So...

[Ze]

...Why do, like, 99% of you lovely ladies ignore me when I post in the MtF section? (Tamara doesn't count! )

I've always viewed this board as a community. And just like we transmen always love and welcome GFs and MtFs into the FtM section of the site, I'd assumed I'd be loved and welcomed into your section. But I'm beginning to feel hurt. On several occasions now, I've been lumped into the "thanks, ladies!" or "I agree with the all the girls here" categories when my viewpoints were just like everybody else's, or my view is completely unrecognized until a female says it and then everybody agrees with her.

So I'm honestly just curious.

Do I offend? Do you not like transmen? Do you not know how to react? Do you wish I'd leave? Do you not want an alternate viewpoint? Do you think I have cooties?

I swear I don't bite. [SIZE="1"](Unless you ask.)[/SIZE]

This thread isn't meant to sound like an attack at all. I just thought it'd be a nice idea to open the floor up for some dialogue.

Edit: I just want to make it clear that I am not upset over people not reacting to or quoting my posts all the time. My actual reasoning for my "ignoring" worry is already stated above.

[SirTrey]

Good topic, Ze....I am anxious to hear the responses to this....Several of the guys on the board have expressed the same sentiment, I have heard it more than once....Great job opening up a dialogue on it.

[Brina Halloween]

Most of my comments go under the radar too. At least Tamara likes you, I usually have foot in mouth if she notices me. While I don't remember specifics, I have liked enough of your comments that I usually stop and read then in long threads when I see your name. (Sorry folks, in the really long ones I skim for the authors posts sometimes).

Brina

[Ze]

Good topic, Ze....I am anxious to hear the responses to this....Several of the guys on the board have expressed the same sentiment, I have heard it more than once....Great job opening up a dialogue on it.

Why thank you, fellow transman.

I'm glad you agree with my motives here. I think it's a great opportunity for everybody to get to know each other better. I'm feeling more and more that there's a segregation of MtFs and FtMs. And it simply isn't necessary. I think it all comes from fear or uncertainty of the unknown.

Edit: And thanks, Brina! I understand that the MtF section is extremely busy and posts get lost easily, so I understand that this happens to plenty of members here and not just me. But, at the same time, I wanted to make sure that my posts weren't specifically being ignored because of my identity. I don't cry victim often, but my tip-off for this worry was when, say, a poster would claim they'd read through an entire thread and then said they "agreed with all the ladies here." Well, if my sentiments were the same as everybody else's, what has just happened here?

[Lorileah]

<--- never ignores :Ze:

[az_azeel]

Sometimes Ze.. its not ignorance... i speak for myself on this one... i read a lot of the threads in this section (as helping out) and not reply to one of them.... simply because someone else has actually said what i was thinking... i personally dont see the point of posting a reply... ie i agree... as with any other section on here your point of view is valued.. im sure the rest of the girls are not ignoring you on purpose ..... or any of the other transmen ...... i would not take it personally...

[Kathi Lake]

It seems that a good 90% of the posts are ignored - regardless of your gender (at birth or at present), unless it is on panties or other stuff. That's how it seems to me, anyway. It's kind of hard to talk about substantial things without it turning into a bloodbath. I exaggerate, but you know what I mean.

So, don't take it as a personal attack. You rock, and you certainly deserve to be on this board with the rest of us. Don't take it as a slight if no one replies to one of your posts.

Love ya!

Kathi

[Ze]

<--- never ignores :Ze:

Nope. I can safely say you've never ignored me.

I'm going with 'cooties', Cutie.

Cheers,
Jayne

And I'm contagious!

Sometimes Ze.. its not ignorance... i speak for myself on this one... i read a lot of the threads in this section (as helping out) and not reply to one of them.... simply because someone else has actually said what i was thinking... i personally dont see the point of posting a reply... ie i agree... as with any other section on here your point of view is valued.. im sure the rest of the girls are not ignoring you on purpose .. i would not take it personally...

Understood, az. I agree with what Brina said above, and although at first I truly understood that it's unnecessary for people to say "I agree" to a post, I began to wonder as I saw a curious imbalance. (I'm not looking for people to start specifically quoting my posts to say something, but it'd be nice if I weren't lumped into the "ladies" category. That part still confuses me.)

It seems that a good 90% of the posts are ignored - regardless of your gender (at birth or at present), unless it is on panties or other stuff. That's how it seems to me, anyway. It's kind of hard to talk about substantial things without it turning into a bloodbath. I exaggerate, but you know what I mean.

So, don't take it as a personal attack. You rock, and you certainly deserve to be on this board with the rest of us. Don't take it as a slight if no one replies to one of your posts.

Love ya!

Kathi

Awww, thanks, Kathi!

*makes note to talk about panties*

Have I ever mentioned that you remind me a LOT of a GF I know? Spittin' image, I swear.

[suchacutie]

One nice thing about this forum is that there is a lot of activity. In many threads it would be virtually impossible to reply to every response, and I'm not sure that there should be a response to every response (to every response....). I just looked and it seems I've made hundreds of comments in a variety of threads. On the one comment where I was really pissed and said some insensitive things, let me tell you that I got comments....whoa!!!...and rightly so. Outside of that, I get very few personal comments, but the ones' I've gotten have been really wonderful. Considering how many posts we all make, comments on comments would get a bit out of hand, no?

But, having said that...HI!

tina

[Cheshire Gummi]

I get ignored by people too. Even after incredibly long, well thought out responses on any given subject.

It's just part of being amid the noise. You can't listen to every band that ever existed. I'm sure there are some great bands that I've never even heard of and I love music.

Just because you're all 80's metal up in the classic rock section doesn't mean people hate 80's metal, this is just where the classic rock music goes. Can't expect a bunch of discussion about Def Leppard in a Led Zeppelin thread, can you?

[Samantha43]

It's the cooties...

Just kidding!

That is a good question. In my case it's nothing intentional. I usually don't even check the gender (or the gender they are expressing) of the person I'm responding to. I feel we should all be one happy community.

[deja true]

Well, Ze, hunny ...

I think it often just comes from inattention...

Especially in longer threads, it seems quite a few read the OP, then immediately go right to the little answer clicky thing and end up ... BAM ... at the last post without reading all the pesky in-between stuff. You can sorta tell when so many of the answers are virtually identical to those that have gone before. Happens to me, too.

(I notice you in some of those threads, sweetie, and if you want me to wink or wave, I certainly will ... )



(Who's ignoring you now, cutie! A dozen replies in as many minutes! )

[PretzelGirl]

Well, I am glad to see you gentlemen. Need everyone's opinions if we are to understand all these things we get ourselves into.

One explanation may be the "broad brush" references. Being a MTF forum, some people may just make the general "Ladies" reference. That not only is wrong for the FTM, but also the crossdressers that don't identify as female.

It reminds me of one job I had that was a bunch of GGs and me. We had weekly meetings and the manager would always make comments like "ladies, here is what we need to do". I would always speak up with a squeaky voiced "Yes?".

And then there is the theory that everyone is staying back because your parents are intimidating...

[sissystephanie]

Ze, I am not a Transman, but I have the same feeling as you many times. I probably don't spend as much time on this forum as others, and certainly don't post as often as you do. But I like to think that when I do post, it is because I have something to say that needs to be said! And yet those posts frequently seem to be ignored!

Many times it seems as though many of the girls pick one particular part of the thread and home in on that! Even though that may not be the important point! With my 60+ years of being a CD, both married and being a widower, i do think my opinions should carry at least a little weight. After all, I was a CD before many of the girls on this forum were born!!

BTW, I also believe that MtoF and FtoM should be together as Crossdressers! After all, that is what we are, no matter what our physical state is!

[LisaM]

Ze,

I feel the same way most times when I post. It seems very few people respond to my posts although they respond to other people's posts.

I try not to let it bother me. I am sure there are good reasons--my comments don't catch anyone's eye, other people have been members here longer, etc.. I try not to be sensitive about it because I think it is the nature of these types of forums. I have been on other forums where there are communitites within communities and I think it takes a while to get comfortably into a smaller community.

I don't know if this helps but it makes me feel better when I think I am being ignored but I really understand that I am not.

[Ze]

On the one comment where I was really pissed and said some insensitive things, let me tell you that I got comments....whoa!!!...and rightly so.

Ah yes...I remember that infamous day.

But, having said that...HI!

Hi!

Just because you're all 80's metal up in the classic rock section doesn't mean people hate 80's metal, this is just where the classic rock music goes. Can't expect a bunch of discussion about Def Leppard in a Led Zeppelin thread, can you?

Certainly not. Though I'll admit I've never expect you dears to start talking about boxer briefs for my sake in here.

I feel we should all be one happy community.

Agreed.

Well, Ze, hunny ...

I think it often just comes from inattention...

Well, for the amount of times I've streaked through this forum, you'd think somebody would pay more attention to me!

(I notice you in some of those threads, sweetie, and if you want me to wink or wave, I certainly will ... )

Awwww, not necessary, but I appreciate the offer.

Well, I am glad to see you gentlemen. Need everyone's opinions if we are to understand all these things we get ourselves into.

One explanation may be the "broad brush" references. Being a MTF forum, some people may just make the general "Ladies" reference. That not only is wrong for the FTM, but also the crossdressers that don't identify as female.

It reminds me of one job I had that was a bunch of GGs and me. We had weekly meetings and the manager would always make comments like "ladies, here is what we need to do". I would always speak up with a squeaky voiced "Yes?".

And then there is the theory that everyone is staying back because your parents are intimidating...

All great stuff here. Thank you for the input and letting us know we boys are welcome here.

Thanks to all of your responses so far! I appreciate you all taking the time out for me here. And I'm already feeling better.

[Fab Karen]

Well I say you're very welcome here. It may also just be laziness- sometimes for example I can say something,it may not get responded to, but then someone else says the same thing & gets kudos for it. I suspect some posting a "thanks ladies" may be more of that laziness, not noticing a FtM also responded.

[az_azeel]

Understood, az. but it'd be nice if I weren't lumped into the "ladies" category. That part still confuses me.)

Perhaps... (just a thought) you could reply by saying from a mans point of view...

[Ze]

Ze, I am not a Transman, but I have the same feeling as you many times. I probably don't spend as much time on this forum as others, and certainly don't post as often as you do. But I like to think that when I do post, it is because I have something to say that needs to be said! And yet those posts frequently seem to be ignored!

Many times it seems as though many of the girls pick one particular part of the thread and home in on that! Even though that may not be the important point! With my 60+ years of being a CD, both married and being a widower, i do think my opinions should carry at least a little weight. After all, I was a CD before many of the girls on this forum were born!!

BTW, I also believe that MtoF and FtoM should be together as Crossdressers! After all, that is what we are, no matter what our physical state is!

I should that this moment, Stephanie, to properly thank you for the contributions I've noticed you take in the transman section. You say you don't post unless you have something good to say, and I just have to let you know that you're right! Everything I've seen of yours is worth reading.

Ze,

I feel the same way most times when I post. It seems very few people respond to my posts although they respond to other people's posts.

I try not to let it bother me. I am sure there are good reasons--my comments don't catch anyone's eye, other people have been members here longer, etc.. I try not to be sensitive about it because I think it is the nature of these types of forums. I have been on other forums where there are communitites within communities and I think it takes a while to get comfortably into a smaller community.

I don't know if this helps but it makes me feel better when I think I am being ignored but I really understand that I am not.

Yeah, it helps me to think of it that way. And I hope it doesn't bother you too much on your end when few respond to you.

Well I say you're very welcome here. It may also just be laziness- sometimes for example I can say something,it may not get responded to, but then someone else says the same thing & gets kudos for it. I suspect some posting a "thanks ladies" may be more of that laziness, not noticing a FtM also responded.

Why thank you, Karen.

And I agree; it could very well be laziness. I guess I just wanted to make sure.

Perhaps... (just a thought) you could reply by saying from a mans point of view...

Good point, az. I know I did that a handful of times near the start, but perhaps I should just keep doing that for every post I put in here. Just to make sure it's known. Sometimes misconceptions happen, I guess.

[sterling12]

If you are very good at communicating. If you don't use too many multi-syllable words, nor verbiage that forces someone to actually take the time to determine the meaning, if your not prone to write a "me too" message; then about 1% of the time, you will strike the right "empathy note," and someone else will acknowledge you.

If that's what you want!

Get deliberately provocative, trying to generate "street cred," or just "push some buttons;" you'll get a response, but it will also cause you a lot of grief. Most folks want to "play nice" around here, and that's as it should be. This is not a Forum for Flame Wars or name calling. Subjects that touch on politics, better be very careful what you say. You can address a problem, but it's pointless to address someone's specific ideology.

We have had many Transmen on here, their opinions were valued, and listened to....AFTER they got known.

Hang in there, be specific and understandable, and you too will get to be part of our glorious family. Your deathless prose will be commented upon, you just have to learn "The Form" which is acceptable, and not to expect to always get a specific response. It doesn't mean your not being read, just not responded to. Want to get an indication? Take a typical thread, watch about 6 to 10 messages AFTER you have written. If someone paraphrases just about exactly what you pointed out....you got through!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Cheshire Gummi]

Certainly not. Though I'll admit I've never expect you dears to start talking about boxer briefs for my sake in here.

I don't follow. Whatever discussion has happened in regards to underpants has gone on without my permission.

Additionally, I'm afraid to post in the FtM section, because I feel like that would be an intrusion. If you boys over there are okay with it, then maybe I'll invade your turf and start discussions about how ignored and alone I am.

[Ze]

If you are very good at communicating. If you don't use too many multi-syllable words, nor verbiage that forces someone to actually take the time to determine the meaning, if your not prone to write a "me too" message; then about 1% of the time, you will strike the right "empathy note," and someone else will acknowledge you.

If that's what you want!

Get deliberately provocative, trying to generate "street cred," or just "push some buttons;" you'll get a response, but it will also cause you a lot of grief. Most folks want to "play nice" around here, and that's as it should be. This is not a Forum for Flame Wars or name calling. Subjects that touch on politics, better be very careful what you say. You can address a problem, but it's pointless to address someone's specific ideology.

We have had many Transmen on here, their opinions were valued, and listened to....AFTER they got known.

Hang in there, be specific and understandable, and you too will get to be part of our glorious family. Your deathless prose will be commented upon, you just have to learn "The Form" which is acceptable, and not to expect to always get a specific response. It doesn't mean your not being read, just not responded to. Want to get an indication? Take a typical thread, watch about 6 to 10 messages AFTER you have written. If someone paraphrases just about exactly what you pointed out....you got through!

Peace and Love, Joanie

Thanks for the tips, Joanie.

I had felt that I was quickly making myself known on the forum--well enough that I felt welcome to start posting in the MtF section--but based on what you're saying, perhaps I was wrong.

I don't follow. Whatever discussion has happened in regards to underpants has gone on without my permission.

Additionally, I'm afraid to post in the FtM section, because I feel like that would be an intrusion. If you boys over there are okay with it, then maybe I'll invade your turf and start discussions about how ignored and alone I am.

I was just making a joke on my end. Like you said if I were into 80's music and going into, say, a different part of the site on classical, then of course I wouldn't expect everybody to start talking about the 80's.

Nope, it's not an intrusion to us at all! Feel free to post in there; we even have a specific welcome thread for MtFs and GFs, should they choose to say "hi" there first.

Of course, I'm assuming you're not being sarcastic or patronizing right now.

[Sheila]

Perhaps... (just a thought) you could reply by saying from a mans point of view...

I know :Ze: that I often in here make a point of saying from a/this GG ......... I shouldn't have to, but like the Transmen we GG's sometimes feel like u do, ignored in here, or we sometimes fear speaking in case we get jumped on by some

[JennyS.]

Hmmm... I just skipped over about the last 5 posts. Was I ignoring them? Not at all... I got the message, that's it. Thanks to you Ze, I just realized that I probably skip over posts all the time. It's not a good habit to have. Slow down, read, think about your opinion, then post. Something I need to be better at.

[Ze]

I know :Ze: that I often in here make a point of saying from a/this GG ......... I shouldn't have to, but like the Transmen we GG's sometimes feel like u do, ignored in here, or we sometimes fear speaking in case we get jumped on by some

True. But we could also always retaliate.

Hmmm... I just skipped over about the last 5 posts. Was I ignoring them? Not at all... I got the message, that's it. Thanks to you Ze, I just realized that I probably skip over posts all the time. It's not a good habit to have. Slow down, read, think about your opinion, then post. Something I need to be better at.

Sorry, I wasn't meaning to critique anybody, but I'm glad I helped if that's the case.