Why cant we "come out"

[johnboy23]

I have been wondering why it is so hard to come out. For me I have only told my fiance and my dad but since then I have been wearing womens shirts (just cotton Vnecks very girly) and capris and bermuda shorts out in public. Every crossdress could start the same way. Start with something small for everyone to see like a girly vneck. I get nothing when doing it. For me it is just the clothes. Are we just afriad of our own reaction? I know when I was in my teens I would make fun of anything not normal but the older I got and the moreI see myself the more I would smile and say hey to anything not normal.

[Ze]

I think you've found the answer to your own question! Society both tells us to hate the abnormal things while simultaneously telling us what is normal. Everybody, no matter what "abnormality" they have, is having a hard time expressing it. Like the cultural dilemma with homosexuals, the coming-out process doesn't become easier until society eases up. (I'm not saying LGB people are in the clear, just that they culturally seem to have an easier time than they used to. Still a long way to go, though.)

But yeah...my thoughts on the matter.

[Sylvermane]

When I first realized that I couldn't deny this side of myself anymore I confided in a semi-anonymous friend ( <3 online gaming). Her and I talked for hours and she, while not being familiar with the subject in particular offered me a great deal of insight into the difficulties you are describing. She has also been very supportive to me as initially this was literally destroying me from the inside out.

It's a societal limitation. From the time we are born some things are just what they are. Men are men, women are women. Clothing is a primary identifier as far as society is concerned, has always been that way. It's about allowing yourself to be comfortable with what you feel you need to do... not letting the majority decide for you. Some folks just enjoy the clothes and that is great. Others it's deeper, I know for me it's a matter of expressing what I feel on the inside and furthermore a genetic mistake. Regardless of your motivation to dress it doesn't make the coming out part easier. Like any "different" thing be it race, religion, politics you have to do what makes you feel right. Coming out is difficult because it goes against the average social norm.

Just one viewpoint but when she said all that to me as well as... well like I said we talked for hours... that made alot of sense as well as felt like I lost a 2 ton weight from my shoulders.

[Andy66]

I go back and forth between being an LGBT rights activist, and a big fat chicken. It depends on who's around. Some people's approval is worth more than others. I really do wish I were braver.

[Ze]

I go back and forth between being an LGBT rights activist, and a big fat chicken. It depends on who's around. Some people's approval is worth more than others. I really do wish I were braver.

Awww.

In all fairness, though, sometimes there really are moments where it's best to back off or not speak up. Some people can be so irrational in their thinking processes that they'll attempt to hurt you to "prove" their point. That's just not cool. So we, being logical beings, know when to keep our mouths shut and let the babies have their bottles.

So don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes it has a lot more to do with rationality than bravery.

[Andy66]

Aw, thanks Ze.

[Karren H]

Ohh please..... if it were just that simple!! Everyones situation is different and there is no magic one size fits all "just be brave and tell everyone" solution.. Most have considerably more to loose than a girl friend.... Or getting your parents pissed off at you... Sure start out small but the first "ohh shit your a freakin pervert" you hit them its game over.. Loose your wife... family.... All your money.... Livelyhood... Ohh Yeah... Think long and hard before going down that path...

[Tracii G]

Hey Karren where have you been?I'm with you on this one.

[eight]

I have to agree with Karren. But at the same time a little at a time would probably be a logical approach.

[Ze]

Um...are we fighting somebody? Aren't we all on the same agreement here? I feel like I just missed something...

[Karren H]

I'm never in agreement and always fighting something or other... Usually monsters under the bed.... but vigorous disagreement isn't fighting...... Fighting is when I drop my gloves and stick on the ice.... Ohhh and I've been over on FaceBook and modding at the evil makeup forum, Tracii! Got kind of quiet so I wandered back... Sigh.. God I'm so weak!! Hahaha.

[Ze]

I'm never in agreement and always fighting something or other... Usually monsters under the bed.... but vigorous disagreement isn't fighting...... Fighting is when I drop my gloves and stick on the ice.... Ohhh and I've been over on FaceBook and modding at the evil makeup forum, Tracii! Got kind of quiet so I wandered back... Sigh.. God I'm so weak!! Hahaha.

Sorry, I meant "fighting" more in the sense of "disagreement." I couldn't figure out who you were disagreeing with.

But yeah...those monsters.

[Cathytg]

I guess that the negative reactions we get from folks are based on fear of some perceived threat. But, really, the base question is probably more like: why are we so reluctant to go out in the company of people we have never seen before and will never see again? Where does that feeling of threat come from?

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Um...are we fighting somebody? Aren't we all on the same agreement here? I feel like I just missed something...

I think people were just saying they agree with Karen as in, "yeah, that's a good point and I like how you worded it" as opposed to saying she was right and someone else was wrong.

[Karren H]

I dare say "going out" is less than and not equal to "coming out". I can walk through a crowded mall enfemme and could care less if anyone doesn't like my hobby but I would rather gouge my eyes out with a mascara wand than walk into my boss's office and show off my new dress! Lol.

[SherriePall]

With Karren on this one. It is much easier to go out and about than it is to come out to certain people whom you have to deal with, especially when earning a living. So, coming out boils down to picking one's battles carefully while fully understanding the consequences of doing so. We may be able to dress somewhat femme while drab most of the time without problems, but we have to be aware of that one time it may cause major fallout.

[Ze]

I think people were just saying they agree with Karen as in, "yeah, that's a good point and I like how you worded it" as opposed to saying she was right and someone else was wrong.

I was actually referring to Karen herself saying:

Ohh please..... if it were just that simple!!

Hence my confusion. I had figured the OP to be more rhetorical than anything else.

[suchacutie]

I'm here to help find out who "I" am. Why do I need to share that with anyone other than my spouse?

Who I am and what I do are private. I'm an only child and a rather private person anyway, so I don't see the lure of spreading around my private thoughts in general. I try not to discuss politics, religion, finance, or interpersonal relations with anyone casually. Why the devil would I tell them that I have a feminine self? It's just none of their business.

tina

[Fab Karen]

You tell people so you can live an open life, not scurrying around as if this is some sickness- now that's each person's decision as to who they decide to tell, it could be a major risk to say to the entire world,"I'm Fred Jones, accountant, and I am a crossdresser"- you tell people who you hope will be understanding. There may be some people you tell who are ignorant bigots & will shun you for it, but if they are so-called friends, you don't need such people in your life anyway.

[sherri52]

Mostly I think it is the embassment given by others. Although we here all agree that it is natural we still don't like the ridicule by others

[trannie T]

Karren says that she would never go into her bosses office and show off her new dress. I would love to do that. But I would not care to go into my bosses office and do the same.
Much of our fear is unfounded. The major reason that I am not very far out of the closet is force of habit. Several people know I dress, several people suspect and I doubt that many really care.

[DianneRoberts]

Karen, you ought to write a book. Hitting the nail on the head again.

I also like that you say
"Honor your country, fear your government! "


I'll say - that the USA is the greatest nation ever, not because of the government, but in spite of it !

[BunnieCashmere]

You tell people so you can live an open life, not scurrying around as if this is some sickness- now that's each person's decision as to who they decide to tell, it could be a major risk to say to the entire world,"I'm Fred Jones, accountant, and I am a crossdresser"- you tell people who you hope will be understanding. There may be some people you tell who are ignorant bigots & will shun you for it, but if they are so-called friends, you don't need such people in your life anyway.

Well said!

[Starling]

Without the government, created by the Constitution and informed by the Declaration of Independence and other great statements of our common will to freedom and democracy, we wouldn't have a nation.

Did the same people who fear the government now, fear it equally when George W. Bush was President? Or is this distrust of government strictly partisan?

I think we must watch our government, and actively participate in the process of choosing our leaders and advocating or opposing policies, to make sure it governs according to our values and principles, but I don't fear it.

No corporation, or church, or labor union, is accountable to all Americans the way our government is. And I vote in every election.

Sometime, I'd even like to vote as myself. There, I'm back on thread.

Lallie

[Starling]

I have no idea why my post formatted so oddly. I tried to edit it, but...well, it got even weirder.

Lallie