Can you quit?

[Jamie001]

I agree. It is not like you are doing something that is illegal or harmful. Why quit? You are not doing anything that is illegal and it is not hurting anyone.

Why would yo want to quit? Its not like you robbed a bank, stole a car or broke into your neighbors house
It's ony clothes for gawds sake!
Why all the guilt? Just don't get it

There is nothing illogical about the comment. We do hurt others by quitting. Many CDs quit and then have mood swings, depression, and other mental problems. Those problems are real and affect other people.

This may quite possibly be the most illogical comment I've ever seen on this forum.

[battybattybats]

This may quite possibly be the most illogical comment I've ever seen on this forum.

Explain please how its illogical.

I suspect you havent factored in to the equation that there will be future CDs and their families who, if we choose to take the hard road will live with less hardship but who, if we take the selfish road of avoiding the hard work will live with the same struggles we do now. Or worse we could slide back on the gains of the past CDs.

Avoiding long term growth by avoiding the short term pain required for that growth is called idiot-compassion in bhuddism. It's also called dying of gangrene in medicine by not putting the antiseptic on the infected wound cause it will sting.

By trying to not hurt ourselves and families we hurt them and all society more. By trying to avoid some pain we inflict worse pain over generations whereas gritting our teeth and letting the buck stop here would stop the cycle.

[Maia Saturn]

This may quite possibly be the most illogical comment I've ever seen on this forum.

Stick around luv, there are more...

1. People who don't KNOW everyone, or MET everyone, in the WORLD, should not speak for everyone in the WORLD. i.e, as in broad-ranging statements such as: "Everyone thinks about sex at one time or other."

2. People who have not GRADUATED, or ATTENDED, any sort of MEDICAL school or have ownership of any ACCREDITED MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE, should not, ever, under any circumstances, give medical advice. i.e. "If you dress in womens clothes, and you are not a woman, you might end up with West Nile Virus"

3. People who read internet forums, such as this one, should never take advice from other people within those forums who give MEDICAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, THEOLOGICAL, ASTRONOMICAL, OR GASTROINTESTINAL advice, nor should they listen to broad-ranging statements provided by such persons.

My work here is done...

[Jenny Brown]

Explain please how its illogical.

You need to realize that everyone on this forum is NOT a trans-activist like you. Anyone who has the willpower to quit cd-ing, and wants to - should do it because it's what they want to do, and for no other reason. And, it's definitely NOT hurting anyone if they quit.
Enough said. I won't be sucked into one of your long winded rambling exchanges.

[Cheryl T]

Why would I want to quit being me? This is who I am and always has been.

Should I quit being right-handed?
Should I quit being tall (well, maybe that could be a benefit)?

I'll never quit being me and me is who you see...

[BunnieCashmere]

You need to realize that not everyone on this forum is NOT a trans-activist like you. Anyone who has the willpower to quit cd-ing, and wants to - should do it because it's what they want to do, and for no other reason. And, it's definitely NOT hurting anyone.
Enough said. I won't be sucked into one of your long winded rambling exchanges.

I agree. I'm not a lifetime cd girl. I don't live like this, I don't stay dressed up for weeks. It's a hobby. It's something I do for fun, and kicks. I've never wanted to look like a woman 24/7, that's too demanding. I can easily give this up, and if I did, my wife wouldn't care, my friends wouldn't care. Nobody I know would really care. As I said before, it's just a hobby.

[sherri52]

No I can't nor do I want to. You are right though there could be someone out there that has quit. They haven't come back to this site because they dont need the support of thier cd'ing. I am sure that the odds are very low on quiting, the failed attempts tell you that. I have never stopped being a cd but there was a time when I didn't go all out or shave my legs or pluck my brows. More than one stretch, but I always dressed.

[carhill2mn]

Hi Bunnie, I think that as you get older you will find that your urge to CD will increase, not decrease. There are several advantages that older CDs discover; you will attract less attention, older GWs will tend to look less feminine than young women; you will have fewer concerns/worries about being a CD.
As to whether anyone can "quit" CDing. I think that it sort of depends upon your definition of "quitting". Perhaps, a person can stop actually dressing but the desire to do so is likely to be always present.

[dennisGTS]

I know I can't quit. I tried to quit many years ago when I got married, and like a bad addiction, the "urges" came back within a year. I enjoy CDing so much, I don't think I ever want to quit; CDing is a part of my life and who I am.

[ashcrimson]

Its just a matter of priority. When one is faced by a threat of losing or acquiring a greater one, I think anyone is capable of letting go of something.

As for the effects of actually leaving crossdressing, I think this is relative to the person, we cant just definitively say what it will be like it is impossible to quantify this accurately.

As for how I will feel about it if ever, it will seriously hurt me.

It will hurt my wallet too, I have gotten rid of my mens clothes even my socks, am I to buy everything again???

[TxKimberly]

Sure I can quit - I've done it at least a dozen times!

. . . 1). People who want to quit shouldn't come to a crossdressing forum for support . . .

Actually there are some people that joined this forum because they thought it was FOR quiting. You know, like AA or something.

[Cathytg]

I think that the key to being able to quit (or not) depends largely upon why you dress.

If you dress because you like the clothes and the feeling they give you, perhaps you could quit.

If you dress because you are truly transgendered and need dressing as an outlet, then you might not be able to quit.

The issue is not so much what you do as it is who you are.

[Wen4cd]

At this point in my life, the reasons I would quit cross-dressing, (or want to,) are these:

1. Bored of it, (hasn't happened yet, in decades)

2. I lose my eyesight. (There would be no point. I am a pretty visual person. I get no joy from 'the feel of smooth stockings,' etc..)

3. If I did some deep soul searching, and found the activity was absolutely hindering my emotional, spiritual, or personality development.

The third one is the tricky one. I am always looking for this, and haven't found anything negative in the activity itself. Actually, it appears to be beneficial so far. But I've seen it seem to be a hindrance to some others occasionally. (Either that, or their possibly unrelated issues were just dumped on, or lumped in, with it.) If I honestly found it a problem hindering my psychological health or growth, I would, naturally, try to stop doing it.

Usually though, it's a simple matter of reframing it, or of viewing it the right way. But it's that way about everything. Clothing is totally benign to your psychic being without you interpereting it one way or another.

[battybattybats]

You need to realize that everyone on this forum is NOT a trans-activist like you. Anyone who has the willpower to quit cd-ing, and wants to - should do it because it's what they want to do, and for no other reason.

This isnt about me.

It's about responsibility. We make choices with consequences so are responsible for those consequences.

And our responisbility is long term as well as short term. Our choices decide the fate of the next generation.

The amont of TGs murdered in the next few decades, the amount of TG suicides are decided by US NOW.

If we duck responsibility selfishly the next generation of CDs will suffer like we are. That's hurting! And if we dont help our families adjust it'll be harder for them to cope when society does change around them cause they'll be faced with it eventually just like people had to adjust to women in mens jobs and racial desegregation. That's hurting!

And, it's definitely NOT hurting anyone if they quit.

Yes it is! It hurts a generation of CDs. It hurts the families of us and of the future CDs by not giving them the chance to grow and get over this.

It's a definate case of over-protection where protecting people from short-term painful growth just makes it worse for them and others in the future.

Enough said. I won't be sucked into one of your long winded rambling exchanges.

Well i hope thats not long-winded nor rambling.

Cause we have to bite the bullet and face the fact that we have a responsibility to our families long-term as well as short, our descendants who may carry a TG-gene/s, to society and to every other CD alive!

Your CDing does not exist in isolation, we are not unique and our choices have ramifications on everyone around us including by inaction so you and I and all of us have a responisbility to everyone because of it. And instead of that being an imperative to quit its in fact an imperative to cause change.

We have a moral and ethical responsibility to all Transgender people and our families! Every one of us without exception.

[The Gas Man Cometh]

This may quite possibly be the most illogical comment I've ever seen on this forum.

Only if you fail to see the big picture.

For the record, Jenny, you will do well short and long term to learn some manners and stop being so rude.

[Jenny Brown]

We have a moral and ethical responsibility to all Transgender people and our families! Every one of us without exception.

Again, you assume that everyone on this forum is a TG activist and crusader like you. Not so at all.

[Tamara Croft]

Only if you fail to see the big picture.

For the record, Jenny, you will do well short and long term to learn some manners and stop being so rude.

And you and Batty need to stop tag teaming in threads, that is rude... knock it off! This is a CD forum, not an activist forum.

[charlen]

i have to agree with cynthia i have quit for a year or more and then come back going too stay this time it feels to good

[The Gas Man Cometh]

And you and Batty need to stop tag teaming in threads, that is rude... knock it off! This is a CD forum, not an activist forum.

I haven't insulted anyone, unlike others.

[Tamara Croft]

I haven't insulted anyone, unlike others.

Telling someone to learn some manners? I would say that was an insult and rude.

[The Gas Man Cometh]

Telling someone to learn some manners? I would say that was an insult and rude.

Why not at all. It was a simple gesture of thoughtfulness, to help them succeed more in getting their point across in the future.

[battybattybats]

Again, you assume that everyone on this forum is a TG activist and crusader like you. Not so at all.

I don't. Ethical responsibilities don't apply only to 'activists'. They are a part of every persons every action.

My suggestion is we are accountable to the damage we do to others by not acting. That we all share the responsibility to other CDs. You'll find Utilitarian Ethicist Peter Singer makes much the same argument relating to a series of things (despite my disagreements with him on several issues).

If we suggest morality and ethics only apply to activists doesnt that remove any responsibility a CD has to anyone? Now that would be illogical wouldn't it?

So the question is, does quitting or attempting to effectively result in passing the buck and shirking responsibility to family and to future generations of CDs and to all society? Now that may be true or untrue regardless of whether an activist or not.

[Tamara Croft]

Why not at all. It was a simple gesture of thoughtfulness, to help them succeed more in getting their point across in the future.

No, it was rude and insulting. You say things like that to a child, not a grown adult, who does not need to be told to learn manners for having a point, which you don't agree with. And that is enough of going off topic in this thread. You can either post on topic, or I'm deleting it.

[Wen4cd]

My question is: Is telling someone they have a moral or ethical obligation to do something you want them to do ANY different when it's applied to say, "not quitting cross-dressing" than it is when applied to "not cross-dresing?"

Everybody thinks thay have the moral, ethical, or intellectual high ground, and the higher the ground one perceives they're standing on, the more obnoxious the utterances along these lines are going to be.

[suchacutie]

Let's look at the word 'quit'.

Can I quit transforming into my femme self? Well, for a while I certainly can as that's what happens when my privacy disappears.

Can I quit thinking about my femme self. In all honesty, there is little chance of that. The fact is that we discovered Tina 4 years ago and found that she had been lurking there for a long time. She is part of the complete me. How can I not want to understand who she is? Why would my wife not want to know who she is?

Tina has a thoght process of her own. She has likes and dislikes distinct from the male self. As we begin to separate the two processes it starts to become clear who the summation of these processes is! It is fascinating to understand that my mind is a mix of masculine and feminine approaches to life. Once that was understood, how could that stop?

Also, general life changes have occurred. This body we share gets taken care of differently now. There is no chance that I'm going to go back to being a completely male (read: unkept) body! Give up facials? Give up neat eyebrows? Give up moisturizing? Give up well-cared for nails? Why or how could I do that? I enjoy have a better body and enjoy that my wife thinks it's terrific as well.

As far as continuing as I get older, it's a mute point. I started at age 56 and I think it's an advantage to be older if you want to exist en femme. I think it's much harder to detect a cross-gender presentation as one gets older, assuming voice and body language are good feminine clues.

So, what's the conclusion? For me, it's clear that I have an active feminine psyche that's mixed in with my active masculine psyche, and I'm not about to shut down knowing about what is a strong part of my being. How could anyone shut that off?

tina