Can you quit?

[bimini1]

We are all different. I believe some may simply out grow it. Not a conscious effort to quit but something that happens almost on it's own. It gets to a point where the person can't get any more 'mileage' out of it. They have accomplished all they wanted to do with it and it happens outside of their control, the urge just leaves.
The harder you try to snuff something out the harder it is, let it happen naturally.
Some come to a point where they have pushed it as far as it can go, to quote BB King, The Thrill Is Gone. Do I personally know any one like that, no, but I know some who have hinted at it.

[Mollyanne]

Can I quit??? Yes I can whenever I put my mind to it, but then again I don't have a mind and why would I want to quit when it feels sooooo good to become the female who lives just under my skin and inside my head!!!!

Mollyanne

[Raychel]

Sure, if I wanted to I could quit. But there is so little that I actually for myself that I truely enjoy. This is what I do for me, A few hours a months and very little money. Every other minute I have and every dollar that I have go to supporting my family. So a few hours a month, and a few dollars a month is pretty smallm if it helps me relax and deal with some of the stresses in my life

I hope that make sense

[DAVIDA]

I guess that if I quit, I could open up a thrift shop specializing in size 2&3X clothes. And size 12 shoes!

I think that the BooHooing would frighten off any customers.

[Nicole Brown]

I have absolutely no idea if I could quit dressing and being Nicole or not. The fact is I don't care to know because I have absolutely no desire to quit. Being Nicole is a very important part of me, it is an expression of who I am. Recently, Nicole has begun to be the more dominant side of my personality and I really like it that way.

As I have mentioned in prior posts, I will have to opportunity to live as Nicole full time for an entire week in early October. I consider that time as a possible turning point in my life. If all goes well, and things turn out as I hope they will, I will most likely be making some major changes with Nicole taking a more full time place in my life.

Nicole

[xAnne_Mariex]

Even if I wanted/needed to quit I wouldn't be able to, this is who I am, not some little hobby I can drop at the drop of a hat.

I tried several years ago and what followed was years of depression, unhappiness and lying to myself.

[Angie G]

I think if a person really wants something they can achieve it. Stop smoking stop drinking and so on. I also think cross dressing is not the same if it is born in you I don;t think one can just stop. I myself would never wish to stop for it is who I am and who i wish to be. I truly do wish I could go 24/7 but that ain't happening.
Angie

[DianneRoberts]

No, simply, no.
Absolutely, positively NO.

Can I PAUSE for a day or two, or maybe even a week, yes, but not without being VERY moody.

I've quit a few things in my life, so I know I can quit some things.
This is just NOT one of them.

[TSchapes]

Just like it's possible for a person to become a monk to quit having sex and be celibate. it is possible for a TG person to quit this lifestyle. It does not mean it would be easy though, just like it's not easy to be celibate. I would think there would have to be a real big counter payoff to fight what you feel inside and be something that you are not.

-Tracy

[battybattybats]

Even if we can quit, we hurt others by quitting!

We are conditioned to assume quitting helps others but the opposite is true.

We hurt our families by denying them the long-term benefit of having a CD family member. We look at the short-term pain and ignore that its a growth-pain.

We hurt society by not forcing it to accept the reality of CDing and undo the removal of CD culture that once was accepted.

We hurt the entire next generation of future CDs! They need us to push the borders and make life easier on them. If we pass the buck and selfishly quit, thats right i said it selfishly quit, then we make them suffer our due.

Every people that have gone from severely hated to socially more accepted had to pay a price, as unjust as that is, of struggle to make gains. Racial minorities, persecuted religions, womens rights... all had to make a choice, between selfish short-term status quo and keeping head bowed and not making waves or subjecting families and friends to stress or doing whats right and making a better world for their children and everyone elses.

The fact is quitting or attempting to is the selfish choice!
It hurts everyone!

[Kate Simmons]

It shouldn't be "this" vs "that". Any intention to "quit" has to be in conjunction with an understanding of the base feelings that drive CDing to begin with coupled with willingness to take responsibility for our own actions and for making our own decisions. These things go hand in hand and attempts to separate them will be unsuccessful. I don't look at it as "quitting" so much as melding the feelings together under one umbrella.It's all us after all. If we are free to express the feelings any time and are not restricted, we will find it is easier to make it a choice to CD or not rather than yielding to an over riding compulsion that will take us over. That is the real key to "quitting" as it were.

[bettysmith]

I have challenged my cross dressing on several occasions , and stopped .

However , each time I have returned to it , and now decided it is part of my make-up , so I now just enjoy it !!

Betty

[Angie F]

I think the are different degrees of cd'ing, such as there are some that do it for the sexual effect it has on them, there are others that like the feel of the fabric on thier skin and so on.... so many diffrent people, and so many different reasons. Surely there are some that have tryed cd'ing and said "ok that was fun, but on to something else now"
Will suppressing the cd'ing cause emotional problems? Depends on the individual, I've seen some respond to this saying they could quit, but wouldn't be happy, isn't that an emotional problem?
This thread has so much to comment on, and could be debated on for hours, but I can only speak for myself in saying that first I have no desire to quit dressing the way I dress, so therefore we'll never no if I could quit or not.

[Sally2005]

I only know people who could not quit. I also don't know of anyone who did quit. I know of people who have tried to quit and years later returned with a vengence. That doesn't mean it is impossible. Maybe when they quit we never hear from them again.

I've done the purging cycles, quit for a long stretch, but what I discovered is the feelings are part of who I am...CDing or not. For many years I felt shame, but once I just stopped fighting it and accepted it much of the compelling force went away and I feel a lot happier. It may be possible to stop the physical dressing part as long as you don't try too hard to stop thinking about it and you have answered some of the questions that needed answering. By facing your fears and gaining real life experience, I found I no longer needed dress for those reasons.

[Chiana]

No offense to any older CD girls out there, but I imagine once I get older and more wrinkled, I'll probably quit. I'm terrified of dressing like an older lady. Again, no offense to anyone out there who's older, it's just a personal preference of mine.

No offense taken, Bunnie. I completely understand this. My dream has always been to be able to see some really pretty, late teen or early 20's, babe staring back at me in the mirror. The older lady thing just never did it for me. But here I am, almost 65 and last night I did the whole makeup thing for the first time since it got too hot in the spring and I am just loving it. It was/is a very soul satisfying event. I have a golf game with some friends in a little while but I just don't want to change back into the drab mode.

As for the original question. I think people can repress crossdressing but I don't think you can loose the desire to dress. There have been times in my life when I have retired from dressing temporarily. But I have never purged. Not that I am clever or have things figured out in life but somehow, I always knew I would have the desire. It is just way too important to me.

[PretzelGirl]

I think I love you (cough) in a platonic way. Common sense is not dead! Well said, and I hope your wise words turn around some negative attitudes.

Even if we can quit, we hurt others by quitting!

The fact is quitting or attempting to is the selfish choice!
It hurts everyone!

Wow Batty! First I want to say that I appreciate your normal efforts to further the cause. But you are saying that if a person feels they need to quit (for whatever reason - job, marraige) and they feel they are able (whatever percentage this may be), that they should keep dressing because they are hurting others? What about themselves and those they are trying to do it for? In the end, if you can't help of yourself, you sure are not going to be able to help others.

[TGMarla]

Can you quit?

Sure. Done it a hundred times.


Interesting, the comment Batty made about quitting actually hurting others. Let me expand on it for a minute. Let's say your wife knows nothing about your dressing, or knows and does not lend her support. She fell in love with the person you are, and part of the reason you are that person is because you have this feminine aspect to your personality. Were you to quit, and begin dealing with the ramifications of not having this as an outlet, it may manifest itself in unpleasant ways that would cause harm to your relationships with your loved ones. Suddenly you are not the sensitive, caring person she knows and loves. Suddenly you have this edge of resentfulness and frustration, and she's not sure just why. Suddenly she finds that asking you if this outfit looks nice on her, or if the curtains are a good fit for this room brings a callous and uncaring answer instead of the pleasant one she's grown accustomed to. She may not know it, but the crossdresser in you is one of the things about you that made her fall in love with you in the first place.

Food for thought.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I cannot quit - I have tried many times - have gone through the awful purges

And the DESIRE keeps coming back, only stronger. Since I can not quit, I

have come to accept who and what I am - and that makes a whole lot of

difference once you can accept your femininity.

JoAnne Wheeler

[SweetCaroline]

No, and I wouldn't want to. Caroline is really who I am. To "quit" would be to deny an major part of myself. That, and crossdressing is more than just a hobby or isolated event for me. It's become a full fledged lifestyle. A vast majority of my friends these days are members of the Transgendered community. If I stopped crossdressing, I would lose about 98% of my social contacts.

Quiting is not an option for me anymore.

[Joselle3]

Why would yo want to quit? Its not like you robbed a bank, stole a car or broke into your neighbors house
It's ony clothes for gawds sake!
Why all the guilt? Just don't get it

[shannonFL]

I've done the purging cycles, quit for a long stretch, but what I discovered is the feelings are part of who I am...CDing or not. For many years I felt shame, but once I just stopped fighting it and accepted it much of the compelling force went away and I feel a lot happier. It may be possible to stop the physical dressing part as long as you don't try too hard to stop thinking about it and you have answered some of the questions that needed answering. By facing your fears and gaining real life experience, I found I no longer needed dress for those reasons.[/QUOTE]

Really well said, me too, now find it hard to quit long enough for "him" to do what he must, and used to enjoy as a guy....

[KarenSusan]

No.

[PretzelGirl]

Let me expand on it for a minute. Let's say your wife knows nothing about your dressing, or knows and does not lend her support.
Food for thought.

Marla, I like your example. It is a good example of one case. But everyone's life is different and to say it is detrimental to all people is not keeping our minds open to what may work best for the person who is saying they want to quit.

For example, let's say I get dressed one Halloween and I find it intriguing how I look. So I start crossdressing as I want to see how much I can look like a woman. Eventually I reach a threshold where I am not improving and I have now obtained the best look I can get. So I decide I am done. I post a message saying I am done because I have made friendships here and will miss everyone. In reponse, I get replies that say "you will be back", "you will get sick inside and have mental issues". Well, none of this would be true. But it is what we see each time someone says they are quitting.

Why would yo want to quit? Its not like you robbed a bank, stole a car or broke into your neighbors house
It's ony clothes for gawds sake!
Why all the guilt? Just don't get it

Some people do want to quit. There can be a lot of valid reasons without guilt being an issue.

So let me put what I am getting at into context (hopefully). I believe that far and away the majority here do not want to quit and feel it could be detrimental to do so. But when a person posts a thread that they want to quit, we aren't exploring the reasons and trying to help them based on their life. We take our view on our own reasons and tell them that is how it is. Is this really fair to that individual? It is a support board and to tell someone that they are going to ruin their lives in some manner if they quit isn't the best support in my view. Maybe it is the right thing for this person to quit. So do we need to open our eyes a little more for that person's benefit.

I would hope (if the person is sticking around long enough to discuss it), that we explore their reasons. And based on those reasons, I would hope we try and give them sound advice based on those reasons. Yes, we aren't professionals, and we may direct them to a professional if it seems needed.

I guess this is another of those types of things that gets the broad brush and I don't believe it is malicious in any way. We tend to speak based on our own experiences because that is what we have to draw on. So we tend to address everyone as "girls" because we come here thinking MTF Crossdressers but yet there are FTM, male crossdressers identifying as male, GG's, fully transitioned individuals, and many others.

Since these I quit messages seem to come up at least once a month, I wanted to stimulate our thoughts on how we respond and to be sure we are taking care of our fellow members.

[Jenny Brown]

Even if we can quit, we hurt others by quitting!

This may quite possibly be the most illogical comment I've ever seen on this forum.

[kellycan27]

I am no longer a cross dresser. I purged 4 years ago. It was very simple really....... I just gathered up all of my "drab" clothing and donated it to a local shelter. No more cd'in for me... I dress ,work,play,love and live as a woman 24/7, 365