SCC and other random thoughts

[briannad]

I have some friends here. Thank goodness for that. Over the last few weeks I have had a personal crisis, mainly who am I and whom do I want to be. I have seen a therapist in the Atlanta area since 2002, almost done with electrolysis, and was to have my first consultation with an Endocrinologist at the end of August. Then I stepped back and took a deep breath. I purged. I took my profile pictures down, I deleted my emails here, and worse, I deleted my friends. I cancelled my endo appointment and my hotel reservation for SCC.

Well I am not saying the crisis has passed, but I think I am going to grab all my stuff and spend a couple of nights here in Atlanta at SCC. I am terrible with makeup but hoping someone there will take me by the hand. I will have all my things so if I can get the face right, I will step out of my room as Alyssa and into the light.

To my friends here, I apologize for deleting you. Please if you find it in your heart, add me again.

Thanks to all the people here who do give me courage to slowly find out who I am. Look forward to seeing you next week.

Alyssa

I am not sure if I put this in the right thread.

[Angel.Marie76]

Just remember that you have to be who YOU are, and taking every step slowly and carefully will give you the opportunity to really be able see yourself going down one path or another. Humans have been notoriously difficult creatures to 'map', always veering off onto one road or another; heck, we both fear and desire change it seems simultaneously. *throws her hands up* How are we expected to move forward in our lives if we always feel more comfortable where we are/were?

Breathe, hun, deeply, smoothly, and know there are so many of us that have been exactly where you are right now, and have probably collapsed in tears in frustration with not knowing what to do next. The answer is, at least in my opinion, is THINK. Relax, think your decisions over, weigh out your options (if you have any anyway - that darned pink fog can be SO blinding) and make choices. Remember, there is no right or wrong, no black or white, it's all in what feels right.

Courage hun.

[docrobbysherry]

Sometimes, we r the LAST ones to know who, and/or what, we truly r!

I'm over 60, and STILL quite confused about the answers to THOSE questions!

See u at SCC!

[DeeInGeorgia]

Be sure to stop by the adjacent Big Sister's table and see about getting a Big Sister to help you. There is no need to be en-femme when you sign-in. You may be sent down to to the Registration office if you have not already paid for registration. Then come back to Big Sis. And after that, say "HI" to the volunteer coordinator (Me) sitting next to Big Sis coordinator.

Deanna

[SusanLaine]

Alyssa...I'd like to thank you for being so honest and open with your thoughts.

I too live in the Atlanta area and last years SCC was the second one I attended "full-time." I looked forward to it and planned to meet some friends from this board there but...

The same day I arrived, got dressed, went and got some nails put on (Classic Nails right down the street - very good) I had a small crisis of my own. I'm not sure what happened but the next morning I just didn't want to be there...I felt really out of place and just plain dead inside. I've never felt that way before. It was like something clicked inside me and all of a sudden I just didn't want to dress any more.

Since then I've only been here on the board a few times as I've felt a bit embarrassed and didn't know how to say anything.

I'm going to spend Wed-Sat at SCC this year (next week) and look to meet some of the very nice and helpful girls on this board but I'm still kind of embarrassed by this new feeling but I can't understand why. I'm very comfortable with my femme self and go out once in a while and pass just fine (I think :-).

I just wanted to let you know, our situations may be vastly different but you're definitely not alone...:-)

Susan

[MJ]

take everything someone will help you. see you there

[sherri52]

Hi Alyssa: take your time in getting to know yourself. Make sure of who you are. We are glad to have you here ad many of us have had our doubts in the past. We usually step right back in.