Giving up Cross Dressing

[brenda lynn mwe]

hello im sorry to hear about the problems your haven and I agree with everyone no one should jump all over you we all know this is in our blood and me I went threw 3 wives because of my transgender and cd and now im going to do what makes me fill good and live my life but I know how you fill no one can tell u how to live your life but you and if you choose to quiet cd then that's what u want not someone else go with your fillings is going to make your desion for you I wish you the best of luck and take care and if you do quiet cd you can still come and hang out with us girls hugs
brenda lynn

[Gerard]

I wish you good luck in your efforts, I don't have any real advice. I think to some extent maybe advice that helps people stop smoking or something like that might help?

[NatalieNC]

Hi Thalia,
I know I'm new to this site, but I'm not new to cross dressing. I think the worst part of this lifestyle is the secret. The fact that we live a double life and we feel we have to hide it. It's the deceiving that causes me pain. And I have lost a loved one, whom I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. But she couldn't/wouldn't accept me for who I was. I 'came out' to her because I truly wanted, for the first time in my adult life, to live without secrets, without holding anything back. And I thought she would, at least eventually, accept me. Well, she didn't. And it broke my heart and I am left a broken man. I too, told her that I would give it up, never again dress. But even SHE knew it would only be a matter of time until I caved and went back to my old ways and desires. I was the one fooling myself.

I am sorry to hear of all your anquish, but, my friend, this is the life you chose and it is who you are. Nothing can change that. You are who you are, don't try to decieve yourself. If nothing else, be true to yourself. You have to remember that your wife thought she married a different man. Whenm you came out to her, you rocked her world, life as she knew it was now over. She is now in the circle of your lie and doesn't like it. She feels like she is living a secret. I think her threats of black mail to you is the only way she can feel she has some control of her life at all. Because right now, her life is spinning out of control. This is what my fiance' told me and I understand that now. When you came clean to her, everything changed. Her view of you as a man, a husband, a human. My ex fiance still loves me, but is no longer IN LOVE with me.

I guess I have rambled, I just wanted to say that I understand. We area ll here to support each other and get each other thru the rough spots. Hang in there, you are who you are because God made you that way, so it can't bea ll that bad...

[emmlouise]

I can sympathise with you.
When my marriage broke up my wife left me with 2 young children. When she decided that she wanted care of them, she threatened that if I did not agree she would tell everyone all about me. I didn't agree and she told everyone, other parents at the kids school, teachers, her family, my family and mutual friends. She also alleged to the court that I "might" abuse our girls and cited crossdressing as a reason I should not have custody.

It was not, although it seemed like it at the time, the end of the world. Her family supported me as did my own. Only 1 mutual friend made her disgust known. Other parents and the teachers treated me no differently and no mention was made except by one who confirmed that my personal life had been made public and so what! The courts asked for a psychiatric report, social services report and a report from the school, all of which were in my favour. I kept custody of the kids, both of whom knew about their dad. Life carried on.

Your wifes actions do not show love, they show a blatant disrespect. You only live one life, do not let these circumstances destroy it.

[JulieC]

I realize most all of you feel that cding is not something one can ultimately control and the urge will always return.

Quite true. For some people, it might seem easy to dismiss those of us who say that as we're still crossdressers, and not former crossdressers, so we're obviously biased.

Where that idea founders is that none of us know anyone...anyone...who actually successfully and permanently quit crossdressing and was able to carry on a normal life. There are scads of people in this forum who tell of the opposite. I've been in touch with many crossdressing people in the world, and the story is the same no matter who you go to.

This is the case, despite the vast majority of crossdressers trying very hard to quit. How many of us haven't purged before? Many of us have purged several times. Almost all of us have tried to quit at one point or another, and usually several times. If there was a way to quit, we would know.

Well, there are those of us who desperately want to leave it behind us because of the pain it has brought to our lives. The pain that far outweighs any 'pleasure' or 'enjoyment' we derived from wearing womens' clothing.

There are some of us who, if given the choice, would prefer to remain crossdressers. I'd venture to guess that most of us would jump at the chance to put it behind us because of all the pain it has caused us. Destroyed families. Broken relationships. Divorce. Financial destruction. You know of what I speak; you've been a victim of it yourself. Your story is not uncommon.

Without having all of you jump all over me, condemning my decision to try to quit, does anyone know of a legitimate support group on the internet or a support group similar to AA for cross dressers who are not happy with this life style?

Nobody will condemn your decision to try to quit. If anybody does, I'll be the first to condemn them for saying as much.

I do think that a decision to try to quit is far more dangerous than continuing to be you. This isn't smoking or alcohol. You will be actively repressing who you are. Keeping it up can cause depression, anger, self devaluation, and great discomfort to the people close to you. I've read of some people's lives here being utterly destroyed by the decision to try to quit. It is not a healthy path.

In a related subject; recent consensus on 'treatment' for homosexuality is to stop trying to cure it. It can't be 'cured' an they know that now. Trying to cure it leads to higher incidences of negative behavior, social problems, suicide, and more. These people who were being treated were attempting to actively suppress who they were. It failed. Research hasn't caught up with crossdressing yet, but it's very likely in the same league; a state of being that can not be 'cured'.

That said, the grass not seen is often regarded as greener than the grass you stand on. There's no way to be certain of how things will be for you unless you try. If you do try, I am with an earlier poster who said get professional help. You _will_ need it, and it's no crime or admission of weakness to ask for it.

[Tanya83]

I have tried to stop but it just made me more miserable. It doesn't go away it's not something you can just give up. It's a part of who you are. If anything, maybe some compromise within your personal life could help your long term well being.

[Alexiax]

Been there done that got the hat and the tee shirt. I do not believe it can ever be abandoned totally. Would be like leaving a part of yourself behind and going on a long trip knowing you left someone behind.

[LisaM]

Thalia.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

[MsJanessa]

no I've never heard of a 12 step group for crossdressers

[sherri52]

If you can give it up, go for it but I think you'll find it is part of you. As for a support groups Yahoo also has a number of groups that will try to help. I can't speak for them as I am very happy in a dress and heels and don't need thier help

[docrobbysherry]

But, maybe NOT FOR THE REASONS U THINK!

If u go to a therapist, with it in mind, that they will CURE your CDing, I think you'll be VERY DISAPPOINTED!

They only help u find out who u r, and what's REALLY important to U!

For all we know, they may recommend CDing, for u to be happy!

For me, when CDing STOPS BEING FUN, I'm OUT, TOO!

[Sophie Lynne]

I think a therapist can help you if you want.


I hope your life gets better! hugs!

[Samantha43]

I think it would be best to see a therapist to work out the internal conflicts you have. Maybe they will be able to help you stop completely, or at least come to terms with who you are.

I wish you the best!

[Pocatellolass]

I'm Sorry I can offer no suggestions for specific support groups for you as you make this journey, but i wish you nothing but peace and happiness and hope whatever your ultimate decision, that you will have less pain and more joy. All the best thoughts to you...