it is really to bad that you had to go through this. sounds like a clossed mined ahole.
as it relates to being a sissy i think there are several layers to the term sissy. i consider myself a sissy as i am dominated by a GG, love to be dressed up in pretty things, however not neccessarily frilly. somepeople consider that to be a sissy's one must be dressed in frills and act like a little girl.
either way isn't dressing FUN!!!!!!!!!
silken
Come on girls (sissies), it goes with the territory. Be it race, gender or creed there will be some people who can't accept it. We can because we are stronger than them. We have proved it. It is not our problem what we are called - it is theirs. We are and hopefully will live fruitful and interesting lives - I know I am. They won't because they are clouded by prejadice. I get considerably more encouraging comments than destructive ones. So lets go out there, be confident, be ourselves but above all be aware of what we are portraying and how that affects them.
Whisper it, but many people are frightened of us, merely because they don't understand us.
But then again I suppose, do we?
Have fun - we're only here once.
I strut my stuff, I feel so proud,
I need to shout, to scream out loud,
I am Tricia I am she,
I am who I want to be
http://tricia-dale.blogspot.com/
It seems that for some folks the problem is not that the person in the OP used "sissy" as an epithet, but that he was mistaken about it. They ain't no stinkin' sissies! {spits tobakker} They actually share his contempt for those pathetic weirdos and are offended to be called one. It's like when "they" ignorantly associate crossdressing with homosexuality. Imagine being accused of something so abominable! The solution then is to approach the fellow and explain that you're really just a regular guy who likes to dress up as a girl sometimes. {hums the lumberjack song} But, underneath the skirt, you're all man. {scratches the boys} Maybe then you could get together on the weekend, drink a couple of six-packs, go downtown and slap some real sissies around. LOL
From where I stand, I don't see a whole lot of difference between the sissyphobe in the OP, the hypocritical sissyphobes here that whine for tolerance and understanding for themselves, and the homophobes that felt a need to gay bait the sissyphobe in the OP. But please don't overestimate the amount of offence I take personally since whatever offence I do take is tempered by already low expectations.
Sorry that it happend and your neighbor is a jerk. Does it really bother you what he said? Who cares what he says or thinks. Screw him. Ignore him, avoid him - like any other obnoxious neighbor.
IMO, there is a substantial difference, on several levels, between a passing taunt on the street and the confrontation described in this thread! To name just one issue in play here, this neighbor has some deep-seated insecurities and hostilities that would be very difficult to dislodge. If I were betting on the outcome of this scenario, I would wager that an appeal to reason and compassion would fall on deaf ears, and might even escalate the situation. I'm not saying that this particular situation is absolutely hopeless, but I am saying that the first order of business is to defuse the hostility as much as possible without being reduced to a simpering wimp by a bully.Originally Posted by Katie B
As for street taunts, I'll take your word for your own experiences, but maintain that here in the U.S., for every scenario you might point to as a potential victory (however small), I can conjure one with the potential to be a disaster. For example, I've been going out for more than eight years now without a single negative experience of any consequence -- until a couple of months ago. Now I have two encounters under my belt that ultimately amounted to no more than verbal harassment, but there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that had I handled them differently -- in other words, if I had chosen to be confrontational or chastising -- physical violence would have erupted. Considering who I was dealing with, it wasn't worth the risk because I know those particular neanderthals are beyond redemption. Even if I had won a fight with them -- which I wouldn't, cuz I'm not tough (in fact, I'm a sissy) -- nothing would be proven or gained; it would probably just make them be more brutal with their next victim.
If I allowed these episodes to make me paranoid, or if I let an abusive neighbor force me back in the closet quaking with fear, then perhaps it could be said that my life was being dictated by yobs. But that's not going to happen (a fact that would probably cause the yobs to shake their heads and say, "See, you just can't reason with a pervert.") Nevertheless, there are certain facts of life that have to (or should) be accommodated unless one has absolutely nothing to lose -- and let's face it, most of us do have something to lose or otherwise many of us would be full-time TGs instead of part-time crossdressers.
Let me get to the main point I want to make by saying that I agree with you in principle and, up to a point, in practice -- CDs and other TGs face a lot of cultural prejudice and nothing's gonna change until enough of us are willing to crusade for the cause by putting our rights and beliefs into action. But -- and this is a big but -- most of us have to balance the cause with our own personal circumstances. In other words, we have to choose our battles. Tilting at windmills and engaging in skirmishes that can't be won don't accomplish anything; they can in fact have a negative net effect. To my way of thinking, a good starting point to striking the right balance is to not foul one's own nest, because in order to have the strength and courage to carry on we have to have a safe haven where we can recharge and maintain the balance necessary to sustain responsible lives. And at the end of the day, it might just be that it is our responsible lives that serve as the most effective proof to the world that we deserve their tolerance and respect.
**********
PS -- by the way, I'm curious, what is it exactly that you say in reply to someone on the street pricing a blow job? I think my answer might be something like, "An engagement ring, sugar. And of course we're going to have redecorate your apartment if I'm going to live there."
Stacy-Marie hits the nail on the head (i.e., gets the point correct) in her paraphrasing of the wiki definition of "sissy":
Think this through people, the man who addressed Dana intended to give offense and the most likely interpretation of his behavior has nothing to do with sub-genres of crossdressing.
He likely cares very little about whether some men like to be maids, instead reacting to both his fear of emasculation by association with effeminate males and his deep seated misogyny. There are a great many social science studies linking homophobia to misogyny and it makes perfect sense. (Do some digging, you might be surprised at what you find.)
Remember, whatever label you give yourself, crossdressers "transgress" established gender norms in most societies (particularly rural parts of "modern" western societies). This is one reason why the notion of "transgender" as a broad label (covering crossdressing, transexuals, etc) is so compelling because it has the literary implication of "transgression".
Many men (in the U.S. anyway) feel that a man who transgresses his accepted gender roles is a threat to other men in a very personal way.
While I realize that much of the invective on this thread was written either as black humor (which I enjoy) or as catharsis, I must urge you not to respond to this idiot with any kind of violence. This solves nothing and may get you killed.
I am not being reactionary, I am being sensible. If you confront him, you make the threat real and you may find yourself severely beaten, or worse.
Engage people like this very cautiously. Violence against trans people is a huge problem and not to be taken lightly.
Last edited by Stephanie Heplby; 09-03-2009 at 12:04 PM. Reason: edits for clarity and spelling
On any number of levels, Sherri's analysis is brilliant and right on the mark. Let me point out some of my favorite bits:
Amen. Importantly, these two people know each other and are forced to be in close proximity repeatedly (given that that live in close proximity). This is on a completely different playing field than a casual jab, however much that might hurt.
Again, this is right on. Each situation needs to be assessed based on experience and intuition. No instantaneous gut reactions. Those tend to be very wrong unless your gut reactions come as the result of a lifetime of training to be a zen master.
Again the choir sings amen.
But my all-time favorite had to be this response to the blow job taunt:
I actually laughed hard at that. Just fantastic.
If this jerk was calling you or anyone else a sissy because you were brave enough to do something against the norm then he doesn't know just how much guts it takes to do it. I myself accept the term of sissy and it doesn't bother me, but I'm in the closet and don't have the nerve to come out. Those of you who are out you have my admiration and support. I learned a long time ago that whenever someone puts another down be it race, religion or sexual behavior I speak up and let them know that I do not agree with them. I believe that its the best way to combat this type of ignorance.
thanks all for the intellegent replys.but never forget, the biggest fear of
being a child and trying on moms girdle is being caught.The greatest fear of
being an adult and being so compelled to leave the house dressed as a women
(and not just in womens cloths) is the redicule.Being found out or outed is
what chops the heads off of picture profiles,it makes us hide our cloths even
in homes where we live alone,it makes us drive around going nowhere at night,it causes us to lie about panty, girdle, lipstic, poise and dress purchases
to salesladies that we dont even know.redicule forces us even further into
a closet where fantasy and roleplay take over for every day life.I read all
the great stories of liberation, of walking with your head high, of confidence.
but redicule from even the smallest of minds can be crippling.
the hell with my neighbor or of any one of intollerence.forget their names.
judgeing by the responses, redicule of any kind against us strikes a nerve. I guess I am
a sissie.......and ime having one hell of a good time being one.dana.
Sissy or not I do not think it matters. If we are.. ok.. If not just more of the same. The name that he called you really has no meaning other than a show of his fear and misunderstanding.
I am certain it has more to do with his own insecurities than about you or any one of us here.
I know it is not easy being the focus of someones ignorance, but I hope you take it for what it is and learn from it rather than let it bother you.
Please use caution and reason in your future dealings with him and any others you may encounter like him.
While I believe that we all are in agreement that you should not take his comments seriously, fear and misunderstanding of any nature us can manifest itself into violence and very dangerous situations.
So anyway.... I guess what I am trying to say is that I hope you use the above average intelligence that most of us, "sissies" were graced with, and be yourself while also paying attention to your surroundings.
Hugs,
Kiera
Kiera Renea
http://www.sissyschool.com/whatisasissy.html
See above link for the many definitions of a sissy by sissy experts. It seems that we qualify under most definitions.
I kind of agree with TxKimberly but then what about sissy maids. If a good maid is to clean a house well - that is hard work!
I do not define myself as a sissy, but if someone calls me that my feellings are not hurt. A lot of sissies are sweet creatures. I can think of a lot of worse things to be called. Then again, one needs to develop a thick skin if we want to go out dressed and be ready to be called whatever and blow it off.
Sissy as a term also applies to girls that are very girly. I know an old lady that calls her 20 year old grandaughter a sissy as a compliment.
I think you should ignore your neighbor and not have anything to do with him. And if he gets out of hand, call the police on him so they have him on file for abusive behavior.
Love,
Michelia
"Genius is the recovery of childhood at will." Rimbaud
[SIZE="3"]The term does kind of turn me off as well. But when you go against what are generally accepted as social norms, you may find yourself on the outside looking in.
I don't like to shop for Ebay items that are advertised/listed for "Sissies" either.
Lacy PJs[/SIZE]
your problem is that you don't dress in black leather and carry a whip-lol---try it and I guarantee your neighbor won't be calling you a sissy---in fact you can borrow mine if you like
[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]
Alright, I hate to drag up arguments here, but... sissyphobe?
Sissyphobe!?
Do you really think you're so special and so persecuted just because of how you've chosen to label yourself? Is that it? It's so much harder for YOU because you choose to call yourself a "Sissy"; a title that happens to correlate with a subculture you seem to not want to be associated with and yet seem to defend?
Please, explain your angst, regardless of how minimal it may be. I know, personally, I don't lower my expectations of people unless they consistently disappoint me. Is that what you feel has happened here? Do you feel you've been marginalized or disappointed? If so, why?
I truly, truly fail to see why you carry such an attitude with people who are just trying to find fellowship with you or why you'd behave like this beyond the age of 13. Just because I don't share your fetishism or your definitions thereof doesn't mean I want to antagonize and polarize you. Frankly, it just seems to me like you're lashing out.
Otherwise you wouldn't have accused people who you've never personally encountered of "Sissyphobia," a condition I'm fairly certain is entirely fabricated.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
My writing thread
Yeah that's horrible
I'd feel really bad if somebody said that to me. I'd probably stop dressing for a few days or swear back with rude remarks
Honestly I'm glad you did because I missed Steve's little tirade the first time and I want to call BS on it. You know what? I PROUDLY state that I do not want to be associated with people who partake in the sissy fetish. In my time perusing the internet trying to figure out my identity as who I am as a crossdresser, I have occasionally found myself on a few sissification or forced feminization sites, and they have always left me a little bothered. I find the entire concept of being into being treated like a sissy to be degrading to both women and crossdressers at the same time.
The very concept that behaving in such a way is the way to be "treated like a woman" comes from such an ugly, misogynistic place and I absolutely do not want someone to ever think that I would share any such thoughts vis a vi my own crossdressing, so I am more than happy to throw up my hands and make it clear that this is not a practice I condone or would ever participate in.
To me, Sissification is the male to female equivalent of white people wearing blackface and doing minstrel shows. It is horribly offensive to me and it gives all of us a bad name. Sorry if that makes me a hypocrite or intolerant in some way in your eyes, but I am not soon to change my position on such a thing.
As far as the OP example, and Steve's half-assed attempt to compare it to not wanting to be associated with homosexuality, in a "oh at least I'm not one of them," aspect, I honestly have never cared if anyone thought I was gay, except for women I want to date, and then I definitely want them to know I'm straight. Having said that, as much as I don't care if people think I'm gay, it doesn't mean I'm ok with people calling me a F****t in a derogatory manner, and I don't think that makes me inherently homophobic.
Look girls, a lot of you seem to be really hung up on the sissy fetish or culture or whatever. Personally, I'm so vanilla that I wouldn't consider myself a fetishist of any sort. Of course the straight world would likely disagree after seeing a few of my pics but still, as queers go (yes I said queer) I'm pretty damn boring.
I've mentioned a few times that I'm proud to be a sissy and it has nothing to do with any websites that you may or may not have seen. I have simply reclaimed the word that was hurled at me more times than I can count. Keep in mind that few things are as horrifying to a young boy as being called a sissy by a group of "tougher" boys.
Why would they call me such a thing? Why not? I was different. I was quiet and sensitive. I was a sissy.
An effeminate boy.
I was scarred by the taunts, and for years I tried to prove how manly I was. I battered my body in sports and activities that I wasn't physically suited for. I was running from the girl inside me. ...The girl was faster.
When I finally admitted to myself that I was something other than a man, I proudly accepted the brand those boys burned into me. They called me a sissy because I was different. Not because of what I was wearing and certainly not because of anything they found on the yet to be invented internet.
The sissification sites are definitely pandering to a very specific clientele but long before those sites existed, femmy boys were being called a sissy and like it or not, those experiences get imprinted on us.
Frankly, I care nothing or less about any attempt to redefine the term or me. My story is real, not fantasy and the pain of growing up different does not go away just because other groups adopt the epithet.
You don't like it? Whatever.
It should also be noted that all of you girls are in grave danger of being thought of, or (gasp) called a sissy by most every guy in the straight world. Oh, I know many of you are so macho and straight, breaking arms and putting your boots in rectums and whatnot, but no matter how you feel about it, a guy in a dress and makeup is nothing but a sissy out there.
I can almost hear your argument;
"Oh no, I'm not a sissy, that's a subset of a crossdressing fetish and I'm just a regular crossdresser who loves to wear panties and bras. I'm just like you man, except I want to express my feminine side."
Me thinks thou protests too much.
-Misty
As others have said, I believe it's all in how the term is used in context. Calling somebody a name because you don't agree with how they dress, act, or even their race, creed, preferences, etc. is just plain childish. But if you've been looking at the various CD sites, there are clothes sold as "sissy clothes". Nothing wrong or derogatory about that. CD's come in all shapes and sizes, and likewise we can choose to be whomever we want when we dress up. In that vain, we may not dress as somebody our own age, but rather somebody younger. Well younger girls when dressed up tend to wear dresses with large flair, most likely the result of a petitcoat underneath. Some like to dress as maids in the same way. So we should not hate the term "sissy" as that is exactly what we might be trying to portray when we dress up.
Karen
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"
Taught that as a child. Yes, I know it is simplistic and that IF WE LET IT we can be hurt inside.
My mum was wise. She said that insults say more about the person making them than the person aimed at.
I ignore verbal abuse. I wont feed the animal by showing any response. IMO it is a mistake to engage at all. And offering violence as a solution is not the answer - it takes it up a level and who knows where it will end?
Have I ever been upset by a remark? Yes. BUT ... I talk to myself and remind myself that it is NOT me with the problem.
In your situation, if it continues, report him for harassment. In the UK it is an "aggravated offence" if it is motivated by a "Hate Crime" (race/gender/religion etc).
"Illegitimis non Carborundum "
Mirani - [meer-rahn-nee] Beauty to Behold; to "See" beauty
Get hold of his email and post it to us then we can all write to him about sissies. Maybe we could send him pics as well!
Just joking Mods.
Samantha K
It's so hard being me
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIZE="1"]Now I shout it from the highest hill,
Even told the golden daffodil.
At last my hearts an open door,
And my secret love's no secret anymore.[/SIZE]
See Sams pics at;
http://cid-b4480c99b9b4cdd9.skydrive...e.aspx?lc=1033
The desert is a big, lonely place
"Life is a cabaret......just don't call me chum"
I like the sound of brick in purse personally.
Never considered myself as a 'sissy'. 2nd Dan Black Belt, former state Amature Kickboxing Champion, studied MA under some of the best in the world. But, if my desire to wear a dress and bra makes me a sissy... So what.
Is that any business of yours?
I just want to look pretty.....
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I left this whole quote in for a reason, which I'll address later. There's two different things being discussed here in this thread and I think you're blending them into one thing. It's confusing because they're both using the same term, sissy. If it makes you feel better, try imagining one as "sissy" and the other as "Sissy."
The OP was in regards to a neighbor calling someone a sissy simply as a pejorative to mean effeminate man, and clearly not implying the sub culture. ("Sissy")
While I don't understand the "may not," (are you implying we're making it up?) this is the meat of the argument here.I've mentioned a few times that I'm proud to be a sissy and it has nothing to do with any websites that you may or may not have seen.
The reason I left in your whole quote from the beginning is because you made a point of emphasizing that you self identified with the word "queer." This is a very important point of the discussion because it shows that you are proudly using a word originally intended for derogatory purposes and making it a badge of honor. I absolutely support your decision to do that with both queer and sissy. It's not something I prefer to do myself, but it is an entirely personal decision. In regards to the original post, it was an ignorant old man making a slur in regards to an effeminate man, and it's just something we will all have to deal with occasionally.
But then the thread split off in a different direction,
My last post was directly in response to the post that LilSissySteve posted in which he said:
Tolerance doesn't mean being absolutely open minded to every possible thing without putting any thought or ration behind it whatsoever. I'm sorry, but I'm not on board with tolerating any lifestyle that actively degrades women as a whole, and for that matter, crossdressers as a whole. So if that makes me a "Sissyphobe" then so be it.From where I stand, I don't see a whole lot of difference between the sissyphobe in the OP, the hypocritical sissyphobes here that whine for tolerance and understanding for themselves, and the homophobes that felt a need to gay bait the sissyphobe in the OP.
Two can play that game though:I can almost hear your argument;
"Oh no, I'm not a sissy, that's a subset of a crossdressing fetish and I'm just a regular crossdresser who loves to wear panties and bras. I'm just like you man, except I want to express my feminine side."
"Oh, sir, indeed I am a sissy, because I was called it often in my childhood by boys with a similar mindset to yours, and thus I now wear it proudly as a badge of honor! So thank you, good sir, for noticing the sissy that I am. "
Let's be fair here, BOTH are silly arguments to put forward towards another person, especially one who is clearly ignorant enough to yell "f***ing sissy!" at one of his own neighbors, and I don't think anyone is implying that this would be the course of action.
However, I don't think there is anything wrong with someone being in a situation where they were called a sissy, didn't like it and coming to a message board where the topic of discussion is male to female crossdressing and saying "hey, I didn't like this" and someone else saying "me either, and here's why I don't like to be associated with that particular term."
It's unfortunate that a closeminded individual had to express his thoughts in a manner that is hateful and demeaning. Besides, who gives a rat's a$$ what he thinks.
Frankly, I would do what I do normally (due to some hearing loss) and ask him to repeat himself over and over and over. Eventually he'll either give up (which is usually the case) or move closer to continue to verbally assault you. If he makes a threatening move towards you remind him that he is tresspassing and warn him any further incidents will be reported to the police.
If he wishes to become physical you have another problem entirely and the authorities should become involved.
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