was younger, I think it had a lot to do with the "creating a woman I didn't have" thing. Becoming my own ideal so to speak. However, falling in love and getting married to a GG didn't change my need to dress. Oh, it put it on hold for a while, but I'd say within two years I was back to it. Now I think my reasons are mainly for creative expression, escapism, and the basic thrill of just dressing up. It all boils down to the fact I get a rush when I look pretty. I've never been confident in my looks as a man, always had body issues being too skinny, but when I'm dressed as woman everything that I feel self-conscious about as a man magically become assets as a woman... It builds my self-confidence. It's superficial, but I dress because I feel better looking as a woman than a man... and who doesn't want to be pretty if they can be?

[Jonianne]

SL, I don't know if it will help, but my wife and I met while I was doing volunteer work at a woman's shelter. Immerse yourself in those type activities and it will benifit in several ways. First it will help get your mind off the desparateness you are feeling in needing a partner. Second, it will let women see the loving kind person you are and many women really are attracted to that. Also even if you don't meet someone compatable, you still feel so much more satisfaction using your talents helping those who may be in need.

[Satin_Lover_13]

Because I am, first and foremost, a FETISH DRESSER.

I KNOW that I'm trading opportunities with REAL women, for Sherry, my make believe female personality. But, it's DIFFERENT for me. In the past, I've had countless girlfriends, an ex wife, and children. U HAVEN'T, have U?!

When I choose Sherry over my 50/60 year old dates, I'm discusted by my choice, to date. Sounds similar to what U feel. But, at least I STILL have a choice! It sounds like u DON'T! And THAT'S wrong. Unless you're HAPPY NOT having one, and sounds like u aren't!

Personally, I think a few sessions with a good therapist would help u a lot, SL!

If u wish to discuss this further, please PM me!

I was never lucky in meeting the ladies. Last one was over eight years ago. If I lived in another country I have built a connection to a woman the past four years. For me to live there would be very hard and I would need to learn spanish to find work. She does speak english. I can let a crazy hooker into me life that wants me but with her sex stories she leaves no room to let things happen. SHe is that graphic.

SL, I don't know if it will help, but my wife and I met while I was doing volunteer work at a woman's shelter. Immerse yourself in those type activities and it will benifit in several ways. First it will help get your mind off the desparateness you are feeling in needing a partner. Second, it will let women see the loving kind person you are and many women really are attracted to that. Also even if you don't meet someone compatable, you still feel so much more satisfaction using your talents helping those who may be in need.

I would love to try to get out more. Not much energy. Plus with my old job calling me back it is harder then ever. All i want is a shower when I get home and chill.

[Satin_Lover_13]

I needed to be hugged by soft satin as I become 48 this week. Alone and have many regrets in my life.

[Ashley Williams]

For every complex question, there is a simple answer – and it’s wrong.

H. L. Mencken, 1880-1956

This quote has been falsely attributed to Oscar Wilde,by the way.

You will know in your heart that there is no neat solution to your dilemma.

A fetishistic attraction to female underwear can be a barrier to forming relationships with women in itself, and the confusion it can generate is one I can very much empathise with.

Therapy did help me to a certain extent - it helped me to believe that I was not mentally ill and that there was a logical driver somewhere behind my desires.

But then life moves on.

I am now living as a married man, unhappy myself and with an unhappy wife - and essentially neither of us really want to make the choice between the idea of how things could be and how they are.

This is because how things could be too often involves turning back the clock - and that is never possible. We cannot 'un-know' things - so the only route is forward.

Forward, though, depends on finding something positive on which to build - and it is essentially the same for you, I think.

Counting your blessings is such a dated concept - but if you can only find within yourself something that your really value - perhaps it would provide a starting point.

This could need help to achieve, though.

You will find so many opinions here that it can be confusing - so if you do have access to any kind of counselling or therapy I would strongly recommend it.

Best Wishes in your struggle.

[NicoleScott]

A LOT of us young, naive, crossdressers believed that the urge would go away when we found the right woman.
Your crossdressing is not a condition that will cease to exist if and when some event happens.
A lot of us have been there, done that, got the T-shirt (well, blouse).

[Laura_Stephens]

A LOT of us young, naive, crossdressers believed that the urge would go away when we found the right woman.
Your crossdressing is not a condition that will cease to exist if and when some event happens.
A lot of us have been there, done that, got the T-shirt (well, blouse).

That was me. I loved the woman I married -- VERY much so. I thought that the desire would "go away" when I could be with her all of the time. I found out, as have many others, that life doesn't work that way.

[Ashley_in_Texas]

If my mind rejects my dressing in my sleep then doesn't this say my mind hates what I am doing?

My total desire is the woman not the dressing. The dressing is only a stop gap measure until I get one.

First, In my opinion, it is a different part of your brain that controls the sleepwalking and probably the changing back into male clothes. I'm assuming you have no memory of the changing.

Second, I have had the same thoughts. I always thought "when I get a girlfriend / wife, I will stop dressing." Didn't work that way for me. As a matter of fact, my desire to dress grew after I got married.

Just my humble thoughts.

[Laurie A]

I would love to try to get out more. Not much energy. Plus with my old job calling me back it is harder then ever. All i want is a shower when I get home and chill.

I think J's advice was a great! You need to get out of your house and into the world to try and meet new people. Find a hobby or interest that you can share with people. Try volunteer work for a food kitchen, school, or hospital, get involved with in a political campaign. Your loneliness is whats eating you up. If depression is an issue see a health professional. But above all this will take effort on your part.

Take those steps and I almost guarantee you will begin to meet men and women who will make your life richer. Above all be patient with yourself. Relationships often happen when you least expect them.

As a side note, though I would be surprised if your fetish disappears because you are involved in a meaningful relationship with a woman. Just don't let the fetish become an obstacle in your quest for companionship.

[Alice Torn]

SL, I can truly relate, with your pain, isolation, lonliness. I turned 55 in May, and i have wanted a lovely girlfriend, since 18. I really did not get to date much, until my 3o's, but, every lady, considered me just a brother figure, too. I usually turned women off, because i was so "needy". Finally, i am losing my desire, to have to have a dating life, mainly, because i see the way today's baby boomer unmarried women are, and, that men are not respected anymore, unless highly successful. And, that I am damaged goods, from such a loveless, extremely dysfunctional family, and am not much good at any relationships. It is a lonely life, but, i do get out, some, and do things alone, some times get together with other loner guys. And, i have gone to some support groups, like Alanon. I go to a singles dance, but, it seems all the guys are after too few ladies. I can only tell you, that we live in extremely trying times, financially, socially, lonliness . There are a lot of lonely cders, and non cders, who would like well matched ladyfriends. Socially, we don't have the natural skills, women do. We are kind of socially hamstrung. I wish the gg's had more compassion on us! I have learned to accept never having a lady to share hugs with. Cats or dogs are lovable. I dress up looking nice, to enjoy it, and sometimes to be the lady missing all these decades. You are not alone.

[CherylFlint]

Sorry, but life doesn't work that way. If you think that a real woman in your life is going to stop you from dressing, best think again. Doesn't happen. Make it easy on yourself: just tell any future Mrs. that you dress and take it from there. Be honest. You should read some of the other chats on this blog. The wives are upset about the lies, not about the dressing. Be honest with any future Mrs. and with yourself. Good luck. Me? I put an ad in LOVE AOL and said up front that I was a crossdresser. She contacted me and we made a date and a year later we married.

[mklinden2010]

>>I know my dressing replaces a woman I do not have at the moment. Has this happened to anybody else? I do want a woman and would give up dressing to have one.


Well, there's all kinds of ways to kill time. But, 8 years of it?

That's a long moment...

You're offering to give up crossdressing for a a woman, but I don't think there are any women who are aware of the deal you're proposing - OR, interested in it.

No, I don't recall any women saying, "Boy, I'm just looking for a guy... A guy who'll give up crossdressing for me... Yeah, that would be the perfect guy for me!"

The posts recommending getting out more... Yeah, that's kind of the right idea. But, in your case, try NOT being yourself. Be someone more interested in solving world hunger, finding a cure for cancer, painting the best birdhouse you can build.

Giving up crossdressing won't make all that much difference in the world and there's no reason to give it up entirely - no gain there. But, give up SOME of the time you're spending on it and use that time on some of these other issues.

Might take you a couple of years, but you've gotten yourself into a pretty seriously non-productive rut there. If you're going to goof off, at least have the good sense to ease up when it stops being fun.

Nah, keep the crossdressing - it sets you apart from the herd and that's not all bad...

But, don't forget about the herd!

Whatever they are, you're one too...

Do better, raise the average.