Oh well . . .

[TxKimberly]

Thanks for the thoughts, advice, and the smiles all. Still, no way around it - today is gonna be a bummer and at this point it really has little to do with the fact that I'm not traveling pretty. It has far more to do with fact that my wife is quite clearly resenting what I am. Rational or not, logical or not, she is unhappy with me. I can point out to her all day long that I have to leave - that's my job. There is no logical reason in the world that I shouldn't take advantage of the fact that I have to leave for my job. The problem is that somewhere in the back of her head and in her emotions, she's got it twisted around to where she feels as if I chose to leave so I can cross dress, and oh, by the way, I might do a little work while I'm out there having fun. It's a woman thing. I can do the guy thing and explain how irrational this is all day long, and all it's going to do is dig the wound a little deeper (yeah, I tried that before).

[joann426]

ill go along with you heather thats the way i wood put it

[Sarah Doepner]

Kim,
Kinda been there, kinda done that. To quote Ulysses Everett McGill in "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou"; "It's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."
Her response was emotion based, as is your depression. The best thing to do is forget the pain as quickly as you can and get something nice for each of you. A little shopping therapy may do wonders, especially when you give that nice something to your bride explaining that quick anger can be just another face of love in a marriage. Let her think about that for a while.
In the meantime the rest of us will just have to girl-up and not live vicariously through your travels.

[LeslieSD]

We have our own up and downs but we expect other people to always be rational. You have a very understanding wife, who even apologized for asking you walking your daughter to school. Take it easy. There are more to life than dressing.

Sorry if I sound a bit hard, but that's what I feel.

[Ralph]

Wow -- I never would have thought that one of the two cheerleaders of this group (I'm talkin' to YOU, Karren) would ever have a bad day... you're always the first one with a joke to break up an angry exchange here.

So sorry to hear there was tension, but this too shall pass. It sounds like she needs a little reassurance that she IS first in your life, and above all you don't resent putting on the guy clothes once in a while when it's important to her.

Contrary to some of the advice here I would hold off on the back-and-forth accusations of who allows more time for whom; you both make concessions to one another often enough and you've been married long enough that it would be childish and self-destructive to keep score. A successful marriage rooted in love and respect means that when the other one is insecure about something, you take that insecurity seriously and don't make it worse by trying to make her out to be the villain.

In this particular case I'd even carry it farther and apologize - yes, YOU apologize to HER - something to the effect of "I'm sorry I didn't realize it was that important to you... you know I'll always make time for you."

Going to hold my tongue about the folks whose only reaction was "How terrible that your plans were ruined."

PS - right on, LeslieSD!

[Miranda09]

I agree with Sara, Leslie and Ralph here Kim.

[LisaM]

Kim,

I truly understand depession and I know how depressed I get when my spouse makes me feel bad about myself---so I know where you are coming from.

But usually when we have little issues we eventually get around to talking them out and resolving them. The period od depression fades and in the end we both compromise and reaffirm our committment together. It is not easy being us and it is certainly not easy being a spouse but keep at it like you both have done so far.

We all appreciate what you are feeling.

[Alice B]

There is nothing I could say that has not already been said in previous responses. Just look at it as a very minor pot hole in a very long road of life.

[TNRobin]

I don't know what to say, but here's a hug.

When you get back everything should be fine.

Maybe thinking about SCC will cheer you up. I'll give you a real hug there and you can steal my wheelchair!

[Nicole Erin]

This happened all the time to me, and it didn't have anything to do with dressing, just a million other things that suddenly became "more important" than my (soon to be ex-) wife or her plans.
I used to do this, fit her requests in as much as possible but at the end that sucks your soul... you just can't do that forever, sometimes you have to put yourself before anything else.

Gina is right. There needs to be a balance, cause I don't think anyone finds it satisfying to live for someone else all the time.

My wife used to try playing guilt trip games because of my dressing but quickly learned it was not going to work. Of course her favorite thing to say was "it is embarrasing". We don't go out and do much as a couple anyways.

[NatashaCD]

Gina is right. There needs to be a balance, cause I don't think anyone finds it satisfying to live for someone else all the time.

My wife used to try playing guilt trip games because of my dressing but quickly learned it was not going to work. Of course her favorite thing to say was "it is embarrasing". We don't go out and do much as a couple anyways.

agree 100% here when i was in a relationship it was all about her I had to wade on her hand and foot it was 2 1/2 years of depression but i loved her but in the end found she was cheating was a major blow and have found out she is playing up behind the guy she is with now I feel for you Kim and very sorry to hear this expecially from a lovely girl like you hope you get through it and were all thinking of you

[Di]

It has far more to do with fact that my wife is quite clearly resenting what I am. Rational or not, logical or not, she is unhappy with me. I can point out to her all day long that I have to leave - that's my job. There is no logical reason in the world that I shouldn't take advantage of the fact that I have to leave for my job. The problem is that somewhere in the back of her head and in her emotions, she's got it twisted around to where she feels as if I chose to leave so I can cross dress, and oh, by the way, I might do a little work while I'm out there having fun. .

I think hon that she might have got it twisted......and the best thing is you can when you get home....get on the same page
Something I was thinking was ( maybe not be the case) but maybe you really have such joy in getting ready and traveling
ect....she might feel you do not feel the same kinda Joy with spending time with her.....and....she might have rationalized...afterwards so apoligized to you....knows that is not the case...but her feelings are just that her feelings.
I do that sometimes....so was just wondering if maybe that was what happened.
Anyhoo

[Mirani]

Big hugs sweetie.

This IS a rollercoaster ... seems you are on the down bit at the moment.
You will start to rise again.
I am totally encouraged and supported by Amanda. BUT sometimes we can irritate the hell out of each other and say things that we wish we hadn't but you cant take it back.

Hope your day does get better. Thinking of you. x

[Ronni Seymour]

Hope your day has gotten better, Kim. How familiar the feeling you speak of. Sometimes those relationships with our wives and our crossdressing can cross paths the wrong way. They feel hurt and we feel like crap (as you said, a freak). Yes, yes, know the feeling so well.

[TGMarla]

Can't say or do anything that will make it better, as you well know.

Clearly you need a hug.

So...

[steftoday]

Kim - sorry that you are down...

I can't offer much more than most of the sage advice that others have given here... I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

can I offer one too?

[ReineD]

Well, nothing to be done about it now, at this point I'd rather put my wet finger into a light socket than proceed with my plans to fly as Kim. She told me two or three times "I'm sorry" as I put my stuff away and put on my guy clothes, but now I feel like a freak again and am depressed as hell.

Kim, how long have you been married? How long has your wife known about Kim? How long has it been since the two of you made the tacit agreement that you should dress when you travel?

Your wife's mood is NOT about you, nor is it about the CDing. It could be lots of other things:

1. She just had a baby this year and her freedom is severely limited. Probably none of her friends are toting around new babies, and she feels more alone. (I felt the same way when I had my child at the age of 38). She could also have a touch of post-partum depression.

2. She sees the cutbacks all around her, including your company's recent week off policy, and she is worried. Call it the mother's instinct to protect her newborn child.

3. She came home the other night and saw the results of the Kim bomb on your bed when you were taking pics for ebay. So maybe she doesn't realize that your prime reason for doing this was to sell the clothing. Maybe she is afraid you are unsatisfied with your current level of dressing. Maybe she thinks that you feel stressed and she is worried about you.

4. When was the last time you had some alone, romantic time together? During your next week off, why don't you stay with the munchkin and treat your wife to a day at the spa. Then get a sitter and the two of you have a nice night out!

It has far more to do with fact that my wife is quite clearly resenting what I am. Rational or not, logical or not, she is unhappy with me.

Um ... you know how highly I think of you, right? But, ([SIZE="1"]do I detect a bit of 'all or nothing', or 'black/white' thinking here)[/SIZE]? So stop it! Take some time alone with your wife and tell her how devastated you feel that she is unhappy with you. Ask her if there is anything else that is bothering her that she hasn't told you about. Reassure her that if she needs you to be there for her, you will gladly change your dressing habits until the two of you have figured out what is wrong.

My guess (since she already apologized 2 or 3 times) is that she will not even consider asking you to dress less. She loves you very much and she DOES NOT think you are a freak. You are one of the sweetest people I have ever met. You are a fantastic husband, father, and your family is clearly your priority! Of course your wife knows this.

[heatherdress]

Kimberly - You did the right thing and took care of your wife's important needs. She knows that and don't lay on additional feelings that you think she might have. You were there for her and put her first. I admire that. I also wonder if your wife is experiencing additional pressures due to your work situation. She might have fears about your security. She may say things that hide her worries. You were a good partner today and made a big sacrifice. I admire that.

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks for the thoughts, advice, and the smiles all. Still, no way around it - today is gonna be a bummer and at this point it really has little to do with the fact that I'm not traveling pretty. It has far more to do with fact that my wife is quite clearly resenting what I am. Rational or not, logical or not, she is unhappy with me. I can point out to her all day long that I have to leave - that's my job. There is no logical reason in the world that I shouldn't take advantage of the fact that I have to leave for my job. The problem is that somewhere in the back of her head and in her emotions, she's got it twisted around to where she feels as if I chose to leave so I can cross dress, and oh, by the way, I might do a little work while I'm out there having fun. It's a woman thing. I can do the guy thing and explain how irrational this is all day long, and all it's going to do is dig the wound a little deeper (yeah, I tried that before).

U must give up CDing cold turkey! ( Rite AFTER SCC, so I get to meet u!)

That way, U and the Mrs. can live happily ever after!

NOT buying it, Kim? Well, how 'bout this one then:
The only folks with no problems, live at Forest Lawn!

As a divorced guy, I'm TRULY SORRY!

I WISH I had something that mite help!

U have my sympathy, girl!

[sherri52]

Kim your so is probably going through something at this time. She most likely is going to miss you and that bothers her and she took it out on you without thinking it through

[MsJanessa]

Haven't you been married about 20 years or so? In all that time I'm sure that you have had spats with your wife===and sometimes we say things in a brief flash of anger that we regret later---from your posts it seems like she accepts your crossdressing--and even particpates on occasion, yes? So let the matter slide---many of us here have had far less understanding wives--I suspect you will both be fine

[BLUE ORCHID]

1. [SIZE="4"]
   A Big [Hug] For KIM[/SIZE]

.................................................. ................thanks........ORCHID

[Tip or Ozma]

I would take a deep breath and let it go. For this time, she should get priority treatment. I think she had enjoyed your new found time together and was disappointed.

It sound like both of you have plenty of good feelings in each other's accounts. this is just a minor withdrawal.

How long will you be in Detroit? There is a small lingerie shop called Tina Marie's in Southfield. You may find a jewel, or two there. They have always been friendly to me in drab.

I find just taking a walk helps to relieve any depression.

[ReineD]

Kim, I just read one of your latest blogs about the birthday present from your wife's aunt and uncle. This is awesome! And happy belated birthday! And I saw your ebay page. Very nice!

So it occurred to me that your wife may be reading hidden motives in your latest actions. What is her attitude with regards to coming out to family in general, neighbors, church community, or your work? If the two of you had been keeping the CDing private, the small inroads you are making now with some family members and posting your pictures on a public site like ebay might be causing your wife to think that you are reaching a new level of CDing.

Even though husbands assure their wives that they are happy being husbands and fathers while also expressing their femme selves, it is never far from a GGs mind that everything could change. Of course there are some GGs who will support a transition or living full time, but you well know this is difficult for most especially if they are raising young children. A common thought among GGs is that if their husband comes out slowly to family and friends, then will this lead to wanting to dress full time since there would be no reason to be in drab again.

So maybe your wife is noticing some subtle changes, and she is drawing her own conclusions? Maybe she is afraid of being left behind? Just a thought.

[Jenny J]

Well Kim, something is bothering your wife. Whether it’s your Crossdressing or just being gone because of the job, but it’s probably best to try to get this straightened out as soon as possible.

The uncertainty of your job could certainly be a factor too. She’s counting on you to be the bread winner and while you might not think she’s aware of your situation, she is and is probably scared also.

Perhaps it is that she’s a new mom again. Your kids seemed to be spread out so maybe she is not happy rearing another one from scratch. You did say one is going into the Navy and there’s the 6 year old. Could be she thought the child rearing days were heading toward adolescences.

I wouldn’t be that depressed about it. She seems to be a real gem and has tolerated your CDing up to now. A nice warm friendly talk airing out each other’s thoughts and feelings seems to be in order.

Get a babysitter and take her out for an evening on the town and talk about these issues. Don’t let them fester. That can be just as depressing and the initial problem.

There’s my

Good Luck

Jen